Online Alcohol Therapy |  Do you need professional help? |  Alcoholism & Recovery Articles |  Self Help Resources

Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

g-man
Posts: 309
Joined: 21 Aug 2012 04:33
Last Drink Date: 11 Aug 2018
First Sober Date: 12 Aug 2018
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by g-man » 01 Nov 2018 23:15

Hey Cowboy, 2 months is real money in the sober bank account. And the govt can't tax it!
I had my final drink August 11th, 2018.

User avatar
Cowboy
Posts: 2228
Joined: 31 Jul 2016 10:55
Location: Canadian Wilderness
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Cowboy » 02 Nov 2018 11:29

Thanks g-man. Feels good to be sober. Some struggles but staying the course. You are doing very well yourself.

Another weekend approaches. There will be more trials but keeping my mind focussed and determined to get myself through these early days.

Have a great sober weekend friends. Cowboy.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

User avatar
caroline95
Posts: 6742
Joined: 04 Apr 2008 16:57
Location: Scotland UK

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by caroline95 » 02 Nov 2018 23:00

Two months is something to be really proud of Cowboy.

I've been slipping and sliding, struggling to gain any real traction.I don't drink more than one bottle of wine when I do drink now, which at one time I would've thought counted as downright saintly.But of course that one one bottle of wine once a week or so stops me getting to the place of calm and well-being that only comes after a month of so of being sober.There's nothing for it but to keep on trying I suppose.

Plans in place for staying on track the next couple of days at least.There's a festival of light procession here tomorrow followed by fireworks, then home for a cozy night by the fire with lots of food.As long as I get through Saturday night I'll be ok.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and sober weekend.

User avatar
Cowboy
Posts: 2228
Joined: 31 Jul 2016 10:55
Location: Canadian Wilderness
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Cowboy » 03 Nov 2018 00:18

Hi Caroline. If I may. I would say that drinking a bottle of wine a week consistently isn't really too much of a problem. For me that first bottle of wine would be like a starter pistol of sorts to drink continuously for a week. I just can't do that anymore. And really ? drinking myself drunk ? What's the point of it. Very proud of myself for 2 months. Thanks.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

User avatar
caroline95
Posts: 6742
Joined: 04 Apr 2008 16:57
Location: Scotland UK

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by caroline95 » 03 Nov 2018 13:02

Thanks Cowboy.The thing is, I know from long and bitter experience that at some point the one night a week will almost certainly become two or three nights and the one bottle will become two.Maybe not next week or even next month, but it's a fairly safe bet my drinking will escalate eventually, especially with Xmas on the horizon.I'm skating on thin ice and we all know about the dangers of getting complacent.

But on the positive side, being sober genuinely feels like my preferred option now, whereas in the past it was more something I felt I should or needed to do, rather than actually wanted.It's an important change of mindset I think, and something I'm very grateful for.So onwards and upwards - have a good weekend <:)>

Spats
Posts: 4910
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Spats » 03 Nov 2018 18:18

Caroline I’m with you on that. I’ve drastically reduced my drinking and have lately got down to one bottle of wine a week. However there have been weeks where it’s gone up so I know the only thing for me is to be teetotal. I’ll get there one day but it’ll take a bit longer.

User avatar
Cowboy
Posts: 2228
Joined: 31 Jul 2016 10:55
Location: Canadian Wilderness
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Cowboy » 04 Nov 2018 22:29

Happy to say through another AF weekend.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

Spats
Posts: 4910
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Spats » 05 Nov 2018 07:50

Me too cowboy, and looking forward to an AF week ;)?

User avatar
Cowboy
Posts: 2228
Joined: 31 Jul 2016 10:55
Location: Canadian Wilderness
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Cowboy » 05 Nov 2018 11:35

That's great Spats. Have a great AF week and see you here on Friday.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 5234
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by SoberBoots » 05 Nov 2018 18:44

Spats wrote:
05 Nov 2018 07:50
Me too cowboy, and looking forward to an AF week ;)?
Well done Spats (::) (::) (::)
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Spats
Posts: 4910
Joined: 03 Sep 2017 15:12
Last Drink Date: 24 Dec 2018
First Sober Date: 25 Dec 2018
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Spats » 05 Nov 2018 21:42

I’m enjoying being sober and busy with a number of projects planned to fill my days and weeks ;)? Bottle of Prosecco still in the bag waiting to be gifted to a frien on Wednesday \:)/

Redeyes
Posts: 31
Joined: 27 Oct 2018 23:28
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Redeyes » 05 Nov 2018 22:57

I'm off to NYC in 3 weeks time and worried about how I'll handle it. I went on sober October on my hubby's suggestion and have kept it up, while he only ever intended doing a month.

I knew deep down that something had to change. My 'engineering' of situations to get a drink (even when I was out in town with my kids late Saturday afternoon/ early evening) and the accompanying sweats was enough in terms of alarm bells. My Catherine Gray book galvanised my resolve only a number of weeks in and I can honestly say that, aside from tonight, I've not actually craved a drink.

I think I'm beginning to worry about getting swept up in the moment in NYC. My bestie, who's coming with me, will be disappointed if I don't drink. I know all the arguments about friends needing to support our decisions etc but I'm finding it tricky. She's already slightly rubbished the idea of me continuing not to drink in my home and has booked cocktail bars etc. Thing is, I'm actually not a cocktail fan. Us drinkers much prefer our one favourite tipple, eh?? So if I could get away with going for mocktails I would. I just don't know how to get through it without causing disappointment - either for myself or my friend.

Answers on a postcard please!
Last drink 29th September 2018

Redeyes
Posts: 31
Joined: 27 Oct 2018 23:28
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Redeyes » 05 Nov 2018 23:01

Caroline95,

I know what you mean about Sober being the preferred option now. It's just so nice to know where we stand with ourselves and our lives without alcohol in the equation.

I just need to figure out how to get everyone else to accept it!

We done on your reducing your intake.
Last drink 29th September 2018

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 5234
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by SoberBoots » 06 Nov 2018 07:36

Redeyes wrote:
05 Nov 2018 22:57
I'm off to NYC in 3 weeks time and worried about how I'll handle it. I went on sober October on my hubby's suggestion and have kept it up, while he only ever intended doing a month.

I knew deep down that something had to change. My 'engineering' of situations to get a drink (even when I was out in town with my kids late Saturday afternoon/ early evening) and the accompanying sweats was enough in terms of alarm bells. My Catherine Gray book galvanised my resolve only a number of weeks in and I can honestly say that, aside from tonight, I've not actually craved a drink.

I think I'm beginning to worry about getting swept up in the moment in NYC. My bestie, who's coming with me, will be disappointed if I don't drink. I know all the arguments about friends needing to support our decisions etc but I'm finding it tricky. She's already slightly rubbished the idea of me continuing not to drink in my home and has booked cocktail bars etc. Thing is, I'm actually not a cocktail fan. Us drinkers much prefer our one favourite tipple, eh?? So if I could get away with going for mocktails I would. I just don't know how to get through it without causing disappointment - either for myself or my friend.

Answers on a postcard please!
Getting sober involves putting ourselves first (in a good way). Your friend may want you to drink so that she can (why else would she put presssure on you, really?) but only you can decide whether that's going to cause you to go against your own heart. I think honesty is much the best policy with friends. Even now I'm still getting people asking wistfully whether I really intend to not drink again, whether I'll have few on their birthday or at Christmas... I notice I do less weekending with people, and I think that may be because I don't drink. If so it's a reality that I don't like but is very little to lose when I weigh it up against the value of my sobriety. Time and time again I've relapsed with these sort of 'reasons' but all I've done is made myself more miserable, taken more risks with my health, and made my recovery much, much harder. One thing I always massively underestimated is the difficulty of re-establishing the sober mindset after a lapse - if you've got that mindset at the moment, I'd hang on to it like a liferaft. Go for the mocktails - I'm quite sure they'll rustle up some brilliant ones!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

User avatar
Cowboy
Posts: 2228
Joined: 31 Jul 2016 10:55
Location: Canadian Wilderness
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Cowboy » 06 Nov 2018 12:02

Sally's right. Do the mocktails. It's not about what is best for your friend. It's about what's best for you.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

User avatar
caroline95
Posts: 6742
Joined: 04 Apr 2008 16:57
Location: Scotland UK

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by caroline95 » 06 Nov 2018 15:50

Thanks redeyes, but I'm under no illusions that I'll be able to maintain moderation in the long term and much prefer my life when drink isn't a part of it.I made it through the weekend sober with only a few fleeting thoughts of booze though, so I'm just concentrating on doing one day at a time and staying close to BE so I stay grounded.

I actually feel slightly irritated on your behalf by your friend booking cocktail bars in advance.I don't like cocktails either, and if I was going on holiday with someone who did that, even if I was planning on drinking, I'd be less than happy.It's a bit like me booking a steakhouse restaurant while on holiday with a vegetarian.I'm not qualified to give out advice, but in your shoes I'd try and laugh off any snippy remarks about not drinking, annoying though they are.I'd make sure there's food at every venue visited and remind myself that New York is a fabulous place to experience and it would be such a shame to waste one single moment of it feeling tired, washed out and hungover.I'm not particularly bothered about how I look generally, but I truly do hate seeing holiday photos of myself with a red sweaty face and bloodshot eyes, so I'd keep that in mind too.

I get what you say about the possibility of feeling disappointed if you don't drink, but in reality no one (especially on BE) ever wakes up thinking "I'm so glad I drank last night"!I'd love to go to New York, it looks like an amazing place - enjoy the trip and don't be railroaded into doing anything that doesn't work for you.Most importantly, please report back on the food, I really want to know if the pizza is as good in real life as it looks in the movies. :D

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 5234
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by SoberBoots » 06 Nov 2018 17:17

Perhaps we should organise a BE sober trip to NY!
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Redeyes
Posts: 31
Joined: 27 Oct 2018 23:28
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Redeyes » 06 Nov 2018 19:38

Brilliant, honest and wonderfully put responses. Thank you. The truth is, my friend knows I did sober October and that I'm planning not to drink in my house. I even sent her a picture of my Sober 'self-help' book to subtly get the message across. I mentioned that I won't be getting blazing but haven't actually said 'I'm not drinking in New York'. Or I've now chosen to be tee-total. I was thinking I could just glide through it ducking and diving to avoid it. Saying I don't fancy it right now. Im too stuffed. Enjoying myself too much. Possibly passing off the odd AFdrink as a G+T here and there before coming clean when we're just having the most fabulous time anyway. Or just simply saying 'I just can't face it anymore'.
Naive??
Last drink 29th September 2018

User avatar
Winkler
Posts: 877
Joined: 03 Apr 2018 07:29
Last Drink Date: 06 Apr 2019
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by Winkler » 06 Nov 2018 22:26

Ooof Redeye, I think most people associate a holiday with ‘a few drinks’ so I would think it’s probably better to be clear with your friend before you go and give her a chance to get her head round it? She probably wasn’t planning to drink alone.

Gives you a chance to rejig your mutual plans? I resent spending time in bars and pubs when I’m not drinking, I don’t know if you’re the same?
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing - Lao Tzu

User avatar
SoberBoots
Posts: 5234
Joined: 08 May 2017 16:19
Last Drink Date: 08 May 2017
Contact:

Re: Special Occasion/Weekend Challenges

Post by SoberBoots » 07 Nov 2018 17:46

Redeyes, I always find it's better to be really clear upfront. It stiffens your resolve - if you've said you're not going to drink, it's easier not to, and it's fairer on the friend who can reset her own plans and expectations accordingly. Why do you feel you can't be upfront and honest - is it something to do with the friend, or is it a bit pf you not wanting to commit to staying sober?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Post Reply