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Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

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Shadowlad
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 10 Oct 2019 17:19

Great to see you Jo :\:

And you are getting close to 5 years sober that is brilliant ! Its been quite a journey for you at times with your health, with bereavement and with your daughter's health but here you are doing great. Good to see you back <:)>

PS. Are ducks your replacement addiction now lol ? (::)
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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joholdbrook
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by joholdbrook » 11 Oct 2019 07:14

Morning
Yes nicky my new addiction is now animals :lol:
Thanks tc always good to see you
I was going to change my avitar but then a little someone said good to see your licking cow so how can I change it this resembles me now :lol2: :lol2:

The weather is rather horrid the ducks of course love it not sure about the chickens
I may celebrate this 5th year not sure how yet maybe a weekend away
I was going to go away with a old friend but she has the on set of dementia and her husband brought her to stay my god the difference in her is unreal the spark has gone there's a vacant look she don't really make any form of conversation I wish they lived closer but they don't so not much I can do to help them
But I think I need some time out from helping others fir a while my friends death knocked me more than I realised

Anyway time to get moving have a great day
Pickles How's the dogs doing x
Je suis prest

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Shadowlad
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 12 Oct 2019 18:23

joholdbrook wrote:
11 Oct 2019 07:14
I may celebrate this 5th year not sure how yet maybe a weekend away
I was going to go away with a old friend but she has the on set of dementia and her husband brought her to stay my god the difference in her is unreal the spark has gone there's a vacant look she don't really make any form of conversation I wish they lived closer but they don't so not much I can do to help them
But I think I need some time out from helping others fir a while my friends death knocked me more than I realised
That is sad Jo about your old friend. I sometimes speak with couples where one person has dementia at the place where i work. Most people i meet are in the early stages and know what their illness is, it is so sad, for the ill person and the husband/wife/children. At least there seems to be progress being made in the research field :

https://www.hoag.org/news/new-hope-to-r ... -dementia/

Yes you most likely do need time out from helping others atm, and do some pleasurable things that you really can enjoy and relax with <:)>

Hi to all beyonders and all xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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pickles
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by pickles » 15 Oct 2019 17:26

Pickles How's the dogs doing
They are doing ok ,thanks JoHB ;)?
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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joholdbrook
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by joholdbrook » 20 Oct 2019 08:14

Morning
Pickles glad the dogs are OK
Yes nicky I'm trying to distant myself from people who are ill
Had a nice day out yesterday to the Norfolk broads gave the dogs a good run along the river
Himself is sea fishing today so not doing to much I didn't even want to get up this morning but I could hear the ducks shouting from my bedroom so I got up
Had a very strange conversation with my daughter she said I think your biggest drink challenge will be when your mum dies she's 86 and healthy so Iv no worries yet
But I don't see it like that I think I'm stronger and yes 8 will be devested but I also think she's had a great life and a good old age her life would be celebrated not mourned
She said you won't see that
Sure put a thought in my head
Right I'm going to move myself
Have a great day what ever your doing x
Je suis prest

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Shadowlad
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 20 Oct 2019 18:40

joholdbrook wrote:
20 Oct 2019 08:14
Had a very strange conversation with my daughter she said I think your biggest drink challenge will be when your mum dies she's 86 and healthy so Iv no worries yet
But I don't see it like that I think I'm stronger and yes 8 will be devested but I also think she's had a great life and a good old age her life would be celebrated not mourned
She said you won't see that
Sure put a thought in my head
Hi Jo <:)> i think you are more than strong enough to get through this when the time comes Jo, and you will probably feel a roller coaster of emotions but you will get through, no doubt about it <:)> It might not happen for a long time anyway if she lives till 100 or more ! ;) :)

The Norfolk Broads sound lovely, glad you had a nice day. xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 20 Oct 2019 20:30

I think you need to try to dampen that thought in your head. Noone can really predict how we will react but beware of the self fulfilling prophecy. 'i won't eat that cake, I won't eat that cake, I won't eat that cake.....I wish I hadn't eaten that cake'.

Also, I don't necessarily agree with the idea that an understandable slip is a tragic decision. I don't personally think it's helpful to be living under the sword of Damocles. I think we can all appreciate how easy it is to slip and to relapse but it's not automatic and I believe that choice is one of the cornerstones of successful sobriety.
Enough time wasted on this.

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Rachel
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Rachel » 20 Oct 2019 21:20

I used to almost judge the strength of my sobriety by putting myself imaginatively in the place where my mother had died. I know it sounds awful, but I did it. In the first year, it was a 'yes, I would' and I almost felt relief imagining an 'excuse', but gradually this changed to No, I definitiely wouldn't, to, it's the last thing I'd do.

Like Ed says, you don't know how you will react.. I hope I will be stronger than I was when my father died. I think generally I am a stronger person than I was when I was an active alcoholic. My father's death was the straw that broke the camel's back. The camel's back is stronger now.

Jo, you have coped with all sorts of really difficult stuff without booze. I am pretty sure you will have the strength to deal with this too. In fact maybe neither of us will need that strength, because alcohol just isn't what we use to cope any more? (Not sure what I do use to cope. Sleep addict? Ah but sleep is so elusive much of the time...)
Rachel

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Lush4life » 20 Oct 2019 23:05

Evening to all, when my mum died I was just 11 weeks sober, very grateful that she'd seen me that way too (I love and loved her with all of my heart)
How ever as soon as I got home from the hospital after her death I went straight out bought a bottle of vodka and drank a great deal of it, there was a niggling thought , feeling in my head I would be this way although the idea hadn't fully formed tbh.
I , although very early into sobriety wanted immediate escape, release. I didn't, wouldn't, couldn't face the inevitable pain of losing her.
And so it was, my drinking once again spiralled completely out of control.
When I did finally (hopefully) get sober only then I began to grieve, I cried and cried for months, was tough time.
We are all different of course and I think maybe if I'd had much longer sober time before she died I maybe wouldn't have made these choices; because a choice indeed it was , I say that because the physical addiction had passed,this was more want, need just not to
"Feel the feelings".
And maybe, just maybe there was some element of excuse there for me to have a bloody good drink.
I hope in saying this I haven't upset anyone, I just think honesty, with myself, is very important.
Take care all, bit nippy here tonight.
Sobriety is never owned ; it's rented
And rent is due Every day.

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Topcat
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 21 Oct 2019 06:17

Thinking about losing our nearest and dearest is something we all do. We cannot foresee what will actually happen at the time though. I just hoped that I would cope as best I could, but I admit that I was sure that I would drink myself stupid when I lost my mum. I drank gallons when I lost my partner (and as a result delayed grieving as Lushie has also mentioned) so I assumed it would be the same for mum.

I'd agonised about the day that I would lose my mum/my best friend/my house mate. I was nearly 3 years sober when the end was in sight and, although tempting to blot out the pain of losing her, I knew that wouldn't help at all. There were things to do, organise and I couldn't let her down. Something else too stayed in my mind constantly. Mum didn't say it much, but it was in her eyes - she was so proud and happy that I had stopped drinking. I couldn't let her down now that she was no longer with me. I also owed it to myself to stay clean. I stayed sober and grieved normally. Missed her immensely (still do) but drinking wouldn't have helped one jot.

Enjoy every moment you still have with your mum Jo <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

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joholdbrook
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by joholdbrook » 21 Oct 2019 14:31

Thank you all

Tc I get that as well my mum is so pleased for me truly she is she said she never thought the day would ever come

But in my heart I think I wouldn't drink on it I have dealt with some awful things and I didn't think at times I'd cope but I did Iv just nursed my friend to her death I didn't feel that pull I fekt very sad at watching a 48 year old die and I felt lucky to still be here
I said I'd pull away from people needing me then bang this weekend my friend who died last year her daughter has collapsed with grief and Iv had to try to get her help she never let out emotions over her mum but last week her sister mum was murdered by her boyfriend in Wales I think that was the straw that broke the camels back
So I can't leave her to it her husband said he can't cope with her it's to much
One day i will live in peace but not yet lol
Je suis prest

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Shadowlad
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 22 Oct 2019 11:14

Good morning lovely people <:)>

Today is a special day, it is the 1 year anniversary of Wylass \:)/ \:)/ (::) (::) <:)>

Would like to welcome you to the Beyond the 1 year Milestone thread and wish you many more days, weeks, months , years of freedom !

Well done lovely lady, enjoy your special day <:)>

download (43).jpg
Cake for Wylass happy 1 st anniversary xx
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Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mark. » 22 Oct 2019 11:24

Very well done, Wylass!
(::) \:)/ <:)> \:)/ (::)
Nie chwal dnia przed zachodem słońca.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 22 Oct 2019 11:31

Massive well done Wylass and welcome to the Palace Beyond \:)/ (::) <:)>
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#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

Wylass
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Wylass » 23 Oct 2019 14:50

Hi Beyonders - room for one more? Jjjj of Old, Shadowlad (thanks for the lovely cake) Topcat (thanks for the fab fireworks) Thank you once again guys for the wonderful welcome. I hope to be chatting with you all on this thread a lot more in the future. xxx

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by pickles » 23 Oct 2019 14:51

Congratulations Wylass \:)/ ;)?
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Wylass » 23 Oct 2019 14:52

Thanks so much Pickles. x

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Trojan » 30 Oct 2019 06:09

\:)/ Congratulations to Tai on Nine Years Sober \:)/

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 30 Oct 2019 06:37

\:)/ (::) Congratulations again from me too Jos. You are such an inspiration on BE and such a wonderfully supportive lady. Thank you for being you <:)> <:)>
#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Tai » 30 Oct 2019 18:06

Thank you so much guys, really appreciate it. So nice coming from work to see these messages. Makes me remember a time when arriving home from work was the signal to start drinking. What a merry go round that was. Happy to be sat here with my cup of tea ;)? . Thanks again <:)>
A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
Khalil Gibran

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