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SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please)

New Members thread, SOS thread, Daily chat and Support, Cutting Down, Abstinence and more.
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butterfly100
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Im sad lonely and lost...it's so difficult

Post by butterfly100 » 02 Sep 2011 10:17

Hey there, I'm still trying to control the drinking....mostly loosing at this stage. i'm very lonely and feel absolutely lost. I have many family problems that I just can't unpick or face. I have no support from my husband and feel completely rejected. The only thing that is half good in my life is my job. I drink to NOT CARE about the crap and people around me and to make myself oblivious to my loneliness. I know this all sounds self pittying but I'm trying to express my complete sadness and helpnessless. And if that's not bad enough my husband has now announced to all his work collegues that I am an alcoholic and that's why his life is such a mess. Why? :roll:

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Jjjj of Old
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Sep 2011 10:27

Hi Space,

It's good to see you again - although, obviously, not for these reasons.

Sorry to hear what's happened. It's good that you realise that it will only be a couple of days until you feel alright again. Those couple of days will be very hard, but much easier in the long-run than if you fall back on booze again for a quick cure. So, please keep talking away here if it helps distract you.

Take it as easy on yourself as you possibly can today - and keep sipping those non-alco fluids, Space. I know you'll be annoyed with yourself, but you can put everything right again. Takes time and patience, but you know you can do it.

Hi Butterfly,

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I totally sympathise with the urge to drink to cover up your loneliness and sadness. I've been here before, myself. Unfortunately, though, the drinking only postpones these feelings. It doesn't cure them, as you know. So, the only chance we have of moving on and improving things is to stop drinking.

Are you drinking at the moment, Butterfly? And are you at home? If so, why not try and drink some water or tea and go back to bed for a while, if possible? Sometimes, when I'm feeling very low, I sleep a lot. Not a lot gets done when I'm like this. And sleep doesn't cure things either. But at least it doesn't cost money, it doesn't give us a hangover, and it doesn't leave feeling even sadder than we were to begin with.

Sincerest hugs, Butterfly <:)> I don't like the sound of what your husband has done, either - so why not prove him utterly wrong? <:)>

Best wishes - and keep talking, won't you both!
Mark
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

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Boris Bike
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Boris Bike » 02 Sep 2011 10:31

Space, you feel wretched but you know why and you know it will pass. Having more to drink just perpetuates the cycle and you'll have to get through the hump at some point, so why not get it out of the way over the weekend? Can you just veg out doing something you enjoy for a couple of days? Rent some films out online? Apple do rental downloads, so you could suffer in front of those for a while.

Butterfly, it does sound a bit mean of your husband to go and tell all his colleagues and I see that that would make you very uncomfortable. Perhaps he felt he had to get it out in the open because he was unsure what to do? If the family problems seem overwhelming can you focus on just one or two and trying to improve those? And knowing that you'll be better equipped to tackle those if you're not drinking?

butterfly100
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by butterfly100 » 02 Sep 2011 10:36

Thanks guys...... I just feel so unloved, un-valuded and un-important. I really don't want to feel that worthless anymore? It doesn't help nursing a hangover and feeling a failure. Me

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Sep 2011 10:52

Hi Butterfly,

It'll be hard until the hangover goes - it always is, unfortunately. But there's absolutely no reason why you should feel unloved, unvalued and unimportant.

I think Boris is right to advise doing everything in small stages. When you're ready, start to focus on individual issues, one at a time. When we look at all the things that need to be changed, it can seem like an impossible task, can't it? But it's not impossible if we deal with each thing, one by one.

I think the first thing you should focus on today is giving yourself a hug - you deserve it. You've been having horrible problems with your drinking, but by posting here you are doing something about it, not just burying your head in sand - so be proud of that, won't you, as hard as it will seem? This is a long old road, that's for sure - but the first steps are the most important, because if we don't start with a single step we won't end up anywhere, will we? And you're beginning to take those steps - so WELL DONE! <:)>

Best wishes,
Mark
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

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Sandy
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Sandy » 02 Sep 2011 11:10

Butterfly
a lot of us drink because we just cant bear what is going on around us. And for a few hours we escape, we can become oblivious to it all.
Sadly tho booze doesnt make any of the horrible bits (or people) in life go away. And the hangovers that the booze brings makes our already troubled life even more so. I know you know this.
Stopping drinking does'nt make the horrible bits of our world prettier but it can give us the strength (eventually) to decide what to do (either deal with the nasties or bury them until you can deal with them)
You are not alone butterfly there are many of us here who feel exactly like you or have done in the past and there will always be someone here on BE for you to talk to.
What your OH has done is cruel but Is he trying to shock you? is he at his wits end? I dont know the details and certainly not making excuses but living with a drinker is also a very hard thing to do.
You say you love your job...now there are not many who can say that.......can you focus on that, say improving your performance there or aiming for promotion, sometimes setting a target can help with quitting/cutting down drink...it may be worth a try. Are there colleaugues at your work you can confide in?
Look for a place where you can find some strength butterfly (it may be right here on BE) draw on it and use it until you dont feel so wobbly. Start by making a plan
what are you going to do for the next hour?,this evening?, until bedtime?
let us know
we are all here to help
Sandy

butterfly100
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Don't feel strong enough

Post by butterfly100 » 02 Sep 2011 11:27

Ok .... in the next hour I'm going to lie in bed and post here because at least I have someone to confide in. Tonight? I don't really know because my husband may not come home, judging from the conversation we had this morning and the fact he has switched his phone off! I can't face sitting her alone all night wondering where he is and if he's coming back. I feel quite distraught at the moment, the idea of facing life alone, without him fills me with fear..... I don't want to do it.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Sep 2011 11:45

I think going back to bed is a great idea, Butterfly!

As for this evening, take things one step at a time. I hope that your husband comes home. If he does, I'm sure that you'll want to be sober when he arrives? If, for any reason, he doesn't, keep posting away here, won't you? It won't solve everything, but you won't be hungover tomorrow and that will make it easier to deal with life, whatever happens.

It's really hard to write this reply, Butterfly, because I know how hard things must feel for you right now. But I'm quite sure they won't be improved by giving in to the temptation to drink. Trust us on that, won't you?

Try and enjoy your rest!
<:)> <:)> <:)>
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

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Sandy
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Sandy » 02 Sep 2011 11:47

Ok
Just you keep reading and posting
Over the afternoon you can set a plan for the evening.
I know this is very hard but try and think only of yourself for the next few hours.
What is going to make YOU feel better
what do YOU need to do to achieve this over the next couple of hours.
If your OH has turned off his phone there is nothing you can do about that situuation right now, frustrating tho that is, so just concentrate on you.
Food? drinks? (alc free of course) sweet treats, DVD's manicure pedicure...do you ahve all this at hand to keep you occupied or is it better to go out and walk to clear your head?
Sandy

butterfly100
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by butterfly100 » 02 Sep 2011 12:05

Right.... So I've log off facebook ...sick of seeing happy people with normal lives. I am trying to keep positive but it not easy can't help going over and over all the things that OH said to me last night and this morning. I know he doesn't want me anymore and I really don't want to be here without him.....i have nothing else.

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Sandy
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Sandy » 02 Sep 2011 12:46

Try if you can to look at things from his point of view butterfly.
I dont know what happened, I am sure he still loves and wants you, but it is the sober you he will want not a drunken butterfly.........if YOU want this to work then YOU need to do something about it....this maybe what he is trying to tell you........ You can gain strength from others on here who have been in exactly the same situation and managed to turn it all around
sandy

ihatealcohol
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Re: SOS - My life has just become hell. I can't take anymore

Post by ihatealcohol » 02 Sep 2011 13:55

HI,
My worst nightmare has happened. On Monday I fell out with a work colleague whom I had considered a friend. She knew about my drinking as I was in such an emotional state I blurted it out. I have been fretting ever since wondering if she was going to make me a laughing stock.
Today my step daughter had this woman as a friend on Face Book ( I don't use the thing ) anyway she has written all about me (though did not use my name) referring to me as Amy Winehouse. She said she did not want to put her bins out as "you know who" (me) might go through them like some alky tramp.
There are only 8 of us that work in the office and all communicate with each other via Face book except for me.
It is obvious who they are referring to.
I am so ashamed I feel sick, humiliated and can't face seeing them on Tuesday. I want to phone the bitches up and give them a piece of my mind. I then want to go around and kick them into the middle of next week. But I won't.
I am a hard worker and not gone off sick willy nilly cos of hangovers. My appearance is always up together and I don't think I come across as a "typical alcoholic" I also thought people liked me.
There was someone else who had a drink problem that used to work there, no one showed him any kindness and took the piss out of him behind his back- hence my fear of being found out.
What should I do?
Please help this is only my 4th day sober.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Sep 2011 14:07

Hi ihatealcohol,

Really sorry to hear about what has happened.

I can't stick around for very long, but for what it's worth, I think the most important thing right now is to stay sober. If you let these people get to you so much that you decide to drink, then you're letting them "beat" you twice. Keep a really tight grip on what's most important to YOU - your sobriety.

Also, whatever else happens, you will deal with this much more successfully if you keep a sober head. You may not have a "cool, calm head" at the moment - and that's perfectly understandable. I'd feel exactly the same. But keep a sober head, and you'll be able to find a much more realistic way of dealing with this.

Again, so sorry to hear what's happened. Is there anyone else you trust that you could perhaps show these FB comments to, or talk about them with?

Whatever else, keep posting on here, won't you, as someone is bound to come along soon with better advice than I have.

Take care and best wishes,
Mark <:)>
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

ihatealcohol
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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by ihatealcohol » 02 Sep 2011 14:55

Jarvis Jones wrote:Hi ihatealcohol,

Really sorry to hear about what has happened.

I can't stick around for very long, but for what it's worth, I think the most important thing right now is to stay sober. If you let these people get to you so much that you decide to drink, then you're letting them "beat" you twice. Keep a really tight grip on what's most important to YOU - your sobriety.

Also, whatever else happens, you will deal with this much more successfully if you keep a sober head. You may not have a "cool, calm head" at the moment - and that's perfectly understandable. I'd feel exactly the same. But keep a sober head, and you'll be able to find a much more realistic way of dealing with this.

Again, so sorry to hear what's happened. Is there anyone else you trust that you could perhaps show these FB comments to, or talk about them with?

Whatever else, keep posting on here, won't you, as someone is bound to come along soon with better advice than I have.

Take care and best wishes,
Mark <:)>
Thank you.
I can talk to my mother and husband. They are disgusted. I have decided to pretend I don't know about the comments.
I am not going to let them know I have seen the comments. I am going to act coldly professional towards them and hold my head up high.

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Re: SOS - Post here if you need help (No General Chat Please

Post by Jjjj of Old » 02 Sep 2011 14:57

Hi ihatealcohol,

I'm really pleased that you're able to talk about it with your mother and husband.

And I think that's a great attitude to take too - don't let your colleagues get to you. You look after YOU! <:)>

Well done!

Best wishes,
Mark
"Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10

mr.thomas
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by mr.thomas » 02 Sep 2011 16:36

thanks krafty,,I went to doctors was very open with him,,and he re-directed me to a local alcohol and drug rehabillation centre,,voiced my concerns about withdrawel,,and he said best just to cut down gradually. I asked for medication,,but he refused, saying it wouldnt help the matter and that I had to go through these channels..
so basically I think the bottom line is that I have to cut down and use pure will-power.:/

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by drinktoomuch » 02 Sep 2011 17:56

Hello this is the first time Ive ever joined a forum. But decided I need help and cant do it alone. Nice to see Im not alone. I have been drinking wine nightly for I don't know how many years now. My family are great and dont really know the extent of my wine drinking. Today is the last day I wake up feeling sluggish with red sore eyes. I have said this soooooo many times but hope fully with this group I can really do it. I have also signed up for a counseling session and sent for Allen Carr's book which I read good reviews on . Now I'm going to read all the other posts. GOOD LUCK TO ALL (::)

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Sandy
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Sandy » 02 Sep 2011 18:04

Sending all my support to you drinktomuch.
many of us have found help here when we arrived feeling exactly as you do now.
Have a good read around the boards and post where you feel most comfy.
Good luck
Sandy

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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by drinktoomuch » 02 Sep 2011 18:17

thanks Sandy for the support, think I'm going to find this site my new best friend for the next while.

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Boris Bike
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Re: New Members - Please Introduce Yourself Here

Post by Boris Bike » 02 Sep 2011 20:36

Mr Thomas, the people you've been referred to might be willing to prescribe medications. It seems that some GPs simply won't ever do it but other GPs will. Bit of a lottery.

Hello DTM. This is a great place and I find it extremely helpful, as do tens of others. Wishing you strength for the weeks ahead.

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