Slipping

[Tink]

Thanks jos and gren. Xo
Yes it was hard. Yes I will not discount my work in my recovery. No I won't keep beating myself up. Yes I do have the most wonderful support here and truly do value it as pure gold.
EAF caught me with my guard down. Wasn't taking care of myself. Wake up call. Gonna have to pay more attention to my needs and balance better.
Thanks dear pals. Xo
T

[Tink]

Thanks dear friend xo

[Sheila]

Tink, There's nothing else I can add, the others have said it all
I'm going o be 100% honest with you now For quite some time we haven't seen very much of you around these parts and I know you know what i mean when I say that's a good thing, cos we all knew how well you were doing, and how busy you were in the real world with your studies and stuff. Then this year you've been posting more than usual and that got me a little concerned and wondering why. Did you 'feel' this coming on do you think?
Tink, I know you won't let this turn into anything more than a slip and as we've said many times to ourselves and to others, learn from it, and keep moving forward

[joanne.]

Tink , thinkin of yooo xx

[Tink]

Thanks Jo and yep I do think I felt it coming Sheila just didn't understand ya know? Didn't think it would get me. Wasn't listening to myself. Xo

[Topcat]

Not much to add Tink, but I would like to send you these . Well done on getting straight back up again. That took courage and you are a wonderful inspiration to others .

[CJ]

Tink thank you for posting that. As others have said, that must have been a hard post to make. Well done on getting yourself up on the wagon so quickly. If that had happened to me , I am sure I would find it hard to put it behind me and stop so quickly. I live in fear of drinking again, and yet I also still, even now, have that fear of never drinking again and I really look up to people who have achieved long term sobriety. Although we have seldom directly communicated with each other I have always looked up to you. I still do .
Take care today and keep vigilant.
CJ
xx

[Dab]

Hope you is ok Tink n dustin off your wings n gettin up in the air again.

Tiz a funny ol thing life.. we can never quite sort it, all we can do is keep on learning. You is an awesome fairy n dont forget that.. I know I leant on you in the past.. n you have helped many many peeps here so lean on us when you need.xxxx

[Tink]

Cj, topcat, DAB x thanks
Thanks to you all who replied. It's helping. Still a bit shaken but doing homework and resting helped. Went for a walk on the beach. Freezing but beautiful. Peaceful and I centered myself. Class tomorrow and work. No drinking and now on day 3. When I feel a bit stronger I will post what happened but really it all comes down to one word.. Stress. Building for sometime and I just lost it a bit. Lost my shield but I am ok. I have some very good friends you know? YOU x
Thanks mates x
T

[brighteye44]

Tink I have no words but just sending you some of these You were so here for my first year of BE and I always felt like I'd let you down. You really have excelled, i know all the rubbish you went through and I feel so proud (Not sure why other than I feel you are a BE friend) how you pulled yourself round, went off to college and have done so well. You have had a tough few years and well one slip, hmmmm you will be stronger and better for it.

As always

Love ya Tink

[Tink]

Thank you BE. No worries about letting me down. No one let me down. It's the nature of the beast. It get me when I'm at my weakest so I have to take note and care for me ya know? All I had to do was ask and everyone would have helped. Instead I didn't and it was me who did it. No one or nothing but me can make me drink or to he honest not drink. Support is important but when push comes to shove....I decided to drink not ask for help. Bad choice. I call it a thinking error and it all starts with my co dependency and trying to do too much then it all goes to hell in a hand basket .
Thanks for support because I DO NEED it. It makes a difference but I have to be accountable for it ya see what I mean?
Love to all x
T

[zoe]

Stress is a right bugger Tink because a little is all right and maybe even beneficial if it gets us out there and functioning in the world ... but it can creep up and up and all the while our coping mechanisms work it seems like we're doing OK ... until we're not. Strange but it's not like WHAM suddenly we're not coping, at least not for me ... more like a slippery slidey slope with an ever decreasing gradient. At first I still think I'm on level ground and it takes me a while to recognise the signs of slippage. I am glad you're here Tink and I hope today feels a little brighter xx Jos

[Tink]

Jos
Yes! That is just how it does for me. Crazy really? I made it through divorce,leaving my home of 19 years, death of two of my three best friends. Loss of some close relationships in my support and so many other trials. What was the straw? Who knows?
The thing is sometimes I suppose we are just human and sometimes we make bad choices? Don't take care of self needs? Complicated beings we are.
This last few months has come at me fast. College Changed to semesters from quarters. Our councillor and advisor moved on. My favorite professor whom has been a source of support and a mento came down with stage 3 colon cancer. My uncle died. Bills are a struggle. And....my son has a addiction to drugs. He is 30 and lost his kids . My granddaughters and I don't get to see them because it is such a mess. He hates me because I won't buy into his excuses and won't now enable him. Sooo hard but I won't love him to death. Want him to get into rehab. He won't -even at the price of his girls. Blames everyone but himself. Addiction is addiction.
Says I don't understand and hates me for divorcing his stepfather.
My oldest son is away from this and has managed to have a clean sober life . I have a good relationship with him and see my oldest granddaughter often. My dil and I get along now and have settled many differences since I have worked at my co dependent behavior.

As for school...17 hours and 16 a week of practicum. A lot! I want to graduate in May. I am just burnt out.
So there you have it. Maybe ought to be in confession parlor? Well I put it here cause this is where I confess.
I'm just plain worn out. Won't drink again at least not for today and have no intention to start that path again. So...one day at a time and for today...NO booze! If I need help I am going to come and ask. I will cut the bs and lay it out and ask.
Thanks mates. X I'm off to work then class then home and a nice meal and then a good night sleep.
I will check in later. I will be very self aware the next few weeks.

T

[Rags]

Sorry to join in so late here Tink, I have only just spotted you here but am willing you on. Please put this slip right behind you and get back on with making your life your own, as you have done so well all the time I have known you

[cowboy]

I have observed in my many years on this planet how it's always good people that put the weight of the world on their shoulders, never assign blame or responsibility and keep keeping on dragging the less "inspired" folk along. It's obvious to me that you are good people Tink. Make sure to take care of a very important person - you. Big hugs. Cowboy.

[joop]

thanks for posting that Tink. We've not met before, but I can see you've been a big part of this site and are well respected and liked and that must have been a hard post and seeing you get straight back on being AF with no messing/blaming etc is great and in a way very positive!
Whilst it's hard for any of us and especially some of the longer term people to admit to a slip, it reminds us how strong we can be, yet it can happen Loads of people come and go on here and I'm sure there are many who slip and leave - so thankyou for sharing again! and hope you feel better soon!

[powellct]

I'm very late to this one - a good friend alerted me to it. You were a couple of months in front of me if I recall, Tink. Oh well, shit happens, I'm glad to see you're treating it as the learning experience it is and not beating yourself up.
I find this phrase always comes in handy:

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f**k on.”

hugs,
Col.

[Tink]

Rags,Cowboy,Joop and Col
Hugs accepted and healing has begun. I can't express the gratitude I have except to say people here have always given me more than I could ask for. You have all carried me just as much and more than I ever have anyone. We are a team and although we sometimes have differences and a squabble now and again, we are a family of sorts.
Hope our Jo is ok tonight?
Chick, love to you . Thanks for the pm.
School and work on track and life is back to homeostasis.
As so eloquently expressed...shit happens . Guess I can flush now? )
Anyone seen the toilet paper? Gosh I hate running to the closet with my draws down searching for the tp.
Know how Jo feels. Heeeee (kidding Jo so don't get ur knickers in a wad. Love you lady x )
See I haven't lost my sorted humor.
Col your post made me smile and I shall move on with it.
Rags you made me feel special. Not sure I deserve all the credits ya all gave cause I got just as much as I gave. That's the beauty here. The more ya give the more ya get.
Nice to meet ya Joop and thank you as well. Welcome to the family.
Cowboy, you are a strong but gentle hand that squeezes mine when I'm scared. Quietly and firmly holding steady. X
Love to you all.
T

[Sandy]

Tink

Colin
I absolutely love that!

[Gerard]

Well, I drank yesterday and feel dreadful today. Stress was the trigger. Barely functioning and feeling completely useless Has anyone experience of slipping at this stage (almost three months)? Not sure how to cope with this...