I Can't Stop... Or Can I?

[Aaron.A]

Hi dragon I had a look at that documentary and it certainly hits home.

[ariadne]

I've just watched it as well and it has really given me a shake. I don't want to be like that.

[1sunworshipper]

I've been meaning to make this point so here goes.

Can we change the title of this thread???? I was always told there is no such word as can't - because we can!

I'd like to suggest that it be changed to I can't stop - can I?Sorry folks but I am on a bit of a positive crusade tonight

[Mark.]

That was a great and positive suggestion, 1Sun! Ably seconded by BE44. Took me a while (and some good advice from Rebecca) but here's the new title.

Thanks!
Mark

[1sunworshipper]

You rock JJ - may the power continue to be with you

[cracker]

Of course we can stop if we want to enough!

Why won't we make that decision?

[cracker]

Thanks Jos,
Yes you are right, I am a very black or white, must be 100% person,
one slip and hands are thrown up and to hell with it.....tomorrow
I,ll do it perfectly, until then! Yes then the grand ideas begin, I am big on them .Sooo need to change my thinking,
need to stop putting so much pressure on myself.

Cracker x

[Samnearly]

Have to agree wholeheartedly with that Jos!
I've decided that being a perfectionist is a great flaw in many ways. It stops me from doing things because I have a vision of how I want something to turn out and if I think it will be anything less than I want, I won't do it. Which is mad really because the result would probably be good anyway...but no good if it's not good enough!!

[linda6666]

Oh my lord.......I have just watched the docu on you tube, how much was they just like i was so unreal, scary also, my heart goes out to those who didn't make it, and to those who still fight it, the young man, it was like looking at myself(although i didn't self harm) but the rest of hes story was just like mine, i wouldn't have watched it but i saw somebody post about it on here...But sooooo glad i watched it now, because altho i knew then and still know now(due to a family death from it) how stupid i was thinking back then "oh i can stop" and now realising well no i cant just have one, because one leads back 2 the start again.....Im so so glad i watched it how ever sad it was because its now drilled in2 me once and for all, NEVER AGAIN, never do i want 2 be like that again....But i must say the hospital it was filmed at certainly wasnt my local hospital cuz they did have sympathy for the reasons behind drinking, which my hospital they dont...Anyway whoever it was that posted it(didnt see the name) thank you it has opened my eyes and im so glad i waved bye bye to the EAF when i did.... but for the people on it..xxx

[1sunworshipper]

Hi Linda - can you tell me how to find it - what was the docu called? Sounds like I need to watch it too.

[Andy]

google rain in my heart and you should find it

[1sunworshipper]

thank andy

[linda6666]

Yeh i just typed in RAIN IN MY HEART on you tube, it comes in ten parts, but well worth the time it takes 2 watch..Very sad but a eye opener for people who drink like many of us did or do on here.xx

[1sunworshipper]

Appreciate that Linda. Watched it yesterday, don't know what to say really, I was left feeling numb that is for sure. What was clear that all of those featured apart from the man that died had on-going problems in their lives and I don't understand that I feel that my journey has led me to come to terms with mine so why do I still continue to drink? I told myself following Monday night I would abstain until Thursday when I am out again with friends and know I will drink and yet I go and open a bottle of brut the moment I got in from work and drank the lot in no time at all. BTW I can't stand the stuff and it was bought for me but I had no access to anything else.

[1sunworshipper]

You'll be fine Bright Eye - I just hope you get a better result out of watching it than I did. When you watch one episode it will show you on the same page 2/10, 3/10 etc.

Yep back to me hiding the empties in the bin before OH gets home tonight. Forgot I should buy some more to replace them but won't be back home til 8pm tonight so too late. I think he knows I am back to my old ways so should I let him see the evidence and talk it through with him. These thoughts are running through my mind at the moment. I'm leaving home at 11am today so need to make a decision soon. Do I leave the empties in the kitchen for him to see then when I get in from work, tackle it head on. Do I bury them in the wheelie bin and that gives me the option and buy me some time. Do I rush out now and replace the 3 bottles so he will never know? Decisions, decisions, decision. I did enjoy not having any of this nonsense when I did 2 months AF.

[Mark.]

Good luck with whatever you decide, 1Sun.

I'd certainly be tempted to rush out and replace the bottles... but, maybe you should just be honest with both yourself and OH? He might well worry that you're back on the same old merry-go-round, but at least he'll see that you are now being much more open and honest about what you've been drinking?

I suspect it really comes down to how OH will react if he sees the empties? And I wouldn't judge you at all for wanting to delay or avoid an uncomfortable situation.

So, I have no answer, sorry! All I know is that I was just thinking this morning about last summer, before I joined BE. Aside from the genuine over-drinking, there were actually days when I could still be quite sensible about the amount I drank: I'd do some work in the garden, then sit and have two or three beers before my wife came home in the evening. Nothing more than that, nothing outlandish - quite a natural "treat" for my labours, really. But because I worried about her worrying about my drinking, I'd hide the bottles beneath the shed. She, of course, found them, and it made even those "sensible" two or three bottles look more sinister than they really were.

I don't think I'm explaining this very well (I need another coffee!): I just think it's better for me now to be totally honest with my wife about what I drink, if I drink. If I'm not honest with her, somehow it makes it a bit harder for me to be honest with myself.

Anyway - sorry, 1Sun - I really don't think I have an answer! But I'll post, anyway, and you can think about it. I hope it all goes well, whatever you decide! Let us know how it all goes.

Best wishes,
Mark

[1sunworshipper]

Thank you Mark for your kind words.

Is this meant to be? I just switched on the TV and watched a 36 year old man who was in denial with his mother, father and sister at their wits ends and fearing for his life. I was unconsolable watching this but I have pulled myself together now.

I am an alcoholic and the volume of alcohol has significantly increased since trying to cut back and the daily cravings are back with avengence. I am back to where I was when I first signed up to BE back in December. I did achieve 2 months AF so know it can be done.

Today I am going to log onto SC7. I can't cut down I've proved to myself that. I can't destroy me and my family. I am going to cancel my night out on Thursday because I know that if I go I will drink, get drunk and no doubt do something stupid like drive home.

I will confess all to my OH and tell him the truth. I will email him so he can read my confession and therefore it won't be a shock to just discover the empty bottles. I will then sit down and discuss my problem with him and also sit down with my daughter and talk to her about my BP and take it from there tonight when I get back from work.

[Mark.]

Hi 1Sun,

You know, you're not really back to where you were in December - I know it feels like that, but you have so much more self-knowledge than you did then, you have a greater awareness of what works for you and what doesn't, and you know what you can achieve.

I truly hope everything works out well, this evening, for you and family. I know that for me, total honesty with everyone is definitely the better option - hard at the time, but much better in the long run. But only you can decide if, when, and how to go about that. So, the very best of luck!

Mark

PS. I hadn't heard of SC7 before - it looks really interesting!

[1sunworshipper]

Thank you Mark. SC7 (sobriety challenge thread).

[Mark.]

Aha! I see what you mean! Sorry, I feel really dim now! That's funny

I googled "SC7 alcohol" and I actually a found a course in "alcohol and substance misuse in parents, couples and families", so I assumed you meant that! That's quite a weird coincidence.

Anyway, yes, I think signing up to SC7 on the forum is a really good idea!