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The Nine Month Challenge

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 19 Jan 2013 09:57

Hey everyone,

Sorry not been posting much, been feeling rotten with side effects from my AD’s. Got the first week under my belt and I think the worst is over now.

Jen, I’m looking forward to spring too. I love those first warm sunny days we often have in March, they give such a boost.

Jake, try not to worry about the abdo pain – I’m sure everything will be fine. There are a million and one things that can cause tummy pain and the vast majority will turn out to be and harmless and/or idiopathic. I know how you feel as any slight thing wrong with me and I suspect the worst, like my liver is knackered. The way I see it, if I had seriously damaged any organs I would be in a great deal of pain or have other symptoms. It will be ok!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 19 Jan 2013 12:26

Yep I agree the stage we are at does seem to be problematic. My upcoming psychotherapy referral is playing on my mind, I feel like I’m being dishonest by not coming clean about the drinking. I’m being treated for anxiety, but also suspected OCD. The thing is, I’ve only developed the OCD symptoms (constant checking of locks, electrical appliances etc) since I stopped drinking! I was reading the Wikipedia article about PAWS last night and low and behold one of the symptoms is ‘obsessive compulsive behaviour’. But by the same token, there is plenty of info on net stating that alcohol masks OCD if you already have it.

The problem I’ve got is that I started drinking heavily in my late teens so I don’t know what I’m really/naturally like as a person if that makes sense. Sad or what.
Givingitago wrote:I need to give a presentation at a conference in 6 weeks. Already I am really anxious and have sweaty palms just thinking about it. My heart pounds and I can't get to sleep for thinking about it. Thing is, I don't know why I am nervous


I get like this too. I can strongly recommend Propranolol if you are wiling to see a Dr about the situation. I’m on 80mg slow release and they essentially block any physical symptoms of anxiety such as trembling, sweating, racing heart etc. I only use them when needed. My GP says it’s ‘safe as houses’ in terms of use and it’s not remotely addictive. He told me he routinely prescribes it for people who are about to take exams, have a driving test and whatnot.
Givingitago wrote:Husband came in last night after a night out and woke me up with the sound of vomiting
Haha, I have to confess I get a bit schadenfreude when Mr. Koala is hungover – I enjoy the rare feeling of superiority :D
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 19 Jan 2013 14:04

I didn’t get any side effects at all from the Propranolol, but I guess everyone is different. It’s been a godsend for me in certain work situations. I guess if your going through PAWS this anxious spell could go as soon as it’s arrived, fingers crossed for you. Hope you feel a bit calmer soon <:)>
Givingitago wrote:You could mention it as a past event, of little importance but you're mentioning it for the sake of completeness. Or that you didn't drink as much as you actually did
Yeah that’s an idea or I might ask her if I tell her something ‘off the record’. I’m concerned that the treatment will be different for alcohol induced symptoms so don’t want to miss out on something that could help me because I’ve been misleading…

Hope everyone is doing well and the enjoying the weekend. I’m psyching myself up to trudge through the snow to the supermarket. Got the Yotam Ottolenghi ‘Jerusalem’ book for crimbo so going to attempt a recipe from that I think.

Take care guys x
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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grendeldave
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by grendeldave » 19 Jan 2013 16:13

Givingitago wrote:I like to read the later threads and the posts of the posters here who have been sober for some years. There's light at the end of the tunnel. Just need to get through the darn thing first I guess!
There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is not an oncoming train! From my own experience and reading around the place I think there is a time when we all hit The Wall. The Wall can take many forms but I do believe it is there for all of us. Even marathon runners have one and this is a long race.
But if you keep on kicking through it then you get there. The Wall will crumble. It seems hard to keep plodding on after so long being abstinent. When will it end? It will do.

I also have liked to read the later threads, then one day I had a thought. I pass it on. GIAG - there are people who read your posts and take heart. It ain't all sweetness and light but it ain't all darkness either. You are the light at the end of the tunnel for others coming along behind. Ooh. Responsibility? Just keep on telling it like it is. It will keep you on track and if just one, just one person relates then you will have done good. Not bad going for the likes of us, eh?
Desire is an illusion unless it is a streetcar. Don't get run over.

#88 - 2013 Challenge

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 20 Jan 2013 11:55

Morning people,

I don’t know if I’ve faced the wall yet, feels more like I’ve been hurdling lots of small walls since I quit.

Off to the pictures later, think will either see The Impossible as recommended by Pilurini or Django Unchained. I know everyone is raving about Les Miserables but I really can’t stand musicals, just watching the trailer p*sses me off!

Speak soon x
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

pilurini
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by pilurini » 20 Jan 2013 13:45

Hi Givingitago, Jake, Proudmum-(welldone), Koala bear, grendeldave and R2D2 and everybody else I haven't mentioned! <:)> <:)> <:)>
Well, such snow!! am on own in house as daughter has gone to Spain for two week holiday and Son is there for two months. I like the snow - so far!
Have had AF week, and there is no "of course" about it- must not get complacent about any part of it- not even my quite deep seated , ages old dislike of drinking- I can still slip. Will buy literature when i get paid.
Nothing much to report am having a lovely weekend , sorting my cupboards out- had lunch yesterday in a pub with mum and sister all quite blissful!
I keep getting lots of small walls too Koalabear!
I agree Grendeldave- our posts must help others, that's why it is good to post - for ourselves and others, in helping others we help ourselves.
I learnt Spanish by teaching English to Spanish children...
Our experiences help all of us.
Who has seen Les Mis? is it boring? I'm the same all that singing - and at the cinema! want to see quartet- and no doubt will end up seeing Les Mis.
Oh well, lovely people- back to the living room, the radio or Tv and a bit of food xxxx <:)>

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Jake.
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Jake. » 20 Jan 2013 13:52

Yes it's lovely Pilurini. I want to see Les Mis again x
Let me take a selfie

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by pixie » 20 Jan 2013 21:00

Hey Jake, I'd love to see les mis... I want to indulge in my Russell Crowe fixation that I used to have... um, 14 years or so ago when I loved him in Gladiator :shock: I now realise why he's changed slightly. Didn't realise so long ago.

Am reading about some people on here dealing with stuff when sober.... I found the 6 months or so a bit tricky (it was only a few months ago mind you so not got loads more sobriety) as I was starting to get through the worst of the see sawing emotions/PAWs then started to realise what I really had to deal with and unpick. I did find that it starts to improve, but it's working out what is needed I found takes a bit.

I kept doing therapy and am about to try other things... not saying everyone needs that, but I'd got so much "stuff" to deal with I'd buried under booze. I am finding it easier.

Initial sobriety for me has been 2 steps forward, then 1 back at times, but the getting better bits are getting longer.

I am off to watch Dexter now, have good nights everyone <:)>
" ... the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision...which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." W.H. Murray

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 20 Jan 2013 22:40

Thank you, Jen! I think my last drink was around 9.30pm on the 20th, so officially 6 months now!
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by pixie » 21 Jan 2013 22:14

Givingitago... I used to get CBT hypnotherapy for my social anxiety. The frustrating thing is I couldn't work out what caused it... part of the process I was meant to explain that as part of exploring the beliefs behind it and it drove me nuts. The therapist would be like "Is it your fear of being alone, is it because you feel exposed... blah, blah, blah". I just felt like shouting "I don't know, if I knew that I wouldn't be sat here would I?". Strangely, it helped slightly, it was the hypnosis bit that worked. I think I needed to see another therapist though.

Good luck with your presentation, I hope you get what you need to help you through it. I can do them now at times, but it has to be a subject I quite like. It's other things that set me off. I do know of some people who swear CBT works for them... I may go back and see another hypnotherapist who helped me before but he's really expensive. Let us know how it goes.

And REMF.... well done ;)? Time has really flown. I don't post much on other threads but I can remember back at the beginning when a lot of us were in the first couple of weeks.... and now you are here \:)/ It's v. nice to see.
" ... the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision...which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." W.H. Murray

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 22 Jan 2013 12:31

Hello.
I didn't really celebrate six months as I was on my way back from a weekend in Hamburg. (brrrr!)

I didn't get in to work yesterday, Jen. Trains not really working, but one of my colleagues who lives not very far away came in by bus.
Damn!
I think that goes beyond the call of duty, personally. I'm, about 11 miles out, south of the river.

Pixie, thank you! It's taken me 21 months to get to a whole unbroken six months! And I am so glad I am here. And no longer living in daily fear of slipping... not so much because I have got to six months, but because I seem to have finally got a less slippery grip on things.

I don't want to leap in on past conversations, but I too get Schadenfreude from my husband being hungover, which he frequently is now if he drinks, because he rarely drinks any more. It also gives me a chance to mother him, which oddly I seem to enjoy. Although his need for mothering at the moment is wearing a bit thin I'm afraid...! (He's still jobless.)
Rachel
Rachel

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 22 Jan 2013 17:53

6 months!!!! Congratulations Rachel ;)? I’m proper chuffed for you.

Mr. Koala rarely drinks now either. It’s funny because he was kinda forced into it in the early days to support me, but now he’s been converted. Says he feels loads better and doesn’t want to go back to regular boozing again :D

Jen, I know where your coming from. We seem to be going through a similar thing at the moment. I’ve had the anxiety for months but the pervasive sadness has been creeping in for me too. Just wish these AD’s would kick in, on them for 11 days now and feel no different.

Pixie, I’d not heard of CBT hypnotherapy. Sounds intriguing, will look it up!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 22 Jan 2013 21:56

hello again

I don't want to sing the praises of ADs in general, but since I started my new ones, about 6-8 weeks ago, I have not been depressed for the first time in a very very long time, and apart from that being a revelation, it is making the whole alcohol free living a lot easier.

Aminatta Forna - she has a vaguely toadstoolish name, but she sounds like an interesting person.
I am reading lightly at the moment. A Jasper Fforde book.
Rachel

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 23 Jan 2013 18:44

I’m at the Dr’s week today. He said that I should feel a bit calmer after a week or two. I’m only on 20mg so I wonder if he will up the dose.

To be fair I do feel less angry. I normally become irate standing in queues or having to deal with people parping around etc but that has lessened recently. It’s just a shame it’s not touching the sides with the anxiety/depression.
Givingitago wrote:really don't want to dive into the past (again) with a counsellor and work out why. There's no major trauma and I am thankful for that, and grateful. Many are unfortunately not so lucky. I want to live in the present, and in doing so make plans for the future
I know what you mean. I’m really hoping the psychotherapist can give me some practical advice as opposed to just analysing past events - I do enough of that on my own and therein lies part of the problem.

Rachel, pleased your AD’s are working for you. You seem to be in a good place right now ;)?

All this Cameron EU referendum stuff is rather interesting, off to watch the news and take in the analysis.

Have a great evening people <:)>
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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ProudMum
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 25 Jan 2013 11:05

Hello? Anyone home? 2 minutes until I can officially join you \:)/

I went to offload some home made biscuits on a friend today & noticed she had a bottle of red opened on the bench. I recognised it as one of the expensive bottles I drunk in huge quantities last summer. I picked up the bottle & had a sniff. Yuck!!! :lol: it smelled so awful. I was so happy!

I've recently stopped saying "I'm not drinking at the moment" & started saying "I don't drink". It feels right ;)?

And with that, 9-monthers, it's 4 minutes past midnight & I can join the group properly!

Zzzzzzzzzz

<:)>

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 25 Jan 2013 11:14

Congratulations Proudmum!

Fantastic you!

Rachel xx
Rachel

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Jake.
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Jake. » 25 Jan 2013 19:24

So great to have you proudmum!

Welcome
Let me take a selfie

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ProudMum
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 26 Jan 2013 03:08

Thanks, 9-monthers :D

Jen, I'm in the 'testing' period, my bloodwork from Wednesday had some bad liver #s (so bad, the dr called me twice at home on Thursday lol). So I need to do repeat bloodwork on Tuesday (Monday is a public holiday here). Then a scan on Thursday. So hopefully on Friday I'll have a better idea.

I should've just called the ambulance. I'm such a dumbass. They would've given me pethidine & taken me to the hospital & I'd be all sorted by now (scans, specialist, etc). As it is, I'm out of pocket $200 so far, with another $200 to pay for my scan (health insurance will reimburse me though, but only for the scan). Hindsight's a wonderful thing.

Yeah, so now I'm paranoid that I'm turning jaundiced :lol: :oops:

They said I shouldn't have any more bad attacks as long as I avoid spicy foods, cheese, eggs, chocolate, red meat, fatty food, caffeine, gluten, sugar, fizzy drinks, and corn. Which leaves fresh air & water, I believe. Should be great for my diet haha! I'm breaking the rules a little but trying to compromise. I'd prefer not to have another attack, but in a way it wouldn't be the worst thing as at least then I'd be going through the proper channels.

I did think it was rather ironic that after over a decade of heavy drinking (but no liver problems) my liver function has suddenly gone kaput after 6 months of not drinking. Maybe my liver is going through delayed withdrawal :lol:

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 26 Jan 2013 10:13

ProudMum wrote:I've recently stopped saying "I'm not drinking at the moment" & started saying "I don't drink". It feels right
Nice one Proudmum ;)? and welcome to the thread! Sorry to hear about your tummy trouble, liver results etc. Try not to worry. Our liver’s can be pretty sensitive so if your on meds it could be them that’s affecting the results. Big hugs <:)>

It’s a lovely day here in Yorkshire, the sun is out and the snow is melting, yippee :D
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 26 Jan 2013 13:34

Proudmum, is your doctor still thinking it's gallstones? I hope you get things resolved soon <:)>

Thank you Pickles! Still slightly disbelieving that I have got to 6 months.

Koala, nice day here too! My poor (old) mum is still snowed in in south Yorkshire, although partly due to her understandable temerity. It's almost gone here.

I am currently being driven up the wall by my husband. Which makes me feel guilty. It's the sort of thing that would have had me craving a drink some time ago. I still seem to gravitate towards 'oral comfort' :o I mean, something to drink. I am all coffeed out now, though :x
It's our 17th getting together anniversary today as well, so I had better sort myself out. He keeps saying sorry but then keeps doing the same thing.

Ha, I think I need some lunch. That might help. My stomach just rumbled and Basil, the cat, who was having a cuddle, has run away, thinking that I was growling at him!
Rachel

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