Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

[STB]

I am in the middle of a dangerous situation at the moment - going through a break up with my beloved fiance. Hopefully we can resolve it but I know to think straight alcohol is the last thing I need. So I am on day 2 of really giving up (recently only had a couple of beers a day, but that was when things were good. I know I could sink three bottles of wine by teatime and I know it would drag me down and stop me believing in myself. I will be on here a fair bit, as I really do need your support. Thank you for being here. It means so much.

[tee]

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time just now STB, sending you lots of hugs and support It is lovely to see you again though and I hope you two can resolve things

[tee]

Right. I'm away me hols. To an all inclusive resort (woo get me). Now, I'm happy to report it is at least two months since any vodka has passed these vennisony lips (do deer have lips? ) but before you get the flags out allow me to confess I have been quaffing the cava Which was working quite well until I ended up just as pissed as I had been on the vodka (who knew? ) So back to square one. With an imminent holiday looming. Yeah yeah yeah total abstinence is the only way, I hear ya. But I'll no have you lot only a click away will I? If I cannae do it with your help I'm no likely to succeed without it am I? Sh*t.

Just read that back. Poor me I'm going on holiday I'll get me coat. Sorry peeps

[Sheila]

Have a great time Tee...ditto Digga and Jo's words

[tee]

Aw thanks kind peeps, will try to keep pants off head and avoid wham songs at all costs I may just shock you all and come back with a shiny new halo in me suitcase. How grand would that be?

[linda.c]

Have a brill time Tee - send us all a postcard won't ya x x

[fairycake]

have a great time tee and make a plan

[Maddie]

Looks like nobody's posted here for a while, so I'll get the ball rolling.

I've an old friend coming to visit on Wednesday evening - he's a good friend of the family and I used to work for him almost 20 years ago. Anyway, I've not seen him in a while and he's calling in for a 'drink'. Now, that in itself doesn't cause too many alarm bells, but what has worried me now is he's sent me a message and asked how many bottles of wine should be enjoy together, and you see that's the bit that worries me.

I have no problem having a glass of wine, I'm able to do this and not have the feeling I'm out of control and feel I need to keep on drinking. But I do have alarm bells that he's planning on us getting drunk, which I have no intention of doing particularly as I'll be working at 7.30 the following morning.

So I've messaged my friend to say I don't want a lot to drink because it's mid week and I'll be working the following day. Hmmm, I've had no response.......but I think I'll make sure I've some flavoured water in and I won't buy a bottle of wine in because I suspect he's going to arrive with at least 2 bottles of the stuff.

I also think that had we arranged this at the weekend, I wouldn't be as worried either because I wouldn't be working the following morning. It's just I've trained myself so well not to drink during the week, because I like the clear headedness and all the other benefits that not drinking too much brings.

So, I'm going to have to stick to my guns and kick him out when enough is enough. I'm glad I'm aware that this is a potentially dangerous situation.

Maddie X

[zarajenkin]

Hi Maddie,

Sounds like you are really clear about your plan and I have no doubt that you will succeed!

I think being aware is really, really important.

Sending you lots of support.

Zara x

[Beebee]

Hi Maddie,

Good Luck with tonight, stick to your guns!! I''m sure all will go well

Beebee

[Maddie]

Thanks Zara and Beebee, it just helps to post about it really as it helps to project the worry rather than it staying inside me and drive me insane. I'm sure it'll all work out well, and hopefully I'm worrying about nothing. I'll post after the event and let you know how it goes.

Maddie X

[zoe]

Hi Maddie

It's so good that you are thinking ahead like this. There have ben so many times when I've kind of sleepwalked into situations that I knew would be challenging and yet did absolutely no forward planning over whatsoever. Result? Yeah well ... I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what usually happened as a result. To think it through ahead of time actually means you won't need to worry on the day/evening. You will have settled in your own mind whether to drink or not ... how much to drink and when to call it quits. Sometimes we can feel like it's really unfair that we have to define these boundaries. I've noticed though that it's incredibly common in non-problem drinkers to this kind of planning. Quite often I hear people saying that they'll only have the one or two glasses of wine and then switch to soft drinks because they have an early start in the morning. Good on you Maddie, I hope you have a lovely time on Wednesday. xx

[Rebecca]

Hi Maddie,

I hope it goes well, it sounds like you have a great plan. You could also make sure to drink really slowly so he won't be jumping to offer you a refill. Although, I know that's easier said than done. I will read how it went tomorrow.

Rebecca

[Maddie]

Thanks Zoe and Rebecca for your comments, I really appreciate your feedback. The evening went really well on Wednesday, and to be honest I was so glad I'd planned it out in my head and was prepared for just in case things got a bit tricky with regards any pressure to drink.

I had in my mind that my friend was bringing more than 1 bottle of wine. Well thank God I was wrong - he arrived with one bottle, and we shared that together. So in my book, an acceptable amount was consumed and I went to bed feeling that I'd enjoyed the evening without the worry or guilt that I'd had a drink mid-week or had too much to drink.

Maddie X

[George]

Dangerous situation ahead folks. My friend, whom I've known for about thirty-five years, is arriving on Wednesday. Don't get me wrong, we've always been pals and it will be great to see him but - the big but - it will be difficult to stay off the drink when he's here. We have always drunk together and always heavily, neither of us with a half pint of shandy I'm afraid. And it went on for decades.

He gets here in three days time, I'm on day two and it won't be easy. He knows all about me and my problems and is good about it all and I want him to enjoy his visit, the hotel is 200 yards down the road and if he wants to go for a pint then......

I'll go and have a cuppa and think about it

[Jarvis]

I'll second Unicorn's advice, George! Best of luck with everything, but I agree that the fact you are posting about it proves that you are wise enough to be planning/preparing ahead for this visit.

I have a similar kind of friend - Gareth. We were kind of the 'terrible twins' as teenagers. It was all innocent fun, but my parents would always blame him - and his parents would always blame me - for all the drunken scrapes we got into. And so it continued into our 20s and beyond...

I don't see him too often nowadays, but we keep in regular contact. I was trying to imagine how it would be if he visited me. I can't say for certain how I'd handle it. But it reminded me that another of our old "gang", Tim, got drunk twice when we were teenagers, didn't like it (and, maybe more importantly, didn't trust the way it made him feel), and has been teetotal ever since.

Gareth and I have stayed with Tim countless times over the years. Sometimes we're both there together, and sometimes not. Either way, Gareth and I would always get drunk, and Tim would always stay sober. I guess the thing is, both we and Tim always had a great time - Tim is confident in his sobriety, he doesn't feel he's missing out on anything by not getting drunk; and we never felt awkward about his sobriety - he's a smashing bloke and his company is what mattered, not what he was drinking.

What I'm cack-handedly trying to say is that you're a smashing bloke - and I'm sure your friend thinks that, or he wouldn't be visiting and he wouldn't understand the problems you've had. So, personally, I think you should have confidence in your sobriety and try and be like Tim. Your friend can be like Gareth, if he likes; but, regardless, you'll both have a great time - because, ultimately, it's each other's company you'll enjoy. It would be an odd kind of friendship if it relied on you both getting blotto every time you saw one another!

Think I'm rambling again, so I'll shut up!

You know you have all our support, whatever you decide, George

Mark

[George]

Thanks Unicorn, thanks Mark

I am looking forward to seeing my mate and the worry is not about his behaviour, it is solely about mine. We have always been mates - and always been pissed. Now, if he wants to have a drink then fine, that's his business but as I see it just now, it is possibly one more thing to trip over.

I'm really looking forward to seeing him, I just don't want to screw it up so I have to be in the right mindset. That's for me to sort out - I've got my fingers crossed

[Sandy]

Hi George
Definetly a tricky one.
You could put on that very very determined head of yours and just say No I aint gonna do that drinkin thing, but agree it can take nerves of steel and you will have to keep it up throughout his visit (as opposed to just a few hours). It's definetly all about gettin into the right head space for this George, can only advise you to think about it all, what will drinking with your mate really achieve?, will it make his visit better if you ar both p@@@@@d every day? What else are you going to be doing while he is there (coz if you drink too much your plans may be a little thwarted) Will it really make his visit a pleasure for you?
My other thought is this George, I know you have managed over a year without booze before, therefore you can manage this friends visit without booze too, of course you can..... it's just getting your head around it all and deciding what you want to do before he arrives (obviously why you posted) Would he consider not drinking at all during his visit?
Sandy

[hamster2]

Hi George

Can you talk to him before he arrives? Does he know your problems with alcohol? Its a tough one. I rememeber going up to see my family in the North. They didnt know about my problem and they all drank heavily and would expect me to be part of it.

I remember wanting to go and not drink but also wanting to go and have a 'week end off'. If I told them then I would be burning my bridges and no longer would it be my drinking refuge. I really grieved over it. It was a tough call. In the end I did tell them (not that it stopped them offering or me accepting on occasions). But it did lay down the foundation and opened a door for me to talk about it more as time went by and my problem refused to go away.

They have now accepted my problem and I can refuse drink without being pressed. I dont feel under pressure to drink.

Hope all goes well.
Julie
x

[Day]

Got a wedding party this weekend. Old Uni friends who know me as quite wild and rarely sober or straight. I think I can handle it as we have to drive there. I know I'm very good at staying off alcohol when the car is outside. And a cab home is not an option as it's 80 miles or so.

Gawd I hope it will be ok.