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The relationship I have with myself.......

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
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free flow
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 09 Jun 2019 17:39

Hi Pork, I'll see your meme and raise you a pair ()o

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The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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free flow
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by free flow » 09 Jun 2019 17:46

I had an old FB account that I deleted mainly because I had been a minor soccer coach in my earlier life, and everyone of my kids would friend me and then I became friended by all their friends and suddenly I had a few thousand friends that I never knew. I'm sure it is somewhere in FB but now I've added a rather innocuous one that I use only for my neighbourhood posting. I rarely post to it though do have a giggle now and then when I read it.

I use youtube for funny animal videos and such.
The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are. - Carl Jung

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Pork
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pork » 09 Jun 2019 18:02

I’ll see your pigs & raise you another reading cat 🐈
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Pork
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Pork » 09 Jun 2019 18:15

Topcats reading now :roll:
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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 10 Jun 2019 15:57

Wow Pink i always identify with what you write and how you feel. Thank you so much for taking the time to come on BE and write from the heart. <:)>
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
One of the issues that came up was social media and how it is used to hurt each other, be it deleting someone, ignore someone etc etc and the negativity this can create along with paranoia etc. I came home full of all kinds of emotions, not necessarily resolving much but at least agreeing to disagree which is a start. I also decided I don't want to live my life behind a screen and have removed social media, along with other chat methods due to feeling like we are living our lives in each others pockets although that is far from the truth, people knowing every move you make, knowing if a message has been read or not, its like having no privacy at all, can see when people have been active etc...Its just not real life and I reckon it will do me good, certainly for a good while to get rid. Will move on from today and build strength.
I feel the same, there is really no need for me to keep social media. I can keep contact with 'positive influences' in other ways, and check out animal videos on you tube (occasionally) as freeflow says. I feel so much better when not living my life behind a screen, it affects physical and mental health having too much time on the internet. I do appreciate BE though, but again it is just trying to use it in moderation.
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
Following my posts on here, I decided enough was enough and to try and resolve or at least sort out a situation to be amicable in particular when it comes to family events, as opposed to having an awful atmosphere which is what causes me anxiety. The other person agreed and we talked, shared views, didn't agree with views, a few tears by myself as I'd got so worked up and due to dynamics. Before I went to the meeting, I decided this was the very last time I would ever put myself in this position, ie. not getting involved in any way shape or form with issues that are either beyond my business or control, it will always backfire even if your intentions were good. I was 100% fixed firm with this.
Good for you, deciding that this is the last time, and for initiating an amicable platform. Also for deciding to not get involved in with other's issues. 'Not my monkey not my circus', my fave sentence atm. My mother and her partner argue nearly every week, and i have vowed not get involved or take sides. Taking this stance feels right, and ensures no pressure is placed on my shoulders. Her partner, her choice. Not my business at all.
Pink Panther wrote:
09 Jun 2019 21:33
I am now going to concentrate on myself and my family and put all of my efforts into what is important to me, what I can control and have the courage to accept the things I cannot change.

Could I have drank today?...……….probably could have got wasted any other time as all kinds of emotions were dredged up but I'm glad I suggested it if nothing else but to clear the air...………………...As I have chosen the sober path, I chose not to react to these emotions which I am truly proud of and believe this is a cracking achievement...there is only family who can do this to me emotionally.
And you should be very proud of yourself pink too, well done ! (::)

It's funny how only family can ignite that intense emotional rollercoaster isn't it ? On reflection, i think it is because we do love them, and the wounds are far greater when they let us down. There has been betrayal from some of the family who i love and trusted the most. Its fair to say that i can love them, but don't have to like some aspects of their personality. Life is too short for bitterness though, and like you say it is much better to be amicable. Its better for us, and better for them. One of the things that is now clear to me is that we are not all wired the same, and that's ok too.

Hope you have a good evening, :) <:)> <:)>
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 11 Jun 2019 20:46

Another interesting and insightful post PP <:)>

I could chat with you all night long, lol.

For now, lots of love and best wishes in your journey forward, and thanks once again for your sharing xxx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 27 Jun 2019 11:55

This morning i was reading a Personal Bill of Human Rights https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxi ... -of-rights which is a basic list (not political rights) of human rights to which all persons are entitled. They are about autonomy, self-care and relationships. I tend to have the list taped to the inside of a kitchen cupboard door to look at, as it is so easy to forget these basic rights/needs. I thought it would be useful to share the list here, which was given to me on a training course. Hope it may help anyone who struggles with exercising their basic rights, as i sometimes do xx

Personal Bill of Human Rights

1, I have the right to ask for what i want.
2, I have the right to say no to requests and demands i cannot meet.
3, I have a right to experience and express my feelings, positive or negative.
4, I have the right to change my mind.
5, I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
6, I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
7, I have the right to say no when i feel i am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
8, I have the right to determine my own priorities.
9, I have the right not to be responsible for other's behaviour, actions, feelings or problems.
10, I have the right to expect honesty from others.
11, I have the right to be angry with someone i love.
12, I have the right to be uniquely myself.
13, I have the right to feel scared and say "I'm afraid".
14, I have the right to say I don't know.
15, I have the right to not give excuses or reasons for my behaviour.
16, I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
17, I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
18, I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
19, I have the right to be healthier than those around me.
20, I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
21, I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
22, I have the right to change and grow.
23, I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
24, I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
25, I have the right to be happy.

'All humans are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood'
(U.N. Declaration of Human Rights, 1948)
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Jjjj of Old
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Jjjj of Old » 27 Jun 2019 12:20

Many thanks, Nicky - I hadn't read this before and I can see how useful and empowering the points it makes are

Thanks again for taking the time to share it ;)? <:)> xx
"Addiction doesn’t go away when we stop drinking." ~ Tai

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Topcat
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Topcat » 27 Jun 2019 12:40

Shadowlad wrote:
27 Jun 2019 11:55
This morning i was reading a Personal Bill of Human Rights
Thank you for posting that Nicky. Excellent ;)? <:)>
#5 on the 2019 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

TrueState
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by TrueState » 27 Jun 2019 13:25

This is quite powerful....thanks for posting. It strikes me that to have knowledge and understanding of Personal Bill of Human Rights should be part of the curriculum. If every child grows up with this ingrained into their psychy how different things might be I wonder

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 27 Jun 2019 23:08

;)? <:)>

That's a good point about making this part of the curriculum, just as managing personal finance should be an integral part a child's school education.
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 10 Aug 2019 16:45

Feeling a little bit rattled since a telephone conversation with my mother. My relationship with her almost certainly impacts on the relationship with myself. Well, if i let it affect me that is. When she is in an agitated and complaining mood like today i keep the conversation very short and minimal. That way i don't say the wrong thing or get involved in her drama. I'm pleased with my handling of the phone call but am left with a shadow on my day. Her unpredictable moods always unearth unpleasant childhood feelings. One thing i am so thankful for is this personal bill of rights. Somehow those listed rights are so liberating when you are dealing with a controlling parent.
Shadowlad wrote:
27 Jun 2019 11:55
I have the right not to be responsible for other's behaviour, actions, feelings or problems.

This has helped greatly this morning after the telephone call.
Shadowlad wrote:
27 Jun 2019 11:55
I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect


Too right and i think i managed to respond in a way that promoted this right.
Shadowlad wrote:
27 Jun 2019 11:55
I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
Yep and this week i'm gonna get it. No ringing my mother for at least a full week :!:

Not expecting anyone to respond to this post, its just a little bit of letting off steam and trying to untangle my thoughts. Helps greatly to write things down. :)
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Topcat » 10 Aug 2019 16:49

I know you're not expecting a response, but I wanted to say well done you. Your mother sounds like a nightmare to deal with in view of her unpredictable moods/responses. Well done Nicky <:)>
#5 on the 2019 Challenge
Today is our most precious possession.

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Shadowlad
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Re: The relationship I have with myself.......

Post by Shadowlad » 10 Aug 2019 16:55

Thank you dear TC <:)> Yes those unpredictable bad moods can take a lot of navigating and that is putting it politely lol. I think i must have grown up a lot in our years apart. I'm far less reactive these days :? :)

xx
Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

Dennis P. Kimbro

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