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[Winkler]

Yes, I often found I’d reward myself by drinking the night after once I’d worked really hard to avoid it the night before! Frustrating

I’ve been round the block a few times thinking I can reduce before settling where I am now. I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t do it long term but gave it a really good try! Stopping for a while is an excellent idea, I think

Christmas Day itself doesn’t bother me, thinking back, the worst years were probably the ones with Buck’s Fizz in the morning followed by sherry and trying to restrain myself to wait for the wine with dinner and cooking feeling really fed up. And then the day was finished for me, feeling horrible after dinner, hot overstuffed and knackered. But still having drinks, trying to chase the feeling. Yeh. Not for me ever again. I’d rather play monopoly!

Hardest days will probably be the Xmas party nights out, but I’ve got my head round them. New year will be ok, no party planned!

Think I’m just going to enjoy the time off and take it as it comes, as holidays should be, rather than fixated on alcohol. It’s so nice to have time back once you don’t drink, you’re free to plan and do anything, never feeling bad, regretful or unwell.

Hi Rendall and welcome! Yeh - get going losing the habit would be my advice. Keep stopping til it sticks if at first you don’t succeed. Read everything you can and try all the advice until you find what works for you. Life is not all about drinking, but alcohol makes you feel like it is. Bloody stuff. Avoid.

[karoll4211]

Hi everybody. I'm from Louisiana and I'm standing here in a bar because I'm the bartender I have no customers because this is a hotel bar and it's Thanksgiving. I've been sneaking drinks here almost every night. I should be fired and I may be soon. I haven't drank yet toďay. I want to but I don't. It's so shameful to me. I get a strong overwhelming urge to drink and I'm surrounded by it. I feel like everyone knows. I should quit this job. I know that. The money is very good though. I want to be strong and control myself. Thanks for reading.

[karoll4211]

I keep telling myself these are bottles of poison.

[fiz]

Hello Karoll4211, and welcome to BE. You have just made the best decision ever, to join us. You will be given none judgemental help and encouragement from our members.
You are very right, you are surrounded by poison, Can you start looking for another job? You’re in a toxic situation Karoll, the first few days, months are tough enough without you being surrounded by all that poison, then on top of that, you run the risk of being fired and all the fall out that would follow. If you are a valued member of staff, you could maybe be transferred to a different part of the hotel?
Good luck on your new sober journey, read around the boards and post wherever you feel comfortable. The 7 day thread is a good one to start at. Good luck.

[Iroquois]

Welcome Karoll!

I hope you can at least cut down on the drinking and get help before you lose your job. I know that if you make mistakes and the business starts to lose money that you will be let go. Maybe you could appeal to someone in the organization to help you sort it all out. Do you have an HR person? Or are you in that sea of employees that get no benefits or assistance that we are so famous for, here in the US?

I am from Colorado, and I know that our collective outlook on life is kind of dismal right now, but do try to seek help! Can you go to your HCP and get some advice? I would start there or give a good rehab a call if you have health insurance. SMART Recovery is relatively new in the US, but you might be able to get a decent start from them. They're approach to addiction is very modern and they do consider addiction a disease. They can be of great help! Just Google SMART!

Stick here on BE, this site and the folks on it are so caring and understanding! You will always feel welcome and understood. Please post again, so we can talk to you more! Have a look around and post where you feel most comfortable.

Best wishes, Deanna

[karoll4211]

Thank you both so much for responding. fizz you are right,I am in a dangerous job. I even have the key to the liquor room. Years ago I quit drinking for almost 3 years. Now I don't see how I did it. I know I'm an alcoholic and it's a terrible way to live. Deanna you're right. I have no benefits at this job. If I can't stop this I will quit. It's like a vicious cycle. It's very stressful here. I know I'm full of it thinking I should keep this job. I'll check out SMART. Again thank you.

[karoll4211]

Honesty time. I shot some vodka last night after we closed and tonight I took a couple of shots while we were open. This is a ticking time bomb. Compulsion!!!! I know I have to leave.

[Topcat]

This is a ticking time bomb. Compulsion!!!! I know I have to leave.

Probably for the best Karoll Good luck. TC xx

[Iroquois]

Good Karroll, do call SMART or any help line, there are many, check out the SOS thread in General Recovery, there are US numbers listed there, too!

If you quit for 3 years once, you CAN do it again! Ask any of us, most of us have quit many times before we quit for the last time! Relapses are very common and recovery is a lot more common than you think!

Don't lose heart, get some help right away and then quit your job if you need to, it is pretty dangerous to work amidst your danger zone! Are you allowed to drink on the job? If not, you must consider repercussions for that, too.

Just come back and post some more and make that phone call, that is the hardest part, once you get someone that cares and wants to help half the battle is won! Let us know!

Deanna

[Oliver10]

Hi everyone
I’m not new on here. I was comfortable being sober for some time & then thought, again for some time, I could manage my drinking, but I realise I can’t. It’s not really a ‘realisation’: I knew I was an alcoholic.
I feel very ashamed (again) of myself this morning. I’ve decided I’m going to not give up on giving up. My life is much much better when I don’t drink. When I do drink I can’t think of one positive thing that comes from it. Why do I do it? I have no idea. I thought I drank to anaesthetise myself from painful feelings but last night I drank because I was in a v happy mood. I can only conclude there is no reason apart from the reason being I am addicted to alcohol. It’s irrational behaviour; and the thing about irrational behaviour is that you can’t rationalise it. You just have to stop doing it.
I’m not setting myself any goals just at the moment as I fear I might break them. I’m just saying “hi” and I’m going to read your posts and keep checking in.
Ollie

[Trojan]

Welcome back Ollie

My last relapse was also during an otherwise really positive time, so I can relate to what you’ve described. It seems that some us have to test to destruction the theory that alcohol can enhance any part of life.

As you say, sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to stop participating in it. Drinking is a prime example, and within a few days of sober time you will begin to feel better.

Beyond that it’s a case of maintenance, and it’s worth looking at some of the mainstream recovery approaches like SMART Recovery or LifeRing. Reading up on these helps to lay bare the false promises of drink, and can be really helpful as a guide and support through the changing stages of recovery.

[Oliver10]

Trojan
Thank you very much indeed. I will look at SMART. I think it’s time I found support beyond myself. I have always found BE very supportive & helpful. Thank you Ollie

[SoberBoots]

there is no reason apart from the reason being I am addicted to alcohol. It’s irrational behaviour; and the thing about irrational behaviour is that you can’t rationalise it. You just have to stop doing it.

Welcome back! You're spot on in your thinking. Getting support is crucial though, and so is developing your thoughts through reading. You can do this, so let's do it!

[Oliver10]

Thank you Soberboots
Very kind of you to write
It’s very helpful & encouraging to me
Ollie

[Whisper]

Been dreading today ! Saturday night normally means a bottle of wine and I am beyond tempted! This is my sixth day free from alcohol and I don’t want to ruin it. For me I’m a binge non school night drinker. So this is feeling near on impossible. Had a difficult day, not feeling great and daughter has been a terror. But got to stay strong! I just keep thinking about tomorrow.

[Winkler]

U can do it whisper, you really can!
What time can u put your daughter to bed? Go to bed really early yourself if it helps, PJs on, clean sheets
Relaxation recordings can be really helpful and also reading stuff online
Steven Melemis is a good read
https://www.iwanttochangemylife.org/

[SoberBoots]

Been dreading today ! Saturday night normally means a bottle of wine and I am beyond tempted! This is my sixth day free from alcohol and I don’t want to ruin it. For me I’m a binge non school night drinker. So this is feeling near on impossible. Had a difficult day, not feeling great and daughter has been a terror. But got to stay strong! I just keep thinking about tomorrow.

Hang in there Whisper. You know you want to change your life, and this happens one step at a time. Nothing bad will happen if you don't drink. You may feel a bit restless and agitated, but there's other things you can do to calm that - long hot bath, PJ's, movie is a good formula. And a huge bar of chocolate! Cravings for drink are actually less overwhelming than we believe them to be, and they pass over of you don't engage with them but do something else instead. You'll thank yourself in the morning. And then you'll have got through a Saturday night sober, so it'll be easier next time - this is how the habit of sobriety is formed. Well done for getting on here and posting

[Whisper]

Been dreading today ! Saturday night normally means a bottle of wine and I am beyond tempted! This is my sixth day free from alcohol and I don’t want to ruin it. For me I’m a binge non school night drinker. So this is feeling near on impossible. Had a difficult day, not feeling great and daughter has been a terror. But got to stay strong! I just keep thinking about tomorrow.

Hang in there Whisper. You know you want to change your life, and this happens one step at a time. Nothing bad will happen if you don't drink. You may feel a bit restless and agitated, but there's other things you can do to calm that - long hot bath, PJ's, movie is a good formula. And a huge bar of chocolate! Cravings for drink are actually less overwhelming than we believe them to be, and they pass over of you don't engage with them but do something else instead. You'll thank yourself in the morning. And then you'll have got through a Saturday night sober, so it'll be easier next time - this is how the habit of sobriety is formed. Well done for getting on here and posting

Thank you to you both! Well I made it! Currently in bed without having one drop of drink. It wasnt easy. Kept thinking I was cheating myself by not drinking.. almost as if it’s my Saturday night so I should have drink. But nope stuck strong. Tonight gives me some hope that I can do this. Thanks for your support!

[Oliver10]

Congrats Whisper

I made it too

[matt_candycrusher]

Two reasons I drink are people being rude to me and drinking too much in my opinion being accepted more in the UK specifically Scotland than in other countries