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The Nine Month Challenge

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koalaBear
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 29 Jan 2013 17:42

Evening! Where is everyone?!

Jen, the Black Dog book sounds like it's worth a read. The reviews on Amazon are excellent. I see it's more the authors experience of depression rather than a self help manual which would make a nice change. I'm currently on with 'Flourishing ' by Maureen Gaffney.

Have you had the dreaded presentation yet? Hows the Propranolol working for you? I'm back to taking it daily unfortunately. Saw My GP today who has upped it to 160mg and increased the AD's to 40mg.

This was interesting in yesterdays Guardian:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... depression" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Happy belated anniversary Rachel ;)?
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Rachel
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 29 Jan 2013 19:06

Hello everyone.

It has been a little quiet on here.
Thanks, of the congratulations, Koala! Are the meds doing thier stuff for you? I was only ever on 30mg a day at most, but they were actually prescribed for me for shaking that continued long after withdrawals during the BIG detox in rehab nearly two years ago: I managed to cling onto them for quite a while after when I realized that they helped with anxiety.

Jen I have ordered the black dog book. I thought it might be interesting for my husband too.

I have been thinking about your question about what is annoying/upsetting me about my husband. I know what it is - his obsession wit money and not spending it/saving it, the question is why is this getting to me so much? I have been pondering that for the last couple of days, and think I know the answers. Part of it lies with me. I enjoy spending money, I'm afraid, or at least buying things. I suppose I have used it as a kind of alcohol subsitute when I am low. I know it's shallow, but there you have it. Sometbing I ought to change. I am happy (well, ok willing) to cut down, but he is detracting from any pleasure I might have with the weight of his disapproval at any non-essential, but which I mean bills and bread and milk, almost, spending!
I couldn't find my purse on Saturday but was 99% sure that I'd left it at the office. I think he was torn between being terrified that the cleaners would have taken it and spent all our money and elated that he could control my spending, because I had no money/cards!
Really I think control is what is at issue here. He is trying to regain some over his life.
Anyway mini rant over. I love him dearly.
He made dinner on Friday. Veggie haggis, kale and soggy roast parsnips. It was all yummy, and very much appreciated.
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 30 Jan 2013 10:04

Givingitago wrote: In the meantime, console yourself with the true story of one of my friends who has been known to sit in the car for 5 minutes just to get the money's worth from the rest of the parking ticket. Jen x
Ha That made me laugh. I will have to tell husband about that!
It will make him laugh too I think.
Last edited by Rachel on 30 Jan 2013 13:10, edited 1 time in total.
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 31 Jan 2013 17:26

Thanks for your suggestion, Jen. I will think about that. My first reaction was, I suppose, along the lines of 'give him an inch...'
But I will consider it.

I liked the Black Dog book by the way - it arrived yesterday.

I am off to a gig tonight. I am a bit nervous. The singer is one of my MySpace/Facebook friends whom I have met a couple of times at his gigs, but not for just over two years. Last time I saw him, I would have been coming towards the end of my official drinking, but I don't think I have ever made a fool of myself by drinking too much in his presense, so ok on that front, I thnk. I don't think I have that much miscreant past to mop up now really! (I hope!) I still haven't told friends I haven't seen for ages, which is missing out on a big chunk of my life really, what with stays in rehab etc., but one thing at a time.
I hope everyone is ok. There don't seem to be very many of us on here at the moment.
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 31 Jan 2013 19:37

Ha the parking ticket story is hilarious :lol:

Jen, I’d say my anxiety is generalised with panic triggers. Anyway I think the AD’s are finally kicking in, managed a stressful situation today without feeling like I was about to have a breakdown :D
Givingitago wrote:Last time I did a preso I inhaled a glass of wine straight afterwards. Any suggestions for come-down help?
Big plate of your favourite food perhaps, exercise, spa treatment, sauna/Jacuzzi?

Had a bit of sun here too, but blimey is it windy! Can’t wait for spring, I don’t doubt that we will feel better.

Rachel I’ve been treating myself a lot since I quit drinking. Shopping is a fab pick me up and I used to spend so much on booze that I’m still better off. Maybe if you explain to Mr. REMF that a little bit of spending is a motivation/reward for not drinking he might be less grumpy about it.

Enjoy the gig!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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ProudMum
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 01 Feb 2013 02:43

Hi all, sorry to be MIA, feeling a bit blah lately. It's been hard getting to sleep before midnight with my OH's snoring :roll: And the girls are not big fans of sleep-ins lol.

Well, in health matters, the dr & the guy doing the scan got very excited about one of my gallstones which was quite big (just over an inch). I also had dozens of tiny stones which were mobile & can cause all kinds of havoc if they escape out a duct apparently. So OUT comes my gallbladder, on 12th Feb (13 days before my sinus surgery, I have a feeling February is a write-off for me). On the plus side, it means I'll get 2 nights off looking after the girls :lol: Also, afterwards I won't be able to digest fat as easily (it'll go 'straight through' - eww), which should help things weight-wise I guess.

Also a positive - my liver/kidneys/pancreas and spleen were in great health (as was my gallbladder other than the stones), which is awesome. I would've been really worried about getting them looked at if I'd still been drinking. Really I'm trying to look on the bright side as it all feels a little grim to be honest. I was running a high temperature again this morning - another sinus infection (or a return of the same one, who knows). I absolutely refuse to take any more antibiotics, so I just got more codeine & some naproxen. Hopefully they'll at least take care of the pain.

Between my dodgy gallbladder issues & the headaches my exercise plan has disappeared into the ether, along with my energy. I am hopeful that it will come back when my health is back to normal (Jo I'll PM you, I'm sure you can help with my shin splint/core strength issue). AND I have a Fijian island getaway to look forward to at the end of March.

Hey fellow big spenders! I <3 online shopping for bargains, I'm a bit addicted. It's so much easier than dragging a 3 year old & a 1 year old around the shops, buckling & unbuckling them from carseats constantly. We live in the country & our rural delivery is a bit dodgy so I have to get everything delivered to the OH's work, which is a bit of a bummer. I've had several disapproving comments lately :oops:

My favourite buys are dresses lately :D I love getting stuff for the girls - toys, dvds etc. I was getting a whole heap of used books (from UK book shops - cheaper than buying second hand locally), but now I have an Ipad mini with 2,000 books on it (mostly from my BIL - I haven't asked how he came by them but there's some excellent reads in there). Now all I need is time to read it. Well, actually, that's a lie. I have between 9:30 - midnight every night, while I listen to the OH snore up a storm.

My SIL opened up to me the other night & said she thinks she has a drinking problem & if she starts drinking again she is going to go to the AA so she gets a sponsor to call when she is tempted to go buy a bottle of wine etc. I told her I'd do it for her & mentioned this site. Hopefully she takes my advice, BE is a godsend ;)?

Argh! Run out of time to reply to everyone else's posts :(

Hugs to everyone!! <:)>

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 01 Feb 2013 08:17

Oh dear Proudmum, you sound like you are in a bad way.... apart from your liver, pancreas, spleen and, other things being equal, gallbladder!

My husbbandsnores too. I'm afriad that i ave resorted to separate bedrooms. I was rather worried about my weekend away it him the other week. Because we've only been on holiday at our home in France since I stopped drinking (obviously the booze used to knock me out so it wasn't too much of an issue), but it wasn't too bad. I was really only an issue at the beginning of the night. Mind you I was tired. Last two times we went to my mother's I ended up sleeping on the settee!

re shopping, ebay and clothes is my big guilt-source. I did go a bit mad just after I was last in treatment, about 9 months ago. I have some really good things, and some dudd, and then I started to put on weight, so some things are a little on the tight side now. The amounts, like those £5 DVDs and books from amazon do mount up though. I am definitely reigning (spelling?) it in considerably now.

My gig was ok. e's got a really good voive and it was an acoustic set which is always quite a good yardstick by which to measure ability I think. I really must listen to is album :oops:
Socially, I think I was a bit awkward after. Just stayed for a drink (of ginger beer!). I don't really know him that well, as I said...

Ah nearly the weekend, and the working day forshortened by a trip to the doctor's ( :( just for a repeat prescription, but I hate going. It's for campral, and i am always worried that they will say no. But I shouldn't have to be on it for much longer anyway.)

Anyway off to the torture chamber work now!
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 01 Feb 2013 10:45

Oh I forgot to say, for those who had to endure my panic strickeness over my biopsy... Apparently it's a "non-worrying warty protrudance"! So that's one thing less to worry about... and apparently the wart isn't worrying either, in spite of being sliced of its host and subjected to invasive tests. So all is well.

Sorry. Being silly.

I am relieved!
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by smudge » 01 Feb 2013 22:11

Givingitago wrote:A friend of mine recommended "I Had a Black Dog" by Matthew Johnstone. It's a short illustrated book about depression (the depression fairly obviously being the black dog). It's pretty good and I think it will help my OH to understand the effects of depression (he doesn't know what to say, so says nothing, which I then interpret as not caring, which then makes everything worse). I thought it might be useful for anyone who's having a hard time, or who has had depression, and struggles to articulate exactly how it feels.
I found this web comic to be useful for illustrating what depression can feel like. It doesn't match my own experience of depression completely but it is close enough to give non-sufferers an idea.

Hyperbole and a Half : Adventures In Depression
"I would rather be a non-drinker with the occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with the constant desire to quit."

Learn from other's mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all by yourself.

I'm not a doctor!

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 02 Feb 2013 08:09

Lol Rachel, I'm glad your wart isn't worried :lol: BTW, you have a house in France? Where is it? How lovely. I'd definitely trade our boat for that ;)?

Okay, my wise 9-monther friends. I feel like I'm not overreacting to drinking, but can't shake the feeling some people I know are drinking too much. Please can you give me your honest opinions?

My dad was living here for a few months & moved in with his GF a few weeks ago. He came up for 2 nights for a heart monitor thing (he had to wear ecg pads & a holster monitor for 24 hours as he has heart disease, and in April last year had 6 heart attacks that killed him in one evening, thankfully they brought him back each time, and after a few weeks in an induced coma he made a slow recovery but is not able to work etc).

When he was living here he put his own rubbish out at the gate, but yesterday morning he just had a supermarket bag (a see-through plastic one) that he wanted to put in our bin. He put it up on the bench to tie it up & it had 12 large empty beer cans in it. He'd been sitting downstairs the whole time he was home, by himself, except for about 10 minutes a day when he'd come up & play with the girls.

I told him that was way too much to drink and he said I was overreacting because I don't drink any more. That he doesn't have a problem & 6 cans a night is nothing. I think if he was out, or had visitors, or maybe even if it was the weekend, then 6 cans in an evening is nothing. But to be sitting alone mid-week, with heart disease, on drugs that knock you around so much you can't work, and drink 6 cans 2 days running is too much.

What do you think?

Also, I have a friend who lost a baby a few weeks ago. Her partner mentioned to my OH at a bbq last weekend that he's worried about how much she's drinking since the miscarriage. She also mentioned to me that she was half cut a few days before when her partner got home from work, having had a half bottle of wine in the afternoon. She has a 3.5 year old & a 12 month old. We went to their place for a 1st birthday party today & she was totally pissed. Telling everyone 'lunch was ready' over & over again - at 5:30pm. Walking round with red wine in a huge tumbler. Ugh.

I don't really know what to do. When I lost my twins a few years ago, I just wanted to drown myself in wine. I literally just attacked bottles of wine. I think that's what she's doing but don't know how to broach it with her. Or if I'm the right person (given I'm teetotal she might go on the defensive like Dad did). She's never really been a big drinker before, more the 'take it or leave it' type, with bottles of wine that sat around for weeks untouched. Any ideas? Is it ok to just share my experience & leave it at that? Does she have the right to wallow for a while? And what would be the appropriate time? I stopped drinking when I got pregnant again, but her partner doesn't want a 3rd child (although when she got accidentally pregnant he was happy about it). I think that's the part that is hitting her so hard.

Right, sorry to unload my thoughts/problems on you. I'd just really appreciate your points of view. I am struggling to figure out if I'm overreacting or being melodramatic because I'm not drinking anymore.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Loki » 02 Feb 2013 08:49

Proudmum, I hope you don't mind me popping in - I'm on the 2 month thread. Your post struck a chord with me and no, I don't think you are being melodramatic or overreacting. WRT your friend, does she talk about the miscarriage? Or want to talk? This might be the way to broach the subject if so and as you so sadly lost your own twins you would be well-placed to talk with her about how she's dealing with it. As she wasn't a 'problem' drinker before it seems that she may be using alcohol to directly block out her pain.

One of my twins died during (a medically botched) delivery 7 years a go. There was nothing wrong with him at all which made it incredibly difficult to come to terms with. My drinking got progressively worse but I was lucky that my OH and I desperately wanted another baby so I stopped and got pregnant again. Is your friend's husband determined not to have another? Is there any room for discussion? I can imagine how she's feeling dealing not only with the loss but also the knowledge that he doesn't want to try again.

With your dad, I don't know . You're in a difficult position with this as he is your dad. I went through something similar with my mum a few years ago, not booze related but she was depressed (my brother and dad died within a year of each other) and I couldn't get her to talk or open up about how she was feeling and she got very defensive when I suggested counselling. It was as though it 'wasn't my place' to suggest that she may need help of any sort.

Good luck with this, you sound like a very kind person. :)

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 02 Feb 2013 13:44

Proud <:)> I’m so pleased your ok – gallbladder aside!

I don’t think your overreacting about your Dad at all, it does sound too much to be drinking especially with a heart condition. It’s great you brought it up, hopefully it will give him something to think about and he will know you care.

I’m not sure what to say about your friend. The fact that she wasn’t a big drinker before the miscarriage suggests that it could be ‘wallowing’ as you say. I’d be inclined to stay quiet for the time being but keep an eye on it. Yes, it could get out of hand but not everybody goes from bouts of problem drinking to having an alcohol problem so to speak – if that makes sense. I think all you can do is be there for her if she wants to open up.

Just try not to get too bogged down in other people's problems, you need to stay focused on your own recovery. Your doing great by the way ;)?
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 04 Feb 2013 09:12

Thanks for the advice :) I'm definitely trying to not let other peoples problems bog me down.

We were blessed with a rainy day today! Thank goodness, we had a huge hot dry streak going for several weeks & I was starting to worry about our water tanks. But baths are back on the menu again, yippee! (::)

I took advantage of the stormy day to hold our first ever pyjama party day. The girls & I mooched around all day in our jammies, watched telly & ate popcorn & home made cookies. I know this might be a bit sad, but (other than my time in hospital) it's the first day I've spent at home in my pjs in my whole adult life :shock: I still had to shower though :D

The OH is away for work so I get a night off incessant snoring. Life is good 8-) to top it off I even got a 2 hour nap in, on the couch under one of the girls barbie sleeping bags. In the bad old days I would've taken the situation as a green light to drink from afternoon on. Where has that person gone? Who knows, but I like this me SO much better ()o

I hope you all have relaxing wonderful Mondays too xx <:)>

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 04 Feb 2013 16:57

Knackered. About three hours sleep last night: the anxiety thing is back at the moment. I wonder if it could be PAWS. There is no obvious reason for these sudden farily acute bouts of anxiety.
Hey ho.
They are no way near as bad as the crawling horror of withdrawal or morning after drinking.
Woah, first day at home in pjs ever (almost), Proudmum?!
It's really nice to hear that you are happy <:)>

Jen, I hope your little boy feels better soon.

Hello, Koala!

Rachel xx
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by smudge » 04 Feb 2013 21:22

Givingitago wrote:So, a proper non-commenty post on another post. I haven't worked out how to do that thing where you take bits of different posts and combine them in a single one. Ah well, it'll keep the nine-month thread bumped at any rate.
You know when you write a reply to a thread, that the previous posts are displayed under the bit where you write your own post?

Each of those posts has got a button with the word "Quote" in red in the top right hand corner. Click the "Quote" button for the post you want to quote, remove the bits you aren't replying to, write your own reply after the quote, make sure the cursor is at the end of your post, then press Quote on the next post you want to comment on. Then just repeat the cycle until you have quoted and replied to all the bits of post you want to comment on.

Hope that makes sense. :D ;)?

Having re-read it I don't think it does, but I'll post it anyway. :lol:
"I would rather be a non-drinker with the occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with the constant desire to quit."

Learn from other's mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all by yourself.

I'm not a doctor!

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by smudge » 04 Feb 2013 21:45

Yay! It works! \:)/ (::)
"I would rather be a non-drinker with the occasional desire to drink, than a drinker with the constant desire to quit."

Learn from other's mistakes, you won't live long enough to make them all by yourself.

I'm not a doctor!

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by DannyD » 05 Feb 2013 08:47

Smudge -you clever old thing. Always there to show us how to do 'stuff'. I've often wondered about posting more than one quote.
be selfish in your sobriety.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 05 Feb 2013 09:45

Rachel, sorry the anxiety is back. As you say, its probably PAWS in which case it will start to ebb off soon. My worrying is still ongoing but as you say it’s nowhere near as bad as alcohol induced anxiety. My Day 1 was horrific - dripping in sweat, shaking, racing thoughts, paranoid. Thank god those days are over.

I’m off work today as got my appointment with the psychotherapist in a couple of hours. It’s a cold but beautiful day so going to have a sort out in the garden.

Jen, hope your little lad is feeling better today. Bless him.

Proud, I love the sound of your PJ day! You seem really positive at the moment and enjoying life, good on ya ;)?
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by cazzzm » 05 Feb 2013 21:02

Hi nine monthers, less than a week and I'll be joining you \:)/

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by cazzzm » 05 Feb 2013 21:26

Hi Jen,
Yeah, I have been lucky enough to not have any real cravings for ages. This time is for good. My last slip made me realise there is nothing left that I can get out of a bottle. It's just not for me any more.
How is your little boy?

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