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Help Me Support My Partner

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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lima2
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by lima2 » 27 Oct 2013 14:08

The thing with warfarin is to do the same thing every day in order to keep your INR score stable. So if you drink 20 units of alcohol a day your INR score will say the same. If you fluctuate though your score will also change and thats when warfarin can be dangerous. If hes taking warfarin then it will probably be because he had heart arrhythmia which finally led to the heart attack. That being the case he is supposed to keep his score between 2.0-3.0, sometimes 2.5-3.5 depending on age. As long as he eats at the same times every day, drinks at the same times and the same number of units he will be ok.
Ive been reading through your posts WUAS and I think you did the right thing. Even at my worse with alcohol I was holding down a job and looking after the kids. Ok I hid my drinking and used to pass out early evening but we never had to worry about money. Dont get me wrong, I was far from perfect.

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 30 Oct 2013 22:22

How's everyone getting on?

Today's the first day that i've felt happy & fully content in a long long time, I know my hubby isnt here but I feel so proud of myself for going it alone and having the strength and courage to walk away and do the best for my family, its been a tough few months but just looking at my kids makes everything worthwhile \:)/

I just hope hubby comes out of rehab a changed man and we find a way forward, but thats out of my hands now its down to him x
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

wishuponastar
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by wishuponastar » 31 Oct 2013 14:03

That great news SW that you feel like you have turned a corner. You an amazing and strong woman who did what was best for your children and i admire you for that <:)> Good luck in your new and changed life i hope you find happiness, you deserve it <:)> <:)> <:)>

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 31 Oct 2013 22:39

Thank you both of you :) x


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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

HS776
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by HS776 » 02 Nov 2013 17:07

Back again after 10 months...

I must be mad but we're talking about trying to make a go of things again. He's still drinking heavily though, I don't know what to do. I have been moving on and getting on with my life but I still love the man, no-one else will ever come close, despite all of the baggage.

This has come from him, we've recently drifted apart and he was scared of losing me for good.

If I don't try, I'll never know. But I do know it'll be such a dysfunctional relationship. I can't/won't live with him again, so at least the drinking won't be under my nose.

Stressed Wife - you're sounding really positive ;)?

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StressedWife
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Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 02 Nov 2013 20:35

HS776 wrote:Back again after 10 months...

I must be mad but we're talking about trying to make a go of things again. He's still drinking heavily though, I don't know what to do. I have been moving on and getting on with my life but I still love the man, no-one else will ever come close, despite all of the baggage.

This has come from him, we've recently drifted apart and he was scared of losing me for good.

If I don't try, I'll never know. But I do know it'll be such a dysfunctional relationship. I can't/won't live with him again, so at least the drinking won't be under my nose.

Stressed Wife - you're sounding really positive ;)?
Good luck HS776, it sounds as though your aware of the situation and so your not going in with your eyes shut. Becareful and put yourself first, don't allow yourself to be dragged down and try to remain in control. I hope it works out for you & you can be happy, we're here for you either way x <:)> <:)>

Yes I'm feeling quite positive at the moment, trying not to get my hopes up too much either x

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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

HS776
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by HS776 » 04 Nov 2013 19:49

I can't believe I allowed myself to be sucked back in, only to be used and spat out again...

After declaring his love for me, saying that there is a way back for us, that he wants to make things work, when it came to the crunch, he just couldn't commit to me. And he can't commit because he's stuck in this vile cycle of alcoholism, where his emotions are so up and down that I get drawn in when he's down, but when he doesn't need me I'm out.

I am DONE with this man. I feel like the last 10 months of me moving on and getting on with my life (which has been the hardest thing I've ever been through) have been reversed, all because of his selfishness, and great ability to tread all over my feelings.

Maybe he's just a selfish person and this has nothing to do with the drink. Who knows. I just needed this rant. I'm not even upset that we're not getting back together. I feel angry at myself for being used. Now its back to square one to FINALLY move on from this person who has just broken me all over again. The only way from here is up though, and I'm doing it with my daughter and no-one else :evil:

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 04 Nov 2013 22:04

I'm so sorry that you've been hurt again <:)> <:)> <:)>

It probably doesn't feel like it now but your not at square one, it may just give you the confidence you need to know your doing the right thing - your not a mug or a push over, your a caring person who believed the best in him & hoped what he said was the truth, unfortunately with an addict who's not in recovery you can't believe a word they say it's the actions that you need to watch.

Keep your chin up, were all here for you x


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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

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StressedWife
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Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 06 Nov 2013 12:02

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Last edited by StressedWife on 06 Nov 2013 21:57, edited 1 time in total.
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

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free flow
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by free flow » 06 Nov 2013 20:09

Hi SW, I really hope things go well for you and it all works out.

HS776, there comes a time when you just have to let go, and know it's for the best. I wish you only the best and hope that you and your daughter get the life you deserve.

The3se are for all of you <:)> <:)> <:)>

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 06 Nov 2013 20:16

Having a bad day today, reality is back I suppose and I can't just pretend anymore cos it's time to face up to it all & either move forward or walk away.... Just want it all to go away! x


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free flow
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by free flow » 06 Nov 2013 20:28

That's the part of RL I really dislike, the bad days, that seem to come when I don't want them, but try to be brave SW. I know it's not easy.
Sometimes I find it helps if I look ahead a ways, and think just a few more hours or days and this particular thing will be over and then maybe I'll have some good times for a while. Don't know if it will help and it doesn't always work for me but does give me a few minutes breather in the midst of it all.

Stay strong and take care.

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 06 Nov 2013 21:19

dammitnomore wrote:That's the part of RL I really dislike, the bad days, that seem to come when I don't want them, but try to be brave SW. I know it's not easy.
Sometimes I find it helps if I look ahead a ways, and think just a few more hours or days and this particular thing will be over and then maybe I'll have some good times for a while. Don't know if it will help and it doesn't always work for me but does give me a few minutes breather in the midst of it all.

Stay strong and take care.

J/
Yeh makes a lot of sense, I need to focus on small things rather than the big picture. I suppose it's the unknown - I could be greeted with my husband back, the man I married & love and we could work things out but I also could be fooling myself & hoping for something that's not realistic.

Does an addict go back to how they were before addiction, or will he always be moody/selfish/devious/hurtful underneath. I know it won't be a walk in the park, but I'm worried my expectations of him are too high and that I'm kidding myself.

Thanks again for your replies x




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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

wishuponastar
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by wishuponastar » 08 Nov 2013 17:21

Hi HS776 sorry that the outcome isn't what you expected. That's the thing with an addict only THEY can help themselves no one else. It is confusing and doesn't make any sense. You have done the right thing and letting go, some people just can't be fixed unless they truly want to. It's a change and fight that will affect their whole life. Even if he does go sober than its a life long battle that you must be prepared to fight. My ex is an alcoholic and was dry for 3 years then went back on it. Nor me, his kids a heart attack and nearly dying at 38 couldn't change him as he resorted to secretly drinking. Unless he wants to help himself he won't change. We was together for 14 years and a lot of rough patches but I stuck by him and fought for us, but there comes a point where you a physically and mentally exhausted and you can't take no more. Unfortunately like you I reached that point. You did the right thing for you and your daughter and don't ever feel guilty for that. Feelings for someone you've been with doesn't go away overnight especially when there are children involved but you need to think of her aswell. And a happy mummy means a happy child <:)> <:)>

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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by wishuponastar » 09 Nov 2013 19:04

Having a down day today, the ex is yet again been rushed into hospital :cry: hes got a chest infection and blood infection. Its hard to not care as we were together for 14 years and have 3 kids together. According to his mum hes asked for help from the doctors for his drinking. He did before and nothing came of it. Its just hard to see the father of you children drink himself to death, which is whats going to happen if he carries on this path. Im just hoping he sees sense and shakes off this demon :cry: I know we have no future together as too much has happened, but i just wish he would see what hes doing to the people who care about them

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 09 Nov 2013 19:34

That must be so hard for you :( no matter how much he's hurt you those feelings don't just go away so your still bound to feel upset & worried, especially as it effects your kids and it's something you can't protect them from isn't it. Big hugs <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> <:)> I really hope he does take the help that's available & gets better x


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"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 10 Nov 2013 18:44

I'm angry this weekend, really angry :( just can't shake it!!! x


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free flow
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by free flow » 10 Nov 2013 19:04

Hey SW, it's hard to face reality sometimes even when it isn't so bad, but when things are tough, it's tempting to take a long walk down a fairy tale lane and try to find a safe place to just sit and not think.

Anger is a hard thing to figure out at times. I spent a lot of my life angry, and even now I am not too sure just why, but I found that a lot of it was anger at myself because I felt that I could have and should have done things differently; and I shouldn't have let others determine how I felt.
I'm learning not to do that any more, to let me be the me I want to be.

I don't know if it helps, but have a bunch of these <:)> <:)> <:)> , and if you need to vent, go for it.....lots of room here to let loose.

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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StressedWife
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by StressedWife » 10 Nov 2013 22:19

Thank you <:)> <:)>

I just feel really angry that i'm in the position I am because HE was too selfish to do anything about it before now. Me & the kids are struggling cos he's not around cos of his own actions, we're in loads of debt cos of him, no income cos of him, he has loads of support around him & i'm left trying to hold it all together... just angry, really angry!!

I thought I was ok but all the anger, resentment, hate & pain is back - I really dont think we have any kind of future when I fee like this, I feel no love just anger! :evil:
"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies" - Mother Teresa

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free flow
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Re: Help Me Support My Hubby

Post by free flow » 10 Nov 2013 23:56

You do have a future SW and it may not look like much right now, but what I see in your posts is a determination, first to see if you could make the relationship work, and now , understanding that it won't, I can see you doing whatever it will take to get you and your children through this really tough time.
It is so hard, but try to get rid of the anger. It is your worst enemy right now, it will hold you back.

I remember you felt good a couple of weeks ago, try to get back there.
Do you have any family or close fiends you can help you?
Whether you have a future with him is up to him now, and out of your hands. He has to find the strength to leave it behind and decide he wants you and the children more, and if he can't then you are better off without him.
I really feel for you and your family. Please take care and keep coming back, you have all kinds of support here.
Wishuponastar, and HS776 it is a difficult time.. Alcohol takes a persons mind and twists it, taking it away from loved ones. The only one who can prevent it is the one who has been taken in by it's evil wiles.
Please take care of yourselves, you deserve it. <:)> <:)> <:)>

J/
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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