successful cutting down?

[caroline95]

It's so good to hear you're doing so well Cowboy.I'm glad you're staying around too, it's been a privilege getting to know you.Happy trails

[Winker]

That's given me something to think about Pink Panther.
I was imagining drinking a couple of glasses of wine and putting the bottle down then to see if I would be happy to leave it there and managed to conjure up a little craving - not had one of those for weeks now!
Obviously my answer then- it wouldn't be good if I believed I wouldnt want more if i started drinking again

On the plus side I knew 2 glasses never did it for me- I liked to feel drunk, no question, so no change there and I don't hanker after being able to have just a couple of glasses for that reason. And the thought of being drunk, blacking out, ill and regretful appalls me now which is definitely progress. The image of that experience was never something that stuck before although I always hated it while I was suffering it, if that makes sense, I just wanted the release and the feeling alcohol gave me. That urge has gone, I'm pleased to say and I don't want it back! I know in my heart that, for me, abstinence is the only way to stop that feeling coming back and that sits fine with me and I never believed I could feel that way about abstinence. Phew!

I did worry about needing something, like a hobby, to fill the gap left by alcohol but that seems to not be a problem for me. I don't seem to miss it at all in that way although I did prepare myself for that - I just get more involved in whatever I'm currently doing I think. That's a bonus too, I guess but I think I definitely WOULD miss it if I started again on occasional nights. Funny eh? I think I found enough good reasons for me not to start again anyways

[cowboy]

Well humility is good for the soul - they say (whoever they are). I was successful at cutting down for a couple of months. "Was" being the operative word. Now I feel a little sheepish about declaring that I could have my cake and eat it too. Not sure where I am going from here but I won't be thinking or posting that I can be successful cutting down - promise. I know it works for some and I'm genuinely happy for those folks. A couple of days clean and sober and there are a lot of positives. Better concentration, better appetite, eating better food, etc. etc. What a shame that my stubborn personality dictates to me that I can lick this addiction and stay away from excessive drinking.

[Kazzl]

Good to see you back Cowboy. Stubbornness can be an asset if you point it in the right direction, in my humble stubborn opinion. Using it against the booze is a good start.

[Kevza]

I found cutting down only leads to even heavier drinking.

I need total abstinence.

[littleone]

Yes I have been successful, sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's difficult. One big thing I have learned is yes you make the choice to drink, but if the surroundings or stress is making it difficult to cut down, then you may have to make choices that may be painful.

What has happened... I was drinking on weekends, but then knew if I was ever going to be in a better place I had to divorce and explain to my grown children that It is not about them, It is because I have to in a better place. As I carved out my plans, my stress increased, which meant, so did my drinking....(It didn't help I was afraid of him). By the time a year of manipulation and or stalking was going on, I was up to a liter or more of whiskey a day, and four packs of cigarettes. The condition I was in was near fatal. Anytime I had a scratch or a nick and it drew blood, I would bleed black. I needed death or freedom. It was that simple for me. After a year of this I asked the aid and shelter of my mother. While it did not help my drinking or my smoking, I knew one thing, she would protect me from him so I could get my life together. First I started working two jobs, one so I wouldn't have a day off to have the opportunity to get sucked back into the bottle and make the mistake of talking to my ex.

There were times before I reached my mother that I started drinking at 10am and wouldn't get home until 2-3am just driving on the back roads. sometimes I wouldn't even remember driving, but I always woke up in my bed, my car locked and my front door locked. How is beyond me and I consider myself damn lucky.

once I got both jobs rolling, I then began to start to believe in better things, that I good and I am worth everything that is good. I listened to music that would sing about this very topic. Within two months I met the man I am going to marry. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man and more.

Now my life is more closer to the expectations that I have always had for myself. I am toggling between 1/2 pint up to one pint and I smoke 1 carton and 3 packs of cigarettes in two weeks.

I believe one that I am of worth and I always strive first to be good, and never drink more than my natural demeanor can handle, because If I don't stay on that note, I will never get to the point that I believe that I am good and better than my addictions.

I am working towards a goal to satisfy this wretched feeling of being without my drink ever again, where I will be sober for my work week and allow myself a half pint on my two nights off. I plan to start this on this up coming Sunday. I did this for twenty years, I can do it again.