The Road to Abstinence.

Post by **Tobin** » 01 Jul 2011 11:02

This is a thread for those who have decided to completely abstain from alcohol or are considering abstention. Discussions here should be to support and encourage others as well as drawing on support individually, and accomplishments are acknowledged. For those who are struggling initially with abstaining, you may find the 'Cutting Down' thread useful to begin with and then try abstaining. It's entirely up to you which path you follow, and which route is chosen for achieving individual goals you feel comfortable with.

Maddie X

CJ · Post by CJ » 01 Jul 2011 14:45

What's happened to all the posts on this thread?
One of the best threads, I read it everyday!

George · Post by **George** » 01 Jul 2011 14:52

It's been archived Cal. It is still readable though.

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 01 Jul 2011 14:53

Wow, how exciting...I get to have the first post on the new Road to Abstinence thread;) Hopefully that is a good sign for me

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I had one of those...hit the heel of my hand on my forehead...DUH moments. I have been fretting a bit about the weekend and an upcoming vacation...both are triggers for drinking for me (as I imagine they are for many). It hit me this morning that I need to stop worrying because I realized now that I have NO CHOICE in whether I drink or not. I simply cannot drink so why am I even thinking about the possibility?

Not sure if I'm making any sense, but once I realized that I really have no choice I calmed down and realized that I don't need to waste my energy on worrying if I will slip over the weekend or on my upcoming vacation BECAUSE THAT IS NO LONGER AN OPTION!! Drinking has almost always caused problems in my marriage and I came very close to losing my hubby over my last binge. I was truly terrified. So why would I give any thought whatsover to the possiblity of having a drink?? Don't really know other than the fact that I'm so used to thinking like that as the weekend draws near so those old thougths were able to creep back in to my mind. But now I have banished them and if they come back, I'll banish them again

!

Sorry for the ramble, but I just wanted to put these thoughts in writting to you my good friends and see if it made any sense to anyone else?

Here's to hoping everyone has a great and sober weekend $\:)/$

Linda

Beebee · Post by **Beebee** » 01 Jul 2011 15:27

Hey Linda,
Made perfect sense to me too! I remember having that realisation also!
Hope all is ok with you, and you have a lovely AF weekend $\:)/$ $\:)/$ $\:)/$
Beebee xxxxxx

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 01 Jul 2011 15:36

Thanks Ragnar and Bee

I'm looking forward to that transatlantic AF party this weekend $\:)/$ Who else wants to join us?

Linda

64Turtles · Post by **64Turtles** » 01 Jul 2011 16:23

You see Linda ....you are #1 ! ! ! !

I had to beat the bad thoughts back in to hiding at first and now the occasional witchy thought brooms though and I swat her good and tell the idea to shove off as I am not interested in dooming my happy life at just this moment..... To much progress to consider returning to life as it once was - despair and misery. It seems the farther I get away from the dark hole and the more in the light I am lends my position to the no turning back philosophy.

Drinking again............. is as attractive as getting run over by a car ! ! ! !

: bike til u drop.jpg (7.23 KiB) Viewed 65676 times

Be safe and have a good holiday all.

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 01 Jul 2011 16:33

Love your post Turtles...really helped solidify my recent mindset change

You have been where I am now and you have made it to a much better place and I'm right behind you! I've missed chatting with you. Sounds like you are doing well my friend and that makes me happy

Linda

64Turtles · Post by **64Turtles** » 01 Jul 2011 18:37

Thanks Linda and congrats on the progress.

It seems the only substitute for 'time' is.........time. Some of the bad days 'seem' like yesterday but when I look at a calender it is now many days gone past and the word "years" is getting closer. Life is good but not to be confused with easy. If it were easy I would be more scared than I already am

Always pleased to read your post as I get to pop by occasional. I keep looking up with one eye but watch the road with the other.....makes me look funny but keeps me out of trouble as people avoid me and sometimes that is a good thing....

Best wishes to all on this bumpy road

fully recognizing the fruit of our efforts comes later than we would wish but it does come. $\:)/$

mai · Post by **mai** » 01 Jul 2011 19:43

Hi linda â€“ yes â€“ it makes perfect sense to me â€“ the worry of where the next drink comes from and when and at what time â€“ urgh â€“ huge stress factors.. It is going to be hard for your girlie, I know you are doing this because of an ultimatum but that doesn't make it any easier and huge admiration â€“ I truly hope it goes really well and makes an easier path for your to follow â€“ it is going to be hard.. There are lots of triggers but you can do it â€“ I know you can ..
Turtles â€“ hi and thank you for that post â€“ really needed at this time for me, have only recently hit 2 months, and life seems â€“ well rather flat and dull at the moment â€“ and it seems to be affecting my travelling fellows the same way, although we know we are doing the right thing and following the correct path â€“ temptation seems to be waving at us that good times could be had.. On deep thought and reflection this is not an option, an alcohol haze although bringing release from heavy thoughts only causes more problems when the haze lifts and the consequences are obvious.. But that isn't always the easy thought..
My congratulations message to jos has been archived and I wanted to say thank you jos and
$\:)/$ $\:)/$ congratulations on 8 months of sobriety $\:)/$ $\:)/$ â€“ a true shining star â€“ sorry it is a day late..

Mai
xxx

calamity · Post by **calamity** » 01 Jul 2011 20:07

Oh I missed that too .......... thank you Mai for pointing it out ( star .... pointing... pointy...get it?? .... ok I'll get my coat)

........ Jos, you are amazing, truly one of the loveliest, warmest, brightest, most astute and compassionate persons wot i have had the honour of knowing ......

$\:)/$ $\:)/$ $\:)/$ 8 MONTHS $\:)/$ $\:)/$ $\:)/$

Cal xx

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 01 Jul 2011 21:13

I like that Naomi "...have therefore forefeited that choice." That is what I was saying in my earlier post, I truly no longer have a choice...its either stop entirely or resign myself to the fact that I am self-destructing. What kind of choice is that? Who would really "choose" to self-destruct??

Linda

lils · Post by **lils** » 01 Jul 2011 21:34

Linda $\:)/$ $\:)/$ You have got it my lovely. Keep your defences up because that EAF has ways of covincing you that she is right and you are wrong.

Jos, I've read so many of your posts and look out for them. I hope you realise how much you help us. Your insight in to the whole drinking cycle and then an ability to put it in to words is second to non.

fiz · Post by **fiz** » 02 Jul 2011 08:56

Zoe and Julie,

Sorry it seems I have missed a few good posts.

CONGRATULATIONS $\:)/$ $\:)/$ $\:)/$ to you both, fantastic achievements and you are both very inspirational.

chrissy 101 · Post by **chrissy 101** » 02 Jul 2011 14:02

Hi everyone

Can I ask peoples opinion on how many times is acceptable to cut down before admitting you have to abstain? I know its a personal choice but my head is in a muddle and wonder what others thoughts were on it.

I have managed to not drink in the week which is a major breakthrough for me but three times I have been out and ended up paraletic and last night was the worst. I am wondering if I am kidding myself and should be abstaining. I think I am avoiding admitting it to myself because it seems a scary existance to never be able to drink again.

kevdw · Post by **kevdw** » 02 Jul 2011 15:18

Hi Chris,

That's the dilemma for us problem drinkers. To drink (moderately) or not to drink.

Can't help much, as I still haven't answered it for myself. Faced with insurmountable evidence that alcohol is Satan's venom that be my demise, something inside me still struggles to agree.

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 02 Jul 2011 15:47

Chris, I think the abstinence issue is different for different folks. I joined BEs in Nov 2010 after finally admitting that I had a drink problem. I tried the cutting down/cutting back thing for a long time. I am not an everyday drinker so I thought I could do the cutting down/cutting back thing successfully. Well I was wrong!! My binges got worse and worse and I almost lost my husband over the last binge so I am finally realizing that abstinence is the ONLY choice for me. I don't think there is a "one size fits all" answer to your question, but if I may be blunt...I think for most of us abstinence is the only answer to our drinking problems. Just try not to think of the future for I agree it is very scary to think we can never drink again. Hope this helps just a bit.

Zoe, As always, your posts blows me away! We are so fortunate to be able to receive your wise and well written thoughts

Thanks!

Best to all for a sober weekend

Linda

chrissy 101 · Post by **chrissy 101** » 02 Jul 2011 17:24

Hi Kingsnoopy. Inside I know you are right about abstaining. I still feel so ill after last nights binge and my episodes are getting worse also. Think my OH now understands I have a problem so I suppose something good did come out of last night. At the moment I never want to drink again

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 02 Jul 2011 17:29

You can do it Chris $\:)/$

. Don't do what I did and almost end your marriage over booze...it is so not worth that kind of devastation

.

Hugs and support coming your way......

Linda

mai · Post by **mai** » 02 Jul 2011 22:07

Dear Kingsnoopy hope you are staying strong and busy

.. What are you up to girlie? $\:)/$
Chris â€“ think all of us come to realise that in reality we simply canâ€™t cut down â€“ or we wouldnâ€™t be in this pickle - we are just not one occasional drink kind of people.. It is hard to admit to yourself that you have a problem, and wanting to be one of those normal drinkers.. But we are not, so we need to take one day at a time, little steps at first to test the water.. It isnâ€™t a good feeling initially and I still canâ€™t put for and ever in a sentence regarding a drink.. But it is looking like it will have to be.. I have hurt my children in my alcoholic haze and I am now spending the time trying to sort myself out and ensuring they are happy children, the way they are meant to be..
Take the opportunity to talk and the advice and support you will receive here will be amazing.. Everyone knows how you feel and the uncertainly you feel.. I hope you are feeling better and making sure you are eating sugary snacks and being kind to yourself.. Take care and try and look at what good things alcohol brings into your life â€“ might make your decision easier..
Mai
xxx

Bright Eye

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