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Do we really have to tell other people?!

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Laura-ANewStart

Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Laura-ANewStart » 26 Jul 2011 11:10

I just wondered how everyone copes with situations where you could easily relapse , especially when you invite people round for dinner and they arrive bearing a bottle or out for a meal with friends .. Is it best to have just told them before 'i'm no longer drinking and would apprreciate your support' kind of thing or just say 'No thanks' and try and deal with the inevitable peer pressure to drink.

DH doesn't drink now in order to support me but is it enough just to have 1 person supporting us or do we need more?

L xx

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KraftyKat
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by KraftyKat » 26 Jul 2011 11:51

I'd be interested in replies to this one - good question. Does anyone use the old "I'm on medication and can't drink"?
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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Oldenough2knowbetter
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Oldenough2knowbetter » 26 Jul 2011 11:58

Hello iamanalocholic (ooh and kraftykat who just popped up while I was writing)

Personally I think it's whatever you feel comfortable with. There are a couple of close friends I have told that I was worried about how much I was drinking, so decided to cut down (except I found cutting down hard, whereas stopping altogether has proved easier for me). There are other people I wouldn't trust so much with the whole truth - to them I just say I'm finding the older I get (I'm 45) the more I find alcohol disagrees with me. I was suffering a lot of stomach aches and they've gone since I gave up (I tell them that). Some people are surprised I haven't had a drink in nearly 3 months and ask "so how long are you giving up for?" And to them I say "for as long as I feel better without it".

There are also plenty of excuses if it's a one-off occasion - you're driving, on antibiotics, have a stomach upset, have a pending headache you don't want to develop...

Two things I have learnt in this journey so far:

1. I find it easier to have the decision set like concrete in my head before events (I am not going to drink and that's that).
2. We "big" things up in our mind too much - most people won't care that you're not drinking because it isn't the big deal to them that it is to us.

Hope there may be something of use in there!

Oh and in terms of "is it enough to have 1 person supporting us" - you have hundreds of people supporting you right here <:)> I haven't even told my husband the true extent of my drinking, the only people who know are the people who read my posts here.

xx
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." [Christopher Robin to Pooh]

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Shelsey
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Shelsey » 26 Jul 2011 12:16

All I can say is, until I was totally honest, I still lied to myself......
Aka STB - new name, still as much trouble!
AF 2012 #32

Friends lost to alcohol:
Michael - 11/09/11 - You were a beautiful person and I will miss you so much

joanneholdbrook

Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by joanneholdbrook » 26 Jul 2011 12:42

yep iv gone down that road of telling people i am on antibiotics cos my hubby says i am not to drink while we are out iv even took my own coke but filled it with vodka and a little coke and he says how the hell did you get drunk iv close friends who no and are very good with it but if i go to a pub i never drink in a pub (dont no why) guess drinking is not a social thing with me its something i do alone x

joanneholdbrook

Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by joanneholdbrook » 26 Jul 2011 12:44

as they say there is no one so secretive as a drinker and i cleaned out my home yesterday and found empty bottles everywhere in boots coat pockets everywhere xx

Laura-ANewStart

Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Laura-ANewStart » 26 Jul 2011 13:20

joanneholdbrook wrote:as they say there is no one so secretive as a drinker and i cleaned out my home yesterday and found empty bottles everywhere in boots coat pockets everywhere xx
eeek i felt sooo ashamed when i did that.... we have an evenin out on aug 6th so am gna build myself for that and be determined to say no thanks i dont drink any more dont want to make excuses i just need to not be so proud ...

L xx

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Lucille70 » 27 Jul 2011 10:38

I have told a couple of my close friends and they are really understanding.
And my partners mum and dad now know i have aproblem,i was really embarassed when they found out.But they have been great,and they no i am on detox.
sometimes its better if you tell the people close to you then you will get much more support,and you dont feel so alone with your problems.xxx

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Kokoda
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Kokoda » 27 Jul 2011 13:13

Hi Everyone,

I found that I got mixed reactions when I 'came out' and told everyone I wasn't drinking anymore. None of my friends were supportive initially, one of whom is no longer a friend now. My other two friends supported me heaps when they realised that I was serious.

It took me longer to tell my parents, because a part of me wanted to make them keep thinking I was getting drunk every night, I guess I wanted to punish them in some way. Now they know and they're really supportive too. Haven't told the rest of my family just because I'm not close to them anyway.

I have told everyone else in my life, including at work. I even tell people I don't know very well if the topic comes up. I think that confidence comes over time. It wasn't something I was comfortable with initially.

Having said that, I used the 'antibiotics' excuse at a revolting family get together, lol. What a great excuse that is :D

Hope you're all going well.

Vic xx
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

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linda6666
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by linda6666 » 27 Jul 2011 13:39

Hi all. Just thought i would post on here about MY COMING OUT/TELLING PEOPLE... I didn't really have a choice in who i told and did not tell, cuz my nasty EX niece and her family put it all over face book for the world to see, so every body knew about my drink problem by then, although im sure has eggs is eggs that the shop keepers knew already has its only a small town so used same shops over and over to buy alcohol,so they would automatic know what i wanted, like if i asked for vodka they would just get me the ltr bottle, so they knew for sure, but my nasty Ex family members opened it up for every body to know, has i keep putting EX because thats what they are to me now.. But i will openly talk about it now to people i can trust and i know can understand the reasons behind my drinking. My pic is up here for all to see, i dont hide anymore. If people dont like me what i was then i say "stuff them" plenty still want to know (so the few that dont are not missed) still got who i care about, and have even met some lovely people on BE so i have actually gained from my mistakes ;)? My past was hard and helped me along my drinking path and doubt many people could do what i used to everyday and watch their dad fade away and loose all hes dignity and pride, i did all this myself although i have two sisters and many other family members, so yeh looking back drink was not the best idea but had to numb the pain some way... So out with the old and in with the new, those who matter are still with me so "GOOD RIDDANCE TO THEM" . That my story of how i came out and the world and hes wife knew about me warts and all.. ;)? ;)? ;)?
I Have a Guardian Angel in heaven... I call him DADDY BEAR. I AM NOW 9 YEARS DRY AND LOVING IT,SO PROUD OF ME ;-)
We are all given a 2nd chance every day, it's just we don't usually take them . I TOOK MINE

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Boris Bike
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Boris Bike » 04 Aug 2011 01:56

I'm generally pretty open although I do remember telling my aunt I'd packed it in once and she said "That's very good, but I'd keep it to yourself or everyone will be waiting for you to fail." :shock:

It did make me consider what I was doing. But it was a family get together and even though we're hardly the closest family I don't think I could be that paranoid about their responses. "Waiting for me to fail?" I doubt many of them thought much of it really.

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by powellct » 06 Aug 2011 18:07

I've told - and still tell - anyone who will listen. Generally the attitude seems to be "thats nice, I didn't know you had a problem", and then they go back to their own little world of problems.
Works for me, but I can see how it wouldn't work for others.

Col
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Marsha » 06 Aug 2011 18:36

My friends are pretty understanding and in fact many of them could do with cutting back as well. My family I don't see often enough so it's not an issue.

I just say "I'm having a break" or "I just don't fancy a drink tonight" and leave it at that. I make no big deal of it. I don't tell them I've given up or am cutting back - I don't want to make any promises to myself or anyone else. just taking it one day at a time.

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Therapy » 07 Sep 2011 21:27

This was a topic of discussion between a friend and I last week, both of our lives have been impacted upon by alcohol in one way or another.

I favour tell for a number of reasons, honesty both for you and those around you, helps others who may not feel strong enough or recognise they need some support, it is after all considered a chronic illness and we British love to talk about our health. ;)?

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Sandy » 07 Sep 2011 22:36

Think I was too ashamed to admit how much I was drinking every night to anyone, I thought I was the only person in the world who drunk this much but desperately tried to hide it. I had began to get terrified of the amount I was drinking and the impact it was having on me and my childrens life. I couldnt believe it when I found BE. The people on here are all I need. 2 years later I still feel the same.
People (friends and family) obviously know I have stopped drinking but they dont truly know why, how I felt about it, or the fact that I used/use BE
Sandy

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by KraftyKat » 08 Sep 2011 10:05

Fighting talk from Jo \:)/ \:)/ Great stuff!
(Just wondering where all this ablution stuff came from *putting on my Freud mask*)

Mr Wolf - love the last line of your post!!!! Nice attitude.

KK
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by Jjjj of Old » 08 Sep 2011 10:16

joanne. wrote:I can choose not to drink as much as I choose not to bathe with Cocker, its mine and I dont need to apologise for it. There is no shame in being sober........
There's no shame in bathing with Cocker either. As long as you're Mrs. Cocker, that is :o ;)

About everything else you said, though, I agree entirely!
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

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KraftyKat
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by KraftyKat » 08 Sep 2011 11:41

joanne. wrote: If they dont like me sober then they actually dont really like me so can bugger off :lol:

Isnt Freud that rude bloke :?
Well said Jo!!!!
Re Freud - any lady who discusses bathing with a gentleman to whom she is not wed is on dodgy ground when it comes to rudeness ;)
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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KraftyKat
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by KraftyKat » 08 Sep 2011 11:42

Has anyone heard from Laura recently - am concerned? KK
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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KraftyKat
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Re: Do we really have to tell other people?!

Post by KraftyKat » 08 Sep 2011 12:45

I was afraid that was the case :( Hope she's OK.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy Astor

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