New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

nutti wrote:
21 Nov 2019 18:48
Hello, I am new. I have been drinking for many years. 16 years old to now 45) only time I had stopped was when i was pregnant. I would not say I am a heavy drinker but struggle to not drink. If i go out i can not stop and not remember what I have done. So I guess I need help and I really don't want my kids to have a drunk mother or drink themselves. So i need to set a good example.
Welcome nutti! There's some powerful motivators you've got there. This a great, informative, supportive site, so do have a good read around.
Another site you might like is this one http://mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/
Many people on here start with a challenge, often the 7 day one. It can be tough stopping - personally, having tried every way to cut back, controk or moderate my drinking it was a huge relief to finally decide that it was permanently and completely out of my life. This sin't always an easy road either, but it's very much easier than moderation because it's simpler and because you get your headspace, and therefore your priorities, back.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Bluebottle
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Bluebottle »

Cmon all you lurkers, time to start posting, we don't bite, hard anyway. Silly season is almost upon us time to kick the booze to the kerb.

Ruby xx
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
352/12 days - sober/drinking (14 April 2018 - 13 April 2019)
307/59 days - 2019/2020

Whisper
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper »

Hello all,

Feels odd to be on a forum like this. Avoidance for me has been key. I guess I am getting sick of not dealing with my problem which is my inability to stop drinking. I don’t drink everyday and save it for non school nights but when I do I struggle to stop. I come from a family of drinkers who all equally have a problem. I was drinking heavily from 13 with my parents who happily gave me drink. Not in an abusive way but that’s just what we did. We drink as a family. I now have a little girl and don’t want drink to be the norm! I am struggling to cut down and just thought maybe a forum like this could help. Looking forward to reading some of your stories and hopefully saying success stories even more.

X

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Winkler
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler »

Hi whisper and welcome. Brave post :\:
I wasn’t an every day drinker either and have really struggled getting my head around why I couldn’t just cut down and be moderate with an occasional blow out .....

So it’s really not that simple is it?

Several years later :oops: I hope I am finally tired of being sick and tired and having alcohol in my thoughts all the time. The answer for me has been to quit, yep, not even now and again, it just always ends up at the same boring place! Over 6 months this time round and I’m mostly free of the should I shouldn’t I dilemma at last.

But you must find out for yourself, you’re on the path now!

Research has shown the earlier alcohol is introduced, the more likely it is you will develop a problem and those problems are not always accepted as problems by other people in our alcohol centric society. Everybody minimises their problem. At least you will be able to protect your daughter and not allow people to start her off young ;)?
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing - Lao Tzu

Whisper
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper »

Thanks. I feel better already posting on here although I am aware it’s Monday and not a Friday so I tend to do better when i haven’t got the ‘weekend vibe.’

I got to say I have fear over given up completely. But your right I don’t tend to be a person who can just cut it down and be moderate with it. I am hoping as I learn to cut down and change my thought process of I must have another drink to feel good that I can eventually cut it out for good!

Water for the win :lol2:

How did you give up/attempt to cut it out? X

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Winkler
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler »

It wasn’t really on my mind on the days I didn’t drink but would be there from the morning on a Thursday, before my days off! And yes, I was scared too. It’s too hard to think like that. Just for today is enough and all we need to do.

I think on my more successful attempts I would give it a lot of thought, plan what I would do to entertain myself and what I would do if the urge seemed overwhelming. I learned to urge surf, where you allow yourself to feel the craving wherever it is in your body and sit it out as an observer rather than running with it.

Another truck is to keep delaying, another 10 minutes and another 10 minutes. And recognise the triggers - HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Put those right rather than drinking

I had a lot of quit lit and tried to improve my lifestyle with exercise and healthy eating. I’m still a work in progress there 😆

I’ve had to learn to manage stress better, currently I’m practicing a little meditation each day and I do feel so much better and usually sleep pretty well too. Those terrible days of feeling ill and anxious, waking at 3am and so angry with myself and hopeless 😢 well they’re gone, now I think about it

The first 7 days thread is usually the most busy on here. A lot of people agree the first 7 days is the hardest. Closely followed by staying stopped :D
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=368&sid=b53e2548635 ... tart=81120

It’s so easy to think you’ve cracked it and minimise your problem after some time under your belt, but the wine witch/alcohol demon leaps back in before you can turn around it seems, not helped by other people’s attitudes. You start to realise how much alcohol is completely normalised and being different and not drinking, well, it’s hard. You wonder if you were making a mountain out of a molehill (you weren’t ;) ). Remember to not trust your thinking around drinking ;)?

Lots of support here though, and there are other good websites too. Every so often you come across someone else who doesn’t worship drinking and that’s always a boost too.

Good luck, I certainly don’t have all the answers and find myself being really strong one minute and then questioning everything again within hours. Nobody ever regrets not drinking in the morning though - some people advocate winding the tape forward to the likely outcome if you’re feeling particularly tempted. I also hated restraining myself from having a 3rd drink and feeling grumpy and irritable- so not worth it for 2 drinks. What I really wanted to do was what I always did - drink to get drunk

I avoided occasions where I knew there would be heavy drinking and still do if I can. I can handle people drinking moderately, and was quite surprised how little most people do drink, I used to think everyone drank like me but they don’t, it’s just that we tend to hang with people whose habits are like ours. It is strange at first but does become normal after a while. Friendships and relationships do change, thinking about it, but probably become more honest and about enjoying the company rather than the alcohol you drink together!

I don’t tolerate drunk people anymore - you know that point where people start repeating themselves, slurring and looking glazed. Way too boring! That’s probably the point when you’re feeling full of insight and having fun when you’re drinking- looks very different from the other side :lol2: It’s great being able to just drive yourself home though and have a lovely relax and sleep, waking up, rested, with energy to seize the day. I do love that, thinking about it. I never used to remember going to bed when I was on the wine :oops: and would always feel depressed exhausted and regretful in the morning, only to argue with myself all day then repeat. Awful and no way to spend your weekends and your life.
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing - Lao Tzu

Rendall
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Rendall »

Hi - I’m new here. Love my wine a bit too much and I’m struggling to cut down. I drink for every emotion - happy, sad, stressed, angry, calm... I need to sort it out before it becomes a real problem and I start drinking from morning to evening (not there yet, but I can see it coming). Any advice? I’m hoping talking to others (you) will help get on the right path x

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Leslans
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Leslans »

Hi Rendall, welcome to BE. A wonderful forum for those of us who don’t have an “off” switch, are normal people who for some reason alcohol affects differently to others. Have a good look around, there is so much useful information. We are all at different stages of addiction, I prefer that to alcoholism. Some just overindulging at the weekend others 24/7. What you will find is non-judgemental individuals who totally understand you. This is a journey to sobriety, start on the 7 day thread, The Road Abstinence is a great thread have a good look around.

I wish you well and hope you are able to gain an insight into this dreadful debilitating condition. Take care <:)>
"Don't look back, you're not going that way"

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SoberBoots
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by SoberBoots »

Rendall wrote:
26 Nov 2019 17:30
Hi - I’m new here. Love my wine a bit too much and I’m struggling to cut down. I drink for every emotion - happy, sad, stressed, angry, calm... I need to sort it out before it becomes a real problem and I start drinking from morning to evening (not there yet, but I can see it coming). Any advice? I’m hoping talking to others (you) will help get on the right path x
Hi Rendall, well it'd certainly help to have a booze free period. Like you I'd got in the habit of relying on booze to a shocking extent, and had to rebuild coping skills and resilience in order to be fully myself.
My advice is that although quitting can be tough it's the most amazing journey - sobriety is the best gift I ever gave myself!
It sounds to as if although you're probably "functioning" now, you know you're on the edge of a serious problem. I think it's brilliant thet you're here, and great timing - after all, if you know a train's going to crash, why not get off it while you still can?
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is today.

Whisper
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Whisper »

Winkler wrote:
25 Nov 2019 21:23
It wasn’t really on my mind on the days I didn’t drink but would be there from the morning on a Thursday, before my days off! And yes, I was scared too. It’s too hard to think like that. Just for today is enough and all we need to do.

I think on my more successful attempts I would give it a lot of thought, plan what I would do to entertain myself and what I would do if the urge seemed overwhelming. I learned to urge surf, where you allow yourself to feel the craving wherever it is in your body and sit it out as an observer rather than running with it.

Another truck is to keep delaying, another 10 minutes and another 10 minutes. And recognise the triggers - HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired). Put those right rather than drinking

I had a lot of quit lit and tried to improve my lifestyle with exercise and healthy eating. I’m still a work in progress there 😆

I’ve had to learn to manage stress better, currently I’m practicing a little meditation each day and I do feel so much better and usually sleep pretty well too. Those terrible days of feeling ill and anxious, waking at 3am and so angry with myself and hopeless 😢 well they’re gone, now I think about it

The first 7 days thread is usually the most busy on here. A lot of people agree the first 7 days is the hardest. Closely followed by staying stopped :D
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=368&sid=b53e2548635 ... tart=81120

It’s so easy to think you’ve cracked it and minimise your problem after some time under your belt, but the wine witch/alcohol demon leaps back in before you can turn around it seems, not helped by other people’s attitudes. You start to realise how much alcohol is completely normalised and being different and not drinking, well, it’s hard. You wonder if you were making a mountain out of a molehill (you weren’t ;) ). Remember to not trust your thinking around drinking ;)?

Lots of support here though, and there are other good websites too. Every so often you come across someone else who doesn’t worship drinking and that’s always a boost too.

Good luck, I certainly don’t have all the answers and find myself being really strong one minute and then questioning everything again within hours. Nobody ever regrets not drinking in the morning though - some people advocate winding the tape forward to the likely outcome if you’re feeling particularly tempted. I also hated restraining myself from having a 3rd drink and feeling grumpy and irritable- so not worth it for 2 drinks. What I really wanted to do was what I always did - drink to get drunk

I avoided occasions where I knew there would be heavy drinking and still do if I can. I can handle people drinking moderately, and was quite surprised how little most people do drink, I used to think everyone drank like me but they don’t, it’s just that we tend to hang with people whose habits are like ours. It is strange at first but does become normal after a while. Friendships and relationships do change, thinking about it, but probably become more honest and about enjoying the company rather than the alcohol you drink together!

I don’t tolerate drunk people anymore - you know that point where people start repeating themselves, slurring and looking glazed. Way too boring! That’s probably the point when you’re feeling full of insight and having fun when you’re drinking- looks very different from the other side :lol2: It’s great being able to just drive yourself home though and have a lovely relax and sleep, waking up, rested, with energy to seize the day. I do love that, thinking about it. I never used to remember going to bed when I was on the wine :oops: and would always feel depressed exhausted and regretful in the morning, only to argue with myself all day then repeat. Awful and no way to spend your weekends and your life.
Thank you for this! Yes I keep saying when you wake up another day with no hungover you will feel so proud. I’m dreading Friday but got a plan of action to go to my friends house who just had a baby and therefore is not drinking.

My worry is I would normally go oh I didn’t drink Friday better drink more Saturday! I am thinking of stopping drinking completely for a bit and than learn to reduce. I have my work Xmas do on 13th. So will drink that evening but try and limit myself. Probably end up very drunk if I haven’t drunk for a while mind but I just want to try to cut it for now. I do like the whole distraction technique idea for when I do fancy a drink! Like now I really want a drink and am writing this. Going to drink lots of water as well.

How you feeling with Xmas coming up? Got any ideas on what you will do with drink ? Xx

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Winkler
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Winkler »

Yes, I often found I’d reward myself by drinking the night after once I’d worked really hard to avoid it the night before! Frustrating :)

I’ve been round the block a few times thinking I can reduce before settling where I am now. I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t do it long term but gave it a really good try! Stopping for a while is an excellent idea, I think ;)?

Christmas Day itself doesn’t bother me, thinking back, the worst years were probably the ones with Buck’s Fizz in the morning followed by sherry and trying to restrain myself to wait for the wine with dinner and cooking feeling really fed up. And then the day was finished for me, feeling horrible after dinner, hot overstuffed and knackered. But still having drinks, trying to chase the feeling. Yeh. Not for me ever again. I’d rather play monopoly!

Hardest days will probably be the Xmas party nights out, but I’ve got my head round them. New year will be ok, no party planned!

Think I’m just going to enjoy the time off and take it as it comes, as holidays should be, rather than fixated on alcohol. It’s so nice to have time back once you don’t drink, you’re free to plan and do anything, never feeling bad, regretful or unwell. ()o

Hi Rendall and welcome! Yeh - get going losing the habit would be my advice. Keep stopping til it sticks if at first you don’t succeed. Read everything you can and try all the advice until you find what works for you. Life is not all about drinking, but alcohol makes you feel like it is. Bloody stuff. Avoid. ;)?
Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing - Lao Tzu

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by karoll4211 »

Hi everybody. I'm from Louisiana and I'm standing here in a bar because I'm the bartender :o I have no customers because this is a hotel bar and it's Thanksgiving. I've been sneaking drinks here almost every night. I should be fired and I may be soon. I haven't drank yet toďay. I want to but I don't. It's so shameful to me. I get a strong overwhelming urge to drink and I'm surrounded by it. I feel like everyone knows. I should quit this job. I know that. The money is very good though. I want to be strong and control myself. Thanks for reading.

karoll4211
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by karoll4211 »

I keep telling myself these are bottles of poison.

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fiz
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by fiz »

Hello Karoll4211, and welcome to BE. You have just made the best decision ever, to join us. You will be given none judgemental help and encouragement from our members. <:)>
You are very right, you are surrounded by poison, Can you start looking for another job? You’re in a toxic situation Karoll, the first few days, months are tough enough without you being surrounded by all that poison, then on top of that, you run the risk of being fired and all the fall out that would follow. If you are a valued member of staff, you could maybe be transferred to a different part of the hotel?
Good luck on your new sober journey, read around the boards and post wherever you feel comfortable. The 7 day thread is a good one to start at. Good luck.
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Iroquois
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Iroquois »

Welcome Karoll!

I hope you can at least cut down on the drinking and get help before you lose your job. I know that if you make mistakes and the business starts to lose money that you will be let go. Maybe you could appeal to someone in the organization to help you sort it all out. Do you have an HR person? Or are you in that sea of employees that get no benefits or assistance that we are so famous for, here in the US?

I am from Colorado, and I know that our collective outlook on life is kind of dismal right now, but do try to seek help! Can you go to your HCP and get some advice? I would start there or give a good rehab a call if you have health insurance. SMART Recovery is relatively new in the US, but you might be able to get a decent start from them. They're approach to addiction is very modern and they do consider addiction a disease. They can be of great help! Just Google SMART!

Stick here on BE, this site and the folks on it are so caring and understanding! You will always feel welcome and understood. Please post again, so we can talk to you more! Have a look around and post where you feel most comfortable.

Best wishes, Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

karoll4211
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by karoll4211 »

Thank you both so much for responding. fizz you are right,I am in a dangerous job. I even have the key to the liquor room. Years ago I quit drinking for almost 3 years. Now I don't see how I did it. I know I'm an alcoholic and it's a terrible way to live. Deanna you're right. I have no benefits at this job. If I can't stop this I will quit. It's like a vicious cycle. It's very stressful here. I know I'm full of it thinking I should keep this job. I'll check out SMART. Again thank you.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by karoll4211 »

Honesty time. I shot some vodka last night after we closed and tonight I took a couple of shots while we were open. This is a ticking time bomb. Compulsion!!!! I know I have to leave.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Topcat »

karoll4211 wrote:
30 Nov 2019 04:11
This is a ticking time bomb. Compulsion!!!! I know I have to leave.
Probably for the best Karoll ;)? Good luck. TC xx
#5 on the 2021 Challenge
When life kicks sand in your face, build a castle.

Iroquois
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Iroquois »

Good Karroll, do call SMART or any help line, there are many, check out the SOS thread in General Recovery, there are US numbers listed there, too!

If you quit for 3 years once, you CAN do it again! Ask any of us, most of us have quit many times before we quit for the last time! Relapses are very common and recovery is a lot more common than you think!

Don't lose heart, get some help right away and then quit your job if you need to, it is pretty dangerous to work amidst your danger zone! Are you allowed to drink on the job? If not, you must consider repercussions for that, too.

Just come back and post some more and make that phone call, that is the hardest part, once you get someone that cares and wants to help half the battle is won! Let us know!

Deanna <:)> <:)> <:)>
There isn't enough alcohol in the world to make you happier, calmer, prettier, more clever or less angry.
Only sobriety will help you achieve these attributes.

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Oliver10 »

Hi everyone
I’m not new on here. I was comfortable being sober for some time & then thought, again for some time, I could manage my drinking, but I realise I can’t. It’s not really a ‘realisation’: I knew I was an alcoholic.
I feel very ashamed (again) of myself this morning. I’ve decided I’m going to not give up on giving up. My life is much much better when I don’t drink. When I do drink I can’t think of one positive thing that comes from it. Why do I do it? I have no idea. I thought I drank to anaesthetise myself from painful feelings but last night I drank because I was in a v happy mood. I can only conclude there is no reason apart from the reason being I am addicted to alcohol. It’s irrational behaviour; and the thing about irrational behaviour is that you can’t rationalise it. You just have to stop doing it.
I’m not setting myself any goals just at the moment as I fear I might break them. I’m just saying “hi” and I’m going to read your posts and keep checking in.
Ollie
<:)> it's time to be kinder to those we love but let's be kind to ourselves

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