PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome)

[Melanie961]

[Melanie961]

MH: I know exactly how you feel.We all do.You have done so well so far.

You know the drill.Take it one day at a time or even one night at a time.

Keep yourself full of food.I don't know about you,but I only like alcohol on an empty stomach.Full on numbness.

Until I came on here I didn't realize how much being hungry thirsty tired or bored effected me.

Or god help me all of the above.

It doesn't sound like you have a lot of free time but be selfish with it.

Keep posting especially on the weekends which are the hardest.

I am almost 8 months sober,it does get easier.

I am off to Home Depot,Chinese food and then the " Walking Dead".


All the bet
Melanie

[joop]

your not being negative and spoilt. Its really hard not to want everything now, and expect changes instantly. And its even harder to pull your self out of black spots - happens to all of us. It will get better and your life balance will change - you know it will

[PandaGirl]

MH it's not selfish at all how you feel totally normal.

For some of us, alcohol may have signified "me time". It was possibly how we expressed self care, because our "down time" and relaxation came with a drink.

When you're sober, naturally, you become more productive because you're not nursing yourself through a hungover day, but it's sometimes difficult to know what to replace that relaxation and "me time" when we used to relax with a drink. It's important to replace that me time though, with whatever you enjoy - bike ride, exercise, hobby, favourite tv show etc. I think this is part of what helps us make a success (or not) of sobriety, finding the things that we enjoy, that nurture us etc. the ritual of the drink at the end of the day to unwind has to be replaced somehow - I know if I come home from work and all I do is chores and the work never seems to be done, I can get quite irritated, resentful even, and I can feel overwhelmed by jobs that "need to be done". I sometimes feel during sober periods I punish myself for drinking, almost like throwing myself into work and jobs at home as penance for all the "non productive drinking time".

I hope this time I'll take a more sensible approach, and go to the gym etc and do the things that de-stress me, because I am far less likely to return to drinking if I build a life that I love and feel excited by. If sober life is full of care and woe and dullness, then of course we will want to drink to escape!

[Brighteye44]

MH just spotted you were struggling with things (not read all the posts though as yet) , sorry its short but just wanted to send you some of these Hope things get better for you soon and look forward to seeing you on the Fitness thread

[joanne.]

this is almost funny pet animal welfare society some adverts are almost worth it esp as its an asian dating site from what I can see

[Jarvis]

Wrong PAWS society! Beware of dating sites, Jo - some men just want to get their filthy paws all over you

I've removed the spam. Ta for the report

[joanne.]

well I can live in hope then

[tyrantspell]

In an answer to my first post, someone mentioned PAWS to me. Can't remember who it was, but whoever you are many thanks because I think you have just led me up the correct garden path.

Yes, I was aware of it and no, I had never considered it pertinent to me, so had done no real research.

I'm at the very beginning of my research into the subject, so forgive the fact I may sound particularly obtuse.

This is my 5th day without drink. I'm not in great shape, but I'm considerably better than I was at the start. I so want this time to work. Like so many of you, my life with alcohol is totally hateful and intolerable.

I have been a heavy drinker for some 10 years, but the past 3 have seen me reach suicidal levels. How my body has continued to put up with this abuse, I will never understand. So faithful, so trying to do whatever it can to save me from myself, it deserves better. If I continue the way I have been doing, it can only result in death and I want to live so very much. Indeed, I have a huge amount to live for.

On three occasions, I have managed to go without for a 3 month period, a 4 month and the last which occurred at the beginning of last year for a whole 6 months. When I relapsed each time, there was absolutely no warning or reason. I felt in great shape both physically and mentally. Never happier. My daughter remarked on the last occasion, I looked and sounded marvellous and asked if I felt if I would ever be tempted to go back. I, perhaps in my arrogance or naietivity, remembered replying "Definitely not, those days are behind me".

To give an example. The meltdown to the last relapse was a much looked forward holiday to Italy which I adore. I had been looking forward to it for weeks. Fabulous, fabulous time. I ate out in gorgeous restaurants, sat in piazzas sipping tonic water surrounded by people imbibing in chilled glasses of wine. In absolute honesty, it did not bother me one iota. I knew the havoc the stuff caused in my life and had no compunction to join in. The fortnight passed without any problem. I even shared tables with others who were drinking not feet away from me, I could smell it, but had no desire for it.

The holiday came to an end. I wasn't depressed or down. Far, far from it. I'd had a great time and was full of plans to go back. Got the taxi home, threw the suitcase in the hall, grapped the car keys and was off to the offie at 9 am in the morning. The rest as they say is history.

How do I know if I wasn't suffering from simple holiday blues syndrome, or whether indeed I may suffer from PAWS? I realise holidays are huge stressers for recovering alcoholics, but there was simply no temptation whilst I was away.

If it is PAWS, I need to really get into this subject because it will happen again. I take it there can never be any simple diagnosis for the condition. One never knows for sure who suffers and who doesn't.

Sorry to be so longwinded. I just feel that I've really hit on something here (or someone else has - I thank you so much). I am determined this time will be a success so any help, insight or personal experience of a similar vein that anyone has is of huge value to me.

Tyrantspell

[tyrantspell]

In my huge rush to type out my last email, I realise what I've said seems a bit nonsensical. Sorry, just feel there could be something in this and, if there is, I want to know.

What most of you have said is there was a warning that a relapse may occur. A period of despondency or depression. Mine, on the other hand, was quite the opposite. Mine was a feeling of euphoria. A feeling I couldn't possibly fail. Just wondered if the two could possibly be strange bedfellows. Am I just looking for an excuse for what could have been a simple, spur of the moment act of madness? Who knows? I for sure don't, but if I am to beat this, I want to arm myself with any information I feel may be relevant even if I do drive everyone out there slightly do lally and manage to catch a lot of red herrings.

[smudge]

Hi tyrantspell,

I don't know whether euphoria at staying sober is part of PAWS or not, but since PAWS is mainly connected with changes in brain chemistry as brains heal from excessive drinking (as much as they ever do anyway), I see no reason why euphoria might not be a part of it. I'm sure PAWS affects different people in different ways.

Speaking for myself I have been aware for a long time that complacency could lead me to a lapse. And I don't know whether I have the strength for another recovery. So I study myself (probably rather obsessively) and I try to root out complacency if I see it budding anywhere in my thoughts.

I think that the only thing any of us can do is to study our own behaviour, and try to learn what we can from our own history of drinking and relapses. Forewarned is forearmed. There have been times since I got sober when cravings hit me, out of the blue, no warnings at all, just "Wham!" right between the eyes. And my response on those extreme occasions was to run away. Luckily I don't feel any need to prove my sober strength to anyone and running away is a perfectly healthy response as far as I'm concerned. I have abandoned restaurant and pub meals. I have abandoned shopping baskets in supermarkets. I have abandoned parties. And I have cut conversations short (in person and on the phone). And when I got home I closed the curtains, got undressed and did the things I did in my early days - distract, urge surf (a particularly good technique - I can give you a link if you want it), play games, read, watch trash on tv ...

I can only suggest that you start now and plan ways of dealing with the madness when it hits - because it will hit, you can be sure of that. I used to have the following quote in my signature text, and I think it is a vitally important thing for people to take on board when learning to be sober :

"By failing to prepare we are preparing to fail."

[tyrantspell]

Hi Smudge

Thank you so much for your down to earth, full of wisdom and common sense reply.

I don't need to tell you that in the early days of being sober, the brain and body are all over the place and I'm most definitely in that spot right now! I suppose I'm looking for a quick understanding of "How This All Happened to Me" as I always have considered myself the most unlikely candidate to become an alcoholic - what rubbish! Because I didn't start drinking until I was in my 40's - I think I had been "tiddly" on two occasions in my whole life - I was absolutely astounded that from pretty much the outset I had tasted mother's milk. My potential to alcoholism just had to sit tight and wait its moment.

What I have had difficulty in coming to terms with in the past is that I will be an alcoholic until the day I die. There is no cure, no instant fix. Now that I have accepted that (which I didn't - same old, same old mind processes - one day I'll be like everyone else and be able to drink normally - deluded or what!) I feel I can really move on. Sure, I am and always will be an alcoholic, but it is my choice as to whether I practice my "art". After much soul seaching and self analysis, I choose not to.

I will do anything this time - absolutely anything - to remain sober. Knoiwing yourself, accepting yourself , forgiving yourself warts and all - not always liking what you see, but looking ahead all the time and never over the shoulder - that is my personal take plus some.

I will do it this time. I now have too much knowledge under my belt and I'm greedy for more. I will research into anything that may help me and take any advice. I'm willing to give anything a try, but I will get there.

Please fill me in on urge surfing. I've come across it, but know little. After reflection, I think my previous falls from grace have quite simply been impulse - who knows what goes on in the subconscious? All it takes is minutes - minutes to drive to the offie, minutes to stand in the queue and minutes to get it out of the shop and down the neck. One minute not a thought of it in the head and the next all consuming. All that hard work gone in such a short space of time and the God awful regret and loathing that accompanies it. Not this time - any advice you can offer even if it means exhibiting my very unattractive arse in Harrods window for a week is more than welcome. I intend to look for the success stories and emulate them, then make and shape them from the One Size Fits All to the perfected tailored fit.

Regards
Tyrantspell

[smudge]

I wrote this post about urge surfing :

http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/alcoholic-forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=787&start=40#p457604

I used the first link in that post as my main guide to urge surfing. Urge surfing is really just a strange name for a simple meditation technique. I added my own bells and whistles and mental imagery as time went on. Don't be afraid to experiment. One of the things I used to imagine was my cravings draining out of my fingertips or being released when I breathed out.

In the early days of sobriety I found dealing with cravings was a hard battle. By using urge surfing I took the fight out of it to some extent. And it is definitely less exhausting than fighting all the time.

Good luck!