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The 1 Year Milestone

Wylass
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Wylass » 24 Oct 2019 18:08

Thanks both Mooths and Ed for your congrats. Most appreciated. Hope to see you both along with Fiz on the next thread very soon. x

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 25 Oct 2019 07:22

Hope everyone has a lovely day. <:)>
I’m working this morning, then the rest of the day is being spent with my dogs. \:)/
Not that long ago, I would have justified drinking because it was Friday, and spent the whole day, wondering, how early to start drinking is too early. :roll:
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Ed
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 25 Oct 2019 18:52

We're approaching a year fiz. Can you believe it? Been a hard but necessary year for me. In a much improved frame of mind. Never say never but at the moment I can't see the point of going back to drinking. My partner's grandfather died yesterday, lots of people about, fair bit of drinking. Not tempted.
Enough time wasted on this.

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Mooths
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mooths » 25 Oct 2019 20:11

Sorry to hear about you loss, Ed. Well done for managing things without the crutch of alcohol. I agree that it’s hard to imagine going back to those dark places once you have an extended stint of sobriety under your belt. Feels such a retrograde step, doesn’t it?

Fiz, I hope you’ve had a lovely afternoon / eve with your dogs. It’s late where I am and I’m winding down for the night now after another massive day of walking and eating. Found myself occasionally envying my husband his beers but I know it will be worth it in the morning to wake up ready to make the most of my last day on holiday
“Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~ Sigmund Freud

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 27 Oct 2019 06:09

Yip, not far now Ed, I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far, like you though, I wasn’t in a good place, my mental state was suffering terrible this time, I don’t know where I go after the 1 year, but I know I did need to do it.

Mooths, well done for resisting the beer, it’s harder on holiday, I’m away on the 9th nov but I have my grandchildren with me, so hopefully, that’ll help keep me on this lovely sober path. Enjoy the rest of your holibobs. <:)>
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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SoberBoots
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 27 Oct 2019 10:28

I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far, like you though, I wasn’t in a good place, my mental state was suffering terrible this time, I don’t know where I go after the 1 year, but I know I did need to do it.
I can only advise from my own experience - but I feel I must clang alarm bells!

Please don't think you can pick up and moderate. I did. Looking back I was complacent - I undervalued the benefits of being sober (this time round, doing gratitude practice has really made a big difference to my thinking) and I underestimated the power of alcohol because I didn't understand enough about addiction. I did a year sober with no real difficulty - then I thought I had retrained myself and would be able to drink socially/occasionally. Of course I couldn't. I thought because I'd got sober once I could simply do so again - I couldn't. It took only weeks for my drinking to be back where it was and worse, and then I had about three years of misery and fear, full of repeated attempts to stop which failed. I only got sober again when I joined BE and this time I really hope I'm more realistic. Although my intention is permanent sobriety, I have set interim goals - the first was 2 years. It takes that long for your brain and nervous system to repair itself as fully as possible. I still counted the months at that stage, to give myself some structure.

Do an honest assessment of whether you life is better sober or drinking. And then do what follows from that.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 28 Oct 2019 05:18

Good morning all,
Soberboots, you are very right, I know, despite my little demon telling me, I’ve had enough time off now to be in control, that, no! I’ve never had enough time to control this, not if I was sober for the next 10 years can I control it. :cry: but, yes, my life is a million times better without it, I still have problems, ups and downs, but oh my, how much easier to cope with sober. ;)?
I think, my problem is getting nearer to the end of this challenge, this is the first time in 10 year I’ve really tried the challenges, and this time around, for reasons I’m not sure, it’s working. But then the challenge ends, and I kind of feel a bit lost, drifting perhaps, I’m almost glad the next challenge is beyond, and has no end, perhaps I’ll feel more settled on there.
Anyhoo! I didn’t want this to be a self pity, or doom and gloom post, because I’m not feeling like that, I’m chuffed beyond my wildest imagination (and trust me, it’s pretty wild. :lol2: ) have a lovely day everyone, and thank you for your very wise words, and always appreciated encouragement SB 💕
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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silvergirl
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by silvergirl » 28 Oct 2019 07:29

Morning. \:)/ Not having a target sort of left me floundering a bit after the one year marker too fiz, and for some reason it seems to be one that leaves people feeling particularly flat. Looking back, between 1 year and 18 months was probably, for me, the time that I felt most vulnerable to relapse. I think it’s a common time to move focus away from actual not drinking to other aspects of life and dealing with them can be daunting? I don’t know, and it might be completely different for you but definitely a time to be on your guard. The end of the year, so that you have done a whole calendar year sober would seem like an obvious mini goal though, then 500 days? I counted days for an awfully long time, which worked for me, again, it might help you or not... it’s really good to be thinking of these things in advance, then they have less chance of just sneaking up on ya! Anyway, have a good day, tis odd being so light this early in the morning! <:)>

Wylass, belated congratulations on your one year! Superb effort, well done! \:)/

Sorry to hear of your loss Ed, I’m sure you were much more of a support to your partner sober than you would have been had you been drinking. ;)?

Mooths, yay to sober holidays! Hope you had a fantastic time. It just gets better and better in my experience! :D

Love to all,
sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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SoberBoots
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 28 Oct 2019 07:42

Not having a target sort of left me floundering a bit after the one year marker too fiz, and for some reason it seems to be one that leaves people feeling particularly flat. Looking back, between 1 year and 18 months was probably, for me, the time that I felt most vulnerable to relapse.
Definitely! The first few months after the one year milestone were my hardest challenge. I was still counting months, and I had the one whole year free and the two year target. My "no metter what, I will not drink" mantra was a bedrock at times. I believe I experienced PAWS, which it's well worth reading up on. Reaching the one year marker is definitely a time to up your game, not relax.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Mooths
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mooths » 28 Oct 2019 09:56

Good morning, all. I'm back from my hols, a few pounds heavier but happy and relaxed. On the plane home I wrote down what that holiday would have looked like in the bad old drinking days. I would have drunk:

- at the airport, on the plane, in the hotel on arrival
- out and about every day - beer with lunch, ouzo with coffe
- in the hotel room, from the mini bar or the supermarket (to save money!)
- at the hotel bar before dinner
- over dinner and after
- at the airport, on the plane, on arrival back home

I estimate that's at least 40 units I didn't drink over 6 days. Feel SO much the better for it. Despite the slight weight gain I was revelling in my 2-stone loss this year, so that I felt comfortable walking around in a bikini. I think the last time I did that without embarrassment was in 1997!

The other positives I've brought home with me are a new exercise habit and a better sleeping pattern. My aim over the weeks ahead is to maintain both of these - trying to stick to the timings I adopted with a 2-hour time difference, so I was up before 6am this morning and aim to be in bed by 10pm. Roll on the darker winter months!
“Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~ Sigmund Freud

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Mooths
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mooths » 28 Oct 2019 09:59

Oh, and I think today marks 300 days sober for me.
“Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~ Sigmund Freud

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SoberBoots
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 28 Oct 2019 18:32

All round awesome Mooths! Bookmark that post to refer back to, in case of tougher times!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Shadowlad
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 28 Oct 2019 19:28

Hello all on this thread :\:
Mooths wrote:
28 Oct 2019 09:59
Oh, and I think today marks 300 days sober for me.
That is a lot of AF days Mooths, you are doing just great ;)?
Mooths wrote:
28 Oct 2019 09:56
I estimate that's at least 40 units I didn't drink over 6 days. Feel SO much the better for it. Despite the slight weight gain I was revelling in my 2-stone loss this year, so that I felt comfortable walking around in a bikini. I think the last time I did that without embarrassment was in 1997!

The other positives I've brought home with me are a new exercise habit and a better sleeping pattern. My aim over the weeks ahead is to maintain both of these - trying to stick to the timings I adopted with a 2-hour time difference, so I was up before 6am this morning and aim to be in bed by 10pm. Roll on the darker winter months!
And that is a lot of positives ! Lovely to read that you came home happy and relaxed too, that is just what a holiday is supposed to do, and none of us escape without the extra pounds lol !
fiz wrote:
28 Oct 2019 05:18
I think, my problem is getting nearer to the end of this challenge, this is the first time in 10 year I’ve really tried the challenges, and this time around, for reasons I’m not sure, it’s working. But then the challenge ends, and I kind of feel a bit lost, drifting perhaps, I’m almost glad the next challenge is beyond, and has no end, perhaps I’ll feel more settled on there.
Hi fiz, just to say that you are doing absolutely great and its so good that you are airing your thoughts out loud on here. Its understandable how you feel about the safe structure of the challenges, and feeling like you may be drifting afterwards. Would it help you to keep setting yourself another 100 days kickstart like you are doing at present, for the team support ? You are a super team player :) When you come to beyond the one year milestone there will be support on there too for anything you want to talk over about the ups and downs of living AF. And of course the roadies thread. I'm so glad that you recognise that your old drinking problems will most definitely return should you reintroduce, a friendly reminder is never a bad thing at all ! Keep doing what you are doing because it is working <:)>

Hi to Ed, Silvergirl, SB and anyone else looking in/popping in <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 29 Oct 2019 05:07

Mooths, 300 days is amazing. (::) Well done.
Shadowlad, yes, I think I may have to keep counting and celebrating the smaller victories for the foreseeable future, which isn’t a bad thing I guess, the support I have been given has been overwhelming, and I hope I’ve helped a few along the sober path as well. Thank you for your wise words and encouragement, it is much appreciated. <:)>
Have a great day everyone. Xx
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Mooths
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mooths » 29 Oct 2019 21:42

Thanks, Fiz! Feel I’m on a roll and looking forward to joining the crowd (including you, I hope) on the Beyonders’ thread come 2020.
“Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~ Sigmund Freud

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 30 Oct 2019 05:22

Yeah, Mooths, you’re doing amazing. \:)/ You definitely will make it beyond, I feel like you’re \:)/ my partner in the 3 legged race so you’ll have to jump beyond. ;)?
Have a lovely day. <:)>
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Wylass
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Wylass » 30 Oct 2019 05:28

Hi guys
Thanks Silvergirl for your congrats.
Glad you had a good holiday Mooths without the alcohol - it is an eye opener as to how much we actually consume when we sit down and think about it. Well done on your 300 days. Fiz I am just continuing to take each day as it comes - I sometimes feel like there is something missing but I was analysing this the other day and decided that maybe there had always been something missing from my life and I just plugged the gap with booze. At least now I try new things e.g yoga meditation different classes the gym etc and I feel that I am moving in the right direction - all I know for definite is that I dont want to go back to how I was before. I think it is true what Shadowlad said in a recent post that - 'it is an interesting journey of self discovery'. Quick shout out to Ed. Not long now until you and Fiz join the Beyonders.

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 30 Oct 2019 12:51

Hi wylass, yes, something is missing, that is a perfect way to describe what I feel, as you say, maybe this has always been the case? I’ve certainly learnt things about myself this last year, I’m also a terrible one, for wanting things yesterday, trying to run before I can walk, so maybe it’s just that side of me, poking through?

I have been helping someone with a bit gun dog training, when I got home today, all of my dummies, and starter pistol was in my shed, with a thank you card and guess what? A bottle of white wine. It’s the first time, I’ve had a bottle of wine in the last 11 months and not thought, quick, panic, get rid of it, you can’t be trusted. Haha, it’s sat on my kitchen table and I feel quite indifferent about it. This is a nice feeling, I have never in my life felt like this, in the past, I’d be thinking, how early is too early to open it. Oh well, that’s a start to my donation to the old people’s home and the staff that take care of our rescue dogs, for Christmas. Don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but it’s a pity it hadn’t of been a box of chocolates or a nice tin of Scottish shortbread. 🤷‍♀️
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Shadowlad
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 30 Oct 2019 20:31

fiz wrote:
30 Oct 2019 12:51
I have been helping someone with a bit gun dog training, when I got home today, all of my dummies, and starter pistol was in my shed, with a thank you card and guess what? A bottle of white wine. It’s the first time, I’ve had a bottle of wine in the last 11 months and not thought, quick, panic, get rid of it, you can’t be trusted. Haha, it’s sat on my kitchen table and I feel quite indifferent about it. This is a nice feeling, I have never in my life felt like this, in the past, I’d be thinking, how early is too early to open it. Oh well, that’s a start to my donation to the old people’s home and the staff that take care of our rescue dogs, for Christmas.
That's typical isn't it and yes why couldn't it have been some chocolates or shortbread haha. Seriously though, that is brilliant progress that you felt indifferent to the wine bottle in your kitchen. Well done ! <:)>
Wylass wrote:
30 Oct 2019 05:28
I am just continuing to take each day as it comes - I sometimes feel like there is something missing but I was analysing this the other day and decided that maybe there had always been something missing from my life and I just plugged the gap with booze. At least now I try new things e.g yoga meditation different classes the gym etc and I feel that I am moving in the right direction - all I know for definite is that I dont want to go back to how I was before


I can relate to this Wylass, i felt just the same and like you, i knew that i didn't want to go back to how i was before. You really are doing all the right things, and putting impressive effort into your recovery. To be willing to try new things is just great, and you certainly are moving in the right direction. I think you ladies have hit the nail on the head, we tend to want things to improve quickly, want things to happen yesterday. I used to be like that, quite impatient. Sobriety has taught me that all the best things in life are worth waiting for, and as long as we are walking in the right direction it all comes to us at the right times. <:)>

Its lovely to read your posts on this thread, and i hope you know that you taking the time to share on BE is valued and very much appreciated too.xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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fiz
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Re: The 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 31 Oct 2019 04:57

Good morning all.
Shadowlad, it is a nice feeling knowing that the wine didn’t send me into worry mode. Sometimes I think I’m not recovering at all, then something like that happens, and I think, yes, you are recovering, it just happens very slowly, which I have already been told this, but I think the penny is finally beginning to drop. :roll: I’m a very slow learner.
Yesterday, I spent a lot of the day on here, and googling PAWS, I think I’ve had a few episodes of this along the path, and I’m due a few more by the sounds of it, but knowing why it is happening, and knowing it will pass, is very helpful. Just thought I’d mention it, as I know a few of us, have had emotional, over the top, breakdowns, I was quite concerned with mine, but don’t feel so worried now.
Have a great day y’all.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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