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Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

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Topcat
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 07 Dec 2019 11:14

\:)/ FANTASTIC WELL DONE ON 5 YEARS AF JO \:)/

So pleased for you <:)>
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#5 on the 2020 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

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Shadowlad
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Shadowlad » 07 Dec 2019 11:28

Brilliant Jo ! 5 years sober today ! Well done ! \:)/ (::) \:)/ (::) <:)>

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Just like Jo's place xx
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Have a super 5th anniversary Jo, you have done brilliant and kept going through all your trials. Here's to the next 5 years and more ! ;)? \:)/

xxxx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 07 Dec 2019 11:31

Awesome \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/
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The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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silvergirl
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by silvergirl » 07 Dec 2019 11:31

Well done jo, 5 years is a good innings so far! \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/ \:)/

Also a belated whoop for both fiz and Ed on one year! \:)/ \:)/

<:)> sgx
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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 07 Dec 2019 16:17

Thanks sg.

Well done Jo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!
Enough time wasted on this.

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pickles
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by pickles » 07 Dec 2019 17:17

Well done JoHB on 5 years \:)/

Well done Ed (::)
' Normal ' is just a setting on the washing machine .

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Rachel » 07 Dec 2019 20:27

Congratulations Jo!
Rachel

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joholdbrook
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by joholdbrook » 08 Dec 2019 07:42

:\: thank you everyone had a good day out for a nice meal who would have thought I could do this definetly not me for years I watched this thread and wanted to be on here but I wanted a drink more
But now I'm normal :lol2: :lol2:

X
Je suis prest

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Blifter
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Blifter » 08 Dec 2019 08:15

Iroquois wrote:
02 Dec 2019 04:17
\:)/
Good job, Blif!
Four years - so amazing!
:o ;)? <:)>
4 years 1/2 for me! We quit the same year!
\:)/ You are doing great Deanna. I took a lot of encouragement from reading your posts when i first joined the forum (and still do!)

Fantastic to see you reach five years Jo, an incredible achievement and one we can all be inspired by (::) I hope you really enjoyed your meal!

Ed, you ask how I (well we, Jo and I) feel? It isn't all a bed of roses for me as you might imagine but i feel pretty good and the best i have in many years tbh. The absolute best part of not drinking is that when things fall apart (and they do, that's life) i am capable of doing something about it and even more so, when things are not going well for those i love, i can help - not be an additional burden.

When i used to go to SMART meetings, a lot of the problems aired again and again by people (and sometime excuses used, let's face it, for returning to drinking) were that people were bored and almost expected stopping drinking to be some sort of euphoric, life enhancing experience that solved everything but - for most, it isn't - not in THAT way. For most however it DOES mean you now have your life back and now you have to decide what to do with it. You gain so much time when not drinking, not time you were doing anything with of course but when you are drunk you don't care about the lack of actual achievement, the time just slips by, so now you have to decide how to fill that time and that is crucial.

That, for me, has been the key. My life wasn't wildly exciting when i was drinking (a bit hairy and scary at times and incredibly depressing often) but almost never in a good way, for one great experience there were 9 mornings of utter shame, regret and hurt. To not have those feelings, to start the day with a clean slate where you aren't trying to remember what you have done, who you might have upset, how much you spent, is a gift, a real gift - and completley liberating. I enjoy things again that i had pretty much given up on and look to do new things as well.

Also, i sleep really well now. My sleep was awful when i was drinking, either awake all night or sleeping 16 hours a day (passed out really). Now i get my 6 or 7 hours and rarely wake up during the night and in the morning (with an espresso :lol: ) i am good to go.

It is SO, so worth it

Best, Blifter
It was one of those jolly, peaceful mornings that make a fellow wish he'd got a soul or something... - PG Wodehouse

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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 08 Dec 2019 13:55

Yes blifter, that makes perfect sense. I think quite a lot of the past year I have been dealing with the ups and downs of recovery, first drink, then nicotine, and also it exposed being generally unfit, depressed, hypochondria... stopping drinking brought some weight off, stopping vaping put it back on. So now I'm trying to sort my weight and diet but generally I'm feeling physically and mentally better but the awareness of time is much stronger and now I have set myself a bunch of goals which I feel slightly enslaved by so it might need a bit of tweaking. I feel I need to achieve things but at this point I'm not sure why. Im naturally quite motivated but alcohol just killed all that and I'm sure people think im a good for nothing which is hard when I fundamentally know that to be wrong. Not sure I need to prove anything to anyone, I try not to let what others think effect me to much but it's hard. Anyway I'm rambling. Well done everyone
Enough time wasted on this.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 08 Dec 2019 14:12

I get that Ed. Alcohol is so constraining isn't it - and then when freedom comes back there's all the missing years with their wasted potential, plus uncertainty about how best to go forward.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by FuzzyDuck » 14 Dec 2019 14:58

Belated \:)/ to you Blifter at 4 years sober and \:)/ to you Jo at 5 years !

xx Fuzzy
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SueDenim
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SueDenim » 14 Dec 2019 20:57

Congratulations to Blifter and Jo from me, too. I'm pleased you are both doing so well.

I understand the feelings of guilt that some of you have mentioned. Personally, I am not having any problems with staying sober, which is great, but I suppose it frees up headspace to dwell on the past, and it is painful.

I do keep busy, quite deliberately, doing things that mean I have as little time as possible to 'dwell'; but I still don't sleep, and that leaves hours every night when I am lying there trying to nod off and my mind replays incidents I would rather forget.

I hope everyone has a good Christmas. I know that it can be a difficult time, particularly when we are starting out, but like most things it does get easier as time goes by. All the best to Beyonders old and new. I do look in here quite often, even though I don't post as much these days.

PS i think the idea of collating experiences onto a timeline is a good one. I suggested this a while back, as when I started out I really wanted to know what to expect, and to be reassured that others had had the same things happen. Yes, it's all here, but digging it out and putting it into some sort of order is a big ask when your head is bashed and you don't know what is normal and what isn't. If we had a few threads ('Early Days', 'Later On' and 'Q and A' would do the job) people could post things as they occur, and if longer-timers remember how it was for them they could add their experiences too. I know I would have read that voraciously at the start, and found it really helpful, but it's maybe not something that others would want - I'm thinking aloud, really.

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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 15 Dec 2019 17:05

First time in a while I've felt like drinking. Not seriously but mentioned it to my partner a couple of times. Struggling emotionally. The UK election was a tough one. The end of a long process of hope I suppose. Maybe it's for the best. My parents are in the other camp and I've not really discussed it with them but this brought it to the fore. I don't really want to fall out with them, they are in their 70s, it's not worth it but things have been said. My partner is EU not British so it's a bit more personal than just an ideological position. Tough at this time of year, which is tough anyway.
Enough time wasted on this.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 15 Dec 2019 17:55

Hi Ed, I don't remember the country ever feeling so divided. It IS tough - as you well know, no reason for drinking though, that's just the addictive voice sensing an opportunity... I have a half-formed plan to live overseas for a bit, and have done some googling this afternoon! The reality is that I'm tied by my elderly mum (I'm effectively an only child, all my siblings having died in the last ten years), and maybe I wouldn't really be brave enough. But it's certainly tempting, especially with rumours of the retirement age rising again.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 15 Dec 2019 19:19

What about house/pet sitting SB? It's a good dip in/out way of living abroad....

They say the second year is emotional. I'm finding that to be true. I think I might need some counselling and/or anti depressants. Although I was watching a programme about the promising effects of magic mushrooms on depression!
Enough time wasted on this.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by joholdbrook » 15 Dec 2019 20:52

Evening
Thank you all for you lovely words I'm really happy to read them

Magic mushrooms don't think I will go there lol

I remember when I first gave up I saw a counceller and Iv seen loads but this one was different for many years I soul searched why I was a mess and had no control

Anyway he explained I had a very addictive personality and it was genetic
He explained the traits and how I used alcohol to feed that until I wasn't in control
I still have this but I see the triggers now its normally when I'm really happy I reach for a bigger high and as time goes on the addiction has to be upped to reach that bigger high
I see it now
I see it In my son big time but thank god not in a bad way
I see it in my brother his addiction was drugs he has now got off them over 20 years but I see he has a new addiction painkillers
My counceller warned me of swapping one addiction for another he said its very common I am very guarded over it now
Anyway hope your all doing OK this is a hard time if year but we are strong and we have each other
Je suis prest

#14

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by FuzzyDuck » 17 Dec 2019 00:32

SueDenim wrote:
14 Dec 2019 20:57
i think the idea of collating experiences onto a timeline is a good one. I suggested this a while back, as when I started out I really wanted to know what to expect, and to be reassured that others had had the same things happen.
I like this idea Sue.

Ed you've probs already seen this, I found it posted in 'Just Links' by Trojan: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4553654/

I think it's a good insight into that urge to drink again. I especially identify with this bit: "These are some of the signs of mental relapse [1]: 1) craving for drugs or alcohol; 2) thinking about people, places, and things associated with past use; 3) minimizing consequences of past use or glamorizing past use; 4) bargaining; 5) lying; 6) thinking of schemes to better control using; 7) looking for relapse opportunities; and 8) planning a relapse." no. 6 was something I did lots of, it generally involved me saying things like "Right, I'm only ever drinking beer from now on. Beer will be fine."
#21 in the 2020 challenge
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Ed
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 17 Dec 2019 17:58

Hadn't seen that FD. Very useful. Haven't read it all yet but the 'maybe once or twice a year' thing really resonates. Also really interesting how it's not the drinking necessarily on one occasion that is problematic it's the obsessional thinking that follows. So very true. I've really got to try and avoid that one drink. In 6 months I'd be back where I was.
Enough time wasted on this.

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SoberBoots
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 17 Dec 2019 18:16

Also helpful to keep reminding yourself that the second year is often reported as being tough - the first months of it certainly were for me. But if you push through you really do get to a much better place on your journey.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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