Page 1 of 1

Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 19 Dec 2011 23:51
by smudgey
Hi, I am fairly new on here and wondered if anyone is in a similar situation.

I am in my late thirties, happily married with kids and a very normal happy life but my mum and sister who live the other end of the country are both alcoholics (in denial most of the time). I very rarely drink as it makes me very ill (migraines) but still once in a while the hedonist of my youth rears its ugly head and I get totally smashed...end up covered in bruises, drinking with strangers, rude, embarrassing, black outs...you know the drill! These seem to be getting worse too.

After a long time of being 'in control' I have had 3 recent binges which have left me very low and I decided to talk to my sister and mum and confront their very serious drinking as I believe it to be genetic. Oh, they were so full of it, yes lets get better, lets kick it for good and we will really try (this was Sunday and yesterday). Well I have spoken to them both since and they have been totally smashed, could barely understand my sister at 9pm on the phone this evening.

I am just so disappointed and fed up of the bu1lsh1t! Just no effort whatsoever. I have long periods of abstinance and do really try and keep a lid on it and have only recently scared myself although in my late teens and early twenties I always used to be known as the 'funny one' and without fail would be the most pis5ed person at a party. People who have seen my legendary hangovers are always amazed that I ever drink but for some reason once every couple of months I find the need to get completely out of control. I am wondering whether I should knock it on the head for good before I end up like them although I do have the occasional fun night with alcohol. Is it inevitable that the problem will get worse? I really dont have a stop button like everyone else seems to have. The family have made me feel so depressed with their sad situation, is it bad of me to just let them get on with it and detatch? Any comments will be greatly appreciated. It always seems so much worse at Christmas.

S x

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 20 Dec 2011 00:11
by Grendelslip
Smudgey - you have to realise that you can not do anything about your mum and sister. Only they can if and when they want to. In the meantime YOU need to look after YOU. If you think you can control your drinking then go to the Cutting Down thread. If not then try one of the Sobriety Challenge threads. It is your choice but however much you love them THEY have to make the choice for themselves. Tough words I know but they are true. I really hope they have half as much sense as you have.

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 20 Dec 2011 00:15
by smudgey
Thank you so much, I think I knew that but occasionally I get hopeful that I can help them but your right, deep down I know I cant but I can help myself and will concentrate on having no more slip ups for me only. Will take a look at those other threads. Thanks again.

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 20 Dec 2011 00:54
by frozensprouts
Hi

I just joined and have a similar problem with Mum and sister. I haven't ever talked about it with mine though. Right now I have a huge bruise on my leg from falling over at the weekend. I seem to be the laughing stock at the moment as everyone else manages to 'hold their drink'. Unfortunately I get told that I'm 'no where near as bad as so and so' constantly so any efforts I've made to stop or address the problems have been brushed aside. I'm not going to mention it anymore, just stop, come on here, and try and get on with it....nice to 'meet' you!

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 20 Dec 2011 21:13
by smudgey
Hi Frozensprouts. Its nice to know other people have similar problems. We go for long periods where its not mentioned as if its brought up they just lie anyway and I think they dont even want to change and are as bored of the false promises and lies as I am. I think that although alcohol has caused them many problems in their life they truly believe they drink because of their problems and not that the problems are as a result of the drinking. I did go to al anon last year for a while which was helpful and stopped me worrying about them on a daily basis.
Like you, I also get told I am not that bad and I know I am not as bad as they are but it leaves me feeling very bad and I often dont know when to stop and thats why I know its a problem. I dont think 'normal' drinkers feel guilty and worried after a night out with friends and take days to recover properly. I just wish it would be banned. Life would be so much easier.

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 21 Dec 2011 01:36
by frozensprouts
Smudgey I know what you mean. Sometimes I think it would be easier to live in a country without the drinking culture. Being told that I haven't got a problem is very annoying, as I don't want to particularly talk about it or bring attention to myself over it.

No one in my family uses the word alcoholic and I don't want to be the first as pointing out the bloody obvious doesn't really work with them. If I came out to them and said I have a drinking problem...I can't control what I drink once I start, I don't feel I would get support in an adult way....more patronised and treated like a kid, and also have my personal life discussed between members of my family which I really hate.

My mum and dad are both alcoholics, my sister and her husband have a drink problem, my uncle died from alcoholism, and I've also found out that another close blood relative (who I never even met) was an alcoholic. Why is my family in denial about this problem?

I have only very recently realised that a lot of problems in my own life have been related to drinking. One of the main ones being that I hate myself for drinking because I grew up thinking how crap it was seeing my dad in that state every weekend. Every time I drink I feel like I'm letting my own kids down and no, I might not be as bad as other people but who cares about other people?

I know that the next few weeks are going to be a huge challenge.....very emotional time ahead for various reasons and my decision not to drink will be constantly challenged by my family. I'm starting to feel like faking flu so I can avoid them :(

Re: Like Mother, Like Sister..Like me??

Posted: 22 Dec 2011 21:56
by smudgey
I have seen a few people suggest saying you are on antibiotics to avoid any confrontation or having to justify why you are abstaining. Might take some pressure off. Good luck and know that you are not alone in experiencing this. Take care and concentrate on your kids and all that is good around you.