How to say no to a drink

[slingy2]

i want to be delivered instantly to a chinese as i am starving

[Grendelslip]

Yes, well the God thing. People develop alcohol problems regardless of their religious beliefs or lack of them. People recover from alcohol problems regardless of their religious beliefs or lack of them. If you have a belief it may well be involved in your recovery because it is part of the way you live your life. I can't see that the coincidental conversion to a faith with recovery is anything more than the massive change in the way one decides how to live one's life from here on in when a momentous decision is made. "I believe in God." "I accept that I have an alcohol problem." Both of these are massive decisions. Take either one on it's own and it will affect the way you live your life in all sorts of ways.

If I'm hungry and I want a drink I can pray to my God for guidance. The answer will probably be "Go buy a chinese takeaway or a drink. The choice is yours."

I hope nobody minds me talking spiritual things here. I'm not preaching, more like non-preaching.

Dave

[MsTique]

I hope nobody minds me talking spiritual things here. I'm not preaching, more like non-preaching.

Not at all, Dave. Being able to discuss these things is what makes life so interesting and eventful. Vladimir, in his passion and enthusiasm, puts forward how he sees things..... but it's not the only way for everyone.

Lee x

[gah]

IYou are a free man, you just don't know it yet. When you realize this truth, it will set you free once and for all. You have to put away this old alcoholic identity that you once had and stop waking up in the morning trying not to drink. Y

Probably diving in too much for my first post - but... I agree with this and think Jack Trimpey or Allen Carr could have said it themselves. However NO need for religion. I do believe there is no try though, you either quit or you don't... try is where I failed.

I have been a long time lurker and was sober for 8 months with the help of the aforementioned. I've slowly slipped back into the old ways, drinking 3 times a week seems to have become routine. It's getting a little monotonous now and has become habit, but I can see myself easily slipping back to 4 times a week, 5 if I don't acknowledge it again.

Apologies! Too much for a first post without a welcome, I shall head over to the newcomers thread and take it from there.

[MsTique]

Hello gah and welcome to the forum.
Congrats on doing 8 months AF! I'm sorry to hear that you feel as if you're slipping back into old habits... it's so easily done and we need to remain vigilant. I have a drink a few times a week too and, like you, it's becoming boring and monotonous. I hope you find the support here that you need to get back on track.

Lee x

[Boris Bike]

Hi Gah,

Welcome to Bright Eye.

Glad to hear you're going to the newcomers thread, you should get a nice welcome and some tips there.

I disagree with this:

I do believe there is no try though, you either quit or you don't... try is where I failed.

There's lots of members on the forum who tried and failed before successfully giving up drinking for a number of months or years.

So I would say that trying and failing is valid.

I think that some folk have really struggled when they have approached sobriety with a "failure is not an option!" mindset. Because some people, when they fail, throw in the towel.

I would say that it's when you stop trying that you've truly failed. As long as you keep trying there is a chance of success.

[Grendelslip]

Ooh. New ground for me but Boris, I disagree!! I firmly believe that in order to beat this thing we have to believe we can do it. We can, every single one of us. But we have to believe it and that is the problem. Gah is right. There is no try. You do or do not. There is no 'hopefully I can'. Well, there is but it's like hoping to make your fortune by playing the National Lottery. It could be you but the chances are that it won't be.

You have to be 100% committed and believe you are going to do it. The difficult thing is that you might slip up. The reality is that you might slip up. That doesn't mean you have failed, just that you haven't found the exact, right approach. Or maybe you were just plain unlucky. Imagine that you are having a hard time of it. You are dying for a drink. You are OK though. Early night planned, no drink in the house, ready for bed. All is safe and today is a no-drinking day. Then the doorbell rings and your best friend is there with a bottle of wine. ??? Bad luck can change everything.

So yes, I absolutely agree that there is no failure in slipping up. The only failure is in giving up on giving up. Where I disagree us that we don't need to keep on trying, we have to keep on doing.

[Grendelslip]

Er... or is Gah saying cutting down doesn't work? Well, it didn't work for me. The way forward then was to accept that and stop fighting it. Could I start drinking again? Not interested, boring, yawn, can't be bothered to argue it. That works for me.

[behindblueeyes]

Something that helped me with this was deciding on one really good reason why for me it was a good idea to stop. I had to make it a really BIG good reason....one I couldn't argue with myself about...one there was no wriggling out of....and one that was for me - not my kids or friends or anything or anyone else...

Mine was personal and sounds silly now I guess but it's worked for me....I wanted to be able to face myself in the mirror in the morning and be happy with what I saw. At the time I stopped I couldn't meet my own eyes.....bloodshot...watery....and knackered they were. Obvious evidence of what was going on with me...

But I knew I could change that - I just had to want to enough. Finding the thing that makes you 'want to' might help Gah....

And I think you're right....the story you tell yourself can have a real impact on how well you do....'trying' to do something gives you mileage not to do it. 'I am quitting' or even 'I have quit' gives you much more of a boost to succeeding....

[Boris Bike]

Ooh. New ground for me but Boris, I disagree!!

That's OK. It's allowed.

So yes, I absolutely agree that there is no failure in slipping up. The only failure is in giving up on giving up. Where I disagree us that we don't need to keep on trying, we have to keep on doing.

That's the thing, though, I would say "trying" IS "doing".

Now, there could be someone who says "I'm trying to give up drinking" and they're saying that with a pint in one hand and a clanking plastic bag of bottles in the other. However, we can't be too judgemental because for all we know he is tapering off and yesterday he would have been carrying TWO bags. Nevertheless, we may think "I'm not sure you're really trying".

If someone says they're trying but they're not doing anything then I think they either need guidance about how to progress. They're stuck.

I think pretty much everyone on BE really is trying to achieve a goal as regards drinking. Even if all they changed from the day before was reading one of our threads, I'd still say they have likely moved a baby step forwards.

[Grendelslip]

Point taken Boris