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coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
d2b
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by d2b » 28 Mar 2011 04:29

Epic failure : I am an alcoholism subscriber.

We all just want to be happy and we drink because we think that alcohol can pave the way for us. No, Yeah?

Stop drinking, stop having sex, stop living , etc

As I said before, I can stop drinking even thou I drink more than most of you. Yet, none of you wants to know how I manage to stop drinking.
And I understand that. It is depressing when an idiot who drinks 1 bottle of cognac and few beers per day can stop drinking.

I am willing to have a friend. I have a spare room in London. I am not single , so it makes no difference if you are male or female.
However , I reckon that I can make you give up drinking for few days without me having to tied you up to bathroom radiator.

Happiness is not the secret - of course. I have no intentions to make you happy ,just make sure you are a violent person because I am not.

regards

d2b
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by d2b » 11 Apr 2011 02:42

Hi Michelle

I am far too drunk to understand what you said. You see, thats what drunk people do - its like a job.We just don't get it. Please stop chaining yourself to the radiator, the boiler doesn't work because of the unpaid bill and the central heating works on water unfortunately. Good weather is what (you) (we) want , like a solar life.

I have heard that some European governments want to use me as fuel. I know, its sick and shocking. Apparently , drinkers can set themselves on fire because they drink too much , smoke too much and we do Spontaneous human combustion often enough to get the OPEC worried.

They say that the alcohol in the blood works better than nuclear fusion . I say - catch me if you can .

Transylvania is a big forest , I love fishing and I have 2000 brown bears as pets.

Sorry Michelle - Surrey/hants border - 1 fox , 4 rats , a cat, 2 lazy dogs and an expensive house is not good defense against the EU government.

Melissa Jane
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Melissa Jane » 10 May 2011 19:52

Hi d2d

sorry you sound like one of the people I would have loved to have fun with but.... why are you on this website if you dont' have a problem with your drinking?

Melissa Jane
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Melissa Jane » 10 May 2011 19:55

D2D ... i've read your previous posts - sorry you clearly do... good luck with whatever you decide to do....

stephaniencali
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by stephaniencali » 24 Jun 2011 19:53

My friends and family know i drink, but not to what extent.

I am afriad to come out now to them while i am still in the very early stage.

I would like to wait til after the first month to let them know.

Of course my children will know i am not drinking on a nightly basis, they may not even say something.


I feel so alone in this. Its like you guys are the only one i have

mai
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by mai » 24 Jun 2011 22:55

Hi Stephanie – nice to meet you – lovely post their from Ragnar.. I too have not told anyone, again I do not want people to question me or why I have chosen to give up.. I did talk to my 15 year old daughter what I was doing, and she talks to me about it now and how different I am – she has been a huge comfort and strength to me.. My boy who is 13 did not say anything for a while.. But as time went on and our relationship changed – well I became more human and rational – he started to notice and say little things.. They both still check bottles that are in the cupboards and in the fridge – and I let them – I have put them through a tough time and so I deserve to be watched and have their suspicious eyes upon me.. You will know when the time is right to tell someone – but don’t feel embarrassed – you are doing an amazing thing for the people who you love and for yourself.. But in the meantime – if you want to keep it with us – I promise not to tell <:)> ..
You really are not alone - and remember you are doing really well (::)
Mai
xxx
Last edited by mai on 25 Jun 2011 05:43, edited 1 time in total.
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it..
Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going

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Libelula
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Libelula » 25 Jun 2011 00:02

Hi there stephanie. <:)>

Touching posts, mai and Ragnar. mai, it makes me so happy to read of the blossoming new relationships with your children, that makes me cry! Stephanie, I am sorry you feel such loneliness, that's tough, girl. <:)> <:)>

Facing up to my alcohol problem, beginning to go AF, and being on this website are such intense experiences, sometimes I worry that BE is replacing alcohol as my 'secret life'. I didn't realise how corrosive to self-esteem the secrecy of drinking was until I started sharing about it here and to my counsellor, it came as a huge weight off my shoulders.

So, I don't feel lonely in this, cos of all the people here, but sometimes I do feel the burden of duplicity. I have thought about just coming out as an alcoholic, it would be so much simpler, but a big decision for me. I reckon a lot of people would just shrug. :?

I've told one friend that I'm worried about my drinking. I underplayed it, and didn't mention BE, but I did mention my parent's heavy drinking, and said that I'd tried to do 'Dry January' after the Christmas season, and found that it was much more difficult than I expected (Now there's an understatement). I said I wanted to go AF for 3 months. I think she got the subtext; but actually now I don't like the idea that she thinks of me as an alcoholic.

I've told my sister I was on the wagon for June, going to need to come up with another story soon.

I also told a guy that I had a bit of a crush on that I'd become worried about 'that meeting point between habit, desire and compulsion' and had cut down on alcohol. Haven't heard much from him since...Hmf. But don't regret taking that risk.

KInd of wish I hadn't mentioned to anyone... for more space for me to work out what I'm going to do in the future, if I make it to 3 months.... cut down, remain abstinent, or tentatively try a return to social drinking.

This is just tired waffling now, sorry! Goodnight to you,

L xx
I want to be the best possible mum to my son.

stephaniencali
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by stephaniencali » 25 Jun 2011 05:21

Thank you for all the beautiful replies. I started to read the replies while still at work, but quickly welled up with tears so i had to stop.

I am coming to the end of day two and it was such a nice day. After work took my son to the California amusement park we live close by, rode some rides and had a corn dog.

Now i am very tired, no cravings, going to drink some warm tea, watch a show and fall fast asleep thanks to all my new friends on Bright Eye

mai
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by mai » 25 Jun 2011 06:07

Thanks lib <:)> – and touching wafflings ( no lib and mai show here now :D ).. Don’t be too quick to tell people of your sobriety if you feel it will put pressure on it.. I know that sounds odd, but if people start to question you as to why you don’t drink and you feel nervous of their questioning that may make you feel you have to drink to hide it – gosh there had to a better way of saying that :? !! I did not go out and socially drink with other people on a regular basis, so that may be easier for me not to have to say anything, but to me it is personal, and no one will understand how hard this is unless they have had an addiction. The sheer courage and dedication and will power used every day to keep my sobriety if not met with understanding makes it seem a harder hill to climb.. That is why I can share my thoughts, feelings and emotions here… People know how it hurts.. Eventually people will notice, but I think as it is such a hard and personal journey for us we put more thought and worry into the subject than others would – urgh – now this is waffle Lib :oops: !! What I meant to say is I understand your feelings – and the worry of a shrug if you come out and say you are an alcoholic <:)> ..
Staphanie – Well done on a lovely day two (::) .. The realisation that we are not alone and haven’t been this awful secretive person in a dark corner somewhere makes things slightly easier and less grubby.. In a very strange way, as we have started with such a painful and troubled journey, we actually see and feel more because of our bad start.. We appreciate things in a different way, and hold on to moments because we recognise them more than some people may not acknowledge.. Kind of like a hidden treasure.. You will go through a plethora of emotions, the first week is quite a rollercoaster so excellent news on the no cravings!!
The difference this journey we have chosen to our children is invaluable.. We aren’t bad people when there isn’t the dreaded alcohol inside us and all we crave is the next drink, figuring out what time and where and when we are going to get it.. I feel awful that I have put my two through hell to get to this stage, and unfortunately I am unable to change the past.. I am becoming a more rational person, I am enjoying the smaller things in life with them, and I am slowly healing from the pain that I hid from.. And you will too – enjoy your tea and your show <:)> ..
Keep going Stephanie – stay strong and the new you will emerge <:)>
Mai
xxx
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it..
Scars remind us where we’ve been. They don’t have to dictate where we’re going

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Libelula
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Libelula » 25 Jun 2011 12:58

Mai,

I totally got you! <:)> I too am worried that I have face some kind of showdown situation, where I effectively feel forced to accept a glass of something to 'prove' that alcohol is no big deal for me. Of course it isn't. [cough!!!]

Last time I drank, I was out with heavydrinking colleagues, after work on an empty stomach, and I was trying so hard not to lose it. A colleague heard me demurring at all the shots of sambuca that were being brought, and it turned out he didn't want to get drunk either, so agreed with me that we'd just tip our shots into a pint glass he held under the table. I took a tiny sip and ditched the rest; and no one noticed! So maybe there's always some kind of non-resistance strategy... I agreed with myself in advance not to beat myself up though, if it does happen.

Stephanie, your day sounded lovely! So funny to think about sharing thoughts all the way across the Atlantic and back. (So good morning, I guess! :D ) You had nice plans for the day ahead, and also you sounded much more upbeat, so good to hear.

Early days, but Day 2 is great, and you're off to a strong start. \:)/ \:)/ (<--- Those cheerleaders seem more US than UK!) Well done to you, and very best wishes!

Lib x
I want to be the best possible mum to my son.

stephaniencali
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by stephaniencali » 25 Jun 2011 22:29

Hi lib,

Not only am i across the Atlantic, i am all the way across the states, onthe Pacific....Long travel, i have traveled to your side of the earth on holiday. Edinburgh. beautiful place and beautiful people :) it was one stop on my long trip
have a good night

Frankyh
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Frankyh » 09 Jul 2011 09:29

I'm not surprised you find it hard to trust this person!!!

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Rachel
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Rachel » 27 Jul 2011 16:18

After being in rehab (and relapsing since) and having to say 'I am Rachel and I am an alcoholic' 5 times a day, you get a bit numbed to admitting to it. People at work know - it was noticed, I'm ashamed to say. Trebor extra strong mints apparently don't quite mask the smell of lunch time glasses of wine...! I told my mother and she is trying hard to understand, but she is ashamed - so ashamed she can't even talk to my (dead) father about it! My sister knows. Nothing would shock her, and she has nothing but sympathy (and just maybe a little schadenfreude, or that maybe me being horrid - there is a history there though) but I haven't told all my friends. But those I have knew/guessed anyway. You think you are cleverly concealing it, but there comes a point when you can't. And of course some are more atuned to it than others. My 83 year old tea total mother hadn't a clue. I rarely get drunk, just relaxed, so it's not like I am slurring or saying really silly things.
So a few friends yet to tell, one of whom I am worried about telling. In fact I have hardly talked to her in the last few months becasue I am afraid to tell her. She is highly shockable!
One of the goood things about coming out of the alcoholic closet was no longer having to live the lie, having to deceive and pretned I am something I am not. That is soul destroying and cripples one's self esteem even further - the lack of which certainly fuelled by drinking. One of the many vicious circles involved in drinking excessively.
Rachel

Lisa38
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Lisa38 » 05 May 2012 10:17

I dont think i will tell many people yet about my drink problem. My partner, mother, brother and 3 friends know plus my manager at work but feel it is far too early (6 days) for me to tell anyone else. I have just turned down a works night out next month as Im afraid I will drink, or will not enjoy myself by not drinking if you know what I mean. Therefore I have had to make excuses why Im not able to go. Shame really but there you go. I guess time is the key ;)

Lisa38
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Lisa38 » 05 May 2012 10:28

Yes... My partner obviously tried to stop me from drinking but I wouldnt listen. Unfortunately my family and few friends found out by me phoning them or texting them while drunk and I could never remember doing it! Same with my manager who I rang last week at 12.15am blottoed and I was suicidal and begged her to help me, and it is her who has got me to go to the gp and to the alcohol centre where I am going next week. Thank goodness for the good support at home and at work

Lisa38
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Lisa38 » 06 May 2012 06:25

Lol still cringing Anonymouse :shock: I haven't joined any challenges yet. Think il wait until after Wednesday appt with the alcohol centre as I'm so nervous about going there. I had 2 bottles of 5.5% wine last night which was nice.

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Floydette
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Floydette » 08 May 2012 13:00

Hi Guys,

I'm an on /off BEer. At this time of the week I'm feeling full of regret and resolve - give me a few days....

Anyway, my OH text me saying he had booze blues (he, unusually and led by me, binge drank two nights this weekend, I had an extra day off work on top of bank hol and recon I blasted 80 units in four nights), and I text back saying 'Hey I feel shit every single week! Wish I could just stop drinking.' And his usual reply 'Just overdone it this weekend babe'. And so I replied 'Yes. Play it down. It'll go away if you dont think I have a problem'. Funny, then he went quiet...

Craig works nights so the two nights I drank without him he was working - but he knows I drank home alone and how much. And yes it was my bday weekend. BUT. Drinking over a bottle of wine home alone, well that's what I'd struggle to admit I do to most people and this time i did it twice but I do that regularly.

Anyway, Craig's attitude is that if I think I'm drinking too much I should just drink less. And he won't agree with me that I might just have a problem, even though I have made failed attempts at cutting down, and even at a sobriety challenge or two! He likes a drink and that is prob twice a week and one would constitute a binge. The weekend was a lot for me but I am drinking too much too often.

I wonder if it could be that he thinks things will change too much if I seriously cut down or even quit (dont think I can, or really think i want to quit but thats by the by). He might think it'll affect his 'right to drink', as I might heaven forbid ask for some support, for him to abstain on occasion. I don't know. He only really seems to be bothered when I get so smashed I have no balance and fall over/hurt myself.

Apert from all of this we have a really good relationship, but it's hard to get him to talk about this stuff - he just repeats that if I'm drinking too much I should drink less and the problem is solved! Wow, if only all problem drinkers knew that it was that easy!

Any thoughts please?

Alex x
Interested in sober socialising in the West Midlands and possibly beyond, would love to arrange a meet-up with a few of us!

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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by caroline95 » 08 May 2012 17:11

Hi Floydette, I remember you from the Cutting Down thread - nice to see you again, though I'm sorry things aren't so great at the moment.

The situation you describe comes up on here quite regularly, partners not understanding what having a problem with drinking really entails.The phrase 'why can't you just cut down/just have a couple/stop when you feel drunk' is a fairly common one I think!The thing is, if someone doesn't have a problem controlling the way they drink, there's no reason why they should really understand what it's like for someone who does have a problem.

It's also very possible that your OH is scared you'll change if you stop/cut down drinking, and that he'll lose his boozing partner.

My thoughts are that you're obviously unhappy with your level of drinking, and now might be a good time to address it - and do it because you want to, regardless of what your partner says.I know you don't want to stop altogether, but maybe a week completely off the drink will help put things a bit more in perspective?At the least, it would make you feel a whole lot better, physically and mentally.

I'm not sure any of this helps, but I just wanted to say hello, and I hope you stick around BE, it's a good place to sort stuff out.Best of luck to you Alex <:)>

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Floydette
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Re: coming out as a drinker to people close to us

Post by Floydette » 09 May 2012 17:07

Thanks Caroline!

I know he doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy and thats one of the things. And if he has to be up next day he's better at controlling it than me, that's true enough. It's just frustrating when you pour your heart out and they go 'what problem?'! I really wonder how bad it would have to be for him to admit it! One thing I resolve not to do is hide it from him.

I'm going to try a tonne of booze free days, though my resolve doesn't tend to be as good later in the week! I have a hypno mp3, the alan Carr book & a journal to work on. I was also given the following bday gifts - JD 1 bottle, white wine 1 bottle & ale 8 bottles. BAD timing! Told Craig to put it all out of the way in the garage for when I come back from working away.

I'm time limitted but we'll catch up on here soon - I'll check out your posts and see how things are mate.

Thanks for replying!

X
Interested in sober socialising in the West Midlands and possibly beyond, would love to arrange a meet-up with a few of us!

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Coming out - BF dependency

Post by chicagoK » 24 May 2012 19:30

Hi all

My BF and I are breaking up because truthfully we are both alcoholics. But he is more functional than I am, less likely to black out, etc. We were supposed to visit his parents in a week and I kind of want to tell them why I'm not coming... but he doesn't want the guilt by association.

I knew when I met him how this would end (too much drinking and substances) but I never thought how (I would be the less-functional one).

Funny thing is, I love him but don't miss his company -- he probably feels the same way about me.

Anybody been here, loving but not missing a partner, wanting to confess but not wanting to 'out' another party?

I am slowly realizing I am an enabler (and also a co-dependent)... slowly being afraid the only way not to be, is not to be in a relationship (though that's the other extreme).

--K

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