The Road to Abstinence.

[Tobin]

This is a thread for those who have decided to completely abstain from alcohol or are considering abstention. Discussions here should be to support and encourage others as well as drawing on support individually, and accomplishments are acknowledged. For those who are struggling initially with abstaining, you may find the 'Cutting Down' thread useful to begin with and then try abstaining. It's entirely up to you which path you follow, and which route is chosen for achieving individual goals you feel comfortable with.


Maddie X

[CJ]

What's happened to all the posts on this thread?
One of the best threads, I read it everyday!

[George]

It's been archived Cal. It is still readable though.

[Ladysnoops]

Wow, how exciting...I get to have the first post on the new Road to Abstinence thread;) Hopefully that is a good sign for me

As I was getting ready for work this morning, I had one of those...hit the heel of my hand on my forehead...DUH moments. I have been fretting a bit about the weekend and an upcoming vacation...both are triggers for drinking for me (as I imagine they are for many). It hit me this morning that I need to stop worrying because I realized now that I have NO CHOICE in whether I drink or not. I simply cannot drink so why am I even thinking about the possibility? Not sure if I'm making any sense, but once I realized that I really have no choice I calmed down and realized that I don't need to waste my energy on worrying if I will slip over the weekend or on my upcoming vacation BECAUSE THAT IS NO LONGER AN OPTION!! Drinking has almost always caused problems in my marriage and I came very close to losing my hubby over my last binge. I was truly terrified. So why would I give any thought whatsover to the possiblity of having a drink?? Don't really know other than the fact that I'm so used to thinking like that as the weekend draws near so those old thougths were able to creep back in to my mind. But now I have banished them and if they come back, I'll banish them again !

Sorry for the ramble, but I just wanted to put these thoughts in writting to you my good friends and see if it made any sense to anyone else?

Here's to hoping everyone has a great and sober weekend



Linda

[Beebee]

Hey Linda,
Made perfect sense to me too! I remember having that realisation also!
Hope all is ok with you, and you have a lovely AF weekend
Beebee xxxxxx

[Ladysnoops]

Thanks Ragnar and Bee I'm looking forward to that transatlantic AF party this weekend Who else wants to join us?

Linda

[64Turtles]

You see Linda ....you are #1 ! ! ! !

I had to beat the bad thoughts back in to hiding at first and now the occasional witchy thought brooms though and I swat her good and tell the idea to shove off as I am not interested in dooming my happy life at just this moment..... To much progress to consider returning to life as it once was - despair and misery. It seems the farther I get away from the dark hole and the more in the light I am lends my position to the no turning back philosophy.



Drinking again............. is as attractive as getting run over by a car ! ! ! !

bike til u drop.jpg (7.23 KiB) Viewed 14926 times

Be safe and have a good holiday all.

[Ladysnoops]

Love your post Turtles...really helped solidify my recent mindset change You have been where I am now and you have made it to a much better place and I'm right behind you! I've missed chatting with you. Sounds like you are doing well my friend and that makes me happy



Linda

[64Turtles]

Thanks Linda and congrats on the progress.

It seems the only substitute for 'time' is.........time. Some of the bad days 'seem' like yesterday but when I look at a calender it is now many days gone past and the word "years" is getting closer. Life is good but not to be confused with easy. If it were easy I would be more scared than I already am Always pleased to read your post as I get to pop by occasional. I keep looking up with one eye but watch the road with the other.....makes me look funny but keeps me out of trouble as people avoid me and sometimes that is a good thing....

Best wishes to all on this bumpy road fully recognizing the fruit of our efforts comes later than we would wish but it does come.

[mai]

Hi linda – yes – it makes perfect sense to me – the worry of where the next drink comes from and when and at what time – urgh – huge stress factors.. It is going to be hard for your girlie, I know you are doing this because of an ultimatum but that doesn't make it any easier and huge admiration – I truly hope it goes really well and makes an easier path for your to follow – it is going to be hard.. There are lots of triggers but you can do it – I know you can ..
Turtles – hi and thank you for that post – really needed at this time for me, have only recently hit 2 months, and life seems – well rather flat and dull at the moment – and it seems to be affecting my travelling fellows the same way, although we know we are doing the right thing and following the correct path – temptation seems to be waving at us that good times could be had.. On deep thought and reflection this is not an option, an alcohol haze although bringing release from heavy thoughts only causes more problems when the haze lifts and the consequences are obvious.. But that isn't always the easy thought..
My congratulations message to jos has been archived and I wanted to say thank you jos and
congratulations on 8 months of sobriety – a true shining star – sorry it is a day late..

Mai
xxx

[calamity]

Oh I missed that too .......... thank you Mai for pointing it out ( star .... pointing... pointy...get it?? .... ok I'll get my coat)

........ Jos, you are amazing, truly one of the loveliest, warmest, brightest, most astute and compassionate persons wot i have had the honour of knowing ......

8 MONTHS

Cal xx

[naomi7]

I'm treading this road because Ive been down the just one more for the road too many times and they have all lead to the same place, devastation, shame, guilt and destruction. I wish I could just enjoy a few but I, for one, have had enough to last me a lifetime and have therefore forefeited that choice. Welldone to all on their journey here and Godspeed.

[Ladysnoops]

I like that Naomi "...have therefore forefeited that choice." That is what I was saying in my earlier post, I truly no longer have a choice...its either stop entirely or resign myself to the fact that I am self-destructing. What kind of choice is that? Who would really "choose" to self-destruct??



Linda

[lils]

Linda You have got it my lovely. Keep your defences up because that EAF has ways of covincing you that she is right and you are wrong.

Jos, I've read so many of your posts and look out for them. I hope you realise how much you help us. Your insight in to the whole drinking cycle and then an ability to put it in to words is second to non.

[zoe]

Ah thank you guys ! Really I couldn't possibly do this without you all. I am so grateful today to be sober ... to wake up on a saturday morning feeling ... if not on top of the world, then at least fully myself and fully capable of doing whatever needs to be done today. This journey is very much about each day ... I know people say it and for a long time I thought I "got it". Funny thing is that it means more the more you practise it. Why does wisdom always seem to work out that way?

Namoi lovely to see you posting here. I know that place you speak of ... that place of the devastation, shame, guilt, self loathing and destruction. Drinking took me there and beyond and clawing your way out of that pit is no easy thing, I won't kid you about that. But it's worth it. YOU are worth it. Always believe in yourself and in your ability to do this ... the negative voice in your head that argues otherwise is not your friend. We're all familiar with the internal battle that goes on in our heads ... the "shall I shan't I" battle ... the "I'm probably OK to drink now that I've learnt a few things about this drinking malarkey" battle .... the "I'm not that bad" battle ... and so on.

I remember a while ago NoMoreForMe wrote a great post about alcohol being a bit like a monster. I think for a lot of us that's really very true. Alcohol has for some of us almost become our raison d'être ... the one constant in an increasingly chaotic world and we cling to it don't we? We say that it's the one thing that sees us through ... that makes the unbearable less so.

We tell ourselves these things from fear I guess. Fear of living. Fear of being ourselves ... our unadulterated selves. Clean and sober ... sounds kind of boring ... sounds kind of "straight". Yeah right ... I used to tell myself that a lot of the time. Like I was living the high life squirreled away on my own drinking myself into oblvion ... oh yeas that was the high life all right

Yes alcohol is like a monster and alcoholism is like having that monster living inside us. We just aren't strong enough to defeat it so it's a lot easier all round if we stop trying to! Concentrate instead on caging it ... subduing it. Over time it shrinks to a more manageable level. Not to the point where you can be complacent about it ... that's never gonna happen I'm afraid. But it becomes more manageable even so.

Oodles of hugs to all my fellow roadies ...

and especially Julie/Hamster who is 8 months sober today!!! It's such a priviledge to walk this road with you Julie

[fiz]

Zoe and Julie,

Sorry it seems I have missed a few good posts.

CONGRATULATIONS to you both, fantastic achievements and you are both very inspirational.

[chrissy 101]

Hi everyone

Can I ask peoples opinion on how many times is acceptable to cut down before admitting you have to abstain? I know its a personal choice but my head is in a muddle and wonder what others thoughts were on it.

I have managed to not drink in the week which is a major breakthrough for me but three times I have been out and ended up paraletic and last night was the worst. I am wondering if I am kidding myself and should be abstaining. I think I am avoiding admitting it to myself because it seems a scary existance to never be able to drink again.

[kevdw]

Hi Chris,

That's the dilemma for us problem drinkers. To drink (moderately) or not to drink.

Can't help much, as I still haven't answered it for myself. Faced with insurmountable evidence that alcohol is Satan's venom that be my demise, something inside me still struggles to agree.

[Ladysnoops]

Chris, I think the abstinence issue is different for different folks. I joined BEs in Nov 2010 after finally admitting that I had a drink problem. I tried the cutting down/cutting back thing for a long time. I am not an everyday drinker so I thought I could do the cutting down/cutting back thing successfully. Well I was wrong!! My binges got worse and worse and I almost lost my husband over the last binge so I am finally realizing that abstinence is the ONLY choice for me. I don't think there is a "one size fits all" answer to your question, but if I may be blunt...I think for most of us abstinence is the only answer to our drinking problems. Just try not to think of the future for I agree it is very scary to think we can never drink again. Hope this helps just a bit.

Zoe, As always, your posts blows me away! We are so fortunate to be able to receive your wise and well written thoughts Thanks!

Best to all for a sober weekend

Linda

[chrissy 101]

Hi Kingsnoopy. Inside I know you are right about abstaining. I still feel so ill after last nights binge and my episodes are getting worse also. Think my OH now understands I have a problem so I suppose something good did come out of last night. At the moment I never want to drink again