How to say no to a drink

[westwizard]

Hello everyone,

Just got back from the pub , it was a themed christmas night in our village and the place was packed to the rafters with sozzled locals feeling very festive.
I just learned the best way in the world to turn down a drink without being probed further.
I laughed all the way home and could not wait to post my experience on this thread!
There were quite a few friends/aquaintances at the bar, i say aquaintances as I have only lived here a couple of years and although we trade names, I dont really know any of them that well. Just got pi**ed with them a few times I suppose.
I took my kids to the christmas fayre and popped in to warm up as its freeeezing tonight!
Mrs and kids sat down while I negotiated my way through the ten deep crowd at to the bar, I ordered two kids fruit shoots and two coffees. Before I knew it a few familiar faces were in my ear, I took kids drinks over to the table and returned for the coffees. The barman had the two coffees on the bar with a nice big pint of peroni fizzing away next to them. "Lee got you that" he said pointing to the beer. I looked over and Lee was in a group chatting.He held up his glass, winked at me and said "cheers mate"
I took the coffees to our table returned to the bar,I took the pint of beer over to where Lee and his buddies were drinking. I put the pint in the middle of their table and proudly announced that I couldnt drink it.
"Whats up with it? "two of them asked in tandem .
They havent seen me for over a couple of weeks as I have been holed up stayin off the booze and I couldnt resist having a bit of fun with it.
"no no Im off the booze from now on lads,that stuff is more aggro than its worth" I replied.
"Piss off, dont start being a pussy,silly season is coming up.Give up in the new year!" Insisted Lee,the exact response I was expecting.
I then proceeded to tell them about the three nights I had spent in the police cell after getting hammered the week before and how I had criminal charges bought against me for an alledged offence I knew nothing about and that I couldnt deny it as I had complete memory loss and woke up in a police cell covered in Blood!
I had their complete undivided attention at this point, I dont know how I didnt laugh.They were half cut and would have believed anything
"what are you supposed to have done?" one of them whispered.
""Coppers wreckon I got a bit heavy with a nightclub barman who refused to serve me and are accusing me of biting of both his ears and the end of his nose" I whispered back with a dead straight face."I think I will stick to coffee for now until I see the outcome of this set up" I bid them a good evening and walked over to my coffee.
By the looks on their faces I dont think they will be forcing the issue of having a drink anytime in the near future! When we left the pub my Mrs actually turned to me and said whats up with that miserable lot,it looks like they are at a wake. I thought they are in a way and hoped they would never see the old pissed me again.

[Bubbysmum]

LOL

I don't know how you pulled it off with a straight face..
Well done for your sober night with the family

[Maddie]

That's a good one westwizard!! I couldn't have kept a straight face mind.

Maddie X

[64Turtles]

Hi westwizard,

I have to say I am laughing so hard I almost p'd me pants. I have one to match as I also use AA to stay sober and on my one year I shared my "story". To the point - on my 1st driving offense I ended in a struggle with the cop and I almost had 'HIM' handcuffed before another cop arrived. After my story they were asking was this really true and true it was, then came the question of "What were you going to do with him?". Not having thought this through I just looked straight faced and said I suppose I would have driven him back to the station and asked for another cop as this one was defective............

One of my best comebacks tho is to say I am allergic to alcohol and break out in criminal charges

[64Turtles]

I just had a thought.......no

[Andy]

Turtles that normally works for me

[damson]

Bumping this thread up for newcomers

[LoobyLouLou]

If I am out I am just going to say I am driving and I have decided to drink nothing at all, not even a small one when driving.
But I can't say that at home can I?
What do people say at home when OH keeps on offering?

[Andy]

How about F^ck0FF dont you know how F^ck|ng difficult it is for me to not drink

But I guess as your asking that's not an option!!! dont know your history, so dont know what you've told your OH, but take a look at the history on this thread and I'm sure youll find some stuff thats more useful than my suggestion

Andy

[Rebecca]

Hi Looby,

Why not tell your OH that you're stopping? It's really hard when you live with someone for them not to know. Even if you don't tell your friends and family you could tell your partner. Who knows, you may get some extra support this way?

Rebecca

[LoobyLouLou]

Ok. Well I have kind of told him in a half hearted sort of a way.
Have said it loads in the past is the trouble!
Have said that I am detoxing for a while and then will say am giving up for Lent.
Cheers Rebecca xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[tee]

Good for you Lou! Does your OH not drink then?

[Rebecca]

Luby,

That reminds me, we have a thread for giving up alcohol for Lent! I will open it again.

Rebecca

[LoobyLouLou]

Tee..you are joking arent you!!!!!!!
He drinks loads!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Lel]

Morning all,

I think this is the right thread for this. I am almost at my three month mark without a single drop. Although I made great progress with this battle last year, I still dabbled, with the inevitable results. However, this time really does feel different, not sure why but it does. Maybe I’m just in a better headspace this time round.

One thing that has struck me as I’ve come further than ever before, is why IS it so difficult just for us to say, ‘I’ve stopped’, ‘I just choose not to drink anymore’. Why do we have to go to so much effort to think of ways to say no? I bet it’s because we feel there is a certain amount of shame attached to having a problem with alcohol and I feel that’s so sad. It’s just life and life can give some of us a harder time than others.

I know if I’ve had friends who have been smokers and are working really hard to quit ‘I’d say well, done – good for you!’ So I don’t know why, in the past, I’ve found it so hard to deal with other peoples reactions if I say I don’t want to drink. Perhaps I’ve been ashamed to really admit it to myself, or is it perhaps because it’s actually so abnormal NOT to drink these days?

I had a friend staying with me last week and he’d asked if he could have a whisky chaser and I had to say I was really sorry, I didn’t have any alcohol in the house. He then asked if I’d given up completely and I hummed and hawed and mumbled ‘kind of’. Why couldn’t I have just said ‘yes’.

I think from now on, if people push any further as to why I’m not drinking, I’ll just say ‘I got myself in a bit of a mess with alcohol, so I don’t really want it in my life anymore’ – what’s difficult about that? I’m being honest with them, and myself, no shame, no disgrace involved – any awkward moment passes and I can go on to enjoy a cup of tea!

How much easier would this battle be for us if we didn’t feel we had to muddle our way out of difficult moments, or stress unnecessarily if we’re going somewhere where we know we’ll be faced with questions as to why we’re not drinking. I think, from this point on, we should take the shame out of this battle. Yeh, we all know, no doubt on many occasions, we’ve been complete idiots, but we’re well aware of that, we can’t change it and hell, at least we’re being strong enough to try and do something about it!

So… be loud, be proud… ‘I just don’t want alcohol in my life anymore!’

Good luck everyone,

Lel xxx

[Rebecca]

Great post Lel, I totally agree. Why do we encourage and congratulate those who stop smoking or start eating healthier, but the same thing doesn't really happen with alcohol? Maybe someday our culture will change enough to realize how destructive it is just like with smoking....hmmm, not sure when that will ever happen, but I'm going to be proud today that it's not in my life!

[damson]

fab post Lel, thanks for sharing that and many congratulations on your progress

[Ladysnoops]

Yes in deed, great post Lel Really struck a cord with me. So very true that we congratulate people who have given up smoking or lost weight, but I feel that if I tell people that I no longer drink, they will look at me like I must have had a horrible time with booze (which I did) and talk behind my back Need to get over that and your post helped



Linda

[Suzy77]

Hi Lel,

love your post

I did three weeks sober and had a drink at some work events last week and this week. Not too much, but I felt better sober. Why is it that at home I can manage it now, but not out in public? I actually enjoy the tea and juices. But at Afterwork Events I just need that glas of wine in my hand... Why do we care so much what others say?

The smoking example is really good. I used to smoke and quit. And everyone applauded. But even my family thinks its weird when I dont drink......the whole world should be cheering for anyone who decided to live a sober life

All, have a nice day,
Suzy

[Lel]

Hi Guys

Just wanted to add this as a wee follow on from my last post...it may repeat a bit but proves a point me thinks

I was out last night with a couple of my friends - we were meeting at six for some tea. One of them is one of my former drinking buddies who I think I have written about before. She is a dear friend but is drinking more than ever (despite bad liver test results), shows absolutely no desire to stop and actually tries to encourage me to keep drinking. I totally appreciate friendships change when one person stops drinking, but I want to work hard at preserving our friendship as the dynamic changes.

She'd arrived first and had a G&T then my second friend arrived. When the next drinks order was given, my friend that was drinking ordered a large wine. My other friend made some comment about her still being 'on the hard stuff' and I just said I'd managed three months without. My drinker friend didn't even acknowledge my achievement and my non drinking friend said 'have you got a problem or something?!' It was so weird. I felt that if I'd said I'd lost three stone, or not smoked for 3 months there would have been big congratulations all round. I really wanted to reply 'well actually yes, I've had a real hard struggle with drink and I'm really proud of the fact that I've gone 3 months without' but I felt I had to bite my tongue. Perhaps through feelings of shame or fear of being judged? It was just a very weird moment. I felt there should have been hoots and cheers and huge celebrations at my achievement (the way I feel anyway!) but it just all fell very flat and went unnoticed.

I remember watching a couple of films lately - I think one was set in America and one Australia. In one, someone was offered a drink and they quite happily said 'no thanks, I'm a recovering alcoholic' - it was accepted without question or judgement. And in the other someone was asked how much they drink and they replied that they didn't drink. They were then asked if they had a drink problem, and they replied 'I stopped because I didn't want to develop a problem' - again perfectly accepted with no judgement.

Is it just in this country that acknowledging a drink problem and doing something about it is so hard?

The only people I feel I can talk really openly and honestly about drinking with are you guys and you're the only people that ever acknowledge what a hard battle this is and what an achievement even one day sober is. Drinking just seems to be an addiction that gets a very different reaction from people that other addictions do. So just for the record CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU, WHATEVER STAGE YOU ARE ON YOUR JOURNEY - YOU ARE DOING JUST BRILLIANTLY - BE PROUD OF YOURSELVES!!!

Just needed to get that off my chest - thanks for listening!!

Lel xx