Practical Advice About Detox and Getting Sober

[Blueberry]

great thread!...soup it is, today

[caroline95]

Go Blueberry - you can do this

[Blueberry]

caroline,

[smudge]

Like the vast majority of people who drink or drank too much I tried to give up alcohol hundreds of times over the years before I finally succeeded. On a day when I woke up with a worse than usual hangover I would swear to myself that I would never drink again. My determination would usually last until about 3pm or 4pm and then the same old thoughts would start. The thoughts and excuses that went through my mind were rather predictable for anyone in the same situation that I was in :

1) It would be better/easier to stop on a Saturday or a Monday or after my birthday or after Christmas or at the New Year or at the start of a month, a clean slate would be easier.
2) I don't really drink any more than most people, no need to panic yet.
3) I wasn't that bad last night. I just need to stop drinking cheap wine or cheap cider or buy a better quality gin/vodka/whisky and then I won't feel so bad in the morning.
4) I just need to make sure I drink after a good meal to give my stomach a good lining, that'll make things okay.
5) I need to make sure I drink a pint or two of water before bed. Some antacid would be a good idea too. Then I'll be fine.
6) It was the fault of X that I drank too much last night, it wasn't my fault. I won't drink so much tonight because I have done X or haven't done Y or haven't spoken to Z so I won't be so depressed.
7) My life is so stressful and depressing that I need/deserve a drink to help me relax.

I could go on for a long time with the excuses I came up with to let me off the hook for drinking again so soon after I said I would stop for ever, but I think seven excuses is enough.

So, why did I succeed in April 2010 when all previous attempts had failed? What was different? I'm not really sure there is a definite answer, but I can pick out some factors that were different in 2010 that hadn't been true for previous attempts at giving up.

1) The first and biggest thing was that I came across BE - it suited my personality perfectly. No face to face stuff, no reason to leave home, no reason to apologise or make excuses if I didn't turn up for a day or two. There was loads of information to read, and there were people who had been through it and had stayed sober for the long haul who were there as inspiration.
2) The second biggest thing was that I made plans. I prepared for sobriety like it was a military campaign. I have to admit (with hindsight) my plans were woefully inadequate and I still had no real idea what to expect from sobriety. I thought that it would all be over in a couple of weeks and life would be wonderful. But at least I made preparations to the best of my ability and that is much, much better than having no plans at all.
3) I've mentioned this before but I think it is worth repeating... I realised for the first time that getting sober wasn't going to happen by magic and it wasn't going to happen just by wishing. Getting sober was going to take hard work and lots of it, and I needed to prepare if I was going to have a hope of success.

So what did my plans consist of? Well, mostly I dealt with practical stuff. But there were some other things as well.

1) I bought plenty of food and non-alcoholic drink – enough to last about 10 days. I made sure I had enough food for my dog too. Once I'd got the necessary food and drink I intended to avoid all shops for as long as possible.
2) I bought (and took) vitamins and minerals and rehydration treatments. I didn't get the dosage or the selection right but at least I tried. (The necessary info can be found in this thread.)
3) When I walked my dog I avoided going past any places where I could reasonably expect to buy alcohol.
4) I didn't carry money anywhere.
5) I expected to be bored. I realised it wouldn't be for ever. I didn't use it as an excuse to start drinking again.
6) I have to admit I did no housework at all. I simply wasn't up to it for ages. I prepared food and walked the dog. That was all. This wasn't part of my original plans and I did berate myself and get depressed over this because I had expected to turn into superwoman when I got sober. This was definitely one of my head in the clouds thoughts – totally and utterly ridiculous and as wrong as wrong could be! Superwoman - Ha bloody ha!
7) Point 6 brings me onto... I tried to be kind to myself. I quickly realised that getting sober was not turning out how I expected and I tried to “go with the flow”. I was actually shocked at how difficult this all was. I just had to take it on faith that things would get better. And they did – eventually!
8) Before I actually started the process of getting sober I wrote a very detailed description of how I felt when I had a bad hangover – the physical stuff and the mental stuff. I wrote about my fears for the future. I wrote about my fears for my relationship with my husband. I wrote about my paranoid fears. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I've read my outpourings many times. It has repaid the effort I put into it many times over.
9) I quickly realised that I had to avoid driving as much as I possibly could for the early weeks. I couldn't concentrate and couldn't think straight. I was a danger on the roads.
10) I knew that sleeping was going to be horrendous. I had used alcohol to help me pass out for years. I expected it to get better quickly. I was wrong. It would have been better if I had just relaxed and let my sleep happen whenever it could. I did badly on this.

I've run out of steam for now. Next time I feel like having a waffle I will try and add to this.

[powellct]

That is a most excellent post, Smudge - and contains an awful lot of REBT stuff if you had but known it.

BE was excellent for me, too - although it did take me over a year from joining to [finally] stopping. And then 5 months of sheer bloodymindedness before I found SR.

[Rachel]

Great post, Smudge.
A not insignificant part for me has been to avoid any situation that might make me crave alcohol, even if I didn't think it would actually make me drink.(I believe that continued exposure to situations in which there is that horrible urge to drink, even though unfulfilled can contribute to an ultimate crumbling and relapse - well for me at least.)
I learnt the hard way to err on the side of caution. It also took me a long time to really feelingly (as opposed to intellectually) understand my triggers and how powerful and insidious they could be, creeping in through the back door sometimes.
It's all been a huge learning process, which is, of course, on going.
I hasten to add, that the number of situations that might lead me to crave, have, over time, been seriously reduced.
It takes time and patience - something I didn't know I needed when I started on all of this.

Many other things have helped, but one other big factor for me was sorting out my depression. It is hellishly difficult to stay sober when you are depressed (as opposed to just feeling down). I really struggled with this really until about last November.

Blimey that all sounded a bit pompous! I still haven't quite gathered my thoughts together properly on this. Anyway I should stop thinking about it, or I will end up having a drinking dream!

[CJ]

Great post Smudge. I think most of us will relate to it.

[Notorious]

Wow, smudge.

Great post. And all so, so familiar. I remember the self-excuse making well... I could always, always justify it in all sorts of stupid ways.I even tried to convince myself it actually helped my performance as a Project Manager to work from home with a bottle of vodka on the go.

I've been medically detoxed four times now but have lost count of how many times I simply chose to 'ride it out' and go through the physical, mental and emotional nightmare of withdrawal cold turkey.

I don't think I would recommend that to anyone...there is help available out there to detox safely.

[DannyD]

Brilliant smudge. Those excuses could have come straight from my alcohol brain. I wish I'd known before about BE, there's so much I've learnt on here.

And added to all that, perhaps the Time was Right for me at last.

Thanks Smudge.

[powellct]

There's also help for after detox too. I make no apologies for banging on about SMART Recovery - although always with the proviso that if it doesn't work for you, there are plenty of other support networks, or support in general - but you have to put the legwork in, they don't come to you

We have a local[ish] recovery café (http://towardsrecovery.co.uk/) whose motto is "no-one can do it for you, and you can't do it alone". I don't agree entirely with the sentiments, as there is clinical proof that some problem users DO just stop. However, the majority of us need some assistance. Well, I did.

Also see muggins here on their YouTube page (Greenapple Consulting)

[smudge]

I'm glad people could identify with my post.

Rachel : I know what you mean about avoiding situations that make you crave alcohol. I did the same too. I wanted to make getting sober as "easy" as I possibly could because, let's face it, it is probably the hardest thing that most of us has ever done. So I avoided temptation as much as I possibly could. So often I see people on BE who have managed a few weeks sobriety and then a party or other big occasion looms on their horizon. And they say they can't get out of it because (insert excuse here). And I'm reading and thinking "Nooooooooo, don't do it! Your sobriety is the most valuable asset you have!" And then they either stop posting or come back and say they caved in and drank. And then they have to go through sobering up all over again.

Another thing I do, and I'm not sure how others will feel about this... I allow myself a little spurt of pride in my sobriety achievement once in a blue moon. And then I squash it. Because I feel if I ever got smug I would be back drinking in no time flat. I never, never, never take my sobriety for granted. That way there be dragons.

I err on the side of caution too. There is still no alcohol ever left on display in my house. It isn't locked up, it is just kept out of sight. My husband looks after it until such time as he drinks it. I can, now, buy him a bottle of beer in Tesco. But for a long time I just wouldn't go near the alcohol aisle. It is all part of never taking sobriety for granted.

Regarding the excuses I wrote... Perhaps we need a thread on BE where people can write the excuses they used to allow them to drink. Although I'm sure it might end up being rather repetitive.

[Notorious]

I remember, a looong time back, I wrote a loooong list of physical and mental symptoms I was going through at that time as a way to deter myself from bingeing again (and was always always a mammoth binge at that point, usually following four weeks or so of sobriety...when all the pain and negative side of drinking wasn't so raw, and suddenly didn't matter). After I'd had my spectacular 'fall' of 2011 when I'd just done another (separate) year sober.


"Well, you can have one bottle, Seán, that's all...that won't hurt.You used to function on that everyday...."

Haha, yeah, right.

Of course.

Why then, genius, have you bought two or three bottles, and hidden the spare(s) in the spare tyre well of the car? Why have you planned the different shops you can use for the rest of the week, so as to 'hide the problem' from the shop staff? And yourself. Why have you started the 'don't feel too well...I think I'm coming down with something' BS to all around you in readiness for a good week of caning it, knowing you will sneak at at 4AM to the 24Hr supermarket to stock up again when you run low?

The scheming mind of an alcoholic is a truly scary place..

I really should try and find that list....

[Notorious]

Another thing I do, and I'm not sure how others will feel about this... I allow myself a little spurt of pride in my sobriety achievement once in a blue moon. And then I squash it. Because I feel if I ever got smug I would be back drinking in no time flat. I never, never, never take my sobriety for granted. That way there be dragons.

:

This. Exactly. Was my downfall having done so well previously. The complacency and self congratulating, self aggrandising smugness that I had 'won'.

Erm, guess again.

[Ladysnoops]

Sean, I remember your list so very well! It had a huge impact on me! I would love it if you could find it and repost it. Glad you are back with us my friend. Stay strong and lean on us.

[Notorious]

I think its gone, sadly.

I'll have to do a new one...

[Ladysnoops]

It was a good un! I look forward to seeing your new one Sean.

[powellct]

Interestingly enough, the aforementioned list is one that we use as both a group and a recommended individual exercise, called a CBA (Cost Benefit Analysis).
List in one column all the Short Term good bits of your habit (and there must be some, or you wouldn't do it - when I did one to stop smoking the only good bits were 1) I enjoyed it and 2) it kept the cravings at bay - go figure). Now in another column make a list of all the Short Term and Long Term bad bits (we rather assume there are no Long Term good bits with a drink problem...). Now weigh up whether the Instant Gratification [Short Term] bits are worth all the crap you either are suffering or will suffer - not just the hangover, embarrassment and no dosh, but the drink driving, the loss of friends, your partner having no more to do with you, losing the house, the kids, your liberty, your health and finally your dignity and your life. All for that couple of hours - or days/weeks, lets be honest - of numbness. Blotting stuff out that will still be there when you finally sober up.
Congratulations - you are now starting to build your motivation to stop using!

Some of that is "bad cop" stuff - but you get the gist, and everyone's list will be slightly different.

[Jake.]

There's a CBA on the relapsing board, no one ever does it though

[powellct]

Shame.

[Maria]

Can't see the CBA???