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Old SOS - Archived

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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Tobin
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Old SOS - Archived

Post by Tobin » 01 Jun 2011 16:43

OK folks, here it is - the thread for posting your SOS when things are going badly, the bottle is calling you, and you need sympathy and support asap from your fellow posters.

We decided we needed this thread to stop cries for help falling by the wayside in the general discussion threads as they unfortunately seem to be doing sometimes.

With posters coming and going at different times immediate replies to messages posted here can't be guaranteed, but the messages will not get lost and as the number of forum members rises, the likelihood of a "sympathetic ear" being around at any one time will increase.

Here's a few EMERGENCY CONTACT NUMBERS just in case there's no-one logged in at the time you post:

NHS Direct - http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk, 0845 4647

NACOA (National Association for Children of Alcoholics) - 0800 358 3456, http://www.nacoa.org.uk, helpline@nacoa.org.uk

Samaritans - http://www.samaritans.org, 08457 909090 (ROI 1850 609090), jo@samaritans.org

Alcoholics Anonymous - 0845 769 7555, http://www.alchoholics-anonymous.org.uk

I hope everyone finds it useful... I'm sure I shall!

Fiendish

xxx

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 01 Jun 2011 17:10

calamity, silvergirl,
messages shunted to old thread confused me!
been with bf hmm about 3 years, always been a bit rocky if truth be told. I've actually calmed down a bit, done some violent kitchen cleaning. Shocking how my first thought is I NEED A DRINK. It's still there at the back of my mind.Not sure how this will all play out .. am going for a walk, possibly a bit of a stomp.
Thankyou both for warm and really brilliant responses, I was right to be upset and angry, I question my judgement so much I think I needed that validation of my feelings.
hugs and good thoughts sent your way <:)>
tj x
Insert inspirational quote here....

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 01 Jun 2011 23:06

ty ragnar
but i am drunk, so another fail, i do try but my life is just .... it deals me blows i cant cope with
im sorry, thankyou for giving a shit
Insert inspirational quote here....

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 01 Jun 2011 23:08

i was so confident, and now i am a wreck, i am not stronger, i am not more confident, im nothing more.
Insert inspirational quote here....

calamity

Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by calamity » 01 Jun 2011 23:16

hey Tj <:)>

dont be so hard on yourself. You've had a truly crap day. I'm not surprised you're drinking.

So you are a wreck now. That new found confidence will come back, dont worry.

Some wise soul here told me recently that you can't unlearn things. You are learning and growing and making headway. Its just hard, thats all, when you have setbacks like this.

Why dont you drink plenty of water, and try and get some sleep, lovely lady?

I'm glad you've come back tonight, I was getting concerned for you <:)>

Cal x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by Steve » 01 Jun 2011 23:32

Just joined yesterday, really want and need to get some help please. So much want to offload how drinking is screwing up my life and some ideas to make things better . Thanks

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 01 Jun 2011 23:33

oh dont make me cry... you evil nice people
i will get some water , collapse and... deal with it all another day
Insert inspirational quote here....

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by Samnearly » 01 Jun 2011 23:46

Hi Steve
Welcome and you will find plenty of advice on here. Have a good read around, get to know where all the different threads are. There is always someone around whatever the problem xx
one day at a time....

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Shelsey
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by Shelsey » 02 Jun 2011 21:42

Steve and TJ hugs to you both - you are not alone and won't ever be if you stick with Bright Eye - not one of us hasn't got a toe curlingly embarrassing story to tell - a whole shed load in my case - we are not shockable and care for and respect each other - welcome to the family xxxx
Aka STB - new name, still as much trouble!
AF 2012 #32

Friends lost to alcohol:
Michael - 11/09/11 - You were a beautiful person and I will miss you so much

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 02 Jun 2011 23:10

drinking again, not drunk yet so want to say sorry for posting on here drunk last night.
Insert inspirational quote here....

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london bloke
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by london bloke » 02 Jun 2011 23:24

hi tj , be easy on yourself. Things happen, we all slip into familar patterns.
Water is your friend my dear!

A lot of water will help you feel human tomorrow, and give you strength and confidence to face the day.
OK to accept a hug? <:)>
Alcohol = Anxiety: I have suffered for years.
Sobriety = Freedom: I have tasted freedom, and I want it more.

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tj_okay
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tj_okay » 02 Jun 2011 23:29

thanks london,
half vodka and half water so is only 50% bad!.... ha mad drinkers mind thinking, gonna try and sober up tomorrow so expect to hear me constantly on here.
Insert inspirational quote here....

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by Beverley » 02 Jun 2011 23:38

Hi TJ
Just want to say loads of hugs from me too and thinking of you.
Will look out for you tomorrow. Try to rest.

Love <:)> Bev x <:)>
Every moment is a gift - that's why it's called the present

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by Enfin » 03 Jun 2011 13:04

Edit postDelete postReport this postReply with quoteRe: The Road to Abstinence.
by Enfin » 03 Jun 2011 22:01

Oh, f***k,
I just went to the toilet, for a quick pee, and the whole toilet was filled with blood (from the other end) - sorry for too much information, but I'm freaking !
I've had bleeds often before, but not like that - here I am practically sober since 3 weeks.
Wtf !. I thought I was getting better and taking all these vit B's etc ?!
F**k, f**k, f***k !
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. ( Nelson Mandela )

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tetsmum » 03 Jun 2011 15:02

Hi Guys, needed to talk so here I am.

I am feeling really low. Still sober, obviously, cos I'm on Antabuse, but that doesn't mean I'm not craving alcohol. I'd kill for a drink, just to lose myself for a little while. I am feeling really overwhelmed with everything. Hubby has been doing a lot for me with the business regarding working on the website but I am asking too much of him. I can't keep up with work. I am so tired all the time. I started on Glucosamine for my arthritis a couple of days ago and it's been giving me stomach cramps and the runs, not a great help when I'm trying to work. I feel like I'm working all the time but I'm still not working hard enough or long enough. I am just exhausted. I want to curl up and cry. I would absolutely kill for a couple of bottles of wine or a bottle of vodka, just to knock myself out and get away from the pressure for a while. I've no time to do anything enjoyable. Today i said I was going to get two major tasks done, I haven't done either of them and I am just too tired, my brain is tired, but it's not the sort of tiredness that magically goes after an early night. I think it's from the depression more than anything. I have an increased dose of antidepressants from my doc, but it will be a week or two more till the increase might have any effect. I am eating rubbish too, it's no wonder I feel a wreck. I want to stand at the top of a mountain and scream 'HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!' Basically, I have depression and arthritis, both of which are getting noticably worse, I am overweight and essentially malnourished (I don't mean underfed, just not getting any proper nutrients etc), am trying to run a business, look after two dogs and a house and have a husband who is rarely at home and when he is, needs to relax, not work (whether it be on my website or doing house chores etc). He does what he can, when he can, but that still leaves me with the lion's share, and, unlike him, I find living in a pigsty very stressful, I can't just turn a blind eye to it. I have never felt so alone. Something's got to give but there isn't anything that CAN give. We can't afford a cleaner or housekeeper or such, so I have to do that. I could give up the business and go back to a basic job working for someone else with no pressure and an adequate income, but the business is all I have that truly belongs to me. We can't afford a dog walker so I have to do that, and I won't get rid of the dogs because they are my family, well, the nearest I will ever get to one. I don't have the time or money to take up a nice hobby to relax me until the business can pay its way. Hubby works very long hours, often leaving at half five in the morning and not getting back till anytime from half seven to half nine or even later, so I can't plan any evenings as I don't know whether he will be in to eat with me, can't plan going out or whatever. He likes his job so he won't be changing it anytime soon, although he generally looks out for anything better that might be vacant, but it's not a priority for him, which is fair enough. I think the only way things will get better in the near future is if I quit the business and go back to a regular paid job. I don't know what else I can do. I've expressed these moans before here on more than one occasion, and I can see that it's not going to change unless I change something myself, and all I can realistically control/change is my business. It's not fair to give hubby an ultimatum 'either you change your job or I change mine (ie quit the business)'. I couldn't ask that, that would be hideous and wrong. If I can't cope with things, it's my fault and I have to sort it out, not put it on to anyone else to rectify. I would resent quitting the business though, cos it's not that I can't manage the business, it's that I can't manage everything else at the same time.

Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh I am fed up, frustrated and in pieces. It's 3pm and the postie has just turned up here at work to collect the business mail, I think I will close early and go have some 'me' time.

Thanks for listening. I might try and check in later.

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hamster2
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by hamster2 » 03 Jun 2011 16:26

Good heavens Tetsmum, you really have got it all going on
<:)> <:)>
This is early days in the not drinking - you have to be much kinder to yourself, you are going to feel tired, irritable, anxious, etc etc - its part of withdrawl whether you are on antebuse or not. Normal and it will pass. I cant imagine what it must be like going through giving up alcohol with depression on top. But I can promise you that your depression will improve, not just because of the medication increase but alos because you are ridding yourself of a very powerful drug that acts directly on your brain and causes depression and anxiety. No one escapes it and few put their symptoms down to their drinking - not the whole reason but a significant amount.

Your post was full of negatives (you have so much going on) - and I know that things are genuinly tough for you right now, I wonder if you could challange just a few of the negatives The reason I say that is because the more negative emotions we have the more likely we are to crumble and give in to a drink.

The house is a start - With the money you are not spending on alcohol could you consider getting a clearner to help you do the housework? Every few months I get a cleaner in for the morning or the day - to get the nitty gritty clean, I work with her. It motivates me and it saves money.

I would avoid making any major decisions at the mometnt - Why not wait a few weeks until the drink is out of the system (normally takes about 6 weeks for the brain fog to clear) and the anti depressants have kicked in. However, you do need support and help while you are going through this - You do need help at work . This is a huge thing you are doing! A massive emotional strain - Can you talk to your husband about it? Is he supportive?

You need to consontrate on your recovery <:)> You are sooo important <:)>
Julie
x

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by enoughisenough » 03 Jun 2011 16:47

Hi Tetsmum

<:)> I do empathise with the arthritis, being overweight and from your post and as hamster says it does sound as though you are viewing everything through a negative lens. If you can start to find a positive somewhere ( dog walk = fresh air +excercise= "me time" plus is helping my weight which should lessen the arthritis. I find that since cutting out wine ( with the odd blip :oops: ) my arthritis - which rendered me nearly immobile for 18 months has dissapated enough for me to do some training which strenghten muscles etc and so begins to unravel what seemed like a horrendous insurmountable obstacle ( a bit like a ball of wool, once you can find a tiny end to grab on too, you can start to break things down.)
There does seem to be a lot of "shoulds" in your post - are all these things absolutley necessary - what is most important to you etc - it isnt easy and of course may be it is far to early to be thinking about these things - staying sober is the most important thing that you can do - perhaps it is taking up all your strength and you have nothing left ? if so recognise that and try and deal with the practical aspects that annoy you such as housework - I find this very difficult with arthritis and of course being so overweight - but it is getting easier as the drinking is minimal and I look forward of the mundanity of being able to bring the washing off the line on a late evenign in the summer - how fab - when we spend most of our days cooped up in the house with in my case washing in bedroom! but can your husband not pay for a cleaner or can you do some bartering, not sure what your business is but maybe an exchange of time? I remember I used ot clean for my mothers friends after school when I was 12 may not be possible in this day and age but worth having a think.
Anyway I wish you strength and promise you that the further away from the drink you get the easier it is to see things in a different light. EiE x
Yesterday I was clever, I wanted to change the world. Today I am wiser and am changing myself ~ Rumi

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by emma » 03 Jun 2011 20:12

Hi Tetsmum,

Bless ya, you've got alot on ya plate xxx <:)>

The only thing I can suggest is that if you dont want to loose your buisness or give it up as you say, then you really do need to hire a helping hand. I know you have said that you can't afford to, but can't you juggle something somewhere. You need to get someone to do the more basic job's like cleaning or whatever, so that your not so stressed and then you will feel better in youself and be able to apply your self more to the buisness. Surely you could make the buisness more successfull that way and then justify the extra money for the extra help??

If your house is in order and nice and clean when you get up you will be amazed at how much better you will feel. More clear headed, more able to apply yourself at work. To me this seems a logical option. You dont have to fork out shed loads of cash, and you could start by putting a little card up in a local shop window asking for a cleaner. I think you really need the help as it seems you've got so much to do and its impossible for you to do it all yourself so your never gonna win. Your gonna end up going round the bend and having a breakdown or something and then loosing the buisness anyway. Please try try try to adjust your budget somewhere and get some of that help you need xxxxxxx
AF 2011 No. 55

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by tetsmom2 » 03 Jun 2011 20:34

Digga, I'm not sure how to respond to your post. I feel very hurt that you are so obviously fed up of hearing me whingeing here. I come here cos I have no-one else to open up to, and if I post here it helps me work out a way forward for my life. Is it possible for you to just not read my posts if you are fed up with me, or should I just leave BE? It feels you are telling me to eff off and sort my life out, which is incredibly hurtful - if I could do that, which I assume you already have, then I wouldn't be coming here. Posting here has been a lifesaver for me, literally at times, sometimes all i am looking for is a friendly ear, not someone to tell me to just get my act together. I doubt I'll post here much more now, I'll be too scared of another hurtful and judgemental reply. I have nothing against you personally, I just don't need any more hurt right now and I thought I was safe here.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need Help (No General Chat Please

Post by mai » 03 Jun 2011 20:45

Hi tetsmom
There are a lot of positive and helpful posts there.. I think Digga just has an economical way with words - and really means that you have taken on so much and been unhappy for so long that it is obviously wearing you down.. I hope you will get a part time helper in soon - and your hubbie sounds like a god send bless him..
This is a place where you can talk about your problems and 'air' your feelings.. We all do it, so please do not feel you cannot talk - if you do not want to see someone's post I believe you can foe them - this will stop any correspondence from being seen when you log in with your login and password - hope someone can advise if I have that right or wrong?..
The anti deprassants will take a while to kick in, until then be kind to yourself.. The dogs are happy, and the house needs a clean - well - tomorrow is another day..
Your days sound absolutely manic, and the main thing is you are not drinking - even with the help of antabuse, you still went and seeked the help and started the ball rolling to get it - that was your steps - no one else - so don't worry about being on it - it stops you drinking and that is what is important.. As everyone else has said you need to be kinder to yourself, we are all learning how to deal with the different emotions without blotting them out with alcohol - and you are doing really well..
Stay strong, and look after yourself.. We are all here supporting you..
ENFIN - I am sorry, I don't know what has happended, I hope you have managed to see a doctor or nurse to find out what is happening.. Please report back as soon as possible.. Thinking of you
Mai
xxx
Last edited by mai on 04 Jun 2011 06:57, edited 4 times in total.
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it..
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