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CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Partners, families, children and friends - they all get affected by your drinking.
Frank
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Frank » 13 Aug 2008 08:32

I gotta say after reading Cheryls original post I'm thinkin now when I look back I could of been co dependent but it had nothing to do with alcohol. However there is probably indirect links to alcohol somewhere in there for me. This is a learning process that I am goin through now and Cheryl thanks for giving me more food for thought, it will all be of help in the long run.

Take care all xx

dadaben
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by dadaben » 13 Aug 2008 22:09

hi amber,
thank you for your ideas on sleeping, ill try, i think i have a small fan in a box in the garage, im going to try and read a pat barker book that ive started thee or four times now, always after a drink and each time i was getting into it then woke up with it on my chest! perhaps tonight ill read the whole trillogy!
night night and thanks,
ben x

Amber
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Amber » 13 Aug 2008 23:26

Hi Ben,I hope you are managing to get some sleep.You sound more positive today,I hope you are feeling stronger and that you enjoy losing yourself in the books.x <:)>
The strongest among the weak is the one who doesn't forget his weaknesses.
- Danish Proverb

dadaben
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by dadaben » 13 Aug 2008 23:55

hi amber,
stayed up late, its nearly twelve, watched silly film, now im going to bed with your advice
Thanks, take care
ben xx

dazed
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by dazed » 27 May 2009 11:18

Thanks for that first post (and the others!)
I often find this Co-Dependency thing hard to get my head round.
My BF is abusive in different ways (mostly mentally).
But we both drink but I would say are not alcoholics.
I think I am right in saying I am co-dependent on him,maybe not the other way round.
I will change my routine at the weekend, not see friends/family as much because he is pushy and it doesn't fit in with his schedule and he has to be near his job.But I kinda lose some identity.And I have agreed with demands that I now realise were unfair. :?

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silvergirl
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by silvergirl » 10 Dec 2009 12:56

\:)/

best wishes one and all.
sgx
Last edited by silvergirl on 29 Feb 2020 10:19, edited 2 times in total.
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Bela
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Bela » 10 Dec 2009 13:26

thanks for finding and bumping this threat, sg. my mind was tracking along similar lines as I've been reading posts by Sez and Kittie. That's for sharing your story. I think is fertile ground for discussion.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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silvergirl
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by silvergirl » 10 Dec 2009 13:34

nae worries bela, thanks for reading!

i think i can say "yes" to 19.5 of the 20 questions on the first post of the first page of the thread and it's certainly something i'd like to think more about.

sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Kittie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Kittie » 10 Dec 2009 13:57

what a brave and honest post,

i can relate to a great deal of what you say, i too need to start believing in myself and creating my own destiny. there is a certain amount of if you dont love yourself how can you expect anyone else too. i too would say I am a generous person, and ive always been the sort of person who cant say no, and find myself being the one giving an giving and not seeming to get much back (BE excluded)

for example and this kind of thing happens a lot to me, most of the people i knew when i lost my job and quit my social sports team never called me, it was always me calling them and arranging things, it was always me who remembered peoples birthdays, when people are sad its me checking up on them. there was one person who i truly believed would be my friend forever, i realised a couple of weeks before my birthday this year that it was always me calling, texting, emailing first so i did a little experiment - she didnt call, she forgot my birthday and sent me a text three days after my birthday - so i said dont worry its ok (although i was really hurt) i have always made such an effort for her birthday, last year she was in terrible problems with her OH and her birthday was on a weekend i made sure her present and card arrived on her birthday - she didnt even send me an e-card. so i didnt call her again, its been a month and then i get a text which was almost a bit stroppy because she hadnt heard from me, i wrote back saying i was ok, but life was tough due to the job but i was feeling positive because i had interviews and it was going to be ok - she never wrote back. Its the same with my family, if i dont call i dont hear from them in weeks and suddenly its like i have commited a massive sin! they dont ever come to see me "as there too busy/too tired/drives too long" but obviously i dont work as hard as them and get tired or busy and if i dont go and see them its my fault that we havent seen each other, because i havent been to see them - although they are my family so you make allowanced and if ever i really needed them they would be there.

honestly i sometimes think i have MUG tattoed on my head!

Its since i have been sober that i have realised i dont have to put up with this rubbish, i should stop making myself so available, and wasting my time on people who dont deserve my time, i get so walked over and whilst it will be hard for me i do plan to change this. i actually need to change this!

so your post has made me think, and a great deal of it is very similar to my situation - i think the reason me and my partner are having these troubles is because i am slowly realising that i am able to make my own choices in life and the old me is coming back - i think he is glad really we just had a lovely chat and i do love him so much

Enjoy your sandwich although i am not sure about the vegemite... im off to look at the first post :)

Bela - thanks for thinking of me, its very sweet x
Kittie - working hard to be the best person i can be.

http://keepmesober.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho only a few more sleeps to go...

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silvergirl
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by silvergirl » 11 Dec 2009 10:58

yep, it's the how-to-say-no aspect of things that i'd like to work on. generally i know what i want, or if i am in a situation where i'm not happy, often i have the exact phrase i'd like to say in my mind and it just doesn't come out of my mouth. it's a confidence thing for me i reckon, and at times (less so now) i've actually thought "oh it's only me and i don't matter.." wtf?! but yeah, working on building the link between thinking the thought and actually saying it is going to be fun! there's generosity, and then there's looking after yourself and knowing the limit of what you can actually give without it being detrimental to you.

hmm, still thinking about it all!

sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Kittie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Kittie » 11 Dec 2009 11:40

exactly how i feel SG :)
Kittie - working hard to be the best person i can be.

http://keepmesober.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho only a few more sleeps to go...

thewho
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by thewho » 14 Dec 2009 10:32

sg
I'm glad you're giving it all some thought, you sound as if you've got a good understanding of it all, its just a case of working on it! 'just'!!

kittie, its a shame when all this stuff happens, sorry to hear it, but I guess 'losing' the alcohol at least has helped you to see some of this for what it is.

<:)> <:)> to you both, sorry, I'm not good at long replies!!

thewho

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Kittie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Kittie » 14 Dec 2009 10:35

sometimes short and sweet is just perfect :)

Thank you thewho x
Kittie - working hard to be the best person i can be.

http://keepmesober.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho only a few more sleeps to go...

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silvergirl
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by silvergirl » 15 Dec 2009 10:23

aye, cheers thewho, i know that i "only" have to sift through it all. and you can show that you "get" it with only one line.

sgx
you can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.
~jon kabat-zinn

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Kittie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Kittie » 15 Dec 2009 10:42

well put my fellow gas bag :)
Kittie - working hard to be the best person i can be.

http://keepmesober.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho only a few more sleeps to go...

thewho
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by thewho » 15 Dec 2009 10:49

i like reading long gas bag posts u two!! But I do like good one liners too... Anyway, carry on carrying on as it were..... (wow a two liner from me, miracles happen...)

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Kittie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Kittie » 15 Dec 2009 11:06

LOL
Kittie - working hard to be the best person i can be.

http://keepmesober.blogspot.com/

Ho Ho Ho only a few more sleeps to go...

Finnie
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Finnie » 17 Apr 2010 22:23

So
We, the partners of alcoholics, are often co-dependent. :roll:
How do we get out, without getting out of the relationship? :?

How do we stay focussed and ourselves? Yoga? Anger-management? Food?
How much do let go through? How much abuse?
How do we know when to intervene? When they lost their job? When they lost their friends? When they lost their home? When they are half-dead?
And who do we turn to when our friends have heard it all before, their doctors and our doctors just prescribe more medication that does not help, when we are still on the waiting list to get counseling ourselves?

How can we cope with knowing that they do LOVE us and we LOVE them but the alcohol will always return after one detoxing week? :(

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audacity
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by audacity » 13 Jun 2010 08:42

I'm cutting off myself out of all of that... I'm saying enough after almost 7 yrs when things were going from bad to worse and for the first time I called the coppers today and I am so proud of myself I did it!!! :D

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Bela
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Re: CO-DEPENDENCY...information for All

Post by Bela » 13 Jun 2010 15:22

I say good for you, Audacity.
Saw your post on another thead. <:)>
You need to stay focused on what is best for you and your child.
Whatever works.

Cravings stop going where they aren't fed.

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