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Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Any tips or advice to prevent a relapse, alternatively any of your stories about your own relapses.
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Shadowlad
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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Shadowlad » 28 May 2017 10:05

Naughty little newt wrote:Living alone was one very important part of me getting "fixed", I won back the trust in myself, I could have gotten up to all sorts of mischief behind closed doors if I wanted to but I didn't because I didn't want to, this made me like and respect myself, which was a thing I hadn't done in years, living alone also gave me the space to grieve, get over my loss, my dear alcohol.


My litmus test was six months away from all things alcohol related, let go of the apron strings and get on with life, no talking about it, no thinking about it, not remembering how awful it was, just getting on with some good old fashioned normality and the test results were good ;)?
Naughty little newt wrote:There's one thing I'm sure of though, this place and all it's members added a certain sort of magic to the equation, I personally think it's relaxed, down to earth attitude facilitates self help and empowerment for those who are ready to leave alcohol behind them, which makes the word forbidden obsolete and allows freedom of choice to take control.
How very well said ! You've come back an even wiser old Newt, lol. Great you haven't lost your humour too ;)? xxx

<:)> <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Newt » 28 May 2017 10:08

let's not say wise Nicky, it puts me under too much pressure :lol: Let's just say mended ;)?
Chin up and brew up

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Shadowlad
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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Shadowlad » 28 May 2017 11:00

Good point Mick ;)? xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Merlin5000 » 31 May 2017 20:02

I went to the recovery cafe, today in Paisley, I had a lovely meal and great conversations. Plus I had acupuncture on my ears, my day in Paisley, really helped me, forget about the triggers I was, experiencing.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by jamie » 01 Jun 2017 10:30

Hi everyone I haven't posted in a long time but looking for inspiration to get me back on track. I finally managed to give up after trying for years and having hundreds of day 1's and lasting anything from 2 days to a month. I drank 2 bottles of wine every night and somehow managed to hold down a job but my life was a mess with health problems, depression, lack of motivation and anxiety. I gave up in October 2016 and using some of the tips on the site and planned strategies including reading a lot of alcohol drinking stories and books, I got through a month and Christmas and things seemed much easier the other side and actually enjoyed myself. In total, I managed 7 and a half months. I still can't quite believe how I did it but felt great, my life was changing, I had a better relationship, eating better and had lost 2 and a half stone and started doing more, better at work, time for hobbies and going out socially. I was convinced I wouldn't drink again.

I went on holiday to a sunny place which is a big trigger for me but had a plan which was to see it as a different type of holiday, eat more healthily, go for walks. I made myself promise not to drink the first 2 days to see how I felt which really worked. The flight was a complete nightmare as it is always a trigger to drink and start the holiday and everyone was drinking, cans opening, ice clinking and people getting drunk and having a great time. I just tried to sleep and got through it. What helped was I had written down the reasons for not drinking and strategies on my phone to read and kept re-reading them. The first day on holiday was equally difficult, I went out to a bar and had a non alcoholic drink but everyone was enjoying themselves and it was too difficult and felt bored and went home. But the amazing thing was I woke up next morning for the first time on my holiday without a hangover and went for an early morning walk and did aqua aerobics and it started a pattern. I ate healthily, lots of fruit and water and lost weight. I even went out to a music bar most nights and found a non alcoholic cocktail which I loved and found I enjoyed the holiday more.

So to the point of the post, I managed 7 and a half months including 12 days of a 14 day holiday and it was my husband's birthday and I just decided I could have some wine. I felt I could control it and sort of did. I had half a bottle at lunch and the same at dinner and managed to go to the bar and not drink. Next day did the same and felt very in control. Then the next day I was flying back and had half a bottle of wine with lunch, 3 drinks at the airport and on the plane got a g and t and 3 small bottles of wine. I sat on the plane on the second wine and just started crying as it was apparent, I was on the verge of being back where I was. One of the only things that has kept me going through triggers is telling myself I have done a month or 3 months or 6 months and I felt so proud of myself. But drinking on the plane, I felt disgusted with myself and depressed for throwing it all away. It wasn't even as great as I remember. I can't think of starting from day 1 as it is too depressing and trying to focus on what I did achieve but it is very hard. Hoping this helps anyone else and to help me stay focused.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Lush4life » 01 Jun 2017 12:43

jamie wrote:Hi everyone I haven't posted in a long time but looking for inspiration to get me back on track. I finally managed to give up after trying for years and having hundreds of day 1's and lasting anything from 2 days to a month. I drank 2 bottles of wine every night and somehow managed to hold down a job but my life was a mess with health problems, depression, lack of motivation and anxiety. I gave up in October 2016 and using some of the tips on the site and planned strategies including reading a lot of alcohol drinking stories and books, I got through a month and Christmas and things seemed much easier the other side and actually enjoyed myself. In total, I managed 7 and a half months. I still can't quite believe how I did it but felt great, my life was changing, I had a better relationship, eating better and had lost 2 and a half stone and started doing more, better at work, time for hobbies and going out socially. I was convinced I wouldn't drink again.

I went on holiday to a sunny place which is a big trigger for me but had a plan which was to see it as a different type of holiday, eat more healthily, go for walks. I made myself promise not to drink the first 2 days to see how I felt which really worked. The flight was a complete nightmare as it is always a trigger to drink and start the holiday and everyone was drinking, cans opening, ice clinking and people getting drunk and having a great time. I just tried to sleep and got through it. What helped was I had written down the reasons for not drinking and strategies on my phone to read and kept re-reading them. The first day on holiday was equally difficult, I went out to a bar and had a non alcoholic drink but everyone was enjoying themselves and it was too difficult and felt bored and went home. But the amazing thing was I woke up next morning for the first time on my holiday without a hangover and went for an early morning walk and did aqua aerobics and it started a pattern. I ate healthily, lots of fruit and water and lost weight. I even went out to a music bar most nights and found a non alcoholic cocktail which I loved and found I enjoyed the holiday more.

So to the point of the post, I managed 7 and a half months including 12 days of a 14 day holiday and it was my husband's birthday and I just decided I could have some wine. I felt I could control it and sort of did. I had half a bottle at lunch and the same at dinner and managed to go to the bar and not drink. Next day did the same and felt very in control. Then the next day I was flying back and had half a bottle of wine with lunch, 3 drinks at the airport and on the plane got a g and t and 3 small bottles of wine. I sat on the plane on the second wine and just started crying as it was apparent, I was on the verge of being back where I was. One of the only things that has kept me going through triggers is telling myself I have done a month or 3 months or 6 months and I felt so proud of myself. But drinking on the plane, I felt disgusted with myself and depressed for throwing it all away. It wasn't even as great as I remember. I can't think of starting from day 1 as it is too depressing and trying to focus on what I did achieve but it is very hard. Hoping this helps anyone else and to help me stay focused.
If going back to day one doesn't help ,you don't have to!
Having achieved 7 mths. Sobriety is great and those sober muscles and memory are still there, really good that you've dived back in before things get too hard.
One day at a time is all we have and all we need ;)?
Sobriety is never owned ; it's rented
And rent is due Every day.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Shadowlad » 01 Jun 2017 13:29

Well said Lushy, one day at a time is all we have, any of us ;)?

We only have the here and now x

Best wishes to Jamie :)
Merlin5000 wrote:I went to the recovery cafe, today in Paisley, I had a lovely meal and great conversations. Plus I had acupuncture on my ears, my day in Paisley, really helped me, forget about the triggers I was, experiencing.
That sounds just perfect Merlin, we have a recovery cafe where i live and i used to have acupuncture on my ears (Chinese) in rehab and LOVED it. Very relaxing. I highly recommend acupuncture for, especially in early recovery.

I hope the triggers are not too bothersome now, take care,

Nicky x
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by jamie » 03 Jun 2017 14:08

Thanks for your comments. I did post a reply but doesn't seem to be there so must have not submitted it. I am feeling much better and have been able to get back on track. There must be muscle and brain memory in there after all. A recovery café sounds a great idea. I am always surprised by how little seems to be out there other than AA for people trying to give up which is why this site is amazing.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by blan kout » 06 Jun 2017 00:32

jamie wrote: I sat on the plane on the second wine and just started crying
hi jamie ,i'm on week 6. can i ask you ,on that day did you go straight from sober to crying or was there a period when you felt the drink's effect and it felt good ? i ask this because come the weekends and everyone around me is drinking i get the inevitable thought that if i had a drink it would be damn good fun. i know that afterwards , when i sobered up, i'd be sorry but the jealous thought of having fun still creeps into my head. bloody thoroughly , nice, well adjusted people like my wife and friends, twats the lot of them (joke)

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Leslans » 07 Jun 2017 18:26

Blan kout......I couldn't help but smile when I read your post. Watching others particularly in those early days is painful and can easily bring in a relapse. I know this too well as do many others on this site.

It's tough accepting that all these other people can go along drinking what they want and not end up like us. My god I've spent all my adult life trying to drink "normally"........and failed miserably time after time. Despite my views that I believe alcohol will be reined in at some stage in the distant future due to the damage it causes, we in the meantime have to learn to live without it whilst everyone else APPEARS to be getting the better deal.

I have emphasised "appears" because a lot of people who we think are drinking are not really and those who we think aren't are, if that makes sense. You'd be surprised at how many people don't drink much and in fact when you feel you will be the odd one out others are not having very much themselves either. That's definitely something I noticed at social events. Of course unless you socialise with a group of life's pissheads, and I've done that in the past :o

So working on acceptance of your situation will help enormously. You can't do anything about anyone else and if like me you let if get under your skin you'll go back. After 12 months of being totally pissed off with the whole world because they could drink and I couldn't I finally just said "sod it". 12 years later, nothing changed, worse situations and me being totally broken by alcohol.

So my mindset is now....you can keep your alcohol all to yourself because I'm not going back there. The horrendous hangovers, anxiety, shame, depression and so much more. So if your trigger is others drinking you most certainly need to work on accepting your own situation, maybe limit social events in the early days except for ones where you know you will blend in ok without feeling "the odd one out" and remind yourself every day how much better you are without that drink inside of you.

Much love Day 317 for me <:)> after 15 years of trying
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Vonne » 07 Jun 2017 21:22

Hi leslans, great post, I can get my head around staying strong, day by day, week by week, but true acceptance, and being truly happy and content in that is hard and will take a lot more work to achieve, that's the place I would really like to be long term, but like many things, I guess it will take time ;)?

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by blan kout » 08 Jun 2017 14:01

vonne wrote: being truly happy and content
25% of that will do me fine.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Leslans » 08 Jun 2017 18:28

Being truly happy with total abstinence. It's a long road, it will take time.......I'm not there yet, I know that. I know despite my delusional mind I can't drink anymore, unless I'm prepared to accept the consequences. The consequences are horrendous. Not all the time, but on many occasions I could just curl up and gladly die after an episode of overindulgence.

That is not a life. Nor is to permanently feeling low and depressed about our situation. We can't just hang around in no mans land. We have to move forward and we can only move forward if we help ourselves. Conundrum. Head mess. It's not easy, but we can make it easier if we accept it's over. Just like a relationship, eventually you move on once you realise there's no point going back.

Not really a post for triggers.......but I feel better for writing that down anyway <:)>
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by blan kout » 09 Jun 2017 08:05

i say 25% of total happiness and content will do me fine because i don't know anyone regardless of drink who can claim 100%. unless they are going through the honeymoon period of new romance or they are 8 years old and they are allowed to stay up late to watch "tales of the unexpected" but virtually all adults seem to want something more.
i'm happy just to wake in the morning without an instant knot in my stomach and head instantly geared towards thoughts of insecurity , inferiority ,self doubt and raging anxiety. being able to pop to the shop without panicking that i'm going to have to chat for 2 minutes with an old aquaintance is good enough when you've spent a lot of your life dreading such a simple thing.
in the words of leonard cohen ( my wife hates him because she doesn't understand)................" i saw an old man leaning on a wooden crutch. he said to me you should not ask for so much"

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Leslans » 09 Jun 2017 08:36

I like that analogy Blan Kout. I guess I want more the 25%. When I was practicing my yoga every day I was at peace with myself. I've lost it a bit because I've not been able to get to my classes. Without doubt the principals behind yoga push you towards feelings of happiness and contentment.

I also get that feeling of not really wanting to speak to people, hiding away when you are engulfed by the whole alcohol thing. I certainly hold my head high since I became teetotal.

As I move towards my 11 month, it's been a struggle. Mainly because of own mindset. It's time to dig very deep. I read posts on here, countless posts where people have relapsed at 12 months and find before very long they are back where they started. I did that very thing back in 2005. So I have to throw myself at this, perhaps the same as I did during those difficult days at the beginning of my journey. Triggers, tend to be the stereotypical norm, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I need to find that peace in my mind which I enjoyed so much.

Keep strong B, you will reap the benefits of a very peaceful and happy life if you do. I have enjoyed that for most of my journey. When the going gets tough, you just have to dig in and get through it

Much love <:)>
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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Hope209 » 09 Jun 2017 15:01

[quote="in the words of leonard cohen ( my wife hates him because she doesn't understand)................" i saw an old man leaning on a wooden crutch. he said to me you should not ask for so much"[/quote]
Blankout a fellow Leonard fan. Just remember the lady in her darkened door who says why not ask for more ...
Sobriety is the only way to avoid waking up the next day wondering what you did the night before ;)?
#10 on the 2018 sobriety challenge

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by blan kout » 09 Jun 2017 17:30

hpoe209 wrote:Just remember the lady in her darkened door who says why not ask for more
lol. that part did cross my mind but i thought " ha no one on here would know it anyway. i can get away with it"
i should of guessed this is the exact place to find some cohen appreciators. there's not many about. the landlord in my local ( ex) used to stand in front of the jukebox like a goalie ,physically stopping me from using it on a sunday afternoon.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by jamie » 22 Jun 2017 14:08

Hi sorry it's taken so long to reply but I had been feeling really great and confident about not drinking for over 7 months. But for a few weeks before I had started to get a little niggly thought that I might just have one and it will be fine. Definitely there was a night on holiday when everyone else was drinking and it seemed really depressing not to be drinking but managed to get through it and next morning felt great that I had resisted and no hangover. I think I got over confident and had a drink but the first drink or two was ok but not quite as great as I remembered. I remember thinking why was I making a fuss, it's not so great. I can take it or leave it but then I couldn't help myself and ordered more and had a brief thought of this is nice not to worry about it. Then I just thought you are back to square 1 and got so depressed. I managed to get straight back on track when I got back from holiday with no cravings for two weeks but have since had another blip at the weekend and drank two bottles of wine on Friday and Saturday so having to start all over again. But I know now I can do it and remind myself I managed Christmas and most of a holiday. I know at the beginning what helped was eating healthily and drinking lots of water and not getting too hungry or thirsty. I also wrote down all the positives and reasons for giving up and strategies on my phone so trying to focus again on that and tell myself I will do it this time.

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Spats » 10 Sep 2017 11:50

Have read a lot of the earlier posts re: what triggers we all experience. Looking through them realised that I went through so many of them without knowing in the days when I was drinking so much more. Knew the drink was making it worse but couldn't/didn't control it. Have worked through it all, including CBT which worked for a while but now with NHS Choices and finding BE am more focused. Reading one or two of things earlier posts thought that if I had a stressful day-and that's my main trigger point - then perhaps I could listen to a calming cd on my way home that way hopefully I can avoid calling in for a bottle on the way home.

Thanks all for your tips :\:

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Re: Triggers: how do you cope with them?

Post by Chicken881 » 12 Oct 2017 23:52

for me its all about anexity - try sleep tea.

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