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letting go of control

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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angel666
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Joined: 05 Jan 2012 21:57
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letting go of control

Post by angel666 » 05 Jan 2012 22:57

hi im new here,but have looked on the site many times,and gained lots of info.but have never joined as i always felt like i didnt need to as "this is the last time" either of my partners drinking or me putting up with it! what a joke that is.
so im back to the site yet again, and time to join as ive got to realise im the same as everyone else who is with an alcoholic, time to stop kidding myself my partner is any different either.
Its hard to admit this to both you, and myself, but also surprisingly a relief.and think its dawning on me that ALL that my partner does is out of my control.
yes ive known this in my heart for the 4 years we have been together, but, 'LETTING GO' of that control, wld feel like a weight being lifted off my body. we are not together at the moment, as with many others, his fanarly was on new years eve, after being such a 'good boy' over xmas,with the watchful eye of 'mother' (me) i let my guard down, relaxed for a bit, YES did the forbidden! and he grabbed the chance to meet up with his best friend-THE BOTTLE.
Hope im strong enough this time!

Grendelslip

Re: letting go of control

Post by Grendelslip » 06 Jan 2012 07:21

Hello Angel. I sometimes think it is harder for those living with a person who has alcohol issues than being that person because there is so little you can do. You are right - your partner will not start recovery until he wants to. There is a phrase which struck a chord with me. It was when someone said 'I am sick and tired of being sick and tired'. That is when I woke up to what was going on.

Please look after yourself in all this. You matter as well.

It is a difficult journey. You have probably realised by reading around the forum that many of us try so hard, meet with success then fall. Relapses are very common but as long as we keep trying there is hope. You can try to be 'mother' and it may well work in the short term but he has to want to change. I wish you all the very best, but look after you.

angel666
Posts: 2
Joined: 05 Jan 2012 21:57
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Re: letting go of control

Post by angel666 » 06 Jan 2012 10:43

Thanks grendelslip,thats a good quote for my situation, because if my partner isnt sick and tired, i am.
And yes he does have to WANT to change himself, and he has tried-a thousand times, but i feel he needs outside help,which he will not seek. so that is where ive got to let go, but its hard,very hard.
Im taking little steps, ive started a few courses to take mind of things for a while,im lucky he doesnt live with me,i do the couses when hes not around.
And yes you are right i do matter, ive just got to keep remembering

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pandora321
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Joined: 05 Sep 2011 15:29
Location: uk
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Re: letting go of control

Post by pandora321 » 06 Jan 2012 13:37

Hi Angel, sometimes tough love is the way to go, it certainly was for me....

I had my biggest wake up call when my all forgiving beautiful 17 year old Daughter left home. At first i was angry couldn't believe she could do that to me, after all i had done for her!!!.. Hmmm it took a good few weeks for it to sink in how sick and tired she was of my drinking, my bad behaviour,my empty promises to cut down of her having to be the Mother in the family.. She was away for 4 months, but in that time i stopped drinking, at first i did it to get her back, and then realised i had to do it for myself.. I'm glad to say she is home with me now, and slowly building up trust that her Mam is now the 'Mam' and is staying sober.

I wish you all the luck in the world and i hope things work out for you. Be strong, stick to your guns, at the end of the day it is by far the best thing that could happen for you both.

much love Pan xxxx
Have faith in your own recovery....

74 in the 2013 challenge

40percentproof
Posts: 240
Joined: 05 Jan 2012 10:12
Last Drink Date: 02 Jan 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
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Re: letting go of control

Post by 40percentproof » 08 Jan 2012 11:03

Nothing my wife would do would ever stop me drinking, even if we were not together I would have carried on and probably felt more justified in doing so.

You won't like me saying this but it is me being honest. This person has to want to stop, admit and accept there is a problem and to seek help that works for them.

If i'm wrong and one day you manage to change them then i'll hold my hands up but I really can not see it. Support, love, time, patience and hope are the best things you can offer. Guidance worked better for me than being shouted at ever did.

I hope that it all works out but it has to come from them. It took me to get to a point where I had enough for it to change and that was because I wanted it to. Thankfully that came before I lost everything.
TWITTER : @40percentproof

www.40percentproof.blogspot.com

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