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My Mum... im Lost

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
irishsoninneed
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Joined: 09 Nov 2011 14:41
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Re: My Mum... im Lost

Post by irishsoninneed » 09 Nov 2012 17:00

I just want to thank all of you for your kind words, it means a lot to know that even those who I don't know care, as much as I feel for everyone I've heard from and read in the forum, it's so easy to see why drinking is referred to as the demon! Since writing this my mum has decided to disown me (again) because she felt no connection with me when I was back, but I know that she doesn't believe that, surely she must know that the fact she drank two bottles of wine a day while I was there was putting enough of an amotsphere between us? I felt like with each drink it was like watching someone put a gun to there head playin Russian roulette, I don't know what I should do anymore, I find it weird that my mum treats me almost like her husband or her boyfriend, constantly sayin that we just aren't compatable, should I keep my distance until she's ready to talk sober, or keep tryin to call her until I catch her sober ( which is few and far between ) even then she's always filled with anger about everything, as I said to my granny I don't think my mum knows how to be with me unless we're fighting, and it's always the same kind of argument with a different date, I just don't hav the strength to keep goin round in circles... Am I being unsupportive? My mum had always argued with me over small things, so much that my other granny her mum, said recently to my mum that she remembers that my mum always fought with me about goin to my dads mums late Christmas day cuz I had only seen her briefly, or headin out with my cousins Christmas day night, or when I was younger and goin out with girls or heading to there house on Christmas day night, I feel that I'm almost her crutch!! Sorry again for unloading... Karl

fidlargirl
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Joined: 22 Jun 2013 17:32
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when my mum drinks i feel...

Post by fidlargirl » 22 Jun 2013 18:20

-inadequate: I feel like I'm not good enough for other people. It's hard having friends and guys over if I know she has been drinking. I make excuses. I feel that I don't deserve a nice boyfriend if he comes from a stable home as I don't want to damage him and his life.
-unloved: my mum tells me she loves me repeatedly and apologies again and again for her wrong doings. However, I can't help but feel that if she really did love me, she wouldn't drink. I essentially feel like a bottle has been chosen over me.
-angry: I feel pissed off that this has happened to me. I appreciate that other aspects of my life are far better than others and I have a roof over my head, food etc. But I feel that I'm a good person and don't deserve it. Then I begin to question why this has happened to me and wonder if it was anything I did.
-isolated: it's extremely difficult to talk about this issue. My parents are separated and as most separated couples, have a level of dislike for each other. If I spoke to my dad about this issue, I feel that it would only fuel his dislike towards my Mum. My brother lives away from home and is extremely successful (model, university degree, financially stable etc). I love him dearly and want to protect him from these on goings, although I know deep down he is aware of her issue, just not the extent. This also angers me; if people are aware of the issue, how come no one has helped me?
-disgusted: I often feel physically repulsed by my mum. I can't look at her without feeling extremely sickened and disgusted. Sometimes I believe I hate her.
-confusion: this confuses me. I love my mum more than anyone else in the world and when she is sober, she is my best fried and a completely different person. This makes it harder for me to detach myself from her.
-envy: I feel envious of people whose parents don't suffer from alcoholism. again, this may sound ungracious but its difficult to be surrounded with a group of friends whose mothers do not behave the way mine does.
-helpless: I have tried again and again to solve this problem, and have now come to the conclusion that it is not I who can solve it, but only her.
-guilt: I feel guilty for writing all of this when I know I am so lucky in other respects.
-educated: an odd one, but I feel like I have been to exposed to something that will better me in life as I know I will never act like this or subject my children to it.

Scars09
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Joined: 08 Jun 2013 20:48
Location: Waiting room to enlightenment
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Re: My Mum... im Lost

Post by Scars09 » 23 Jun 2013 21:31

I lost my brother 3 years ago to alcoholism and i am still angry at him. My mother died last October (lung cancer) and I have turned to the drink!!! I have been there, seen it and now I am doing it. I have 2 children 17 and 21 and think what am I doing to them. It is only your mother that can help herself. I could not help my brother and it makes me angry, sad and alone.
"Even a journey of a thousand miles starts with a first step"
Found this on the label of Yogi Tea (chocolate)

ElC94
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Joined: 19 Aug 2013 22:45
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Re: My Mum... im Lost

Post by ElC94 » 20 Aug 2013 18:59

Hi,
I think this is probably the best place to be posting this as I'm going to get the best advice.
I'm 18 years old and my mum's an alcoholic. It's been going on for as long as I can remember but it's getting progressively worse. She's affecting her health in a really awful way now- tremors, confusion, memory loss, loss of balance, etc.
I'm completely mentally and emotionally exhausted. I've done everything I can think of. We've had conversation after conversation about how badly it affects me, my younger brothers and especially my dad who has depression as it is.
I've tried being sympathetic, I've tried being angry, I've tried threatening, I've signed up to help forums, support groups, you name it, but it's getting me absolutely nowhere.
Last night, after an embarrassing incident at a family wedding, we had another argument about it and she let me make a doctors appointment for us both tomorrow to get her help. This isn't the first time she's been given medical help with it but I tried to remain optimistic. She then came home today with another bottle in her bag.
We used to be extremely close, she was my best friend. Now I'm resentful, bitter and feeling incredibly unloved when all I want is to help her and make my family happy.
Please, I really just need some advice from people who are going through this so I can be more understanding and hopefully, a more helpful daughter.

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london bloke
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Joined: 26 Jul 2010 11:25
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Re: My Mum... im Lost

Post by london bloke » 17 Jan 2014 22:54

There's a good article in today's Guardian on how people can help those who are alcoholics.

(spoiler ....... you can't help an alcoholic against their will)

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfre ... ohn-gurdon" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

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