New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

[candygirlmk]

hello all, my name is Sarah and im from mlton keynes, i have been drinking for 23yrs and have been ill lately with drink and have decided its time to stop, i have been waiting ages for a detox but it seems to be taking ages, so iv started cutting down myself, i was drinking everyday, then went to drinking 1 day and not the next and now i go 2 days without drinking and drink on the 3rd day, its very hard but i know i have to do it..............anyway just wanted to introuduce myself x

[geri reynolds]

hi Threedayroad, thanks for your post. Ive got through the wkend without wine. It wasn't easy as most of my drinking was done at home. Its stil very much a challenge for me. I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I'm hoping that it will eventually get easier. Ive a lot of making up to do here at home as my husband and family are very angry with me. I really let my drinking get out of control and when they challenged me i became very aggresive about it. But that is in the past, I can't changed that. I just have to live for today. 'One day at a time' is the only way for me at the moment.

geri x

[Scully]

Geri : Welcome. I know what you mean about family and partner being angry. My partner and I have taken an unscheduled break due to my drinking, and this has made me realise what I'm doing to us by going on these binges.
But do bear in mind that you're not yourself at the moment. You (at the very core of who YOU really are) wouldn't hurt your husband intentionally. But the you who drinks loses that sense of self in relation to others, and does things to upset the people around you. The only way I was able to talk to my partner yesterday without having a breakdown was to try and see the Drunk Me as a seperate entity to the Sober Me, and try and calmly explain to him that Sober Me is the person who loves him, and Drunk Me just loves drink. Perhaps explaining this to your husband will help? It wont detract from the drinking, but it may ease the anger for a while whilst you sort yourself out??

I hope things start to feel better for you. The first step is being here. Everything else will fall into place with some determination and support from your BE friends (I've been a member for less than 24 hours, and I feel so much better alreadym knowing I have support)

Kazzi : I have my docs appointment at 3 today. Wish it was earlier, feel like I'm about to burst with it all, but hey ho. Good evening in Oz

Day 2

Scully x

[Eastcoaster]

Hello All,

I have been lurking in the shadows reading this board on and off for a good couple of years now, knowing that my time will come. It has arrived. I have been drinking consistently now for nigh on twenty years (34 years old). I am sick of it. I am sick of the slightly worried look in my families eye, I am sick of the dissapointed looks in my parents eyes. I am sick of the roller coaster of anxiety and self loathing I seem to have signed up for while I wasnt really thinking. I went to an AA meeting about 18 months agao and came away feeling like my life wasnt enough of a mess to qualify me being there, since then I have sought no help.

I come from a family that has a long history of drink problems and I am scared that I will be my generations sacrificial lamb on the alter of booze. I sit here with a beer because I couldnt face the fallout from yesterdays drinking without one.

I have had enough.

Eastcoaster.

[Davidcrtz]

Hiya all, my name is David and have struggled with booze for most of my life. I am now 39 and whilst i've got to grips with many areas in my life such as finding a good job in the last year after years of being on the dole, i'm still dominated by my need to drink.
Quite a few years ago i quit drugs but started with boozing again, drinking from morning til night, in the last three years i've kept my drinking in the evening but still drinking at least a bottle of wine a night.
Since Christmas i've added half a bottle brandy to the days when i'm off work.
Yesterday i found my self stood in asda after deciding to regain some control and return to just the wine but found myself terrified that JUST wine would not be enough-i felt completely and utterly dominated by something i couldn't control and ended up getting brandy as well.
Today i've had enough and am ready to fight back and i'm going without drink for the first time in ages!
I know many people are going through or have been through the same so i thought it might help me to share

[zelda]

Hi Dave and great that you have found this cyber land which can really be a great help.
Share as much as you want, and why don't you get your arse over to the seven day challenge? It is good to have a go at this with other folks.
Anyway, welcome, and shout if you need help or want a cheer.
Zelda xx

[Mark.]

Hi Eastcoaster, Dave and Slingy!

Welcome to the forum and well done on having the guts to do something about your drink problems.

I know that you'll find a huge amount of support, advice and encouragement from everyone here. As Zelda says, the First 7 Days Challenge is a great place to start - it's in the Sobriety Challenges section, listed under General Recovery.

Read around and post wherever and whenever you want.

Slingy - congratulations on reaching Day 6

Best wishes to you all,
Mark

[ThreeDayRoad]

hi Threedayroad, thanks for your post. Ive got through the wkend without wine. It wasn't easy as most of my drinking was done at home. Its stil very much a challenge for me. I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I'm hoping that it will eventually get easier. Ive a lot of making up to do here at home as my husband and family are very angry with me. I really let my drinking get out of control and when they challenged me i became very aggresive about it. But that is in the past, I can't changed that. I just have to live for today. 'One day at a time' is the only way for me at the moment.

geri x

Hi Geri! Well done, getting through the weekend! and thank you for the note. I wasn’t quite as ‘dry’, but did successfully manage some ‘strategic’ consumption. I was invited to a dinner party with people who normally drink quite a lot, but my plan was to be responsible for once. The strategy was to hold off on the first glass of wine as long as possible, then really pace myself. It did work, but was a little uncomfortable, as my instinct was to pick up my glass and have a sip every thirty seconds, so I had to make myself NOT do that! Also, I went home early and went to bed, rather than sitting up and having another bottle of wine. I’d gone 12 days AF up to that point. I have a work-related function this coming week where I actually have to be the bartender, and I definitely do not want to drink at this one (colleagues and students around), and I also don’t want to be breaking out in a cold sweat trying to resist a drink. So my goal is to aim for another 12 days AF, which would take me well past this function and hopefully see me safe and sober on the other side of it. I know from past experience that if I had not had some wine on Saturday evening, I’d be primed for a blowout by the middle of this coming week, which would coincide exactly with my work function, and all it would take for that to go sideways would be a beer or two (there’s no such thing as a beer or two in my world...) Gads! It’s a full-time job outfoxing the Evil Alcohol Fairy!
You sound like you are doing as well as can reasonably be expected. Hang in there and keep us posted. Every time one of us succeeds, even for a day, it’s something to feel good about.

[ThreeDayRoad]

May Day is getting worse....I know my partner had enough of my drinking so I stopped, I also quit fags at the same time. He is still smoking which makes it even harder. He has patronised me so much I thought it would all change when I wasnt drinking...now he still does it. He said I needed help and he would support me any way he could. Yet I have just asked him for 5 minutes today (NOT LITERALLY) but a bit of time to read some stuff here. I have been up all night with one of our kids who was poorly, cooked them all breakfast this morning etc...but still we get into a row and he sarcastically says I'm not doing a very good job off the drink cos I'm still rowing with him. Then hand gestures me and says go away just go away in front of our kids. So I am upstairs now in tears. I am never going to be able to do anything right. Yet he can't see his own faults as he always has an excuse. I feel crushed inside...so lonely I do everything I can with a health condition that affects my mobility for which I take powerful drugs for and still my best is not good enough....I know I won't drink again cos he said he was planning to leave and take the kids with him. If I lose them I won't cope. He also says things like he has read about alcoholism and depression and because I blame him he said its a symptom of what I am - so that gets him off the hook too. I am blamed for everything.

Sweetharmony, I know from experience (lots of it, unfortunately!) that drinkers are always vulnerable to feelings of guilt and can easily be manipulated and/or controlled with their guilt, with being reminded of bad behaviour, or with simply not remembering events due to blackouts. A partner who truly wants to be supportive has to spend some time thinking about what that means, and also thinking about your addiction and its control over you. In other words, your partner has to be in there fighting for you, not fighting against you, and be willing to accept that it's not going to be easy for either of you. Some of what you're saying in your post sends up little red flags for me, because I recognize the story: 'you drink, therefore you're bad, and as bad as I might be, I'll never be as bad as an alcoholic like you, etc., etc.' Threatening to take your kids is also a telltale sign. You seem to have a handle on this, but I'm worried that you've got a controlling partner who will make quitting drinking as much of an issue as drinking was - the upshot being that you go back to drinking. At some point you will have to face this 'other' problem - the controlling partner one - and hopefully the two of you can sort it out. Sometimes a partner will go there to compensate for your apparent lack of control, so as you get better with the drink problem, you'll need to address a more balanced version of responsibility within your partnership, if only for your childrens' sake. Right now, concentrate on the problem at hand - staying sober - and keep in touch with people here as much as you can. Everyone is rooting for you, so be strong!

[40percentproof]

hello all, my name is Sarah and im from mlton keynes, i have been drinking for 23yrs and have been ill lately with drink and have decided its time to stop, i have been waiting ages for a detox but it seems to be taking ages, so iv started cutting down myself, i was drinking everyday, then went to drinking 1 day and not the next and now i go 2 days without drinking and drink on the 3rd day, its very hard but i know i have to do it..............anyway just wanted to introuduce myself x

Welcome and less drink is better than drinking daily but watch the intake on day three isn't making up for the other days. I wish you well.

[40percentproof]

Hello All,

I have been lurking in the shadows reading this board on and off for a good couple of years now, knowing that my time will come. It has arrived. I have been drinking consistently now for nigh on twenty years (34 years old). I am sick of it. I am sick of the slightly worried look in my families eye, I am sick of the dissapointed looks in my parents eyes. I am sick of the roller coaster of anxiety and self loathing I seem to have signed up for while I wasnt really thinking. I went to an AA meeting about 18 months agao and came away feeling like my life wasnt enough of a mess to qualify me being there, since then I have sought no help.

I come from a family that has a long history of drink problems and I am scared that I will be my generations sacrificial lamb on the alter of booze. I sit here with a beer because I couldnt face the fallout from yesterdays drinking without one.

I have had enough.

Eastcoaster.

That was my first AA meeting, I went to stop the wife bending my ear, liked some of it, didn't get the steps and higher power stuff but kept going on and off then went less, then lied about going then didn't go at all.

4 months after first going into a meeting and then slipping away I had my worst ever drinking experience which came close to nearly losing me my impending marriage and risking my employment.

Knowing what I know now I was still sliding down that hill, just the angle wasn't sharp enough to notice.

[Scully]

Hi all,

Went to the docs yesterday and have my name on the list to be seen by an alcohol counsellor. Dont know when I'll get to see them yet, but its a step in the right direction, right? Feeling very wierd today, I'm not an everyday drinker but telling myself I cant have something means I want it more, and I really fancy a drink today which makes me feel weak.
My partner still hasnt come home after our fight last weekend. He says he wants to give me some time to sort myself out, and that he's only a phonecall away when I need support. I feel like I'm doing everything I can to sort it out, I even started a diet today as I'm feeling unhealthy and unhappy with the way I've poisoned myself with drink, tobacco and food. I just feel that if he really wanted to support me, he'd be here, instead of having a nice time with his friend and I'm sleeping alone in our house.
I can accept the fact that what I was doing whilst drunk was wrong, and disrespectful, and could have ruined our relationship......but that wasn't ME!
I dont know, feeling rubbish
Scully x

[sweetharmony]

[40percentproof]

Hi all,

Went to the docs yesterday and have my name on the list to be seen by an alcohol counsellor. Dont know when I'll get to see them yet, but its a step in the right direction, right? Feeling very wierd today, I'm not an everyday drinker but telling myself I cant have something means I want it more, and I really fancy a drink today which makes me feel weak.
My partner still hasnt come home after our fight last weekend. He says he wants to give me some time to sort myself out, and that he's only a phonecall away when I need support. I feel like I'm doing everything I can to sort it out, I even started a diet today as I'm feeling unhealthy and unhappy with the way I've poisoned myself with drink, tobacco and food. I just feel that if he really wanted to support me, he'd be here, instead of having a nice time with his friend and I'm sleeping alone in our house.
I can accept the fact that what I was doing whilst drunk was wrong, and disrespectful, and could have ruined our relationship......but that wasn't ME!
I dont know, feeling rubbish
Scully x

Only try and sort one thing out, by all means eat better but trying to take on a diet and stop drinking, which matters more.

You will get through this, you are being very open and honest and I wish you well.

[40percentproof]

If anyone is interested I have posted a short update today http://40percentproof.blogspot.com/2012 ... it-be.html for those wondering how sobriety feels.

[geri reynolds]

hi scully, Its not easy! i had a slip on Monday and my husband found out. He's extremely angry with me and not speaking to me at the moment. Ive started again, but I do find it very difficult. Like you ive taken some time off work to try and sort myself out. Im thinking about going to an AA meeting this evening to see if that would help me. Ive tried to explain to my family it's not easy to give up drinking when I am addicted to it. But all i can do it try again. I feel lonely and miserable.

[geri reynolds]

Thnaks Kazzl for your support. I had a little slip on Monday and my hubby is very angry with me. Ive started again and Im just trying to get on with it. I going to keep myself busy today and may .be try an AA meeting this evening. x

[geri reynolds]

hi threedayroad, i had a little slip on Monday evening. I drank two glasses of wine, now my husband won't speak too me. I am finding this very difficult, but im just going to have to get on with it. He doesn't realise what it's like for me i do find it really hard. It seems to be all i can think about at the moment. Good luck with the function. You did well at the dinner party x

[Grendelslip]

Scully brill! I assume you feel rubbish because you have stopped drinking. If not then share. When we stop the booze we take away a crutch which has been holding us up. It is a friendless friend. When you lose that friend then you feel a loss. But you are losing a worthless nothing.

PS do not try to make too many changes at once. Kick alcohol into touch first then work on the rest. I know about that I am going to revamp my life thing. Small steps hun, one at a time

Edit I am certainly no expert on relationships but I feel maybe your partner does not understand what is going on and is scared. Let him be on the other end of the phone for now? It is up to you to sort yourself out and you must do it for you. Take as much time as you can for you. Crappy daytime TV, DVDs, books, chocolate. Just snuggle under and pamper. Then phone. He has to see that you are making an effort but what for you is a long time is not so long for him.

Dave

[ThreeDayRoad]

hi threedayroad, i had a little slip on Monday evening. I drank two glasses of wine, now my husband won't speak too me. I am finding this very difficult, but im just going to have to get on with it. He doesn't realise what it's like for me i do find it really hard. It seems to be all i can think about at the moment. Good luck with the function. You did well at the dinner party x

Hi Geri - you're doing as well as you can, which is all that's important now, all things considered! - hopefully hubby will get a little more on board. We all know that stopping at 2 glasses is damn near mission impossible, so I salute you! My function is tomorrow and I'm feeling on top of the situation, but won't let my guard down. The thing with drink is that it makes you focus on it, rather than on a bigger picture...I'm getting the picture back these days. Fingers crossed! You take care and keep in touch.