Do we really have to tell other people?!

[cowboy]

Hello people. This is one I am dealing with. Not sure if I want to say anything to anyone this time around. It's like the boy who cried wolf story. Don't want to cry wolf anymore. Want to cry "I feel great". Or maybe just cry - not sure. Think I'm gonna try and "low key it" this time. Nobody except the folks on here really can know what I am facing with this addiction anyways. Most of the folks I know would laugh and say I don't have a problem. I don't need other people tell me I don't have a problem. I need other people to respect my decision to do something that I feel is good for myself. So mums the word for the time being. It's early days anyways.

[behindblueeyes]

Hey cowboy....what's to tell anyway.....?

The most difficult person I've found to deal with and explain things to in this not drinking lark is me. Once I've got me convinced - whatever reason comes out of my mouth (or doesn't depending how I feel..) sounds convincing because I believe it. And if I believe it, I'll do it and that's all that counts.

More power to you....

[DannyD]

When I first started stopping I didn't tell anyone - fear of failure when/if I started drinking again. I've stopped before and failed.

This time I really feel as though I've turned a corner onto a new road where alcohol is not tempting me from behind every bush and tree. And I feel confident enough in my sobriety that I talk about it at work. 'I had a huge problem with alcohol, but stopped drinking this year. January was a bit stop/start, but I haven't had a drink since february.' I'm not trying to brag (though it is a huge achievement), but if only one person over hears and examines their own relationship with alcohol, I think it's been useful.

And I'm sure - on reflection - that work colleagues knew quite well that I was heading down the self destruct alcohol road.

[Finley]

Hi DD. I didn't tell anyone at all (apart from my daughter) that I was 'going to try to do something about my drinking', until quite recently. Even using the word 'try' brought me face to face with the fact I had/have a real problem and I wouldn't have felt confident enough to share that with anyone to begin with. More recently (although I've stumbled and tripped a few times - most spectacularly this last weekend) I've felt happier about talking about my own alcohol use and the fact I am addressing it - with greater or lesser success from time to time. I'm still only talking like this with people I really trust. I've been astonished to find that once the issue is out in the open, a couple of friends have begun talking about how much they drink and that they wonder if they ought to cut down. They may have been thinking about it for a while, but I don't think they would have mentioned it unless I did......

[DannyD]

I've felt happier about talking about my own alcohol use and the fact I am addressing it.... I'm still only talking like this with people I really trust. I've been astonished to find that once the issue is out in the open, a couple of friends have begun talking about how much they drink and that they wonder if they ought to cut down. They may have been thinking about it for a while, but I don't think they would have mentioned it unless I did......

I think that's brilliant. very brave of you to talk about it, and to open this particular can of worms with friends

[Finley]

Hmmm. Well, in the end I sort of had to - I was out to dinner with a couple of (heavy drinking) friends and I had only one glass of wine and then stuck to fizzy water. We usually just have tap water (free) and lots of wine. I insisted on the large bottle of fizzy, because it's my drink of choice - get through 2 litres a day at home when not drinking. Anyway, they were naturally curious and I was going to use the old 'antibiotic' excuse but in the end I said something like 'Well, none of us are getting any younger, and I think it's time I started looking after myself - plus I find working with a hangover too difficult these days....'. That led to a general chat about how much we'd drunk together over the years and one of my friends said she was thinking about not drinking at home, but only when out for the evening etc....We haven't discussed it much further since then.

[DannyD]

That sounds like a lovely natural conversation. Well done.

[Libelula]

I'm very sensitive about the idea of friends and colleagues clocking my non-drinking and thinking: "ah, she's got a drinking problem."

But I guess I have a choice.

I could not drink (at all? much?), and bitchy colleagues will think "ah, she's got a drinking problem."

Or I could drink (too much )and bitchy colleagues will think "ah, she's got a drinking problem."

It's not worth abandoning Ocsober /succumbing to alcoholism so that people I don't like that much anyway don't realise I'm not drinking. That would really be beyond stupid, into tragic.

[George]

Yes, I do. I have to tell everyone, my friends and family and all my friends here. If I can't be honest with everyone around me then I can't be honest with myself. If I can't be honest with myself then I can't accept the fact that I'm an alcoholic and if I can't accept the fact, the truth, then I can't attempt to deal with it

Let's face it, if I can't attempt to deal with it then there is no chance whatsoever of me beating the problem and winning, is there If I don't even try then what happens, eh How long do I live for then Do I die smiling I doubt it

[grendeldave]

I don't think you have to tell anybody at all unless you think it will help you. What business is it of anybody else? Isn't it more about justifiing ourselves to ourselves? If you intend to impress people with your AF period then think again. I have not had a drink today/this week/this month will just make a non-alcohol-challenged person puzzled and wonder what your problem is until you have gone without far longer than they can imagine. I don't drink. Whoops, I did. I still don't drink as a matter of principle. No thank you ma'm.

[zoe]

George mate if it helps you to let others know then I say go for it. One of the things that can help you stay safe is the knowledge that others will (hopefully) remind you if you find yourself thinking that a drink or ten might be a good idea. How can that happen if you haven't let them know? Unless we start talking about this problem more openly then it will always have a stigma attached to it. It's unfair but the stigma is there nonetheless.

And telling others doesn't have to be a big deal either. I tell people I don't drink any more. If they ask why I say that it became a problem for me so I stopped. If they persue the matter I tell them that when I tried to stop I found I couldn't which meant I really had to stop and stay stopped, so I got some help to do just that. I also joke about the fact that there's never any rows about designated drivers nowadays and what a cheap date I've become . I don't want it to be a big deal but I feell that it helps me to define my status as a non-drinker, although I'd say that it's only been in the last year or so that I've talked about it more openly with friends and work colleagues.

I like what you said about honesty George. I found it really hard to face up to the full extent of my drinking problem. I hid behind all sorts of plattitudes "well everyone likes a drink don't they" for an awfully long time. Even whilst I was trying to come to terms with it the shame I felt made it seem prefferable to lie or at least cover my tracks. It's been quite a relief to walk away from all that and just tell the truth. I know it's not the path everyone would choose for themselves but for me it's been one of the things I've done to maintain my sobriety and to be more at peace within myself. xx Jos

[George]

Thanks Jos, Dave, yes it is the easiest way to deal with it, isn't it. The big thing for me is the fact that if I don't tell them the truth, it becomes so easy to lie to myself. The minute I do that I'm back on the booze again and I'm back on big-style too

Like you say, you don't want it to be a big deal, it's just a problem that I'm dealing with. Must admit though, some people can be quite disgusting and obnoxious about it. Those people are gone now but there was a few of them. I dealt with it in the only way that I could - as viciously as they were but without being openly obnoxious. It's amazing just what you can get away with sometimes

As I said, the difficult ones are in effect buried now and because I'm so up-front I don't seem to come across any more like that.

And there's no attempt at impression there, Dave. It's honesty, pure and simple. Stops people making a thing about me drinking coke or coffee rather than whisky or whatever.

So the lesson that I learnt there hasn't been forgotten. Always be up-front and honest about it - pretty simple, innit

Thanks again

[zelda]

George... my dear George.
You have me worried dear chap.

You wrote "Must admit though, some people can be quite disgusting and obnoxious about it. Those people are gone now but there was a few of them. I dealt with it in the only way that I could - as viciously as they were but without being openly obnoxious. It's amazing just what you can get away with sometimes As I said, the difficult ones are in effect buried now and because I'm so up-front I don't seem to come across any more like that".

Did you do away with them and then bury them in some weird Scottish high ground!!
You are one dark horse Georgie!!

[George]

Check up Ronas Hill, Zelda. It's 450m high and on the top of it there is a neolithic chambered cairn. The bones found in it are younger than expected

[koalaBear]

Zelda that's hilarious!

George, i'm imagining you as Christopher Lee in The Wicker Man

[zelda]

and all that time, I BELIEVED him that he was just sitting around waiting for three hours for his bus....

[Hereagain]

That s sooo funny Zelda