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Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

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fiz
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 13 Feb 2020 05:08

Morning all, thanks for your input, very much appreciated.
I did look up the meaning of my dream, it had left me feeling low and very sad all day, mostly my dream is anxiety, depression, changing something in my life, or at least those are the bits that seemed relevant to me. There seemed to be different opinions on it.
But like has been said, it was just a dream, and I was very relieved when I realised that. I feel much better today, last night I was worried about going to bed, incase the same dream happened, it had unsettled me that much. But I got Alexa to play sleep sounds and I had a lovely, dream free night.
The good news is, I’m still not drinking, “no matter what”!
Have a good day everyone.
It’s slippy outside in north northumberland this a.m.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Rachel » 13 Feb 2020 15:56

Might it not simply be worrying about drinking...? Sorry if that sounds a bit facile.

I used to have drinking dreams almost every night in the early months. (When I was constantly worried about relapsing.) They gradually petered out. I do still very very oocaisonally have one. It's quite insidious. I dream that I realize that I have been drinking, in moderaton, for ages, and that this is 'permitted' i.e. not secret. It's ok! I can drink like a normal person! :evil:
Rachel

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fiz
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 14 Feb 2020 07:34

It could be any reason Rachel 🤷‍♀️ It could mean absolutely nothing. It just disturbed me and left me feeling very sad. I just wanted to share with people I can be honest with. I’ve struggled with my moods/emotions since I hit 12 months, it’s awful, and I can’t think of anyone else to tell than you lot. Because if I told a friend/family member, they’d either say, well have a drink and stop making it a big deal, or they’d say not drinking isn’t such a big deal. So, I don’t tell anyone in my real life.
I’m grateful for everyone’s feedback, advice support, kindness, non judgemental opinions. And, I honestly, don’t expect any of you to fix, or have any solutions to this for me, but it’s sometimes comforting if someone has been through similar. I just need to put it on here sometimes. I’m sorry if I’ve been doom and gloom for the past few months.
I will not drink no matter what.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 14 Feb 2020 09:16

I’m sorry if I’ve been doom and gloom for the past few months.
Please don't apologise fiz! <:)> Getting on here and writing it out is absolutely the best thing you can do. I really don't think I'd have got through my own "terrible twos" without the support on here. We might not be able to make it better, but we can listen, and we can reassure, those of us who have been through the similar things, that in our experience it will get better. I have been thinking about the damamge alcohol does to our natural dopamine responses - I think it takes much longer for the addicted brain to normalise after stopping using than I ever realised. I am sure that what you are going through is part of the repair and recovery process, that and "no matter what" may be all you have to hang onto at this point on the road. I remember one time when I felt so absolutely awful that I phoned a friend and asked if I could go and stay with her for a bit - I couldn't describe or define my experience but I just felt that I had to do something, and in fact the change of scene and her company did help a little. Is there anything you could do to up your self-care or bring more small pleasures into your life? I also continued to do my nightly gratitude practice throughout, and I think that helped me too.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by SoberBoots » 14 Feb 2020 15:50

Another thing that helped was knowing that relapse rates drop dramatically after two years. There's lots of eveidence that neurological repair is still going on in that second year, and of course emotionally, psychologically, and socially you're still finding your feet.

Yesterday and today I have experienced the first fleeting drinking thoughts I have had in a very long time. Yesterday was triggered by the sight of chilled glasses of rose at the next table, against the backdrop of the sea in the hot sun. I've quaffed many of those in my time! And today it was a similar situation, someone being served fish and a small bottle of cold white wine. Both times, just for a moment, my AV perked up and said 2look, isn't that civilised? Why don't you..." but I'm wise to the old bag now! I did a mental run through of all the really compelling reason why not - plus I know that if I actually smelt the stuff I'd feel sick, I always do now. So I'm parked up on my balcony, savouring the last afternoon of my holiday, cold AF lager in hand.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by FuzzyDuck » 14 Feb 2020 23:55

I still sometimes have drinking dreams fiz and they are entirely related to anxiety about something which I'm not usually really aware of. They're awful, but great to wake up from. I don't worry about them, I take them as a sign I'm being overloaded in some way.
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fiz
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 15 Feb 2020 07:05

Thanks guys. Sometimes, just having someone say, yeah, we get it, or that happens to me is a massive help. <:)>
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 15 Feb 2020 14:09

I tend to view drink dreams as a gentle reminder from my sub conscious. As the sober years mount up, there can sometimes be a tendency to, dare I say it, take sobriety for granted and forget just how rough it was. At very stressful times, drink doesn't enter my head anymore really (I tend to look elsewhere automatically for the escape hatch). Guess what I'm saying is, I view drink dreams as a gentle nudge not to get complacent and, as such, they are to be welcomed.
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Cowboy » 15 Feb 2020 14:38

Greetings to the residents of the palace beyond. Hope nobody minds me barging in.

Dreams eh? Aren't they awesome? Your subconscious mind free to travel where it wants. I fly a lot in my dreams. More like jump and stay in the air for long periods of time. Weirdness. I especially enjoy that time just before you actually drift off. When you are in that world between - in your mind. Some real - some fantasy. Just your brain relaxing after a taxing day I think. Now day dreaming that's more of a problem.

The thing is I don't really remember my dreams when I am ... er was ... drinking the night before. And I know I am drinking because my sweet wife tells me I talk in my sleep when I'm drinking. Sober not so much.

Sorry you got upset by your dreams fiz. I hope you are sleeping better.

Have a great AF day all.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. Mark Twain.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Winkler » 15 Feb 2020 19:31

Oooooo a dream a dream!

I believe any vehicle you are driving (or travelling in but not in charge of!) represents you, and the course of your life.

So you’ve crashed, nearly hurt people and inside, all is revealed - the cause is the drink - revealed for all to see. Interesting that the wine inside is untouched - and inviting? The fact that people are speaking French to you - is this confirming that it’s historical or are you not really understanding how it all happened, it’s a foreign language to you?

So, this is a coming to terms with it dream, I feel Fiz and a realisation that there is still healing to be done. You recognise you’ve crashed and (almost) burned due to the drink and so do bystanders but inside, has anything really changed with how you feel about drinking? Does it seem attractive?

You’re ashamed and shaken, but the drink is still in there, untouched. And now It feels you are no longer in control of your life - someone has driven it away. No wonder you feel upset. Perhaps you feel you’ve also lost the companion inside, your ex drinking buddy?

I think you’ve said recently that you’ve struggled a bit having reached the one year milestone? Perhaps this is your unconscious agreeing with you. You know that alcohol has caused your life to crash but the feeling of it being civilised and tempting is still inside you and you’ve lost direction.

The doors are open though, it is no longer a secret - you are revealed! No wonder it’s unsettling, it’s how you’re feeling being mirrored back to you. More healing still to do, it seems!

I sometimes feel and I know others have said that successfully giving up drink isn’t actually the end of it, it’s just the start and that’s not what we expected at all, we don’t really know what happens next!
Alcohol is an addictive poison

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Lush4life » 16 Feb 2020 09:03

Winkler wrote:
15 Feb 2020 19:31
Oooooo a dream a dream!

I believe any vehicle you are driving (or travelling in but not in charge of!) represents you, and the course of your life.

So you’ve crashed, nearly hurt people and inside, all is revealed - the cause is the drink - revealed for all to see. Interesting that the wine inside is untouched - and inviting? The fact that people are speaking French to you - is this confirming that it’s historical or are you not really understanding how it all happened, it’s a foreign language to you?

So, this is a coming to terms with it dream, I feel Fiz and a realisation that there is still healing to be done. You recognise you’ve crashed and (almost) burned due to the drink and so do bystanders but inside, has anything really changed with how you feel about drinking? Does it seem attractive?

You’re ashamed and shaken, but the drink is still in there, untouched. And now It feels you are no longer in control of your life - someone has driven it away. No wonder you feel upset. Perhaps you feel you’ve also lost the companion inside, your ex drinking buddy?

I think you’ve said recently that you’ve struggled a bit having reached the one year milestone? Perhaps this is your unconscious agreeing with you. You know that alcohol has caused your life to crash but the feeling of it being civilised and tempting is still inside you and you’ve lost direction.

The doors are open though, it is no longer a secret - you are revealed! No wonder it’s unsettling, it’s how you’re feeling being mirrored back to you. More healing still to do, it seems!

I sometimes feel and I know others have said that successfully giving up drink isn’t actually the end of it, it’s just the start and that’s not what we expected at all, we don’t really know what happens next!
I think you missed your vacation Winks!
You interpreted my dream a while back and was largely on the money.
Dreams I have loads, mostly they are a mystery to me and some leaving me very unsettled.

Morning to all from wet and windy kent beside the sea 8-)
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by fiz » 16 Feb 2020 10:10

OMG Winkler, you interpreted my dream, and I can’t believe how close you just described my feelings, and where my mental state is.
10 years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, at that time I was living in France, I’d lived there for 7 years, so In my dream, although, they were speaking french, I understood what they were saying, they were berating me, and telling me alcohol causes cancer, (which has always been at the back of my mind), what I did to myself was my choice, but, i could have killed someone else. Yet, yes, there in the back of my van, was this tempting wine, that, although, it has damaged me so much, I still wanted, even desired it.
My drinking got so bad, I knew family and friends realised, but since I stopped, most have been lovely, but recently, one of my “friends” offered me a drink on a night out, now I have no problem refusing a drink now, but she sort of whispered, “it’s ok, sorry, I forgot, the girls did tell me you were an alcoholic, it was stupid of me to offer you a drink, how very sad for you, but, brave too. “ I was mortified, I felt, embarrassed, belittled, and all I could think, was they’ve obviously, all been discussing “my problem”, I stuck Around for another hour, then said I had to leave for work the next morning. So, yes, it’s out there, goodness knows how many of my family and friends have discussed it? Most just treat me normal, but this woman made me feel, different/damaged, just crap.
Then we have family problems, one of my close family members recently tried to kill himself with an overdose, we are very close, but I just felt helpless, like my whole world is falling apart, and I can’t do anything about it. I feel helpless.
Yes, also, since I reached 12 months, I seem to be struggling as much as I did in the first couple of months, in a different way, more, emotional, I have very dark moments.
Thank you for your interpretation of my dream, it was just a dream, I realise that, I was so relived to wake up and discover that, but yes, it shook me to the core.
Thanks Winks. Xx 😘
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Winkler » 16 Feb 2020 20:00

Ah, what a lot you’ve been through/ going through Fiz, no wonder you had an unsettling dream. I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles. I do hope your family member is not feeling so desperate anymore and is getting better.
I’m sure dreams are just a reflection of things that are troubling us and our trying to make sense of it, not anything to be concerned about although I do know how unsettling it is to wake from such a dream.

Yes, how embarrassing what that woman said. I can’t believe how crass. That complete misunderstanding of what it’s taken for you to get where you are and her patronising attitude - I could spit for you!

Hi lushie - glad to be of service :D I think dreams speak to us in symbols eg the black dog would be depression etc. And houses and cars extensions of ourselves. And being in chains would mean feeling trapped/tethered etc. So then sometimes things seem clear - but I’m often wrong too!
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Mooths » 22 Feb 2020 19:24

A quick check-in and shout-out from me. Still here, still happily sober.
“Being extremely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~ Sigmund Freud

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Iroquois » 22 Feb 2020 20:24

Hi Mooths! Glad to see you!

Drink dreams! Oh dear, I still have them! My dreams always involve huge amounts of alcohol, shelves of bottles full of the best of the worst! Big tin tubs of alcohol punch! Someone giving me permission to drink!

But, the odd thing or maybe the Freudian thing, is that I never, ever take a drink! I feel all happy to see the alcohol, I feel good because someone gave me permission to go ahead and drink, but I always wake up before I ever take a drink! Talk about the old Id and Ego fighting it out! At first, I got really disturbed about these booze laden dreams, but as time has gone on, I just laugh when I wake up! See, self, you didn't even take a drink in your dream! And, you had the quonset equivalent of Discount Liquors all shelved and glistening in your bedroom!

When you have a drinkey dream, just scoff at it and be aware that you feel pretty darn good because you don't have a hangover!

Hope everyone is having a decent weekend! Pretty nice weather here, up to 52 F here in Colorado! Bikini weather with a long parka, of course!

Best wishes, Deanna
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 23 Feb 2020 14:56

Wow Deanna 52f! Cozy!

It's funny I remember, maybe I'm mistaken but in the UK Fahrenheit was used alot more. I think everyone uses Celsius now. Is that correct? I seem to remember reaching 100f was a big thing when I was a kid....
Enough time wasted on this.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Topcat » 23 Feb 2020 16:58

Ed wrote:
23 Feb 2020 14:56


It's funny I remember, maybe I'm mistaken but in the UK Fahrenheit was used alot more. I think everyone uses Celsius now. Is that correct? I seem to remember reaching 100f was a big thing when I was a kid....
Most other people in the UK do indeed use Celsius Ed. I don't - Fahrenheit feels warmer ;)?
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Iroquois » 23 Feb 2020 20:19

Hello!

Yes, we get to 100 to 110 F here in the summer and it always seems so much hotter here than down on the plains because we are so close to the sun!!!!! Well, not really, but we are 5,280 feet or 1 whole mile above sea level! We are kind of on a wide plateau just below the foothills and mountains. If I go west out of my apartment complex, I have a wonderful view of the Rocky Mountains in all their glory! It is just so beautiful, and going up in them is an experience that is hard to rival! If you drive or take the train up into the really high peaks, on one side is the rock face towering above you and on the other side is a drop off that will make your stomach lurch! But it is all paved and wide with lots of guard rails where it is particularly deep!

And pine trees, there are so, so, so many that you can't believe that there could be that many trees in the world, and that is on the side of just one mountain! Above treeline it is all rocky and snowy even in the summer! A lot more snow in the winter, though, which is a good thing since that is the main surface water supply for all the rivers and streams to the oceans! Several times I have been to the Continental Divide, where the rivers switch from east to west and vice versa! Pretty cool!

Anyway, I wish you could all grab a plane and come on over and I would take you up in the high country and show you the sites! The scenery is magnificent and really awe inspiring!

Hope I have not bored you!

Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Ed » 24 Feb 2020 05:13

Ah no love that Deanna. It sounds beautiful. I lived in northern Sweden for a few years, in winter it was magical. Snow and pine trees. You did make me think of the opening to the shining when he's driving up through the Rockies. Beautiful.
Enough time wasted on this.

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Re: Beyond the 1 Year Milestone

Post by Iroquois » 24 Feb 2020 19:11

Oh The Shining!

What a classic! The Stanley Hotel is quite magnificent, although I have been no further than the lobby and the pricey gift shop! A night's stay there is a bit rich for my blood, but of course the whole place is decked out for tourists! Complete with a never driven Stanley Steamer motor car in all its green and shiny splendor! The Stanley looks just like it did in the movie, grand staircase and period furniture.

Redrum, Redrum! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

Going up by train is so much better than driving, I think, because the driver has to really pay attention so as not to drive off a cliff. There are posted speed limits but local people get behind you and fume and fuss because they never drive the speed limit, of course! Going up to Glenwood Springs, the train goes through the Moffit Tunnel, the 4th longest rail tunnel in North America at a little over 6 miles. It is not electrified, so you go through the dark passage for quite a spell which is kind of spooky but also kind of soothing. Glenwood Springs has a natural hot springs that supplies a good sized swimming pool with a larger cool water pool right next to it. Oh that hot mineral water is so delicious to just relax and ease your joints and bones, but you eventually get too hot and have to swim over and play in the cool pool!

All very lovely, as you can imagine, we get lots of tourists, and we have legal cannabis which also attracts lots of people! We are a very envied and rich state! But we are also very friendly, so come on over! We'll make you love Rocky Mountain Oysters even after you find out what they really are!

Deanna :lol2: :lol: :shock:
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

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