I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

1sunworshipper · Post by **1sunworshipper** » 06 Feb 2011 15:27

Hi Momo, firstly I don't like the name of this thread because it is not true. There is no such word as can't!

Your life is going well for you in so many ways, look at what you are achieving in your career. You know only too well that not many people can boast such success so many congratulations

Why post on this thread when you have already proved to yourself that you can stay sober and not drink every day

So you stop and start stop and start but don't we all - isn't that just the road we must go down before we reach the end game

Wise move going to the GP for help, support and perhaps meds and yes keep reading self help books to plant those positive seeds.

Crack on because YOU CAN DO IT and YOU WILL DO IT

Beverley · Post by **Beverley** » 06 Feb 2011 15:36

Great post Sun and I'll second that if I may.

Go for it Mom, sounds like you have a lifetime opportunity.

Bev x

$\:)/$

kevingaus · Post by **kevingaus** » 13 Feb 2011 06:34

I admit defeat. I have tried gradual decreasing doses of valium and AA but still I keep on coming back to drinking wine. I read the articles in Bright eyes and they make so much sense but then comes the evening and I have that feeling, emptiness, loneliness, a drive to feel normal and content so I have some wine. Apart from wasting money and putting on weight there have not been to many problems with my drinking but I know I have to give up. I understand the intellectual side of why I should not drink but that does not connect with the reality of having yet another bottle of wine.

I am at a loss to figure out what to do short of doing an inpatient treatment program for the second time. I feel defeated by admitting I have to do yet again an inpatient treatment program. Its not the hospital issue as I can afford a nice hospital its the whole issue around doing another withdrawal program and another attempt at stopping this habit.

I live in Australia and cannot have a real time chat with anyone in the UK where most members of this site come from so any advice or comment will be appreciated even if I dont reply straight away.

64Turtles · Post by **64Turtles** » 13 Feb 2011 11:58

Hi Kev,
This was my motto WHEN I first started stopping...I stopped 1000 times before I have gotten better at this thing and now I have stooped for over a year so I find it as Zoe says...we are learners... then apply from each try new learning, then we are able to overcome sooner or later but we keep trying to be the better sober person we have always had inside us.

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 14 Feb 2011 18:55

Wow Zoe and Turtles, What powerful and helpful posts

Helps me to realize that I am not as big a loser as I have been thinking (especially since my slip on Saturday

). It's all about learning, learning, learning. I will have to remember to go back and read your posts on occasion as they really hit home for me

THANKS!!

Linda

dch3rbc · Post by **dch3rbc** » 14 Feb 2011 20:21

Could agree more, Linda, two great posts - really founf them useful.

Aaron.A · Post by **Aaron.A** » 14 Feb 2011 23:49

Hi Kev you say you have tried to tackle the drinking but have you tried to tackle the loneliness and the boredom?
These can be powerful triggers that can cause even those with the greatest willpower to fail.
when I first tried to quit drinking I would try to stop drinking but carry on doing exactly the same routine, come home watch tv, play on the playstation and end up tearing my hair out for a drink. It was only when I broke that routine I started to make progress.

kevingaus · Post by **kevingaus** » 15 Feb 2011 09:04

Thank you for the support everyone, it certainly makes me think that may be I am not that unusual after all. I certainly know the truth about waking up and feeling strong and determined and then it all going down the dunny in the evening.

I need to give some careful thought to what you say about learning from each relapse and applying that lesson and about changing my routine. I have some ideas but dont put them into practice so I have to change my routine and learn from each mistake.

Thank you again and at 7PM AEST I guess this means everyone in the UK is getting up now. have a good day.

64Turtles · Post by **64Turtles** » 15 Feb 2011 12:58

It is a learning process Kevin.

Linda I am sooooooo proud of you for picking up and moving forward. Potholes do not deserve to be mountains, they are small and upside down so no matter how they sound off do not listen.

Great point Aaron about the lonliness and boredom. I had to address these also and you couldn't make a better point. They are some of the reasons I drank in the first place so makes sense they are still a trigger. Make those ideas into realities. Volunteering is a great way to jump start being involved in a meaningful group and be busy at the same time plus they need every kind of help.

Have great day all.

kevingaus · Post by **kevingaus** » 20 Feb 2011 07:51

Well I took on what you all said, I drew up a plan for changing my day, with deliberate activities to have me doing constructive things at each part of the day, and I am doing some of these things but I get to about 3 or 4 PM and that fatalism comes over me and buy some wine and drink it.

Every day I wake up determined but in the end I give in, it is so confusing, I know its a waste of money and bad for my health so the intelligent part of my brain knows all of this but I keep on giving into the want to drink.

So i start to wonder is AA right am I really powerless over this drug alcohol? Also while I was bought up a christian I saw a long time ago the bad side of religion and so I struggle with my concept of God and my relationship with her, him, it. It is funny to be 56 and still wondering these questions perhaps more now that ever before. I know I have no time for the religious rituals etc but I am wondering what or who is my god. I occasionally go to an AA meeting and heard recently a women speak about the same problem with God that I have and she said she just spoke to the air in front of her until it starting working, I wonder if something like that can work for me?

The learning thing that you guys write about is also doing my head in as I am a smart person in a senior job but all the brains I have are not helping me stop doing something each day that I know is not good for me.

I got two small apps for my smartphone from Hazelden with thoughts for the day and meditations and a prayer for the day and I looked at todays ones before writing this and bang were they accurate so accurate I said them out loud in case that would help. May be I have to fake till I make it as nothing else is working.

Bye for now and thanks for the support - Its Sunday at 5.50 PM and its been 34C here today so I have been in the air con all day with the dogs staying cool. All the best and chat soon to all.

Aaron.A · Post by **Aaron.A** » 20 Feb 2011 23:27

Breaking that habit of buying that alcohol is a hard one to break. I too used to tell myself that I would not drink but everyday after work I would go home almost on autopilot and buy a bottle on the way. Sometimes I would even kid myself that I was buying that alcohol just to keep it in the cupboard.

kevingaus · Post by **kevingaus** » 21 Feb 2011 09:02

Zoe you seem to be very together on this whole thing, your words are very reassuring.well today Monday I drove past all the bottle shops and did not stop at any of them. Now the quivering in the lower abdomen suggests there is real nerves on board here. I have to face the loneliness and the lack of the nice feeling I get when I drink so sober one day and now I have to try to repeat it even though it seems daunting.

Knowing me there will be a stressful Friday and I will go for the quick fix because it's fast and easy.

I have my goals of saving the money that wine costs and using that to pay bills and of loosing weight as these two things are directly related to my drinking.

I realize that I have to set realistic goals and everything I read says plan for one day at a time. So here comes Tuesday ... One day at a time

Thank you for your supporting and wise words bye for now chat again tomorrow

kevingaus · Post by **kevingaus** » 23 Feb 2011 08:45

I am uising my iPad at the moment as my pc got zapped by lightening last night so lots of typos, I posted here before but cannot figure where I posted.

Zoo I drank after on one sober day i feel like I have let myself down a little but obviously have to some more work on myself, the dam problem is having wine feels so good and I don't wake up with any effects so apart from wasting money and putting on weight ... You know what I am doing

Thanks for your sane words and support, I suspect I too am going to be trying to stop for a while as it is so hard.

Chat again soon

fuzzyhead · Post by **fuzzyhead** » 23 Feb 2011 19:55

Hi

I am not new to this forum i just tend to come and go. However yet again i have had a big drinking day. It was last friday.

I havent had a drink since but that is because my oh has been home. When he is at home i dont drink, but as soon as he goes to work i am thinking about it, the night before. I think about what i will drink, how much i will drink. I have 2 children 4 and 3. I rarely get hammered but will easily drink a bottle of wine or a half bottle of vodka (neat).

My oh has taken the car keys from me, so i dont drink and drive especially with the kids, ashamed to say but i have done it, lots.

Please help as tomorrow i am home alone, dont want to drink.

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 23 Feb 2011 20:37

fuzzyhead, Can you make sure you have no booze in the house and no way of getting to any tomorrow? Don't know your story, but I'm sure you don't want to have your young kids see you wasted or even slightly tipsy

I used to tell myself all the time that people could not tell when I was only "slightly tipsy", but I was wrong

People, even kids can tell far more than we give them credit for. I suggest you get any booze you have out of the house, fill up on water, good food, etc.. and post and read a lot on Bright Eyes. Do you have someone close by who can come and visit with you?

Sending lots of positive vibes and support your way

Linda

fuzzyhead · Post by **fuzzyhead** » 23 Feb 2011 21:07

Hi Linda

Thanks for reply. Tomorrow, kids are at there Nans i have lots of things to do. The problem is alcohol is in all our local shops. I also seem to think that no one can smell drink on me or notice different behaviour.

I seem to treat it as a game in my head. Even if i stayed at oh mums with them, i would still try and sneak a drink in, then be chuffed that she didnt notice, or if she did she didnt say.

I feel like an argument is going on inside my head, if i have a drink its end of argument.

thanks

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 23 Feb 2011 21:52

fuzzyhead, It might be the end of the argument TEMPORARILY, but do you want to have that argument going on in your head forever?? I doubt it. I wonder why you are able to not drink when OH is at home? If you have the strength then, then why not when OH is not at home?

Oh and by the way, all of us drinkers have that "argument in our head" thing going on........you are not alone with that dilemma. The best way for me to stop the argument is to get very, very busy and not have time to argue with myself!!

Much support and understanding coming your way

Just do the very best you can for yourself tomorrow

Linda

fuzzyhead · Post by **fuzzyhead** » 24 Feb 2011 13:42

Well what a disaster

I went with the kids to there nans, had a few swigs of booze from nans cupboard then went off shopping.

Cant believe it, i feel tipsy but love it

Does everyone feel this, struggling big time to stop right now, or just carry on???????????/

HELP

sarah

Ladysnoops · Post by **Ladysnoops** » 24 Feb 2011 14:01

fuzzyhead, Sounds to me like you are just not ready to stop drinking. One thing I've learned is you really have to WANT to stop in order to have a chance at being successful. Maybe you have not hit rock bottom yet or the consequences of your drinking have not have a big impact on your life? Have you read the Allen Carr book? That book clearly describes how we all go down the drinking road and go through various stages and then poof, if we are not careful, we get to the stages that are very, very hard to come back from. I suggest you read that book if you have not already. Plus, yes, when I do drink, I do feel good, nice and relaxed, but the aftermath.......the mad hubby, the tiredness, the lack of concentration, etc... are so NOT worth the temporary good feeling

.

Will be here for you to help in anyway that I can, but YOU need to WANT to stop.

Linda

dragon · Post by **dragon** » 25 Feb 2011 03:39

I'm new to this site and I've just spent a couple of hours skimming through other people's experiences and challenges. I have a big night tonight and had planned on giving up the alcohol at the end of the weekend.......Then I read one recommendation that I view "Rain in my heart" on You Tube. A British Documentary about alcoholism. Very graphic!! I've decided to not drink from NOW!!! Believe me, I know it's not going to be easy and by your comments, I've got a long road ahead of me but I also know that I am spiralling out of control and that I need to do something about it before it is too late.

I stumbled across this sight and I am so glad that I did.

I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

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