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The Nine Month Challenge

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ProudMum
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 27 Feb 2013 04:20

Hello, thanks for thinking of me <:)>

My surgery went fine, no complications this time (::)

But bloody sore and not a bruise to show for it, just a puffy face. All clogged up in my sinuses, and not allowed to sniff or blow my nose for a week (or drink or eat anything hot :shock: ). At least today I haven't hemorrhaged every time I've looked down, like the past 2 days ;)?

I had a terrible first night in the hospital, the surgeon hadn't charted much pain relief & I had an incredibly sore jaw until this morning (could barely open my mouth & eating was very sore & difficult). I took a wee cocktail of pain relief last night & slept for 10 hours :o Completely slept through the girls waking up & all (first time EVER). Must've needed it. Poor OH spent most of the night on the couch, he played me an amusing recording this morning of me snoring like a trooper (good to get my revenge at last lol). I WARNED him to get some earplugs as I knew I would snore. Oh well.

So although I've had the girls at home by myself today, I have taken it as easy as I can, my house is just a pigsty and I'm feeling a little down about it although I know I shouldn't. I HAVE vacuumed today (twice!), it's just, unless I supervise them closely & spend a lot of time with them, the girls sort of go a bit wild. And today I haven't been the most 'onto it' mum I admit. Oh well, tomorrow's another day!

VERY excited! I found a postal service online that means I can shop from more UK & US websites, the service gives a UK or US address & consolidates parcels/charges reasonable postage from there (the US one is our national postage service). So while the girls slept I spent up a storm on winter clearance pj's, mittens, hats etc for them (it was too hot to sleep). Can't wait to look at the UK stores. Any good recommendations on cheap but cute girls clothing stores that have awesome sales?

Sorry this has been a 'me' post. I promise to catch up over the next day or two, on everyone's posts. My attention span is just not what it should be :?

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 27 Feb 2013 13:19

Hey everyone <:)>

Day - congratulations on 6 months ;)? Huge well done.

Jen, thanks for the pinterest recommendation. I’d not heard of it, but it’s great. Loads of fab crafty ideas on there.

I agree that velvets sofas and pets probably don’t mix. I need to test out some cat repellent spray on my current sofa and see if it’s any good before I shell out any money.

Good to see some keen gardeners on there. It’s such an exciting time of year watching the first signs of life appear in the garden. I’ve got a couple of Savlia Hot Lips which I absolutely adore so gonna be taking some cuttings later. It's a beautiful sunny day here. I actually rang in sick this morning as felt awful when I woke up (bad cold, aches/pains, sore throat etc), but I'm, kinda ok now so feel a bit guilty :?

Proud, pleased your surgery went ok, and don’t worry about housework!
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 27 Feb 2013 18:53

Givingitago wrote:For anyone I have not bored into drinking over the public speaking saga, I am pleased to announce it's over.

The end. Never again. Done.

:-)
Brilliant, well done Jen \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 28 Feb 2013 16:57

Hello
Sorry I've not been on here for a few days. Been a bit down and anxious, and didn't want to bring the mood down.
How is everyone?
Jen, you must be incredibly relieved now your presentation is over.
Proudmum, are you feeling any better?
I am off to my mother's for the weekend tomorrow; this evening, into the West End to buy presents for a friend who lives up North too. Not sure which is making me more tense. I suppose at least tonight I might get a nice dinner out too!
I finally booked flights to Barcelona last night. Even persuaded my husband that it's not that much more expensive to go BA rather than Easyjet (means flying from Gatwick which is better for us.) We are going the week after next, and coming back on a Saturday, so I should be able to bring back Spanish cheese! I suppose I ought to look at the BBC Spanish site.... but probably won't get around to it! I have a Spanish O'level, but that was rather a long time ago!

Dizzie, Pickles, Day, Koala, I hope all is well!

Rachel xxx
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by dizzienomore » 28 Feb 2013 20:43

Hey REMF its the best time to post when you feel down and anxious in my opinion because a) it gets it out and stops you bottling it up. Its one of the good things about this forum that we can share about good and bad. For me it is often the bad stuff that I want to drink on so being able to share it is important (though i am like you and hold back cos i don't want to bring everyone down!) and b) If we only share how good life is, people don't feel they can talk about how bad they are feeling cos they don't want to make other people depressed.

I have real difficulty making sense!!! sorry!!!

Anyway I find it makes me tense doing anything out of the ordinary. I have some serious anxiety problems! Should post on the relevant thread really.

GIAG I did do some voluntary work a few years ago and it was not a very good experience (some of which was my own fault) I think in some ways I might be hard to employ really. :?
This too shall pass

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 28 Feb 2013 21:56

Thanks Dizzie. I am making up at 3 every morning with a jolt of anxiety, almost like I used to every single morning when i was drinking. It doesn't last all day at least. I was summoned to the doctor's to discuss my blood test results from a few weeks ago on Monday, and my thyroxine levels are off, so maybe it has something to do with that. I hope so.

What srot fo job are you after? You mentioned customer services.

I just got back from town. Town even now is still bit of a yearning trigger, but I was fine once I ate. We went here http://www.lecomptoir.co.uk/ - cheap and cheerful, but they had some really delicious AF drinks. I had fresh lemon with ginger, mint and apple.
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 01 Mar 2013 12:26

Bugger. I am seriously stressed, and really want a drink. I am not going to have one, but I hate feeling like this. Emotional osmosis is not a good thing! I am soaking up all my husband's stress and anger.
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 01 Mar 2013 15:19

I feel like slapping him! Bit better now. Did a 'TC' and ate, which has heloed. About to set off now for my mother's... rather late.
He had a Skype job interview, and left it till alnost te last minute to find out that his Skype didn't seem to work.
I am not unsymphathetic at all, but being sympathetic doesn't make me less stressed.
I wish I could just go to bed with my headache now, but have to leave in 15 minutes.
All this will pass.... eventually!
Rachel

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 01 Mar 2013 19:02

Givingitago wrote:I love those hot lips too! Ha ha, have to be careful how you say that! Such beautiful, hardy plants
Cool another hot lips fan! I got my first plant at Harrogate Flower Show a few years back and been propagating ever since. I think everyone I know has been given a baby hot lips! And yes the name is a bit iffy :lol:

I’m feeling much better today. Relieved it’s the weekend , looking forward to recharging the batteries

Rachel <:)> I don’t know what to advise re anxiety. Mindfulness can be effective, but propranolol in conjunction with AD’s has been the only thing to significantly help me.

Dizzi, what voluntary work did you do? I’ve fancied doing it myself but I have a police caution from my drinking days :oops: I think it counts as a criminal record and could stop me working with vulnerable people. God how shameful is that.

Pickles ;)?

Have a good weekend everyone xx
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 03 Mar 2013 03:20

Ooh Rachel, sounds like you need some serious stress relief <:)> I used to love body combat classes for that. I can't work up enough energy to feel stressed out or angry any more, anxious is about as much energy as I can rile up. I would be mad at my OH too if he did something so silly. <:)>

Pickles, I'm guessing your dog is smaller than mine, he's a 60lb border collie. Couldn't imagine twirling him anywhere! It would certainly count as a workout ;)?

Koala, I do hope you're having a nice relaxing weekend. I have been purchasing my autumn wardrobe lately & every time I order something I think of you! You inspired me to take more pride in what I wear. Thanks so much for that. I have given my clothes no attention whatsoever since stopping work, and it's so lovely to have an autumn 'wardrobe' with pieces that I can't wait to wear and combine. Visa would like to take the opportunity to thank you too ;) Every morning when I get dressed a tiny bit of joy enters my day, seriously. It's so lovely to be wearing beautiful dresses & outfits again, even if nobody sees them but the girls & I...

Jen, that song got stuck in my head last night! CONGRATULATIONS on getting that awful presentation out of the way. Was it anything near as bad as you feared? I used to be very lacking in self esteem as a child (I guess it's never gone away) & my mum sent me on an acting course, which led to more acting courses. I think it never actually helped my self esteem but it DID help me ACT like I had great self esteem. It was incredibly helpful in situations like job interviews, but not in any mental health sort of way...

Yes I definitely do the photo books, I love them. Although I have noticed each year I order smaller & smaller format ones lol. Cheapskate. I'm due to do one soon, I usually do them in late April to cover mother's day, my dad & sister's birthdays etc. I also did a personalised calendar for last year, it was great as it had everyone's birthdays printed on it too. I never got organised to do one for this year & I admit to feeling a bit 'naked' without a calendar or diary around the house. My OH says I should just use the one on my phone, but I'd really rather just have something on the wall or table to look at & write things in. I've decided I've gone so long without one I can just wait until the diaries come on 75% off lol.

Dizzie good luck on the job front! I am certainly not looking forward to re-entering the workforce as far as doing my CV etc (I have no clue where my CV is saved so will have to make it up from scratch lol). Jen is right, a customer service course would look great on your CV.

I am feeling slightly better today, a bit icky and thick/sore-headed & short tempered but otherwise ok. I had a shocker of a day yesterday, thank goodness it was Saturday & the OH was home. I spent the whole day vomiting blood & mucous curled up around the toilet, a large bowl, the bathroom vanity & even the shower. Ewww. At least I managed to clean up after myself. Dr Google says it's fairly common for excessive amounts of thick mucous to irritate the stomach, which I definitely have. So I'm not too worried about it. I am looking forward to my specialist's appointment on Wednesday (although a bit anxious about whether it's going to hurt when he cleans it all out). Sorry for the gross update everyone :shock: :o

Only 20 more sleeps till Fiji! So excited, but a bit worried I won't feel 100% as it's been a LONG time since I felt like that. Logically, I know I will be better. But I can't really see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I guess 4 surgeries in 13 days is a bit much to expect to quickly bounce back from. But it'll be a week tomorrow since the sinus surgery & it's only meant to have a 3 - 5 day recovery time.

My insomnia's totally gotten the best of me lately, I haven't been able to sleep before midnight for a few nights in a row & then the latest I can sleep in is 7:30. It's a bit of a horrible cycle, because I'm too tired during the day to stir from the couch much, so I don't tire myself out enough to sleep I think...On Friday the OH sent in my 3 year old to wake me up (she did so by pressing on my nose & saying beep beep very loudly), saying that he had to leave right then. Sigh. I was never this mum even when I was drinking! I was always up before the girls. Now I don't even hear them when they wake up :oops:

Right, that's my novel, hope you are all having a wonderful day/evening. I sent my OH fishing solo as I can't think of anything worse today. So me & my girls are sitting on the couch watching cartoons :D

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by dizzienomore » 03 Mar 2013 21:00

Hey Koala Bear, I too have a police caution from my drinking days which does count on a CRB check im afraid but I got 3 voluntary jobs even though I declared it. I worked in a night shelter cooking for about 22 homeless residents. I worked in an office which helped visually impaired people access talking books and other helpful equipment. I also worked for the Citizens Advice Bureau. So you might find if you are completely honest about it, they will give you a chance. I am really grateful to you for being honest about your caution, I don't think we should be ashamed when we were not ourselves but acting because of the influence of alcohol. But I do know what you mean, I shrivel up and feel such shame when I think about it and at the time when it happened I took an overdose I was so ashamed it was such a painful time. :oops:

My voluntary work didn't last because I have some kind of mental health issues I find people very difficult and seem to annoy people or get annoyed and so I ended up leaving all my voluntary jobs. :? So basically it is very hard for me to find work as I have incredibly poor self esteem after all that has happened. In answer to your question REMF, I am doing a customer services course to help me look for some kind of work maybe in a supermarket or somewhere, I was a Residential Social Worker caring for Deaf People with Learning Difficulties and I loved it but can never go back because of my record.

Today has been a down day as you may tell from my post but after saying that we should post about our bad days I can't very well not admit that today I have felt really rubbish and completely isolated and not exactly felt like drinking but have been beating myself up rather a lot and the 'committee' in my head has been having a go as well!!!!

GIAG Thanks for the song. Glad you nearly 6 months Pickles stick with it and leave the poor dog alone!!

Proudmum :o so glad i didn't read your post while having my dinner s'all i can say!!! I hope you get some decent sleep and rest after your ordeal.
This too shall pass

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by koalaBear » 04 Mar 2013 17:50

dizzienomore wrote:I am really grateful to you for being honest about your caution, I don't think we should be ashamed when we were not ourselves but acting because of the influence of alcohol
Thanks Dizzi <:)> that means a lot. I know exactly where you are coming from with the shame, sometimes it’s unbearable but I know I have to live with it. The aftermath was extremely painful for me too. You would think a night in a police cell would have made me ditch the booze but it depressed me to such an extent that the drinking got worse thereafter.

Have you spoken to your Dr about your mental health issues, do you know what may be wrong?

Proud, so pleased your enjoying shopping/clothes/fashion etc! Who cares if it’s only you and your family that see’s you, it’s a good boost to the old self esteem! Bet you’ve got some lovely stuff for Fiji :D

Hope everyone else is well <:)>
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space

Johnny Cash.

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by dizzienomore » 04 Mar 2013 20:24

Koala i was absolutely the same, when it all went so wrong, far from giving up drinking, I was drinking vodka in the mornings just to kill the emotional pain, something i had never done before. If I hadn't had my youngest daughter still at home to look after (and she looked after me too) I don't think I would still be here to be honest. I did end up going to AA and had three and a half years sober, but then relapsed.

I have had counselling and yes seen doctors and been offered anti-depressants loads of times but don't really want medication. Being free of alcohol gives me a huge release from depression anyway.

GIAG thanks for asking, I think the isolation is partly due to my upbringing and partly because of my past. I feel i am a social outcast sometimes. This forum helps massively and I go to one AA meeting a week which is helpful but can't commit to all the steps and sponsor and stuff. So slightly on the outside of AA too.

t has been hard not being able to find work again though but I'm not giving up. Started my online Customer Services course today and quite enjoyed it actually it gave me a sense of purpose. While I was in recovery before, I did a Legal Secretarial Diploma and did very well but when it came to finding a job.........no chance, think I was too old and once again lack of confidence. Maybe lower my expectations a bit, I'm 58 now and can't actually retire until I'm 65 so not asking for too much!!!

Anyway ENOUGH OF ME11 KoalaBear I'm sure you would be ok with a voluntary job and you would get some work experience and grow your confidence. Koala lets put our past behind us and move on into a happier future!! We deserve it!!!! Ps i'm from Yorkshire originally too. Scarborough, do you know it?
This too shall pass

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 05 Mar 2013 01:25

I'm sorry you were feeling down Dizzie, but glad you're enjoying your course so far.

We have been busy here looking after one of our cows, silly thing wandered down to the creek bed (long since dried up as we're in the middle of a huge drought here) & got stuck in the soft ground. OF COURSE it rained, only the second time in a month lol. So unbeknown to us, it was down in the gully basically drowning. We noticed on Sunday night we were one cow short and it took an hour to find it, then 3 men & a winch to pull it out. We had the vet out twice (at a cost of $600 :shock: ) and my lovely OH spent many many hours filling up bottles with hot water & replacing it's hypothermia blanket & making it a little shelter for night time.

It was only 8 months old, so still quite 'cute' as far as cows go, even though he weighed about 250lbs. Today it was my turn to look after him, and I was out every half hour, giving him rubs & a chat (he especially liked having underneath his neck rubbed & behind his ears scratched). The vet said he had water on the lungs (he sounded like Darth Vader breathing lol) and it would be hit & miss whether he'd lived, if he made it past the hypothermia stage (which he did).

He seemed absolutely fine last time I checked, so I left him for 45 minutes to make a huge batch of cookies (apricot & raisin, raspberry & pebbles, caramel chocolate chip & orange chocolate chip), and when I went to check on him after I popped the cookies in the oven, he was dead :cry:

Feeling stupidly like crying about it. I would've been fine if he'd died if I hadn't spent so much time with him yesterday afternoon & today. My dog has been an especially vigilant 'nurse'.

Anyway, must dash & pick up 3 year old from kindy. Hope she doesn't ask how the cow is. I don't mind chatting to her about death, but I feel a bit upset about it, and don't want her to see me upset. :?
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by cazzzm » 05 Mar 2013 06:01

Oh dear, proudmum, your story brought tears to my eyes. Poor little cow, what an ordeal. At least he felt loved in his last moments. It must be so hard not to get attached to your animals. <:)>

Had a lovely holiday, my first AF since I can remember. It was hard at times though, watching other people drink their wine. Holidays has always meant drinking for me. 2 of my slips in the past two years have been on holidays. The short term gratification would not have been worth giving up nearly 7 months sobriety. Most of the time I don't crave and I don't want to jepardise that. My last night away I had a drinking dream so that really helped to reinforce my life style decision. Still hard sometimes. :?

Hi to Dizzie, Giving, Rachel, Koala and pickles. Hope I didn't miss anyone. I haven't really caught up yet so I hope everyone's doing great.
Take care all.
<:)> Cazz

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 05 Mar 2013 07:16

Thanks for your support <:)>

Jen, we have a bulldozer/digger, so my OH took care of it when he got home. He asked me to show my 3 year old (but reminded me to sneak out first & fly spray it!) so I did. She wanted to feed it her cookie :cry: it wasn't so bad. She does need to learn about death & better to start with livestock than a family member or pet.

Cazzz well done on the AF holiday, I'm looking forward to my first international AF holiday in a few weeks. I cringe when I look back on my previous 2 island holidays since having the girls, I would use the holiday excuse to start drinking with lunch then carry on all day. I could hardly ever remember in the morning what I'd eaten the night before and I spent mega $ on $18 a glass wines :oops:

Tea time then hopefully an early night. My OH came in before & said there's another really sick cow down the farm that won't get up :( he's away for the rest of the week (from tomorrow till Monday). I'm tempted to ask him to shoot it before I get attached to it. What an awful person I am :evil:

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by ProudMum » 06 Mar 2013 07:53

Jen, the other cow is still alive. My OH has changed his work plans around so he is home tonight, and will hopefully be home for a short time tomorrow night or Friday morning so I will get him to re-assess the situation before he leaves for racing on Friday. I didn't get to sleep until after 2 last night thinking about it all :?

Only 17 sleeps till Fiji I think (not that good at counting on 4 hours sleep lol). I wasn't worried at all about the alcohol side of things until I called to book a special meal our first night (they do a Lomani Wai, which is where they put the table & chairs in the shallow part of their swimming pool so you can eat with your feet & ankles in the water). I thought it'd be something different & booked for all of us - My MIL & OH's cousin & husband are going too. I asked if there was a special menu & she said it's 3 courses with a 2 hour beverage package as part of it for $95 a head. Damn. It really pulled a trigger.

I know I'm never going to eat $95 worth of food but I could easily drink that amount in booze. I just have to trust in the fact the people I'll be with are mainly non-drinkers. Although my OH's cousin still doesn't get that I stopped & said to me "oh well I hardly drink anymore either but we can all have 1 or 2 I guess". Well I bloody well can't can I? I'd like to be able to talk to her about it in a more direct way but she has by far the biggest mouth in my OH's family & I can imagine her delighting in ringing around all his cousins, aunties etc, and telling them I'm an alcoholic. Then they'll all assume that's why he hasn't proposed yet I'm sure. :oops:

The fact is I never drank at home until we were together, I thought he was weird for drinking at home, and I hated wine & spirits, I only had the occasional cider when out with friends on the weekend. We'd been living together for about 3 years when my mum got sick & that's when I started drinking every day, I think because I couldn't process the anxiety of the situation & needed an escape.

I've hated myself the last couple of holidays I've drunk on since we had the girls. I know it would be a million times worse this time. So FINGERS CROSSED my friends ;)?

I went back to the sinus specialist today & he cleaned out my sinuses for the first time since the op. Holy mother of god I never knew scabs could be that big. Lol. Hope none of you were eating. He gave me a memory stick of the operation, and about 16 pictures of my sinuses. Gross. Just be thankful I don't post those. Hopefully I'll be on the up & up now & my pain will go away & I can sleep again now I can breathe. And I'm sorry for rambling, I'm so tired but just cannot seem to wind down. I can't have a bath as it will wake the girls. I actually feel like going for a bit of a rambling walk, but it's very dark outside & there's no streetlights.

My 3 year old decided she wanted to have a purple day today, so she chose purple clothes for us all, and I whipped up some purple raspberry cupcakes with pebbles in them :D
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 06 Mar 2013 15:48

I hope it's not 17 not-sleeps, Proudmum! I would normally r3ecommend Nytol, but after rather too many nights of not sleeping I took one last night and it was soooo difficult getting up this morning. I do hope the holiday is happy, wonderful and AF for you! Love the cupcakes!

I am off to Barcelona a week today. I really need to book a hotel... I haven't been for nearly 20 years, so getting moderately (!) excited.

GIAG I feel constantly on the verge of making a cake at the moment. Can't remember the last time I made one. Problem is, I will probably eat it if I do...! There's a cake book about to come out from work, and whilst the recipes were being tested, we had cake at least twice a week! I acquired a taste for it! The nicest one was a chocolate marble one made, with yoghurt, in a bundt tin. Amazing texture. Can send the recipe once the book is out, if you are interested.

Just had a weekend with my mother, which was the best one in some time. I didn't get irritated or embarrassed at all, which is a first. She's just had some tests on her stomach done, and they came back ok. Not even an infection, so I am very relieved.

I am intending to go to the Brighton meet on Saturday. Hopiefully I won;t flake out at the last moment like last time.

Hello to Koala, Pickles, Dizzie and Cazzzm, and anyone and everyone else.

Rachel xxx
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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by dizzienomore » 06 Mar 2013 18:51

Hey Proudmum you sound like an amazing cake maker but don't those pebbles break your teeth? :? The story about the cow was very sad but your OH sounds a lovely chap and i'm sure its a good thing to let your little one see a dead animal, if she knows about dead things from a young age i suppose it won't be scarey but just a part of life.

You all seem to be going on holidays! I'm going up North for a few days later in the month to visit my mum in scarborough (N Yorks) and one of my daughters who is at University in York.

Cazzm brilliant that you had your holiday alcohol free and so right about the short term gratification not being worth giving up nearly 7 months sobriety for. I gave up 3 and half years sobriety because I was craving wine and it has taken me 3 years of drinking and being ill to get my sobriety back. You and I are about the same sobriety date so you are an inspiration for me to keep going. \:)/

Givingitago thanks for your kind words, the white choc and lavender cake sounds yum! Is it like a lavender essence? I was really naughty my hens laid lovely eggs so I made a golden syrup sponge and custard :oops: my children used to call it golden gollup!

Pickles sorry your little one is ill, it can be depressing when children are sick.

Yesterday was such a lovely day, I was in the garden a lot but today gloomy, grey and cold again so have been going on with my online Customer services course, it is really good and inspired me to apply for another job today.

Love to you all <:)>
This too shall pass

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Re: The Nine Month Challenge

Post by Rachel » 06 Mar 2013 19:03

Ah Dizzie, all the childhood holidays I didn't have in Bridlington, were mostly in Scarborough!
Rachel

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