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We are both big drinkers

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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CJ
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by CJ » 10 Nov 2011 16:38

Hello Givingitago
I thought at first your name was a fancy Italian one!
You and winker could have written those posts for me! I was exactly the same. Exactly. Waking up at 2 or 3 am feeling like crap, shakey, sick, anxious, that pain under the ribs, barely functioning during the day. having an ongoing battle, should I shouln't I drink tonight. No awareness of the late evening conversation, films seen etc. Guilt because our teenage son would stay up late at night, aware we were both drunk... the list goes on.
I was always promising myself I would cut down- it never happened, If I had night off the booze i would feel so pleased it deserved opening a bottle the next night.
this is my second serious attempt to stop drinking. I am nearly 6 months AF and feel great. My husband has cut down, not intentionally, but without me instigating it he drinks less. he can sit of an evening and have one or two glasses- now I could NEVER have done that.
Things have not been plain sailing between us since I stopped drinking, but mainly becasue I have very bad mood swings for the first few weeks and really took it out on him. I felt bitter and angry and jealous that he could carry on drinking. But we got through it.
I feel well, function better at work and am happier than i have been in many years. My relationship with my son has improved beyond measure - that has been the best thing. Like winker, I find my hubby annoying and boring when drunk, but he definitely doesn't drink nearly as much as he used to, and to be honest it has become less and less of an issue for me.
Oh I need to go. Just to say good luck, and it is worth giving up the booze. don't forget your husband can probably tolerate more than you, so you may well be drinking very dangerous levels. I stopped drinking for me, and for my son. my husband has been surprised but supportive of me, and although I know he misses his drinking buddy I also know he is proud of me and does not want me to start drinking again, as he has seen such an improvement in me. It has taken time to feel happy sober, and it is not easy, but we are very much happier.
"My urge is never to have just a glass even if the EAF pretends it is, my urge is to get wasted. When I am getting urges like that it is impossible for me to kid myself that I no longer have a problem." Pineapple

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Sandy
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by Sandy » 10 Nov 2011 20:52

Givingitatago
Like winker and CJ have said you also sound very much like myself. In desperation I joined BE over 2 years ago and have been sober since. Not easy but I have done it. Through out it all my OH has drunk a minimum of a botttle of vodka a night, I can never see him giving up. Like the others say he irritates and bores me when he is drunk (every night) and to be honest i just cant be botherd with him. I now find going out in company with him just too embarrassing. Please dont think I am a cruel and callous person. I desperately miss the person he was before drink took such a hold on him but for now he seems to have made (and is hapy with) his choice. Sheila one of the mods on here one time said of her own OH's behaviour when drinking "It's not him that has changed , it is me" and this really struck a cord with me
I wanted and needed to get out of the nightly drinking trap I was in both for me and my children, the thought of what I was doing to them and myself absolutely terrified me. I think what I am trying to say is, regardless of what your man drinks, you have to stop this for you. It's your drinking you have to control, it's your health you have to think about. It's you that you have to ultimately take responsibility for and care of.
Sending you all my support
sandy

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Libelula
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by Libelula » 10 Nov 2011 22:20

This thread had touched a chord with me because it takes me back to when I was growing up, and both my parents necking down the gin (the one alcohol I have never drunk)... but also to where I was going myself, where 1 bottle of wine just wasn't very much, but I was constantly exhausted from waking up at 4am, and going through the day in hungover discomfort, feeling like I'd been lobotomised.

I have had the pleasure of meeting Sandy and can definitely attest that she is neither cruel nor callous! Sandy, sending hugs <:)> <:)> I wish I was 2 years AF... ;)?

Givingitago, good luck to you my dear. <:)> My circumstances are different - I have no OH, so unless I am round at my parents' house I can put myself out of temptation's reach. Failing abstinence, could you try sticking to a glass of water between each glass of wine? Another trick that can work is have the ritual without the booze by drinking cranberry juice or grape juice out of a wine glass. Or could your OH switch to another drink you don't like so much - ale or lager or something?

My problem when I drink is that I tend to sit up very late, as if drinking a bottle of wine between 7pm and 1am is soemhow less bad than drinking it between 7pm and 10pm. Maybe trying to get to bed earlier (though if you have a small child you might be doing this already!) gives you more time to sleep / rest and less time to drink. (When I'm insomniac I try and just rest while awake... better than nothing...) There are some quite good sleep-promoting teas out there.... gradually (very gradually :roll: ) cinnamon, valerian and camomile - not all together! - have been replacing red wine for me as my bed time drink. I found it important to find really nice soft drinks so I didn't feel deprived. For a while (3 weeks or so) my sleep quality got worse, but then it got much better, and that was blissful....

I do know how hard and demoralising it is to be shackled to the need to drink. So sending big support and best wishes.... the struggle is there to be won!

Lib x
I want to be the best possible mum to my son.

Catface
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by Catface » 12 Nov 2011 03:42

This sounds really bad, but I think my husband and I got married because of the one thing we had in common - booze. I was drunk on vodca during the ceremony. Our first night married we got in a big fight. Still we have been married almost 7 years w/no kids. He lives his life, I live his - we are trying to change but time will tell.

What concerns me about you is the pain you say around your ribs and back. I also suffered those pains. Sometimes to the point I was in bed for a couple days and as I healed felt like someone had punched me in the stomach 100 times I was so tender. Soon as I go got better I started drinking again. Had some pain and had not had a real "attack" for a while.

Two weeks ago however, I woke up with the old familiar pain - suffered through 24 even thought about drinking, but did not - woke up at 5am next morning with pain so bad it is undescribable... after a few hours of dry heaving and pain getting even worse I told my husband to dail 911 emergency. An ambulance came and I got a couple shots of morphine on way to hospital that did not even touch the pain - dry heaved the whole way, could not talk or breath b/c of the pain. Got to hosp. got enough pain med to allow me to talk. Dr. ran test came back and said I had alcohol induced pancreatist. Normal counts are 1000 mine were 7000 (carries 30% death rate) That earned me a few nights in hospital on nothing but IV fluids and pain med. Was told I drink again I will most likely die - mostly from complications do to the weakend stage of the pancreas. Or could end up with Chronic Pancreatist leading to Pancreatic Cancer. Patrick Swayze can attest to the life line associated with that cancer. There is none. The thought of all of this plus having to ever go through that pain again (the kind of pain you really wish you were dead) I even begged the Medic in the ambulance to kill me (he didn't)

So - yeah now I am AF for 15 days and facing life without the numbess that I realied on so heavily. Which included dealing w/my husband. He drinks every day and gets very drunk. He is very sick with Gout (caused by drinking) yet still drinking. What can I do? At this point I am taking care of me. I can't change him or want him to change for me. I only want him to get well on his own. He stopped bringing booze into the house which is cool of him. He does love me and I guess I love him, but not sure where we will be in a few months to a year. I am not one to give up too quickly. But also smart enough to now when it is time to move on for myself. After all this is my life.

Things always change when one partner stops drinking - the balance shifts, it's just the way it is. Keep doing what it is you want to do. Please look up Pancreatist and see if you have the symptoms - if so please keep my story in mind cuz it is really the worst pain I can't even explain.

As for the OH - try not to concern yourself with his drinking, in fact just ignore it (easier said than done) or ask him to just please drink outside the home - which I think is reasonable.

Thanks all I got for now. Feel free to talk to me anytime. With love and support - CAT

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CJ
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by CJ » 03 Jul 2012 08:22

Gosh how strange, I don't often look on this part of the forum and today I decided to!
It helped to read that old post of mine today because it made me realise how far I have come even from when I posted that. I am so glad I am sober now. Christmas was probably my hardest time with family and hubby drinking all the time.
I am actually amazed at how much more settled I am in sobriety than when I wrote that, and yet I sounded very content and confident. Well, good news,it gets better ;)
I have just experienced a very traumatic weekend, fuelled by other people's drinking, and yet I feel strong and my relationship with hubby has survived despite him getting legless! I am beginning to find out it is ok to simply say how I feel. No sulking or arguing- if I'm not happy I just say and I don't feel the need to justify my feelings either. I was able to tell hubby I felt awkward at a pub evening because "everyone including you was drunk and I wasn't". Hmm not sure what my point is here- I suppose that after a while you start to feel ok about not drinking and less guilty or hypocritical when discussing it. I have to compromise in life much more, but to be honest so does he.
I'm so glad this site has helped you- I certainly wouldn't have stuck at being AF if it wasn't for BE. I used to give up for a while and then decide I couldn't have a real proble If I could do that.
Take care- just had a peep at your posts- you are doing well, keep it up, it really is worth it!
Cj
xx
"My urge is never to have just a glass even if the EAF pretends it is, my urge is to get wasted. When I am getting urges like that it is impossible for me to kid myself that I no longer have a problem." Pineapple

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CJ
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by CJ » 04 Jul 2012 09:28

Good for you Giveitago!
I want to say more but a in a rush to work now, just thought you might find this thread helpful, I started it ages ago- similar to this one really, just more thoughts on the same predicament
http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/a ... ?f=5&t=534" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Edit - just bumped it up for you and redeye
Looking forward to seeing you around the site
Cj
xx
"My urge is never to have just a glass even if the EAF pretends it is, my urge is to get wasted. When I am getting urges like that it is impossible for me to kid myself that I no longer have a problem." Pineapple

Rose13
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by Rose13 » 13 Sep 2013 22:19

Just read a post here and is very similar to how I am feeling and the relationship I have with my OH. I recently stopped drinking and feel like I am already drifting from my OH. We just had an argument after he had a couple of glasses of wine and he slammed the door and stormed off! I guess I might be a bit tetchy cos I have stopped drinking and I have to sit and watch him drink wine but I felt I was just sticking up for myself, he can be so arrogant esp after a drink. I am now sitting upstairs on my own on a fri night feeling rather miserable and lonely and OH is downstairs drinking. I thought the cravings would be hard but loneliness is very hard. It's great to be able talk on the forum without being judged. It made me realise how evil the drink is! I could see myself in my OH when he got mad. After crying for a while I realised I needed to pull myself together! Tomorrow is a new day ! I have booked a session with Tobin too, so looking forward to that.

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DoingBetter
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Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by DoingBetter » 23 Sep 2013 01:24

Hi everyone, I keep going back and forth with me drinking with my husband and then not doing it and being mad at him for drinking. Drinking helps hide the fact that other than drinking and work, I pretty much have no life or friends.

I think I have a lot in common with Sandy, except that she has managed to get sober and I haven't yet. Its very hard to stick to it with the constant enticement of alcohol. Plus, when you add loneliness to it, its not very fun.

At times like this morning (when I drank too much last night), I'd like to give up drinking. Then I go a couple of days, and it seems like I could control it again. Truthfully I can't. My behaviour changes when I drink and I am argumentative and awful.

I guess all we can do is keep trying, and to keep banging our heads against the proverbial wall until something shakes loose to make us realize that alcohol is not a friend.

jaxom5

Re: We are both big drinkers

Post by jaxom5 » 23 Sep 2013 01:34

Doingbetter, what you do is put that bottle down a minute at a time. I know it seems impossible but we can all do it. We can all be a Sandy. Well, I will need to have a sex change but no matter.

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