Coping with Alcohol Cravings
Coping with cravings is the key to tackling alcoholism. If you can manage to not give in to your cravings, or you can adapt so that you don’t get so many cravings in the first place, then there is no more addiction is there?
How you view your own cravings will determine how much power they have over you. If you believe that a craving won’t naturally go away once it has started, or if you think that the only way to deal with a craving is to drink, then of course you will be fairly powerless over them. This is the cognitive component of your addiction.
Making yourself aware of what things in your life tend to give you cravings, and therefore how you might avoid those situations, becomes a vital skill. For those ‘triggers’ that you can’t avoid, you can learn how to deal with them differently.
Lets say there are four types of cravings:
- a reaction to withdrawal symptoms
- escaping from unpleasant feelings (boredom, depression, anxiety etc.)
- a response to a learnt association (people, places etc)
- enhancing a positive mood
Each type requires a different approach to deal with it. And each person’s approach will be unique to them.
There are six recognised methods for dealing with cravings when they occur:
- distraction
- coping flashcards
- imagery
- rational responses to automatic thoughts
- activity
- relaxation
Distraction - the goal of these methods is to move a person’s attention away from negative internal thoughts or uncomfortable feelings, towards a more neutral external focus. They seem simple, but can all be effective -
- concentrate on your surroundings and describe them to yourself in detail, this can be quite ‘grounding’ when you feel like you’re losing it.
- talk to someone, anyone. A trusted friend, relative, your counsellor or even a total stranger if need be. It can help you get away from that loop running in your head.
- change the scenery - go for a walk, a drive, a bike ride, just get away from wherever you are right now.
- oddly enough, cleaning or other household chores can be perfectly distracting if you’re craving, and you might feel some sense of achievement too.
- video games (or indeed the old fashioned kind) can require enough concentration and challenge to take your mind off it, and of course, you can play them alone.
- I’m sure you can think of other things to do on your own which are quite distracting and enjoyable.
Coping Flashcards - when you’re in the grip of a strong craving, it’s hard to think rationally and remember all the things you’re supposed to. So writing yourself some instructions on a small index card can be useful. (This helps tremendously for people with anxiety too). The priority is to convince yourself that you can cope with this situation. Here’s a few examples of things you might write -
- things are going well with my partner right now, I don’t want to mess it up
- this craving will pass if I just give it time
- I’m not helpless here, what action can I take?
- what are the pros and cons right now?
Imagery - there are a few different types of imagery which can work -
- command your craving to STOP (see a big stop sign), then refocus on a relaxing location of your choice - a favourite peaceful spot.
- if you start remembering good times when you were drinking, then replace that image with the bad times, your lowest ebb when you felt ashamed and disgusted, do you want to end up back there?
- if it’s negative, depressing images that are giving you cravings, then imagine an optimistic view of your near future, with friends or family, having fun without a drink (or any other positive image).
- if you know you’ve got an event coming up which will give you cravings - try rehearsing the image in your head of you dealing with it appropriately. Run through the feelings you’ll have so you are not caught off-guard by them.
Rational Responses to Automatic Thoughts - whenever you feel a craving, ask yourself “what thoughts are going through my head right now”. Many of the thoughts you are having will themselves be responsible for your craving. It becomes a matter of responding to those thoughts in a more rational way.
- look for evidence to back up or contradict your thought and ask yourself:
- can I look at this situation differently?
- if what I’m thinking is true, what really are the consequences?
- what is likely to happen if I carry on thinking like this?
- what positive action can I take to solve this problem?
Try not to make such catastrophic predictions about your cravings, like “there’s no way I can stand this, so I might as well just drink and get it over with”, “I keep having cravings, so I must be an alcoholic, I can’t beat this…” etc.
Activity - if you’ve had an addiction to drink for a long time, then you’ve probably not got many hobbies left. In fact quite often, drinking is the only activity you actually do for fun. So when you try and stop, boredom is the biggest hurdle. There’s no way around it - you’re going to have to try some new activities.
When you’ve found a few that you like, make sure you schedule them in every week:
“On Tuesday I’m going swimming, on Thursday I’m going to the cinema with Sally, on Saturday I’m getting out to the countryside for a walk with my partner.”
It will feel weird to some to plan your week this way, but in the early stages of recovery from addiction, it’s essential.
Relaxation - Anxiety, Anger, Frustration and Stress are amongst the biggest triggers for cravings. So learning some relaxation techniques can be a life-saver. If you’re not so tense, you’re less likely to act impulsively. And if you’ve been using alcohol to relax for years, then you are going to have to learn some other methods. Try these:
Simple Relaxation
More Relaxation Techniques
BBC - Relaxation
It will take a while to learn these new techniques, as with any new skill, but keep at it and you’ll be floating around on a cloud of calm like the best buddhist masters. Well, hopefully…
Remember - It’s just a craving, it won’t kill you. But drinking might…
Read more ways to cope with alcohol cravings…
January 1st, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I thought your suggestions and information contained on this page were extremely useful especially the information about imagery adjustment. However you need to consider the fact that many viewing this site will be alcohol dependent. Given this, do you think it is prudent in these circumstances to be displaying a picture of a glass of wine which looks inviting?
Just my thoughts.
January 2nd, 2007 at 7:30 am
It’s an important point to make Gary, and you’re right of course - having a picture of an alcoholic drink is obviously going to cause some people to have a craving.
But the whole point in learning to cope with your cravings is that you will inevitably be exposed to many situations (and images) associated with alcohol - they can’t be avoided. The process of learning some different responses has to start somewhere - that might as well be here.
March 8th, 2007 at 2:50 am
I have come upon this site for the first time. I am desperately seeking to end my relationship with alcohol, and hope to find support here. I’m encouraged by the information posted here, and am much relieved to read the words….”it’s just a craving, it won’t kill you.” Just knowing that I can overcome the reason for drinking, regain control over my life again, gives me hope.
April 10th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I’m having the worst cravings right now. I am at work and know that I can’t/shouldn’t drink. My husband is at his wit’s end with me as well. Thanks for the recap on grounding. I did this when I was in rehab and it worked really well for me then. I’m hoping it will help me again.
April 11th, 2007 at 10:59 am
I am going through rehab at the moment and surely going to spend a few hours during the next few days on this site reading and coming to my senses with my alcoholism. My counsellor swears blind by AA, but if I mention its rigidity he says “that’s the power of alcoholism - cunning, baffling and powerful”. I am willing to accept certain principles of AA, but to see so many people come once then never see them again starts questions in my mind. Music, relaxation, positive thinking, solving my low esteem and not having that horrible guilt about wanting that drink seem like a good way forward. I don’t expect it to be easy but I NEED to get my life back on track.
April 19th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
I’m bookmarking this page to keep in mind. I’ve been trying to give up the drink for years and now its seriously taking its toll on my health. For ages I said that I’ll look forward to the time when I can’t physically drink anymore. Now that time is here, it doesn’t make it any easier. I bought a PS2 today so that I have something to distract from the cravings/boredom and I already meditate which does wonders for me. Thanks for your words. Filling the inevitable void with activities and plans seems essential too.
April 26th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
I’ve been drinking for years. I am still drinking and know I need to stop. I read up on it and have been to a couple of AA meetings. I haven’t got the willpower to go every night but I know I should do SOMETHING. Drink makes me feel awful but I still get that craving for it when I’ve finished work… I know I should do something else, but when you’re so TIRED what else but have a nice relaxing drink…. which turns into another, and so on. You know the rest….
May 1st, 2007 at 2:08 pm
Hi im new to this, and im 25 full time student, single mum and i work part time, ive been drinking for years, although recently it has gotten out of hand pretty quick, its lead to depression and i almost had a breakdown on Monday. I feel like ive lost all control over my life, and sit here now at my daughters dads house feeling like crap, and i know a quick trip to the shop will take it all away. I haven’t washed today or yesterday which is totally out of character for me. I would love some advice, my mum and sister have been great but its embarressing for me to admit defeat to them. Can anyone give me some pointers to help me get through the day, my doctors has put me on a 12 day detox course, but nothing else to try and highten my spirits so has i dont feel the need to drink. Thanks folks.
May 23rd, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Ren:
You’ve already started to make changes, because you’re now asking for help - and that’s the most important thing to grasp, that change IS possible. Though it might not be easy, nor quick, change will come.
You might feel like you’ve lost control, so it’s just a matter of taking control of some parts of your life. Start small, then adjust your goals as you go along. In reality you’ve just admitted that you’re not defeated, that you’re prepared to make some changes.
Have a look at this page on setting yourself some goals, because that’s the first step.
June 12th, 2007 at 2:14 pm
I’ve been looking for help to stop drinking for ages, it’s the first time I’ve come across this site. It has given me the first real hope that maybe I could change my behaviour. Thank you, it’s a brilliant resource.
June 14th, 2007 at 1:11 pm
Hi I have at last admitted to myself that i need to stop drinking. As with Mish this is the first time i have come across this site and it is fantastic. Really informative and inspiring. This is day one for me AGAIN!!!
July 2nd, 2007 at 9:48 am
excellent - I have finally found a site that has helped me feel I can quit for good and be able to deal with life of not drinking without having to give up being friends with people that do drink.
July 8th, 2007 at 6:03 pm
just found your site and i hope it will help towards my hell of binge drinking. i only drink about twice a week to the extreme of not remembering and suffer hangovers for days. I will take any advice going. I would also like to chat to others in my position. Im 40, i work and have a family. Iactually enjoy a drink but dont know when to stop
July 23rd, 2007 at 5:11 pm
I have known that I have had a developing problem for at least five years, I drink something every night but it is wine that I have most of my bad experiences on. This is the first time I have come across this website and it is reassuring, if not a little bit scary to see that the way I am feeling about my drinking is not uncommon with other drinkers, it just reiterates that I do need to try to stop my drinking. The interesting thing is that I can go away for work and not drink, but being back at home, it triggers my need to drink more ( and wine too). I am not sure what to do next, I feel my addiction is alcohol and that I can’t blame it on any underlying cause - I have a lovely son (everyone compliments us on how lovely he is) and a great and supporting husband - so why do I feel the need to get out of my head at home? I have tried going to the gym but the timing of the classes and the work I do means I have to miss when my boy goes to bed and so I don’t feel too happy about doing this. Any suggestions would help.
August 2nd, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Hi, this is my first time on the website. I have decided to quit drinking. My husband says he is going to quit too. My husband does not realize that I have been drinking vodka in the mornings, noon and night - and very much on weekend vacations or around others. My health is in terrible shape - I got fired from my last job (and not my only one) for drinking on the job. I didn’t think people could smell vodka but I guess I was wrong. I have quit before and know I can do this - but would like some help on handling the withdrawal - I have the shakes right now and can’t hold even water in my stomach. How long does this last for me and can I do anything to help?
Desperate Cary
August 28th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
When I stop drinking, my anxiety dissipates, my skin looks healthier, my mind is sharper, I have more energy, kids like me more, sex improves, and people stop talking about me in a bad way.
Withdrawal can be handled by eating more protein & carbs, thinking positively, and surrounding yourself with people who care. Rehab is expensive, and withdrawal is hard to handle on your own. When I go through withdrawal on my own, I get rid of all alcohol & all empties. I clean my room, take the day/couple days off work, eat more, drink water, try to exercise, listen to books on tape, read about alcoholism. Fighting off negativity is essential.
Shakey hands is hard too. Carbing up helps with that, avoid coffee, anything to make you sleepy helps, sleeping helps restore the body
September 4th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
Hi There,
I drink a lot and really want to give it up. I can give it up for 2 maybe 3 days then I am back on it :(. I dont think distractions are my problem. I play computer games a lot and stuff. I just feel like i need a drink when i get home from work. I also feel that drink wakes me up and makes me more interested in my gaming. I am a big gamer. Without drink I am feeling tired and bored. I also seem to sleep better when drunk. If anyone has similar experience please let me know and let me know if you have conquered it :).
Kind Regards,
Charlie
September 9th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
I’ve just come across this Website and hope it may help me. I drink through boredom and as a way to relax. I feel deprived if I can’t have a drink 3 or 4 nights a week and ‘a drink’ is usually a bottle of wine. I’m trying hard to cut this down for health reasons and because it completely sabotages my attemps to lose weight.
September 12th, 2007 at 12:45 am
Hi all,
I’m from Southern California, USA, found this site by accident (or not…hahaha…) Fantastic site, nice to know that there are others out there with alcohol problems as well. I’ve become a frequent visitor for support in my conquest. Cheers with a soda!
September 21st, 2007 at 1:11 am
Hi there. Alcoholism is rife in my family. My older brother died of it at 35. In his autopsy report his liver was nearly 3 x its normal size. He drank a 5 litre cask of wine daily for how many years, we dont know. My Mother and father drink every day, my other brother is a self confessed alcoholic, my grandmother used to drink every day until her kidneys packed up!! my Auntie drinks everyday. Most of those above mentioned deny being alcoholics, because they think that drinking in the afternoon, before tea time doesnt count!! even if it is every afternoon, and half a bottle of wine ++. Anyway, I was acutely aware of this history and really careful about my own alcohol intake until I was 34. What happened?? a couple of glasses a couple of times a week has become nearly every day, and although its not litres everyday I am really worried. I dont want to follow the footsteps of those alchies in my family!! I want to be healthy!! Now I crave it everyday, and my willpower is not strong to stop it. It is so incredibly powerful. I hope I can stop before I am doomed!!!
September 21st, 2007 at 11:47 am
Hello. I’ve just discovered this site and am so glad I did. It’s very helpful (without being at all patronising).
I’ve been binge drinking my way through the past 20 or so years (I wasn’t an alcoholic you understand because I could stop - the fact that I couldn’t stay stopped I chose to ignore). Due to a massive bender during which, not only was I a complete and utter wreck, but I also underwent a severe black out followed by a convulsion, I finally came to my senses and accepted the inevitable. It was a case of do or die.
It hasn’t been an easy few months, but I’m winning. The early days and weeks were the worst, especially meeting up with my friends and being sober (I normally needed a couple of drinks before leaving the house). I then had to suffer the comments when I insisted I only wanted a soft drink. They’ve got used to it now, but I still have trouble. I watch them getting merry, laughing at things that they find funny but I think are pathetic and it can sometimes be very, very tempting to have ‘just one or 2 glasses of wine’. I have now found myself extending my circle of friends to include non-drinkers or people who don’t drink like there’s no tomorrow and it’s certainly a great help. It’s also helpful to remember that I used to get merry and laugh at stupid things too.
Now I’ve found this site I have another weapon against the evil drink. I can kick my will power back on the right track when I’m feeling sorry for myself and thinking just one drink won’t hurt.
Thank you and good luck to everyone else in this situation.
October 9th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
I have been pretty much sober for the past 2 and a half years. When I say “sober” I mean that I do not usually drink, but occasionally I will go out for social drinks & it won’t be a problem. I don’t usually feel the need to drink for weeks, but all of a sudden yesterday I had really bad cravings for whiskey. I only had 2 double shots (with mixer) and felt fine, but today I have been really craving more drinks.
I feel like my past is coming back to haunt me again.
October 9th, 2007 at 9:23 pm
Hi there, I just happened upon this site while searching for some inspiration to help me stay clean I have been drug and alcohol free for 45 days…I’m stuggling bigtime this week, I know a craving won’t kill me, and drinking etc…will mess up everything again…I just want this crazy insanity of wanting to do it even tho I know I shouldn’t, to end…I look great and I’m being very productive not drinking…people keep encouraging me…but the desire is so strong to go use…I guess I just needed to vent to someone who would understand….thanx
October 20th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Hi from U.S.
This site is wonderful. Found it today when looking for “how to stop drinking” search.
I’ve felt for a long time that I’ve had a drinking problem. I look forward to end of each workday when I proceed to have “a” glass of wine which turns into too many glasses each evening. I kept telling myself that because I drink only wine that it was not a problem. But I know that it is. I don’t sleep well and the times when I have gone off wine for 3-4 days, I sleep much better. I drink to relieve stress (was very happy to see many relaxation techniques on here!) and as something to do in the evenings. I realize that I am not a person who can just have one small cocktail… it always leads to a lot more! I really appreciate all the other comments here and it is comforting and I know I’ll be on here A LOT! Planning my activities as suggested here seems what I must do. Thank you and Good luck to you all!
October 29th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Thank you for the tips. I find myself trying to utilise them even as I write this. It has only recently become apparent to me that I have a problem with drink. I often wake up in a terrible state unable to remember what happened. It usually involves me trying to abstain, then within the space of 15minutes being very drunk. Once I have a drink I loose any ability to control my thirst for more. So I guess for me, the key is preventing myself from having the first drink. I really am tired of spending weeks at a time unable to think clearly. Take today as an example. I found 2 empty 3litre bottles of cider on the floor. As a result I am physically unable to do anything with my day except hate myself for making the mistake. As a consequence of those feelings I will probably end up doing the same thing again. I am tired. I feel ill. I am getting to be very out of shape. I used to become ‘a tree hugging hippy’ after drinking. As I wander further into this problem I seem to be becoming increasingly aggressive.
Anyways, thank you for the advice, and sorry for the rant. This is my written admission to myself. And no, the picture of a glass of wine is not helpful.
October 31st, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I have decided enough is enough and I am doing a great job of ending my life prematurely and making everyone’s life a misery who comes into contact with me. Im stopping today. Quite literally -God help me …
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Hi my husband is a binge drinker and under a counsellor at the moment. I am having a hard time dealing with the mood swings and outbursts that occur when he starts to drink. I love him dearly but this is really putting a strain on our relationship. He has suggested marriage counselling which I am all for. My concern is that he will not take in what I have to say and that is that the drinking is a big issue. Any advice would be appreciated greatly.
November 3rd, 2007 at 6:35 pm
I have so much sorrow for you who are trying to stop. I stopped seven years ago, sober for five then lapsed, just a couple of glasses of wine on holiday, it is the hardest thing I have ever done, I often crave a drink but know I will loose all I have gained ,like my self confidence, good skin( I am a bit vain really), no memory losses, my diginty, (not nice to see a middle aged woman drunk ), for all of you who are trying ,find someone to talk to sincerely, just empty your soul. It will work and honestly life being sober is not all that bad. I actually love the mornings now. Good Luck Anne
November 5th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
I have just found this site and what a relief, I have been reading a lot of the comments that are on this page and its like they are talking about me. I really want to stop and have tried but the weekend comes, then one glass of wine turns to a bottle and so on… I want to stop and I am going to try my hardest - i have finally had enough.
November 12th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Firstly, I just want to say thank you for all the comments on this site, like many of the people above, this is my first time on this site, and cannot tell you how good it feels to know there are other people on here that are feeling/thinking the same way i am, (the depression/fear..ect) Ive just turned 27, and knew the game was up a long time ago, but drinking was my only escape route from the way i was feeling, the sensible thing to do would of been to face my fears, and be a man, but you know how it goes 9 times out of 10 the drink won. Its make or time now, and also know its going to be incredibly hard, but a life sober has to be better than life as it is now, i wish everyone else the very best of luck. God bless.
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Great site with loads of encouragement and coping strategies. I have been off the booze for a few months now and have been helped tremendously by going to AA meetings. I think I may have even saved my job. I would recommend attending the meetings. You don’t have to sell your soul to AA. I personally don’t accept all the doctrines in their Big Book but studying it at the meetings certainly gives you something to think about. And it helps to get out and meet new people. Maybe combine counselling with meetings. Do they have pretty girls at on line counselling sessions? There seem to be quite a few at AA. Good luck to everyone struggling with alcohol addiction. Do the cold turkey and the craving slowly dries up.
November 24th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
I try to remember the violence that happens with drinking, the look in people’s eyes, the “I don’t cares”, when you know you do. Oh, and the drunk dials and drunk text messages, and the getting fired… When all else fails, you’re saving $8/Patron Silver times eight shots a night - $64/night times 365 days per year, which is $23,360 per year. That’s a sweet vacation in a penthouse suite, and don’t forget it!
November 28th, 2007 at 12:40 pm
I have actively start seeking help with my drinking problem which got worse the day my Mum passed away of cancer. This was a slow death which caused suffering in my heart an my only escape was the drink. I went to the doctors who gave me diazepan to help with the sudden stop of drinking as I fear for my health and family. I want to stop the addiction to drinking first thing to last thing but I still want to drink at christmas but not having to require the alcohol. Basically is this going to work or will I just get back into the same state of drinking every day.
November 28th, 2007 at 1:53 pm
I feel that I can relate to just about all who have posted on this site. I, too, would love to eliminate the need to drink. One thought that helps me through this delimina is to define myself much like a patchwork quilt. Drinking is just part of who i am. It affects a lot of what I do, or at least after 5pm. Though reluctant to admit it, there are a lot of good qualities that I am responsible for. I guess my attention, especially in the morning when I feel like hell, is on what I did the night before that got me to feel that way.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
I found this site yesterday when searching on “how to stop drinking” yesterday. I left a comments yesterday. Ater that I told my friend whom I am staying with now in Germany that I have a drinking problem (I am supposed to be on holiday here, but still drinking every day).
I felt really depressed and lousy this morning. I am now combating with the temptation of going to the shop to buy wine (it is 4 degree and raining). I have decided today is the day, I have been having this problem for almost 10 years. Everyday, I wake up feeling guilty and more and more depressed.
It is good to learn from the articles that alcohol actually makes you more depressed, that’s no wonder I am feeling more and more depressed everyday. I know it is going to be tough but I am willing to give it a shot!
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:34 am
Yet another attempt at giving up drinking! I promise myself each week that I’ll be sensible and only drink on a Saturday and sometimes that I wont drink again but I always do. What makes it worse is that I’m allergic to the sulphites in wine and feel very asthmatic but I still drink bottle after bottle. I’m so fed up with feeling ill and tired. I’m determined not to give in to cravings this time but the thought of not drinking at Christmas terrifies me
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:59 pm
After posting my last comment on 30 Nov, I decided not to go to the shop to buy wine. I must be really crazy if I go when it was freezing and raining and have to walk 30 mins to and back from the shop. I thought, today is the day.
I have been sober for three days, it was really hard fighting that cravings, the thought of alcohol started every morning. I could not sleep Friday night and last night, i thought maybe I have been drinking for so long that when I dont have the alcohol intake I start suffering from insomia.
But I will be strong! I kept telling myself that the craving is not going to last forever.
December 6th, 2007 at 12:26 am
Never did I ever think I would be posting a comment on a website like this before regarding my drinking. My life took a very bad twist of fate regarding someone who destroyed it for me. I turned and still turn to drink for a solution. I have been to AA and do not find any answers. The only answer is myself and the cessation of drinking. Alcoholism is not a disease, its an self inflicted action repeated over and over again. AA has some great people and not so great people. I have been to see counsellors regarding my drinking but they are not there when I walk past a pub or think about the “good times” whilst drinking. This is my second day sober after a heavy weekend on the drink. I was sober for nearly two weeks but ONE can of shandy obliterated all that spade work, hence a bender ensued. I appreciated all your comments and value them very much.
December 21st, 2007 at 3:56 am
Col72,
Alcoholism is a disease that kills, just like cancer or heart disease.
Repeated drinking causes the alcoholic brain to undergo permanent changes that result in cravings.
I am a health care professional and have recently been “kicked out of rehab” for being late for a few classes.
I hope that unlike me, you can stop these changes in your brain before they occurr. I am now continuing to struggle with trying to deal with this sickness that I have.
December 23rd, 2007 at 11:55 pm
I really appreciate this site and am grateful for it. Whether one believes alcohol use results in a disease or not it nevertheless a struggle to cope with. I have had a lifelong issue with it. I can be sober for extended periods of time ( a year and a half or 3 months,etc) but at my worst I am drunk on eight days in a month. That means that I am either drunk or recovering from drinking more than half the month. It really interferes with some of the things I’d like to do. Not to mention the havoc it creates in personal relationships. It is just that where I live AA is the only option and I have been in and out of it for 20 years and am irritated by it’s out-dated ideas. Some of it I agree with but I have found it more depressing and discouraging than anything else. So thanks that people can get a good dialogue going here. I wish help and relief to all.
December 25th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
For some reason I found this web site difficult to find today. It seemed easier before when I left a reply on 23rd Nov this year. I hope all the other alcohol junkies can find their way here because there are plenty of useful observations to take on board. Sure, AA may seem outdated, but at least it’s there. No other organisation offers regular meetings in every town where there are people who really care. They are all recovering alcoholics who will generously give you the benefit of their experience. This process helps both them and you. It works. You have to keep going back for more. But it works. I have just experienced my first alcohol free Christmas day for 40 years. You see, you are never too old to stop. The cravings are gone and I now get a buzz out of not drinking! Crazy but true. If I can do it after a lifetime of daily heavy drinking then so can you. Not easy but definitely possible. Give it your best shot. But get all the help you need, and check out AA.
December 30th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
I come from a Caribbean family and drinking is a part of our culture. I have not considered myself an alcoholic because I only drink heavy on friday and saturday nights when I go out. But 2-3 times a month when I go out I drink soo heavy to get that ” liquid courage” in me to socialize. Now I am a law enforcement officer and 2 months ago I got soo drunk , I fell asleep at the light. The officer gave me officer courtesy” and let me buy coffee and wait it out in a parking lot. I was damn lucky! Now again a week ago, i got nicely dressed and went out to 2 clubs and a Caribbean xmas party. I left the party at 6am and feel asleep at the light again! The officer handcuffed me, but later found out I was an officer and gave me courtesy! They called my wife to pick me up. I almost went to jail for xmas with 2 small kids. I am done with drinking! I have not drank alcohol for the past 10 days. i am trying to stop cold turkey. I have to or I will get fired or kill someone with my car!
January 1st, 2008 at 11:32 pm
I am starting again after about three years of trying, in and out of AA. I’ve moved city to try and start again and sort myself out, but within three months was drinking six days a week, and if anything because I was drinking at home, drinking more. I - apparently - drank a whole bottle of vodka last night, and didn’t even feel too rough today.
I feel full of fear, that I will never meet anyone and my friends will desert me. Going to stay with friends - they are mostly 100 miles away - has always been my downfall in the past because social anxiety has meant my resistance has dissolved in minutes. I read this and feel like such a moaner, but it’s how I feel. It is really good to see that I’m not alone in this. good luck to all of you for 2008 xxxx
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:26 pm
I found this site today while searching for ways to stop drinking. I have never considered myself an alcoholic until this last October. I am 29 years old, successful and respected. If you asked anyone who knows me if I am an alcoholic, they would laugh. Back in October, I began to realize that I was drinking in excess. I mentioned that I thought I had a problem to my mother and husband over lunch. They told me I was insane. My Mom really doesn’t know how much I drink. My husband sees how much I drink. He’s right there along with me. I will drink at least 3 glasses of wine a night, but most nights I will have 4 or 5. I get up every morning and go to my job. I love what I do, and usually stay late most days. But the second I get home, I pour that first glass. My husband will drink anywhere from 2 to 12 beers a night. He usually drinks 6 or 7 on average. He also has a successful career and is well thought of. I feel like we have become “functioning alcoholics” together. I really want to stop. I told my husband again last night that I want to stop. He still says I don’t have a problem and that he’s not about to stop. I guess he likes having a drinking partner. I want my marriage to be more than that. I want to feel better about myself. I find myself not going out at night to different functions because then I can’t drink. I will not drink and drive, so I just stay home at night. I feel like I’m living this secret life. I want my life back! I hope I have the strength to stop before things truly get out of hand. I know I can’t change my husband, but maybe if I stop drinking, then it will not be as appealling to him. Does anyone out there feel the same way?
January 6th, 2008 at 3:16 am
Dear Mandy,
I can really relate to your experience when you write about “secret life” and “functioning alcoholic”. I usually drink 3 - 4 nights a week approximately as much as you in beer. My partner has no drinking problem. He has slowed down the last couple of years quite a bit. He has given me a hard time once in a while in the past but is generally “accepting” of my habit. Lately he’s been on my case a bit more than usual. I haven’t had a drink in 5 days - the new year’s resolution still standing strong.
I seem to be able to manage the cravings, they are not too bad this time around. It seems to be a lot in one’s head.
One problem remains: I still don’t know how to tackle alcohol in the future. I kind of thought that moderation should be possible and that I should be able to have a glass of wine over dinner at a restaurant or even have a few drinks every once in a great while. I find some writers’ experience on this board really disheartening, e.g. having been sober for a while, then having one drink and *boom* finding yourself right back in the same old self-destructive pattern. I really don’t want that and rather abstain completely. Still - I never really bought into the whole “once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic” theory. Is that maybe the reason I haven’t been able to attain moderation or quit completely yet?
Insights greatly appreciated!
January 6th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
This is a brilliant website. All the information and comments posted here have given me the strength to deal with my excessive drinking - today. I do have concerns that I may still suffer from long term health problems.
This is day one. Thanks everyone
January 7th, 2008 at 11:36 pm
We have been dealing with an alcoholic sister and daughter (me being the sister) for at least 11 years. She is bright and pretty when she is sober (this lasting for a few days at a time (during holidays). Yesterday we went to see her and people at her apartment complex said she was going around to everyone that would listen that she was going to commit suicide. We tried to talk to her but she locked us out and wouldn’t let us back in. As much as we hated it we ended up having to call the police and they took her to a hospital to make sure she didn’t take anything and then sent her on to a mental hospital. This was the best decision we could have made. They were wonderful. She told the doctor that she didn’t remember saying she was going to commit suicide so they had to release her.
My husband was 47 and passed away in April and then I found our Dad dead of a heart attack December 11th. We found that Dad’s death had really depressed her because she felt guilty about not spending enough time with him. I think hearing from us that we felt guilty for different reasons helped her. We went through the house and got rid of all the alcohol and she is attending an AA meeting tomorrow and still has appointments at the mental health center (completely free by the way) so I hope and pray that without my dad being here to be her safety net that she finally does this because me and my mom can not take anymore. I am just asking everyone on here to pray for my sister Terry on her road to recovery. Thank you
January 7th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Mandy W if your husband loves you then he will support you in your decision to quit. You may even find that you really don’t have anything in common after you quit. I have read so much on this and have found this to be the case in most of the literature that I have read.
January 8th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
I would like to post this reply to Mandy W but also to the other contributors who have taken the time (and courage) to express their feelings on line.
I have been battling with alcohol addiction for almost 2 years. Like Mandy I did not think anything at first of having a few glasses of wine each evening. That in itself is not a problem provided it does not become a “need” to drink each day. In April 2006 my wife suffered a severe back injury which has resulted, even after spinal surgery in June 2007, of her being in constant pain. When it first happened I naturally did as much as I could around the house to help her, including cooking. This was probably the start of this awful nightmare as, while cooking, I would gulp back the wine. It was my release and way of trying to deal with the situation of the one you love more than anything else in the world being in constant pain. As time went by I would consume a bottle, plus a few beers, whilst cooking and then drink most of a second bottle with the meal. Hangovers became almost non-existent as my body got used to the alchohol. This would be during the week when I still had to get up for work the next day. Friday and Saturday evenings (sometimes Sunday) would be even worse - my sole aim was to get wrecked. In October 2006 I started suffering strange dizzy spells and went to the Doctor (I had already worked out that it was the drink). I was put on a home Detox regime and after seven weeks without a drink, felt wonderful. My Doctor told me I was not an alchoholic and could have a drink again. In hindsight I should not have taken his advice. I started again (it was right on Christmas time) and the last year has been a total nightmare. I have tried and tried and tried to give up - linking my last drink as a measure for the future to everything from the first of the month, someones Birthday to even a full moon. All failed. Last Christmas (2007) I made a final decision to stop on January 1st. I did and, yesterday, had a horrific day of panic attacks, anxiety, scared of the phone at work, E-mails etc, as my body began to react to not having alcohol for six days. I had to come home from work at lunch time and today went back to my GP, pleading him to help me. I have been put back on the Detox regime and referred for counselling. The one comfort I can draw from yesterday as I now know that this is it, I really and truly will never be able to drink again. I do not want to drink again - it is an evil which I had no idea could gain such a hold and ruin one’s life. I said to my GP this morning I just want my life back - Mandy used the same words. So please Mandy, act now before it gets even worse - it really is not worth it. Good luck to you and everyone else in this position.
Any comments most welcome.
January 10th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I somehow found this site today and just want to say the information and advice given is fantastic. Im not an alchoholic but i smoke crack & heroin almost daily. I’m 29 years old and feel that I’ve been completely robed of the last 12 years of my life. The way i see it, wether it’s vodka, whiskey, crack, heroin, gambling or weed, an addiction is an addiction. I think the phrase, ” It’s just a craving, it wont kill you”, is so true. Sometimes i think to myself how on earth have i got to this stage, but I’m realising that you know what, i am where I am, I got myself here by the decisions I made and continue to make and its time to get busy fixing the problem rather than feeling sorry for myself. So to all you guys who are feel overwhelmed just like me, remember “ITS ONLY A CRAVING”. Once again the advice here is GREAT.
Thanks
Nick (London)
January 11th, 2008 at 4:35 am
Sherry
You are having to cope with too much, you need support.
January 12th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Max,
You are right because I struggle daily with the death of my husband. Today is day six of my sister not having her several ounces of vodka. She is so wonderful. I think that with me I need someone other than family members telling me there was nothing I could have done different with my husband passing away. It was suppose to be an easy fix and the next thing I know the doctor took me in a room and said something went terribly wrong. What I found out later was that he was what went terribly wrong by putting the trac in the wrong place. I plan on getting grief counseling because I am ready for 2008 to be a good year for me and my son. Thank you so much for your concern.
January 12th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Today is only day six of my sister not having a drink and I told her I would help her out as long as I see that she is helping herself. If she does not do this the next step for her is to go to a Christian facility in the city. It sounds like a good place and she has to be there for a year. If there is anyone out there that really needs help and you are from Oklahoma this sounds like a wonderful place at only $360.00 for the entire year. They are strict there but this is going to be the only option for my sister without losing her entire family. Please, if you really want to get help check into facilities near you. We just checked with everyone we knew, explained that she doesn’t have the money required by most rehabs and found out about this place. Tell them you are indigent and there are probably places in your area. We have dealt with two other places we have sent her to that were also for indigents but they were 30 day treatment programs and they were a joke.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Promises to self broken, time and time again. Have to be always vigilant, careful not to become sloppy and complacent to the whim of the mind. The stubborn associations that good times only exist with a drink in the hand, or the phone rings and its an old friend you haven’t seen in years, or a close one dies etc, etc. The beckoning wave of the arm, encouraging a toast of celebration. However if one succumbs, the seed is rejuvinated, its roots begin to take hold and once again without any conscious doing, you’ve awoken the dark sleeping, heavy, beast. Before long the old ways have crept back in and the suffering intensifies. The pain could go on for a long long time, until you succumb, until you finally are on your knees and surrender.
The bottle becomes your saviour, your spiritual teacher. Where it used to dull the pain, it now makes it come alive and forces you to accept and move forth or remain identified with and perhaps die. So on the wagon again… but now with a sense of urgency and empowerment, because now you see the unwinable battle with the wine, the inevitable downfall with the vodka and the smooth slide of that hard earned beer. You cannot outsmart that part of the mind that says just one more time or just 2 or 3 and then some coffee. Maybe for a week, a month? But I guarantee you there’s something to celebrate every weekend and then wham! When the feeling to drink arises, stay with it, breath, feel it fully by focusing on the feeling, don’t label it and make it into a problem. Just accept it and let it be. And what happens? The craving, the invisable hand reaching out subsides, wasn’t that bad after all. You now are in the drivers seat, no longer a passenger of that runaway car.
By relaxing, being present, alert to your inner happenings, you transform your state of powerlessness into controlled consciousness. The result is empowerment not to succumb to temptation. With time and practice, you feel the craving long before it takes hold and you simply focus your attention on those stirring inner feelings - just letting them be and I promise you that urge will subside, dispelled through the light of your consciousness. Once you become aware of these inner happenings, you are no longer a prisoner of these energy surges and over time you will become familiar enough with that craving feeling that you automatically take your attention there, feel it fully and let it disappear.
So good luck, stay alert to negative suggestions of the mind (just one or two, might die in crash tomorrow etc), enjoy the deep seated peace that is you, beyond the compulsive thinking mind. Start meditation and or yoga (that helps to get familiar with inner body awareness) and remember it is up to you, for your life is your own and you ultimately create it.
January 16th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
I am just about to celebrate my 60th birthday. My family is taking me out for a restaurant dinner and while they will all be drinking fine wine I shall be drinking Diet Coke. I’m looking forward to it. My son and daughter were brought up in a house where both I and to a lesser extent my wife were heavy drinkers, some would say functioning alcoholics. My daughter told me recently that she thought I would never stop. But I have. I started trying about a year ago but inevitably there were a few false starts. I finally stopped five months ago. I was, and still am helped by attending local AA meetings.
It’s very hard to stop drinking when it has been a lifelong habit. I had no idea that alcohol was such an addictive drug. If you are having a tough time trying to stop you are not alone. You have already made good progress by realising you have a problem and by visiting this excellent site. It’s such a relief to find you are not unique in your struggle.
Your next step is to assess the exent of your problem to determine what type of help you need. Beause you do need help. Do you need rehab with drugs to help with a detox? (Some alcoholics suffer fits when they stop drinking.) Do you need to visit your doctor, maybe for tests or sedatives? Or do you need some sort of group therapy like AA? You may be afraid to ask for help, or just plain afraid. It’s almost impossible to do it alone. Try to get some help. And good luck!
As for me, I shall try my very best to maintain my abstinent status. I am encouraging my wife to reduce her alcohol intake and this seems to be working. I shall certainly continue with regular AA meetings for the forseeable future. Perhaps I will see you there one day.
Best wishes and a happy recovery to all of you. Mike.
January 17th, 2008 at 1:59 am
I came on to this site today for the first time while trying to get rid of the cravings in my mind for both alcohol and weed. It is usually one or the other when it comes to my cravings. I have been trying to convince myself to go to a AA meeting for the last 3 days now and I just can’t seem to commit to it. I don’t know if it is the fear of a room full of people with all the same problem, or if it is the fear of knowing all these people have a problem and they will be of no help to me because all I see are a bunch of people with problems.
I had another bad weekend where I can’t even remember part of the night. I hate this so much because it has happend one too many times. It was so bad that I was still coping with my hangover on monday(I went out Saturday) and could not go to work. This worries me.
I keep trying to make different promises to myself to quit but it only seems to last for a few days. I have gone about 6 months without drinking before but then I started going through some financial problems and personal problems with the man that I was with at the time and the drinking started right back up.
When I had stopped drinking I had lost almost 60 pounds and I was feeling so great about myself. I have now put back on almost all the weight that I lost and I feel worst than I ever have in my life. I am only getting older and I am getting scared that I will not be able to stop the destruction of myself and I will die early like my mom did. I just realized yesterday that I am living my mother’s life. I am wondering if I can completly change.
After reading the many comments on this site I am feeling that it may be possible once I put my mind to it. I know that I need to find things to do and to talk to the doctor that my doctor recommended to me almost 3 weeks ago.
I will keep logging onto this site to receive inspiration. I will tell myself that I will not be scared. I will tell myself that it is only a craving and it will not kill me:).
January 17th, 2008 at 4:29 am
Hi,
I have been binge drinking since I was a teenager. I’ve managed to get through University and hold down several jobs, but I am quite certain my grades would have been better if I hadn’t drank so much, and I’ve taken a lot of “sick” days. Most of my friends drink everyday so I always re-assure myself I’m not that bad and I have control, but I don’t. I have managed to cut back to only drinking once a week, but I don’t know when to stop. I find myself waking up with regrets most weekends, doing things I would never do sober, like having casual sex or staying out all night with people I wouldn’t usually associate with.
I live in a city where people party all the time, it is hard for me to find alternatives or motivation, especially in the winter. I am also very shy around people I don’t know very well, so drinking has always taken the edge off. The reason I am scared to stop is because I don’t want to be lonely and lose my community, but I know that I will continue to do stupid things and disrespect myself if I don’t. This site offers some very good advice. I am moving to a new city (for school) and to start my real life, I need to make sure my habits don’t follow me. I used to be creative and innovative, now I go on stupid mindless websites, watch TV or go out drinking, I have lost who I am and become a joke to some, or maybe just to myself.
I have stopped drinking in the past knowing they were just breaks, so I always start again. Today, I will make the conscious effort to stop for real. I don’t get physical cravings, I just get bored, but even binging once a week is a problem even though it seems there is a universal culture dedicated to this behavior.
Thanks, I feel better.
January 17th, 2008 at 7:17 am
I’m so relieved to have found this site. There is a lot of honesty, sharing and hope here, even though it seems like many of us have been through the wringer.
I’ve been a “functioning” alcoholic for years, drinking my bottle of wine or equivalent liquor several times a week to melt away a stressful day, and able to go to work in the morning. The “functioning” part ended this weekend when someone called me needing a ride, resulting in a fender-bender accident that of course could have been catastrophic, but by the grace of God, was not. Also miraculously, my sobriety was not questioned at all. I’m absolutely mortified at the risk I have taken and the hardship that could have ensued for my family. I know that if I do not stop drinking, I will lose my husband, who I have hurt so deeply with this behavior.
Today has been day two of my new life without leaning on substance abuse to handle my issues. I’m walking through this horrible guilt and heartache one day at a time, fortunate to have a family that loves me. Somewhere in this process, I’ve got to learn to love myself… Godspeed to all of us.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Felicia. Please stop thinking about AA and just go along. It may seem strange at first but on the other hand you may fit in right away. You will certainly be made to feel welcome.
The alternative in your case would not seem to be an option. You are right. Too much alcohol kills people or at least shortens your life which of course is the same.
Do it for yourself. Stop now. And dont think of sobriety for a limited period. Tell yourself that you don’t intend to start again, ever.
January 17th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Hi All
I am so happy to find this website.
I am at work at the moment and suffering from cravings. I have added this site to my favourites.
I hope to keep refering to it. After a drinking session I end up feeling very fearful and carry on drinking for rest of the week.
January 17th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Linda,
I am also second day clear and have a very similar history behind me. I am finding that recently things are getting out of control. I have lost my wallet two times in a short period , mob etc. Keep forgetting things eg. who i spoke to the night before) and generally feeling worse and worse physically and mentally. I ve been also driving not once after drinking, and lucky, so far apart from a couple of scretches nothing bad happened (so far).
I have continuous feeling of guilt for what I have been doing to myself and my family. I had cravings all day. At my worst moments I reached for this website and survived. Will definitely fight again tomorrow. Good luck to you.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Mandy,
Be very careful. Me and my husband have both drunk quite a lot for a long time :at BBQs, after nice walks, after jogging, cycling , while watching the movies. We had lots of fun and every occsion was good. In fact he introduced me to drinking during teh day and for no reason. BeforeI used to only toouch alcohol while partying once in a while. At first 1 bottle was enough. Then had to be two. Then it crept on me. While he continued at the same pace, I needed two bottles for myself. He was snoring on the couch, I was drinking myself into oblivion. In the last 3 yrs I have ruined my health, put on weight 20kg and became seriously unfit. I ‘ll definetely try tomorrow. Sleeping pills will help me to get through the night.
January 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
This is a great site. Seemingly the only place on the web where people like us can express our fears. We are all very scared. The cravings are the worst. The easiest way out is to give in and have a drink, but that’s not a way out is it? Driving after drinking? Been there and lost my licence. Job security and financial insecurity? Almost lost my job. Still going through employment triubunals. Currently living on my savings. May return to work soon. Loss of respect? Never quite lost self respect but probably lost respect of others. May regain that respect having stopped drinking. Health damage? I have a permanently screwed up liver and still see a shrink. Just been to see a movie “Charlie Wilson’s War” where the hero always has a full whisky glass in his hand. Just like me. I don’t know how I finally got over the cravings. I think they eventually just went away. Sorry, thats not much help is it? Now I drink coffee. And life is different. Mainly I’m not scared anymore. Was it all woth it? Not really. Was it worth stopping. Hell yes. Good luck.
January 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
This is day 8 for me without alcohol. Yesterday was awful with the cravings driving me up the wall. This morning I felt quite good having got through yesterday, until I went into the local supermarket and saw all the beer and wine and people buying it. I now feel really down as the emotion of “if others can have a drink and enjoy themselves, then why cant I” is kicking in. I need to be strong and persevere (not helped by the fact that the detox medication I am on, which I thought was supposed to reduce the cravings), is not doing that at all.
Is anyone else experiencing these symptons (or has done) at this stage?
January 19th, 2008 at 12:55 am
Mark,
Hard to believe I know but you can enjoy yourself without drinking. Pubs aren’t fun anymore. Are clubs all that fantastic? There must be other stuff to do where people don’t drink. Stay at home for a few days and chill. Try the movies. Go out for a pizza and a Coke. They sell low alcohol beer at Pizza Express in the UK. I know that’s not no alcohol, but it’s a start. In fact check out the web for low alcohol or zero alcohol beers, there are loads out there. Then you too can buy beer at the supermarket. Any use?
January 19th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Mike
I really liked your message . It reminded me of all the things alcohol can do. This does help with my cravings. I have benn on a 3 day evening binge and up now on Saturday thinking its never enough.
I know the easiest thing is to give in . But thats not the solution is it?
Kee us posted and it does give me strenght 1 day at a time.
January 19th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Anish,
Quite right. There’s never enough booze in the world after you get started. Hardly worth starting in the first place because you are never going to get where you want to be. But carry on with “one day at a time”. Keep it in the day, day by day, just like they say in the fellowship. Don’t ever knock it. Because it really can work.
Also try to find a copy of Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Alcohol Control and read it from cover to cover.
And stop. And stay stopped.
January 20th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Mike,
Very many thanks for your advice and kind words. I am on day 10 now, somewhere I have not been in well over a year.
I am currently off work having been signed off by my GP - he has referred me for counselling but so far I have heard nothing. The ways things are going I may well end up having to beat this myself as God knows when I will get an appointment through. Has anyone else had counselling and, if so, what does it entail? I know the exact reasons why I have ended up in this mess.
All the best to you and all the other posters on this excellent site. I will remain focused and positive.
Mark
January 20th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Mike
Thanks for your support. I shall read the book - anything to stop or even control.
I think my drinking brings my emotions out and also allows good imagination. Recently I have been feeling pain on my right and it looks like its early warning signs for my liver. I just cannot afford to lose my health because everything else will follow. I will keep it in the day and try not to live in fear.
January 21st, 2008 at 10:56 am
Mark,
Your counselling may not start for some time. Meanwhile you should go to AA. Look up the AA web site, click on meetings, and enter your local town or a neighbouring town if you are shy. There will be a list of days, times and locations. Arrive 15 minutes early to allow time for tea or coffee. You will be greeted and made to feel at home. Appropriate, because the meetings could become your second home while you are recovering.
Mark, you don’t have to beat this yourself. You will find people at the meeting who will help you in every way they can. Then with their supporrt you can really start your journey to recovery.
AA doesn’t advertise. They need you to be ready to seek help. Sounds like you are ready.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
Thank god there are other people who feel so like me - you all have no idea how your comments bring hope to me in my struggle which so many of us clearly battle with. Currently at home, going into work late due to badly upset stomach, not directly caused by the usual bottle and a bit of wine last eve but probably linked. Scared of admitting to my GP the extent of my problem in case I get some horrible news like my liver is shot. Got wife and three kids to support, mortgage etc. Aged 48.
Had brief counselling last year but free charity disbanded after only three half hour sessions. Found it helpful, some of the counsellors comments now make more sense, eg the low blood sugar thing. Not very good with internet etc - hope this blog actually gets to be read by others. I feel more greatly empowered to stop, tried cutting down in the past, managed to go 9 days without a drink twice in the past 2 years but some day or other a stress factor always seems to undo my good intentions. Feel better armed knowing there are so many others with this fight, the advice and personal insights are fantastic. Perhaps this site will help me save my otherwise probably shortened and more unhappy life when I actually have so much to be happy about!
January 23rd, 2008 at 12:22 am
Zen blog. Went to a formal men’s dinner this evening. Got asked to stand in as acting toast master. It was OK because I can have a loud voice when required. But its a little odd proposing a toast and then drinking a softy when everyone else is drinking wine. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last.
Its funny how a new way of doing things can quickly become a habit even if its a bit weird. Stopping drinking probably involves changing other habits too. That way you slightly change your life around. Things that don’t really matter but you could so easily do them differently. When you get up in the morning do you put your right sock on before your left? Next time try putting on your left sock first. I know, you are too lazy to take your socks off at night so that one doen’t work for you but you get the idea.
Our local pizza delivery man is a Buddhist. He never gives you change because he says change comes from within.
Being alcohol dependant isn’t funny. Believe me, I know.
January 24th, 2008 at 2:21 am
Mike…I wanted to thank you for the advice you gave me on the 17th but since I was not living-up to fufilling what it is I thought I was starting out to do, I did not write back…mostly because of shame. But I wanted to say ‘thanks’ anyway.
I really have not been doing well. I still have not stoped drinking and I still have not gone to that meeting that I so desperately need to go to. I don’t know what it is that keeps me feeling this way. I can’t seem to go forward.
I want so much to change. Right now I feel a bit helpless even though I have read through so many other people’s problems. I can relate but for some reason this is not stopping me.
I know deep down that I must change and that I need to seek out help. I don’t know what is stopping me and I know that I have to solve this problem myself. I keep coming up short. I am going for my annual manogram tomorrow and I am scared s#$%less.(my mom had breat cancer)think that this has something to do with it, but it is no excuse. Even if this was not the case I probaly would still be drinking.
Am I just not ready?
I want to stop.
Somebody please help me
January 24th, 2008 at 11:01 am
Felicia
I feel exactly the same as you. I have read through many messages which have been inspirational but I still turn to drink. I think the reason for this is we have not reached our rock bottom. May be something seriously has to go wrong b4 we shall stop.
My mums gone to india today and i want to use it as an excuse to drink. But on the bright side . if i wasn’t exposed to such inspirational; shares I think I would have been a lot worse. Just keep it simple and in the day.
January 24th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Hi Felicia.
Good to hear from you. It’s not shameful to drink. Most people drink sometimes. Its just that some of us should not drink because we tend to overdo it. We are known as alcoholics.
The only requirement for attending meetings of the fellowship is a desire to stop drinking. You qualify. It is almost irrelevant that you have not stopped yet. One of the advantages of attending meetings is that it will really spoil your drinking. It will lose any enjoyment it holds and then the only factor compelling you to drink will be your dependence. Only then will you discover how hooked you are.
Then you will probably decide to stop, and next you will have to deal with the cravings. Which is what this site is all about. But by then you will have the help and support of the new friends you have made at AA.
It’s obviously not as simple as I have made it look. The sequence of events is straightforward, making it work is difficult.
Good luck with the mammogram. And enjoy the AA meeting. And keep going back (to the meetings, not to the booze).
January 25th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Hi, Was advised by a friend to search for an alcoholic forum, and this came up.
I have been screaming out for help for about 15 years, I go through years of binge drinking and then maybe a year off, replaced by some other recreational substance, (speed, E’s cocaine, weed.) so really never GIVE UP.. I have been addicted to benzo’s for 15 yrs as well.
I have now had my girls taken to their fathers for a week, to sort myself out. My now ex thinks there is a quick fix to dry out.. There is not, I have tried, but felt so ill i thought i was dying. Not sure if that was 3 days without valium or massive bender I had just been on. Doc say it was valium. I have asked to be urgently reffered to hopspital for a week for DETOX, does anyone know what will happen in there? I have been offered 8 wk intensive dry out, but my family need me at home, and i suffer panic attacks so cant be away from home more than 2 hrs a time.. Social services are now involved due to my teenagers concern for my welfare, but I feel the whole worlds against me. I only had my 2 girls, 3 and 14 and my fiance, no other living family around, so very isolated.
Anyone got advice as to what is coming???? need to know before I commit myself to waste NHS money. I know I can do it with advice and awareness of what is coming. Scared of unknown i guess. seeing AA once a week till i prove i am worthy of the funded places available.
Please reply
clare..
January 25th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Dear Macbully,
My name is Cary, and although our living situations are different (I have a husband and a kitty cat and doggy - plus any other animal that happens to take periodic residence), Our fear of the unknown is the same. I also have to try to ween off percocet for my neck injury which shoots incredible pain down my left arm and throughout. The vodka has become my best friend next to the pain medicine. I never intented for this to get so out of control yet it has.
During my last post in Aug/Sept I was more focused on how much the vodka was making me sick from withdrawal. But have I done anything about it? NOO, nothing, it makes me sick to my stomach.
I have been fired from Temp job to Temp job, because of my drinking. The pain I have will always be there, but I have to learn other ways to handle it. I suppose we - meaning everyone on this site - understands, whatever pain we have we are only making excuses for our behavour.
This does not mean that we are bad people. We are all the greatest people ever just looking for some help and guidance and understanding.
I am trying to get the courage up to contact my health care provider and come clean, I want to detox but have run into unexpected variables such as my drunk husband and friend ganging up on me saying they don’t understand why I can’t do this on my own. DUUHH - if you think I could, Don’t you think I would….
Thankfully this is a way we have each other to talk to each other. We get one another when know one else does. We all have it within us to be healthy again - the problem is getting there with love, kindness and understanding. But also, tough and serious love. I believe with that we can all do it.
I am just a plain person with alot of problems, but a great and loving soul who wants to be a part of something bigger than this ridiculous life style I have unwillingly (but wantingly) chosen. Please let me know how you feel… If anyone out there wants to form a kinda “our only club”, please let me know because it gets harder to keep up with new stories. I want us to support each other and stay together like a family or something like that. I just want to know if this is a good idea.
Please let me know. Also, I don’t discriminate or judge anyone for anything. Lets be safe and healthy - and know each other is not alone.
Sincerely,
Cary
January 25th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
P.S. If anyone wants to become a part of our group - all are welcome- always and forever. Love, Cary
January 26th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Cary-
(And everyone else) Just to let you know, we’re in the process of developing a free forum right now - we’re just figuring out the details. As soon as its up and running, you can all switch over to that and create a more personal meeting space, as you wish.
The link will be posted here soon.
January 26th, 2008 at 7:26 am
Having found this forum last night at 3.30am (alcohol does disturb my sleep!) I have read all the contributions from top to bottom and found this very comforting. I never talk to anyone about my drinking, simply because I am so ashamed of it. This is a great way to talk about your own experiences, exchange ideas and hopefully report any progress.
I found Mandy W’s story (03.01.08) particularly relevant to my own experience, although I am now many years further down the road. I hope she is still logging in. Like you, Mandy, I started drinking with my husband -who, in hindsight, needed a drinking partner- and we too became “functioning alcoholics”.
We worked together and ended up with hardly any social life at all. I tried to stop many times, and succeeded for a while, but my husband always managed to tempt me again. The same happened with smoking, although I had more success with that particular addiction. Has anyone found themselves drinking more after having stopped smoking though? My husband died nearly 3 years ago, age 59, and I am now alone, still struggling, unable to get rid of this addiction. I certainly drink less than I did before, but it is still too much.
Daytime is no problem, evenings are a nightmare. To make things worse I have recently moved to a city and I am within walking distance of several off-licences stores. I never go to the same one 2 nights running though!
Mike, you are such an inspiration! You have nearly managed to convince me about the AA meetings, which have worked wonders in your case, although I will have to overcome my shyness.
I think the idea of an online self-help group is great.
Good luck to all of us!
January 26th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Hi Macbully
The NHS residential detox seems like a good idea if you can get someone to care for your girls. Private clinics charge around 12K so you would be getting a bargain. Your doc is almost certainly right about the effects of stopping valium. I think you have to wean yourself off benzos slowly. It may be best to stay on a low dose for some time. Complex drugs with many similar properties to alcohol.
And Cary
Yes, why not see your health care provider? Try and make an appointment next week. It can be difficult to stop when everyone around you is still drinking.
I went to one of my regular AA meetings last night and my wife went to the pub.When I got home she wasn’t there. She was driving so her intake was restricted. Turns out she had forgotten her house keys and went on to another pub while she waited for the end of my meeting. Two pubs and an AA meeting. Not quite four weddings and a funeral.
And thanks admin.
The free forum will be great. The information on your home pages is very very good. I hope everyone here has read it all. That combined with this comments section, soon to be a forum, makes this one of the most valuable web sites around. Great stuff.
And finally, for any who might be following the Mike saga, I start work again on Monday. May not have quite so much time for the web, so you can all breath a sigh of relief !
Cheers, Mike.
January 27th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
After being sober for 7 years I decided I could start again and keep it under control…what a joke. Ive been drinking every day for about a year now and its time to stop. What is it about us women and vodka? Anyway finding this site is my first step at least i know im not alone.
cindy
January 30th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I am a very functioning alcoholic. Having read Mandy W’s story, I feel like I’m not the only one in my situation. My husband and I both drink, but I drink more really. It used to be a bottle of wine after work, but now I have 2 young children it starts earlier because we are home earlier in the evenings, so, it’s crept up to usually 1 1/2 or 2 bottles. At the time when I’m drinking I don’t feel that drunk and nobody really knows how much I drink. Not even my husband.
I don’t really suffer from hangovers, although I know it is affecting my general health, I am less able to concentrate, I have gradually put on weight, I have developed quite bad IBS (which, although I never admitted it to the doctor!!) I know has been caused by my drinking. But, the real reason I want to get this under control is the guilt I feel about my children.
They are only little, so as yet won’t have noticed too much. Slurring a bit, being louder, playing sillier games. This won’t have meant much to them yet, but having grown up with a functioning alcoholic Father, I know that in the long run, it will impact on them. They won’t want to bring friends home, I might not be able to pick them up because I’ll have had a drink. I don’t want this.
We are very sociable people, and spend our free-time with friends going out for dinner etc. I really enjoy this and very rarely get drunk, drunk, just merry. I wish there was some wonderful pill that would stop me craving a drink every night and would allow me to enjoy a glass or 2 socially, but there isn’t. I know I’m going to have to do this by myself.
I’ve read everyone’s comments on here and it has really inspired me. Tonight, is going to be my first sober night in 6 days. I’ll let you know tomorrow! Good luck to you all x
January 30th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Hi all
I have been reading this site for over a year now and it gives great comfort knowing that other people are just like me. I have always been a big drinker all my life. I started when my parents split up when i was about 13 years old and found a bottle of martini in the loft. It was as simpleas that although i believe i had a taste for it younger than that. When i was little my gran used to buy me and my brother a miniature of advocaat for xmas day and i still remember dipping a finger in and taking all day to drink it. It tasted good and made me feel warm and happy. I went on to do my nurse training and lived in a nursing home and partied for years. That was over 30 years ago. I now hold a responsible job in nursing, have a lovely home and hubby and 3 lovely teens. My hubby will drink a couple of glasses of nice red then cork it. I have a bottle of white wine which lasts about an hour then will open another. It seemsthe last couple of years what used to be a bottle of white wine a couple of times a week has got totally out of proportion and i get the need for more and more often. I now find I can go 3 days then get the urge so bad to get a bottle which often now ends up meaning 2 bottles. I will hide the bottle or fill it with water to replace the next day. I am so sick of the whole lot of it. I darent go to an AA meeting or to my GP as I work with all the local GPs professionally and I live in a small town. I guess though that anyone i met at an AA mmeting would be there with the same problem. I am just so tired of lying and the overwhelming urge when I start to drink myself stupid. The next morning i have to try and remember who i rang and what i said. If my hubby has been on nights i have to wait for him to mention something from the previous night just to know whether I rang him at work or not. He has no idea of the extent that I drink although he has always known that i drink far more than him. I keep convincing myself that i can cut down but to be honest i dont think you can go from nearly 30 years of loving alcohol to excess to enjoying one or two glasss and corking it. It seems it will have to be all or nothing. My body isnt coping so well now i am 43 i have pains in my right side in particular and night sweats but try and convince myself its the beginning of the menopause but im not so sure. What amazes me is how hidden the problem is. I see many people on a daily basis in my work from all walks of life and they are happy to share their problems with work, families, health, eating disorders, smoking yet i can count on one hand people that will say they have a problem with drink. I can understand that as i feel so ashamed of myself alot of the time especially on my way back from the shop with yet another bottle of wine that i find it hard to admit to only anonymously like this. Anyway thank you for any support. I am going to make my stop day 2nd February 2008 and already my head is popping reassurances to me that things arent this bad. I feel like i have two people living in my mind the loving wife and mum and the party , have a drink for England no matter who gets hurt. Sorry for the length. Love to all.
January 31st, 2008 at 11:47 am
Hi Marshmaiden
It isn’t a big deal to be both a healthcare professional, which you suggest you are, and also an alcoholic. There are lots of us. Some of us start by taking our problems home and using drink as a medicine to help us unwind. Eventually we need more and more and the whole thing becomes self perpetuating. In your case it may be social drinking which has got out of control. But at least you realise that you are drinking in an alcoholic way, and you have now identified symptoms of a distressed liver. So, as you say, its time to stop.
Don’t worry about who you might meet at AA. I regularly see a colleague at a local meeting. A yellow card is displayed at each meeting reminding everyone that no information about attendees can leave the meeting. Remember that everyone there has the same problem as you, and they will feel nothing but constructive sympathy. They will instinctively understand your problems because they have all been there themselves.
Good luck to you if you decide to go it alone. It must be possible, but it is also very difficult. It didn’t work for me. The cravings for alcohol become so strong it’s almost impossible to resist relapsing. Who will you share that with?
There is a special group of AA/NA for people like us. Your central professional association can give you details. I tried it but I prefer local AA meetings which are open to everyone. I have met some lovely people in that unlikely setting. Why do we get on so well? Because we all have something very obvious in common.
Good luck to you. Remember your last drink and the exact date you stop. Perhaps you have stopped already. Wouldn’t that be fantastic?
Best wishes, Mike.
January 31st, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Hi Mike
Thank you for taking the trouble to reply to me. I have stopped as of today. I am going to have a plan to keep busy for the next few weeks at night in particular and shall probably take myself off to bed at 6pm if thats what it takes. I hope that your new job is going well and that you have settled in ok. At an AA meeting do you have to stand in front of everybody the first time you go and talk? I just worry about the religious side of it that I have picked up on reading other comments here. I have also been taking Kudzu but it has not helped although I am not sure if the Holland and Barrett one is strong enough. I would like to try one in am and 2 in afternoon but are there any dangers to taking more than it says does anyone else take a bigger dose and has it helped? Best wishes to all.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Hi again Marshmaiden,
Good positive stuff. How is it going?
Thanks for asking. Job is OK. They are starting me back gently.
No, you don’t have to stand up in front of everyone at AA. You inevitably turn up looking and feeling lost. Someone will immediately look after you. Then you just sit and listen. If the mood takes you at subsequent meetings you may wish to say a few words about yourself. You will get the idea. If you feel nervous about going to the first meeting on your own, phone the AA contact number in your phone directory and they will arrange for an AA member to take you along. They make it as easy as possible.
There is no overtly religious side to AA. There is meant to be a spiritual element, which becomes an aid to recovery. You get to understand it better as time goes on. I have researched AA in great detail on the web and there are lots of negative things said about it, some of which I admit I agree with. But AA works. Doctors send their alcoholic patients to AA because it works. Alcoholic doctors go to AA. Enough testimonials.
I can’t help with the Kudzu question as I have no personal expeience. I have read about it here on the Brighteye site and it seems more like an aid to cutting down rather than stopping. Maybe I’m wrong. You may need a night time sedative at first. Herbal or GP prescribed.
Personally I would not go to bed at 6pm. I would get myself a supply of DVDs, a box of chocolates and a six pack of diet coke and have a quiet night in. Either that or go to my first meeting. You will find one starting at 8.00 pm in your area, wherever you are. Ref AA web site.
And right away subtle things change. You don’t need to take a glass of water to bed with you, because you won’t be dehydrated.
Enjoy your new life. Mike.
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hi Everyone,
We’ve finally got the free alcoholic support forum up and running, so there’s no excuse not to go over and use it.
You’ll just need to register on the forum with an email address, but this cannot be seen by anyone except the administrator. Other forum members can send personal messages to you, but again, your contact details are never made available to them.
February 7th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories. And that is such a coincident that I suggested something more personal and Admin - you were already working on one! I thank you for your hard work and hope all will participate - together we are better!! I am going to the forum now - hope to see you guys there - take care! Cary
February 8th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I am a sister of alcholic, I guess i asking anyone out there, from your point of
view what is the best approach to take. She recently entered a detox for three days and left, she said she will be attending AA meeting and outpatient, I know and read that they have to want to do and I understand that, but are we (family) suppose watch herself destroy herselves, she said she was to do it on her own terms. The problem is she a two children, and i coming a child hood where my father was alcholic, i can’t bear to let her kids go through it. Please help, i know you will tell me to go to Al-Anon. She said we do not understand what she is going through
February 12th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
Jayne,
In case you get back here, yes, you should attend Al-Anon meetings. It is also possible to attend open meetings of AA with your sister but only if she is happy for you to go along with her.
Unfortunately you have to be an alcoholic to know what alcoholics go through. I am not recommending it for one moment, but it is almost impossible for you understand how your sister is feeling right now. Be there for her and give her your help and support. With the assistance of AA she will not destroy herself. Your prayers will help too.
Mike.
February 12th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
I just started looking at this site and others this morning. I am a functioning alcoholic as well. I have tried to stop numerous times to only quit it for a month at the most. Since I have been married and had kids it has became worse in my opinion. I drink mostly to the point where I am just happy but, once a month or so I drink to the point of blacking out.
I know my wife is close to leaving me and has said she will the next time and the next…. Too stop drinking this week I instead purchased some Mari Jane to cope with the lack of alcohol thinking it would let me down easy. All was well until my wife smelled it on me this morning. She is very upset with me and I know she is contemplating her next move which could very well be divorce. We have been through this song and dance before as well.
I love my wife and kids and I do honestly want to quit. I am trying cold turkey and don’t feel like I want to go to AA. I have a father that goes atleast once week and he has been sober now for 10 years. I realize he has found something to help him cope but, I am stubborn and want to do this myself.
I honestly feel that if I can kick this that my life will be much happier and I know there is happiness in a happy family. My plan is to finish all the projects around the house that I have never finished and to work out 5 days a week. Distraction right?
Please let me know your thoughts.
RM
February 13th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Hi RM
Seems like you have sorted it all out in your mind. Putting it into action may be more difficult. It depends on the habits around your drinking. Do you drink socially or alone? Are you using alcohol to relax? Do you have a very stressful lifestyle?
The good thing about AA is that it will be something new in your life, a forum if you like, where you can learn about alcoholic behaviour in others. This is often a great help in modifying your own behaviour patterns.
And you will find that it takes time, weeks or months, before you get out of the mind set of wanting a drink. The scientific papers on alcohol addiction you can read here on the internet talk about the physiological response to withdrawal lasting only a few days. But the cravings last much longer, about 4 months for me.
To get over alcohol you need to understand the problem. The real experts in this field who can advise you are other recovering alcoholics. The place to meet with them is at AA meetings.
Good luck, Mike.
February 13th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I have just been reading through these comments, i am new to this site too, its a great site, sharing and listening to experiences with others..i can totally relate to what most pple have said, i gave up drinking in september 07, but had a couple of relapses one being over christmas, and felt dreadful for a few days, the withdrawal was a bad one, considering the amount i drunk, i had all the symptoms and had to get to a doctor where he prescribed me a small dose of librium and diazepam, i found the diazepam worked for me much better than librium, but each person i guess is different…like a few i had lost my job and partner through alcohol back in sept, and thought then this is serious, i must act, so i started going to AA and have met some lovely pple who have been most supportive, i haven’t always got on with AA..it is hard to go at times, but i just keep making myself cause i do believe in a higher power, i still struggle around places and pple when socialising and being in wet places..that does create a fair bit of loneliness within, as on top i have lost friendships through drink and not drinking cause i’m not on the same wavelength, and dont get the invites anymore
i feel left out and life is a bit boring, and also wonder if i’ll ever meet a partner again being sober..but i just keep in mind what they say at AA that life gets better in every way, so that gives me hope, and definitely i get things done and have my enthusiasm for hobbies and interests back..so good luck to all those who are trying to make a new sober life for themselves.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Hi Tracy,
Yes it is a good site. It has turned into a site for people like you who mean business. People who have confronted their demons and who have decided to do something about it.
Your experience of relapses teaches us all a very valuable lesson. Relapses are almost milestones on the road to recovery but you don’t need too many of them as you discovered. You have to pick yourself up and start all over again. But on each occasion it seems to get more and more difficult to stop. Sometimes people find they can’t stop, with the inevitable consequences.
Don’t worry about feeling alone in wet places. You may not realise it but you are just marking time, waiting to become acquainted with that person inside you who is the real you. Pretty soon you will meet and make friends with yourself, and then you will be totally ready to meet with the rest of the world. It will be intriguing to observe the behaviour of the Earthlings and they won’t even know you are doing it.
I’m not mad I promise you. I don’t even work here.
Best wishes,
Mike.
February 17th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hi all
Great website! I am at the pinacle of my drinking career, i say career as it has overtaken all hobbies, work, releationships, vacations etc (I am now very dedicated!). I always knew i had a drining problem, i am 36 now, i remember swearing on my 21st birthday that i would have one last drink in the form of a bottle of champagne (and some beers the bottle wasn’t enough).
I drank through till 25 then met a nice girl and managed to control it for a few years, then it came back…another relationship gone. I went on a course in IT and managed to lie my way into a good job in London, then got a great job making silly money…should have been the best of times! I spent all my time recovering from the last binge, usualy Fridays where i would buy everyone drinks (champagne) all night (i understand now it was to cover the sadness and loneliness i felt because of the booze), so it would be one night out till 6/7am then 2 weeks locking myself away promising i would never drink/smoke (cigs) again…
I finally managed to screw the job up, my arrogant and conceited behaviour had taken it’s toll as had my constant absence.
Soooo moved back to my home town to recover! Went to get help in the form of AA and a psychotherapist…this didn’t work as i didn’t take either seriously…
Now i am 30 and, having not worked for 9 months and spent most of my savings whilst also getting into alot of debt, i come to the realisation that i should move abroad and run away and that will solve all my problems.
I move to a place in Europe which is next to a much smaller place where booze is about £3 for a bottle of vodka ($6) and cigarettes are £1 ($2) a packet…good move!
5 years later and I have moved on from binge drinking to full blown alcoholism, moving from pints of beer to spirits and back again. So now I have a nice little routine of drinking approx 5 nights a week, one beer, then one cider and so on, followed by a bottle of wine (can never usually finish it)…and 2 packs of cigs a day…
5 years ago i was mr popular, someone who everyone wanted to know, now i am 4 stone heavier, look rough everyday, have stopped looking after my physical appearence and have made everyone’s life i have come into contact with a complete and utter misery! I even stopped dating 3 years ago as I could not stand messing with another poor unsuspecting victim’s head!
So i reckon the future holds more booze, losing control completely, maybe a visit to an mental institution (not by choice), hospital or death…
Anyways basically i have a choice, to keep looking forward to ill health, mental illness or death or giving my best friend up and having a very happy/content life, the point I am making is that I am at the edge of a very dark and horrible abyss having slid right down the shingle for a long time…it can and will get alot worse…
Instead of waking up feeling sorry for myself tomorrow and wondering what happened I am going to start blocking those emotions out using the techniques you have described because, at the end of the day, what does it matter how i got here…i am here, there is no time machine!
I know people who have stopped drinking and have had a longer cereer than me and most of you, there is hope even though we can’t see it (well apart from the brief glimpse anyway…usually whilst half drunk listening to favourite songs whilst fantasising about all the things we could do if only…), so…
28 days they say as a start, I have bookmarked the site, will report back in on 15.03.08.
Good luck to all of you, I really mean that!
Thanks for the site!
Cheers
Cliff
February 18th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Hi there….I finally have to admit that I have a problem with an alcohol addiction and I really need your support. I have just read every posting and have seen myself in many of them. I have a wife who loves me and 3 daughters whom I adore. I have worked in many professions and have excelled in most. I rarely but sometimes have a drink with my dinner when at work but do the majority of my drinking after work and on the weekends. It getting past the liquor store that I can’t seem to do. My mouth actually starts to water. My wife tries every day and in every way to get me to stop drinking. She has been so supportive but lately has told me she is at wits end. I don’t want to lose her. It is getting to the point that I am having a difficult time to control my temper when I have a few drinks in me and no one deserves my drunken remarks. Physically I am in decent shape as I go to the gym in the mornings before work. I rarely go any more then a day without a drink. After a day / night of drinking I have the common guilty feeling and promise myself that I will quit the next day which hasn’t come as of yet until today. I didn’t have a particular bad weekend but I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. My wife does not deserve this nor my girls. This is the first time I have actually looked on the internet for any material to help me control this demon that is in all of us with this problem. I firmly believe that we all can all beat this problem and live a much better and successful life. I have so much to live for and I refuse to let the drink kill me which it will do in some fashion if this continues. I am the first one to bring up financial woes when I see something being purchased which is not necessary. But how can I justify this when I spend $10-$20 a day on something that does absolutely nothing but hurt you and the people you love. I really appreciate you taking the time to read this little story of my addiction.
I CAN AND WILL WIN THIS BATTLE.
DAY 1
February 18th, 2008 at 9:30 am
I am just so pleased to have access to such wonderfull & helpful websites. There is hope for a lot more of us now. Thank you
February 18th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
PC
It was very interesting and touching reading your story. Im in the same boat. I have been to AA which has helpeda little but suppose I was very serious at the time. One thing I have pick on AA is that its only a day at a time. By the way its only a craving. Craving will not:
cost you money
mess your health/liver
cause relationship problems
cause you financial difficulties
upset your loved ones, and….
if you feed it will get worse - if you put up with it more than likely it will pass.
February 19th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Anish
Thanks for your reply. This is all new to me and its kind of amazing that someone actually is actually out there reading and responding to my story. The part where you say if you feed it…it will get worse..boy o boy I can relate to that..what a helpless feeling. I have made it through the first day. Surprisingly enough my youngest daughter has picked up on it already..she’s 10. She told me after I got home from work..”Gee Dad you must have had a good day at work..you are in and awful good mood….I told her I had a great day. I don’t have a lot of time right now as I am off to the gym before I go to work. Have a Great Day Everyone and keep your head up and be proud as you are just as important as the next person whom you meet on the street.
DAY 2
February 19th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Hi everyone.
Wise words Anish. Wise words my friend. I cannot improve on your comments.
Cliff. I think you are being very sensible to try 28 days of abstinence to start off. Don’t be too despondent if you don’t make it. Keep trying is all you can do. You have read the website and picked up all the tips which may help. Please dont be afraid to ask for help from others. I mean your doctor and groups such as AA. If you go onto the Bright Eye alcohol forum web site you will find more comments from people like us. Site admin can forward your e-mails to members once you have registered. Feel free to e-mail me personally, although I should forewarn you that my adv