How to stop drinking alcohol
So you’ve come to the decision to stop drinking alcohol. Maybe you’ve tried a few times to just cut down, and drink more sensibly like others around you seem to.
But you’ve had limited success, perhaps you manage it for a week or so, then you’re drinking more again. Then the blackouts and awful hangovers start. Finally you decide its time to quit.
So how do you stop drinking? The first thing is to -
Consider your motivation for stopping
Weigh up the pros and cons of your drinking, the costs versus the benefits.
(write them down here)
- What are the good things about your drinking right now, what does it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
- Then what are the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this – look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
- Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better?
- Finally what are the negative bits about quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink. The next stage is to find out -
Are you physically dependent on alcohol?
If you are, then you will need some sort of medical supervision to help you through the detox. You might have experienced D.T.s before (the shakes, or Delirium Tremens to be precise), but full scale alcohol withdrawal can be an unpleasant business. Hallucinations, seizures, it can even be fatal. So for the sake of safety, if you are drinking all day from the moment you wake up in order to avoid your hangovers, you should see your doctor before you plan to stop drinking alcohol. They can help you with medication, or even a short stay in hospital to get you over the first week. If the thought of that scares you to death, then you MUST try and cut down a bit before you stop completely.
So you’ve worked out why you want to stop, and if you can stop safely. Now what? You need to -
Develop a plan for how you can avoid those urges to drink.
Read our earlier article on coping with alcohol cravings first. It will give you a few techniques to help you. One thing’s for sure, will-power alone is not enough to stop you from drinking.
You need to work out what are your ‘high-risk’ situations, what are your ‘triggers’ that make you want to drink? Some of these can be avoided, so make plans as to how you can avoid them. For those that clearly can’t be avoided, you have to start thinking about how you can deal with them differently. Make your own relapse prevention strategy.
Now sit back and wait for sobriety.
Ok, so it might not be as easy as all that (of course not), you may well slip and have a drink, you might even relapse in dramatic fashion and wake up in a ditch somewhere. Don’t laugh, it might be you. You haven’t failed, you just let that old habit sneak up and catch you unawares.
This obviously isn’t going to change over night. And realistically, this is where you might need the help of a professional. You will need to replace all that drinking with other activities, which means you need to set yourself some achievable goals.
The same goes for your feelings, learning how can you cope with difficult feelings without alcohol will take some time. Alcohol has been your way of dealing with everything difficult in your life, so you are going to have to find some other ways to cope, basically.
You should regularly review what is working and what’s not, what things are still tripping you up and most importantly, what benefits you are seeing. Remind yourself of your original reasons for wanting to stop drinking alcohol. And of course, if you find that you need some help, try a counselling session.
Rosie, I appreciate your comments in your last post. They express some of the feelings I’ve had during these difficult times. I’ve felt a bond with you and the others greater than that of some of my own friends and relatives.
This is a major turning point in my life. Looking back now, not only were my evenings blurry…..my future was too.
Don.
Glad you sense the same support, Don.
Been doing a lot of thinking the passed few days…
There are moments when I think my Brighteye buddies actually know me better than my closest colleagues and friends. Having been a “functioning, secret alcoholic” the people in my life (apart from my son) had no idea of my alcohol problem.
Would my friends still be my friends if they knew the truth or if they knew the lie I lived? How would they feel if they knew how hungover I was day in, day out? I deceived these people and that is not something I have been proud of… In my years of drinking, I felt unworthy of the friendships and respect around me. I think this is why I still do not feel pride or excitement at stopping drinking.
I have had to work at turning these feelings around because there is no place for regret in the recovery process…
WE HAVE SPENT YEARS LOATHING THE PERSON ALCOHOL HAS MADE US BELIEVE WE ARE…
For many of us, our vision of ourselves has been pickled in the guilt that is alcohol.
It is only now that I can see that I can stop beating myself up. In the passed few months, there is only ONE thing that has changed about me and it is something my friends and family are not even aware of…I have stopping drinking alcohol. As for the person they knew then and know now… I am still ME! My friends still like me so they have always liked me. My family loves me so they have always loved me. I am not and never have been the person alcohol made me think I was.
I hope others can relate to this and I hope that it makes sense and doesn’t sound big-headed…
I post this ever aware that to many, I must appear to have been lucky, and my heartfelt sympathy goes to those whose life is turned upside down by the evil of drink.
Best wishes Do to you and all Brighteye buddies. x
Rosie / Don,
I realise I’m pretty new to this, but I can associate with what you’ve blogged. No-one else knew the extent to which I drank, in fact it was so secret they used to call me ‘Nana’, as I’d learned long ago to stop myself going over the edge on nights out or at functions. I used to slope off later in the evening to carry on drinking in secret, alone with my own demons. Not off to bed early as they all thought.
I’m seeing a group of my girl friends for lunch on Saturday and will tell them then that I’ve stopped drinking (they will be suspicious anyway as I always get a cab). I know they will be supportive, and if not so be it, this is who I am now, this is the real me.
However, it’s you on this site that have given me the strength and encouragement to give up, without you I don’t think I’d have been 9 days in!!
My thoughts are with everyone. Hx
Gee, well done keep it up! I’m on day 9 and feel so proud of myself for getting through the first week (including the weekend!).
Arunas / Caren I hope you guys are still doing ok too?
Hx
Helen, im still here and now Im getting ready for my second alko free weekend. I browse this site daily but the problem is I keep forgetting where I posted and then have to dig all the archive again… so I no worries if i do not respond for a couple of days;)..
What I liked about my first two weeks is that good feeling that you are actually doing something good to yourself and you actually can do it.. it feels just fantastic!! really. I started going to the swimming pool on weekends (quite purposefully as I know I do not want to waste my money as I would not be able to swin the day after party) and I started taking Spanish classes. I cant say I was not confident before but now my self confidence is extremelly high!!;)
Thanks Helen,
Its going ok, has anyone experienced the headaches? Im trying to drink lots of water but its not working. I had the shakes really badly at work on thursday, but eating helped. Im starting to exercise more.
Gee
I had some headaches when I was quitting (3 week now) even though I dont ever have them… i found it strange but now they are gone. But the shakes really got me worrying… im 33 and have been on a binge every weekend recently but was not getting any shakes, but during my first booze free week my hands were trembiling slightly in a strange way…i thought – so is this for good now, — but now the shakes (if we mean the same thing) are gone.. I hope they will go for you too.. anyway, one thing is certain – alko is not going to remove the aches and shakes…keep your head up!;)
Hi
Well this is my 3rd post, and still getting inspiration from you all, I am on my 3rd attempt to stop drinking, different excuses to have a drink one being in Ireland at a 4 day funeral. But today is my third day without a drink, feels good. Sleep a bit off but herbal tablets helping.
Well done to everyone the older posts and new and good luck xx
Stay positive Linda…facing a funeral and the stress and temptation it will bring is an obstacle I never had to face in my early days… I wish you strength. Take care,
Rosie
Thanks Rosie
It helps so much to have encouragement from you and reading the forum.
Feel like there is a little family out there supporting each other
Linda
Hello all!
Good news, 32 days, and just had to work out the days, as I had stopped the counting. I am enjoying “eveing driving”, we have 24 hour stores here in the UK, so sometimes take a drive to them say 9pm and buy a treat, choccy, or sweets. Telly bores me silly, but seem to spend lots of productive time tikering, and the radio (4) is good of an evening!
Those of you just embarking on the wagon, it is a day at a time, yes if your like me, thought of booze every day, I still do, but the “want” gets less, if I can put it into some context, so people can relate to;
Day zero(s); A bottle of red wide, stronger the better. 13.5 14% then after polishing that off in an hour or so, clicking the lids of two possible three cans of strong lager. EVERY NIGHT! No hangovers, as such**
Being an anal engineer type, I kept a diary daily, and level of craving, its interesting reading, and suspect that there will be some nodding heads while reading the results…
Day 1; Craving level 9
Day 2; 7
Day 3; 9
Day 4; 8
Day 5 (Friday); 7
Day 6; 9
Day 7; 6
Second week —————–
Day 1; 5
Day 2; 5
Day 3; 7
Day 4; 4
Day 5; 6
Day 7; 6
Day 8; 5
Third week ——————-
Day 1; 3
Day 2; 3
Day 3; 2
Day 4; 2
Day 5; 4
Day 6; 4
Day 7; 8
Forth week ——————-
Day 1; 2
Day 2; 1
Day 3; 2
and pretty much “2″ onward.
In my assumption, that up to level 3, would be “a glass of wine would be nice” thought!
It (the desire) hasnt gone away completely, and these are results from the evening, when I thought of booze! Some were strong, almost giving up (9)
Conclusing (so far) feel brilliant, metal alertness, I tried to measure, but cant! its great. Relationships are better with everyone, even my old dog!!
** I have a headache, now, but it must be the chemical changes that my sweed are dealing with, or it was playing computer games too late!!!
Keep it up, try, if you fall off, get back on, I suppose its like learing to ride a bike. Eventually you will be “popping wheelies”.!!!
JB
Well done Justin. Sounds like you’re on your way to a sober life. Please keep posting it’s so encouraging to everyone.
p.s. Watch out for P.A.W.S.
Don
well done. I find your day/craving ration pretty useful!! Stay sober and keep supplying us with your statistics!!
Hi all, I read Allen’s book back in October 2006 and it stopped me drinking dead in my tracks. Then in August 2007 someone very close to me passed away and the only way I could think of blocking the pain was to get blotto as soon as I could, totally forgetting or ignoring, Allen’s advice that a drink will neither ease the loss or bring back the loved one. Once the hangover wore off, it was indeed much worse. I stayed off for another five months after that until giving in to the little monster again and then another five months after that again. I am now trying to get back to that mindset of being a non-drinker again. I feel it will take more work this time. Reading the posts here will definitely help I feel, and I can relate to nearly every post on this empowering site, thank you all.
I read you post and it hit me hard…I guess for those of us who have recently stopped drinking, your message is an insight into our worst fear.
Thank you for the reality check. It confirms that even having “just the one” at some point, is a complete no no.
I wish you well.
Rosie
Day 36!!! Thanks to you guys and Allen Carr!
Hi Folks,
Been a long time since I posted, but things have been really busy. I am now on my 7th week and delighted to say that I am loving it all. The sobriety, the memories of previous nights conversations, the return to “normal marital relationships” however you choose to define it! I am more awake, sleeping naturally, more energised and able to concentrate and I can drive my car whenever and wherever I wish. Liberty and control. Had none of this 7 weeks ago and have it all just by staying strong and focussed, my story is not a dramatic one to anyone else, just me and my close family know the hardships we have seen but thats history. Attended three day conference this week with work with a Gala Dinner. The wine was flowing freely and a free bar afterwards. Not saying it was easy, but the sense of self pride when i went to bed both nights having only had soft drinks for the first time in 28 years of conferences was fantastic! Even better three of my colleagues joined me on the soft drinks because they thought it was a great idea. Point to my story? Self esteem returns, the alcohol changed how you reacted but not you deep down. Go find that inner you and come back to the front, it’s fantastic! Don’t get me wrong, I still find it tempting to have a glass of wine but now I now where it leads and I will not go back there. The road lies ahead of me, all of us, and together with the support of our family, friends, Bright eye supporters and the grace of God we CAN make it through. The benefits are too good to miss and the losses that alcohol brings are not attractive in the cold light of day. Well done to those ahead of me, good luck to those walking with me, and here, take my hand to those trying to come from behind! Together were ARE stronger. Thank you BrightEye
Lachlan
Well done, Lachlan.Keep posting, it’s such a great inspiration! Im spending my second booze free weekend now and knowing how people feel after their first , second week/ month is of utmost importance..
Great to hear from you Lachlan
You have been walking just behind me time wise, but very much beside me in recent experience…
I liked your last post have summed up what I have been trying to say but couldn’t find the words. I like what you said about finding that you were still the same person.
I can ditto the conference experience (not the same one
I have had a w.end off work and had family for a meal on Friday night and I struggled not to pour myself a glass of wine when I poured one for the others.I didn’t though but it scared me because having been able to cope with this recently, this time I actually felt upset. Still mourning I guess.
Last night I had a group of friends over for drinks and rather than faff around with excuses for not drinking, I decided it was time to say the words “I’ve stopped drinking” ( as I said it, I got a real sense of no going back now!!) they tried a bit of coaxing but then just got on with having a good night and so did I. The bonus was driving them home.Like you Lachlan, I am just loving being able to drive when I like. Booze made me a prisioner in the evenings.
However, I have woken this morning with strange mixed bag of feelings. I think having told my friends I have stopped drinking, I feel a bit anxious- I think it is because actually telling people is the next part of my journey and brings with it fear. I have read back my posts recently and while they are a reminder of how far I have come, and I never want to go back to the old me…there is something that niggles deep down inside and again it is fear.
So today Lachlan, I can really identify with having the support of the bright eye buddies on this path….
For those of us facing “fear hill” on this part of the path today…let’s face it together.
Good vibes to all
hi rosie
your post has really struck a chord….feeling “the fear” after drinking a load was a common experience for me…coupled with self loathing and the” what did i say or do” anxiety(because i’d always said or did something)….recently i ve been feeling incredibly fearful and low and dont have getting drunk to blame it on….so where to go with that im not sure ….. these days pass by though, dont they?? i somehow imagined life would become completely simple when i stopped…
i ll second that reading everyones experiences and posting occasionally help things along…
facing things sober feels like jumping into a cold sea…(today, that is….)
My first booze free weekend as well, struggled at around 6 yesterday, had a revolting herbal tea but took the want away at least, then it was 7, 8 9 10 11, ah bed time, good night sleep . woke up and feel really pleased with myself, even gave myself a pat on the back – how sad is that.
Lachlan your last sentance inspired me, in a stange way did not want to let you down as you offered your hand for those behind you – thank you.
Emma, reading your reply to Rosie really struck a chord with me, not only did I drink but have other “issues” too. I also previously had the blank times from a night out and had massive self loathing and depression. I have been taking Fluoxetine (prozac) in smallish doses for about a year and a half as I have depression (or so I’m told). Am off the booze now (13 days) and the drugs really help with the self loathing, insecurities, lack of confidence, etc, now the booze has gone (hopefully for good).
How long have you been sober? If it’s a while, from my own experiences I would suggest going to see your doctor and talk to them about how you feel, they may be able to help.
Hx
thanks helen
Helen, so you were combining booze with medicine (to a certain extent?) Im not really sure about the use of prozacs and all the other sedatives at least Im taking none and dont imagine going from one thing to another. My mother is an example. She has never drunk (but my father did) but uses quite a bit of sedatives (even now when he is gone) and Im having a problem to talk her into quiting and even having a problem to take her to a doctor and to talk about this.. she keeps coming with all sorts of lame exuses (life’s hard, depression) to use drugs…but the funny thing is when she broke her leg and shoulder and had to stay in bed for two month, all the depressin was gone and she was not taking any sleepingf pills or anything.. it was about surviving and there were no self-invented problems.. now when she can walk again she is taking drugs.. so may advice is think twice about taking prozac and other stuff as may turn into another vicious circle…
Has anyone had anger managament problems which they think could be alcohol induced? I keep loosing my temper all the time.. Im trying to be patient but I just would not succeedd most of the times. Has sobriety helped or is this a completely different kettle of fish?? Im in my third week now (if that’s a useful piece of info)
Hi all,
I have spent the entire morning reading all your post and reading all the advice on the brighteyes website. I made the decision to give up alcohol on Saturday after yet another night binge drinking to the extreme. My husband had to restrain me as I was violent towards him and my six year old son witnessed the whole thing. There have also been worse times than that but it would take me hours to type them all!! I’m sick of hating myself and the way I behave every time I drink, althought I dont consider myself an alcholic I do realise that I have serious problems with alcohol. When I drink I dont care about anyone or anything, I dont care about my own health or well being and sometimes I seriously put my life in danger. I drink usually one night per week and everytime the same situation occurs, I end up out of control and hurting the people that I love, for the rest of the week I hate myself and I’m racked with guilt over what I’ve done but when I reach my next free night I do it all again. I have two young children and a wonderful husband. I work very hard and I’m very stressed alot of the time and my escape seems to be to sink a couple of bottles of white. I am trying to deal with my motivation for drinking as I’m still not sure what that is. I just wanted to put into words the way I am and what I intend to do in the future. I have found by reading your post that I’m not alone, today I feel very sad but I am ready to change my life for good, for the sake of myself and for my husband and for my children. I have tried to cut down in the past but eventually its ended up the same, So here I go, carrying all your tips in my head and looking forward to a better life.
Welcome aboard Bella. You are already taking steps in the right direction by reading and posting.
Good luck
Rosie
Good luck, Bell!
Just reading the post by Bella, sounds all too familiar. This is going to be my third attempt this year to give up drinking. On friday i finished work at 5pm. Started drinking at 5:30pm. Had promised myself all day that i was only going to have just two drinks. I can remember coming to my senses on a street a few miles from where i live at 4:30am the next morning just as it was getting light. No idea where i have been or what i have done. Lost my tie and coat. I am sick of hating myself and the way I behave every time I drink. I’m just a totally different person. I’m not an alcoholic. It’s just my friends and social life puts me in a situation where i’m exposed to alcohol and once i start to drink i can’t stop. I enjoy the feeling of getting drunk. I think the only way for me is to stop 100%. I just cant trust myself to have anything. This has been going on years and im sick of it.
It will sound funny, but one of the reasons Im quiting is also because I hate loosing my clothes… last time I lost a most wonderful scarf I bought on my trip to Paris, last Christmas I lost an excelent jacket I bought in Milan and had to come home in my shirt only and it was quite a bit below zero…;) I would not be surprised if I returned home naked..
i had a bit of a rough day today in terms of really having a strong desire to drink for the first time since i’ve stopped (29 days today). you know, that tiny voice in your head that just for a minute says ‘just have a drink at the weekend, sod it, it’s no good!)….when this happens, i usually go into denial that i’ve had that thought and carry on with the day. it’s that little trigger inside that decides you’re going to drink, even if it’s not today,it will be soon….does that make sense?
anyway, i really didn’t deny this fact to myself today and think i managed to chase the idea away by thinking through my actions and the inevitable down side of doing it (the what did i do last night anxiety, the deathly hangovers , self loathing etc)
i guess since i quit a month ago i’ve been waiting for this moment, when my sub-conscious tries to sneak up on me and i hope i have kept the desire to drink away by recognising the moment i start to cave in and staying strong, not being a victim about it, but just saying, ok, that was one thought, but i think i’ll pass on it today and in the future, thanks.
i think alot of it, for me anyway is being ill equipped to deal with certain emotions. i’ve been a very heavy binge drinker for 16 years (half my life) and i don’t know how to deal with emotions very well when sober. this is going to take me some time. anyone else struggle with their emotions?
phew…sorry if that didn’t make sense..i’ve really struggled a bit today, having to deal with people at work when i just wanted to crawl under a rock!…….yet funnily enough couldn’t wait to come on here and share the experience , to see if anyone else felt like this sometimes?
to everyone who posts on here, aruna, emma, rosie, don, bella, chris, helen and everyone, keep going and stay strong.