Plan ahead, be aware of dangerous situations

[pickles]

Bump.

[Cowboy]

Bump.

I'm not sure where to right this but here goes. Two months sober and it's difficult but I am pushing through and the rewards are well worth the fight. However, a situation has cropped up and I am looking for some advice from my BE friends. Any comments and/or advice is very much welcome and also very much appreciated. Here goes ...

[Lush4life]

Cowboy, if this friend coming has in anyway made you post on the wobble board today then you have answered your own question tbh.
Of course I could be totally wrong , if so please feel free to ignore the above

[Cowboy]

Yep. Thanks Lushie. Not a fun day. Some hard shit to discuss with an old and dear friend today.

[Lush4life]

Yep. Thanks Lushie. Not a fun day. Some hard shit to discuss with an old and dear friend today.

Hope it goes well cowboy, you might be pleasantly surprised , maybe he may take a look at his own drinking too, that's the dream outcome I do realise .
I don't see my bf anymore because she still drinks like a fish and I very obviously can't do that anymore , it causes a gap in our very long relationship, makes me sad tbh.

[Cowboy]

Surprise, surprise.

[Lush4life]

Surprise, surprise.

Spill the beans cowboy !!!
As only a cowboy can

[Hope209]

I've not noticed this thread before. Great idea, think its the only way to succeed for me xx

[Hope209]

Gym later tonight. Tomorrow will be housework, a walk then a drive somewhere for lunch and walk. Def no booze xx

[Lush4life]

Gym later tonight. Tomorrow will be housework, a walk then a drive somewhere for lunch and walk. Def no booze xx

Sounds like a good plan, have a great weekend

[Hope209]

Oops no gym tonight - going tomorrow instead. Eaten a heap of cr@p but not had any booze - that's something haha x

[Hope209]

Sorry Lush didn't see your post. Thanks hope you enjoy the nice long weekend too x

[2XS]

Here's as good a place as any..... hmmmmm plan ahead? Yep did that with best of intentions...
But there's been a sudden shift of plan and the opportunity has arisen when I'm unexpectedly left to please myself this evening, so the obvious comes gently knocking at the door of addiction, which will get louder and louder as the day drifts on...

(goes of to practise saying 'NO! BUGGER OFF!' ... to this bogus doorstep seller of selfish seduction )

[Mark.]

But there's been a sudden shift of plan and the opportunity has arisen when I'm unexpectedly left to please myself this evening, so the obvious comes gently knocking at the door of addiction, which will get louder and louder as the day drifts on...

Oooee! I hate it when things like this happen, 2XS! One minute you have no intention or desire to drink (because you've put yourself in a position where you can't). Then things change and the empty window of opportunity is immediately filled by the malevolent, leering face of temptation!

Shouting "NO! BUGGER OFF!!" to the "bogus doorstep seller of selfish seduction" (man, I love that phrase! ) is a really great start.

Could you also plan ahead to thwart the little blighter? If you need shopping (and think you can avoid picking up booze), why not go early, if possible, while you're as keen as you currently are to stay sober? Stock up with pleasant food to eat and AF stuff to drink through the evening, maybe?

Then keep putting obstacles in the way of going out again (if possible): an earlyish bath, maybe, then straight into pyjamas. A good book? A long phone call? A film? Or read and post on BE...

You know the score - I'm just teaching an old friend to suck eggs here. Just thought I'd repeat all the old advice in the hope it helps

Just do WHATEVER it takes, 2XS, because, as you know, you seriously DON'T want to let this ugly little fella in your house...

Sorry, couldn't resist....jpg (96.9 KiB) Viewed 2980 times

Hope it all goes well!

[2XS]

Nice 1 J that did crack me up I did take matters in hand and concluded that if I am out ....the door can't be knocked on. So took my motorbike out to an off the beaten track location despite the pending rain, with the plan that Ill have to clean my trusty steed upon return and this should keep me busy.....
However, after the muddy puddles, and with cobwebs blown away, I took a detour and went to see a family member to clear the air, to arrive to the sense of unreserved unwelcoming and to leave having felt why on earth did bother.
Hence another detour to do a shady deal with the seductress of selfishness..before coming home
Ultimately I've caved, but hey I'm no stranger to how this works (or doesn't at times) honesty is best policy and today's encounter caught me off guard.
On reflection I will avoid that particular trigger in future, yes I'm an old hand at this but a bit rusty, much like my bike will be if I don't clean it

[Mark.]

Ach, that's a shame, 2XS - but understandable

I hope the "shady deal" wasn't too big. Get the bike cleaned and stay in for the rest of the night and IGNORE the doorbell

[2XS]

Just do WHATEVER it takes, 2XS, because, as you know, you seriously DON'T want to let this ugly little fella in your house...
Hope it all goes well!

cooee.jpg (96.9 KiB) Viewed 2670 times

Just a scary reminder of what may come knocking.....

[Mark.]

2XS

Don't worry but it gave me quite a scare to see click on your post and see his face again! I'd forgotten about that post

But it's well worth the reminder. As you've said elsewhere today: Fix bayonets!

And, if we have incoming, we can handle them

[2XS]

Yep scared me today too !

[Action]

Excellent article Sunny and well done on not drinking for over 8 months

When I was seeing a counsellor and had just relayed to her (yet again) that "I couldn't stop myself picking up that bottle - it just happened" she replied that it had not JUST happened at all, but had been brewing for probably 3 days.

She went on to explain the 3 Day Preparation Period (3DPP). As the Gorski Article explains so well, we plan our relapses in advance (although they sometimes feel like they are spur of the moment). I poo pooed the idea, but found that, over time, she was spot on. Keeping a journal, I could read back and notice how my moods etc., changed over time.

Sure enough, my writing was the first thing to show signs of a relapse brewing. It would start to get spidery - very slight at first and gradually changing to almost illegible by the 3rd day (when I was en route to the off licence). Little things would niggle and I would turn them into big events (by deliberately starting arguments/criticising or whatever in order to justify my approaching binge). I would also clear the decks as it were of appointments and anything else that would get in the way of my drinking.

By day 2 I was getting more and more tetchy and by day 3? Well by then I was well past the point of no return and heading for the shops as fast as my little legs would carry me.

My counsellor explained that the time to stop this binge setting in was right at the very outset. That little niggling thought of having a drink to "ease the stress of the day" was when you needed to act. It was quite easy to spot too, once you realised it for what it was.

It can be done and is done on a regular basis in the first months/year of sobriety. Those little niggling 'drink thinks' will kick in and the worst thing we can do is just try and brush them away as irritating. We need to stop/think/listen to what is going on inside us and nip it in the bud. Do not let it fester or it will take over (usually 3 days later).

Thanks for listening.

TC - could you give me an example of how the 3 day thing works? In the past I have overcome really bad cravings one day just to fold the next. When your councillor advised you to stop it at the outset did they mean at the start of the preparation period or the day you drank?