Do you need willpower to quit drinking?
“I wish I could quit drinking so much, but I just don’t have enough willpower”.
As a therapist, I hear this quite often, but perhaps we need to explore what willpower really means in order to find a solution to the problem.
The capacity to resist the urge to drink arises initially from various motivations – like the desire to avoid a hangover, or the need to be able to concentrate at work the next day, or the preservation of a close relationship perhaps. If sufficient motivations can be brought to mind, and they feel more compelling than the potential pleasure of alcohol, then a person can exercise self-control and not drink despite wanting one at the time. This is a reasonable definition of willpower.
Some people seem to have more willpower than others regarding their drinking, but perhaps only because alcohol has not taken on so many important functions for them (like stress-relief, confidence boosting, avoiding boredom etc.), or they have found other ways of achieving those results.
People with alcoholism are unable to resist the urge to have a drink, despite knowing that in balance it’s not doing them any good. Partly this is because short term consequences are often more effective at influencing behaviour than long term consequences, and in the short term the pleasure/relaxation of a drink outweighs the negative effects tomorrow or at some indeterminate time in the future (or so it seems to them). A strategy to deal with this tendency of course is to concentrate on the negative effects of alcohol in the short term, rather than the vague long term ones.
People can learn to have more control over their urges to drink, to predict when they are likely to occur so they don’t come as a surprise, to learn to bring to mind all the ‘pros and cons’ rationally, or to address those needs that alcohol has filled some other way – and so they increase their willpower.
Hi
Just came across this site – excellent. Have suffered badly with work related depression for a year now and about 6 months ago hit the wine to take the edge off things – trouble is now its harder and harder not to drink I gave it up for a month or so felt great then relapsed. V little help fropm GP’s now getting the sweats (withdrawal & my body saying it wants more wine?) Has anyone tried the online councelling here sounds good. We all know it makes sense to stop & abstain but it’s a demon and Ive never done it before. Any suggestions I’d appreciate them
Kindest
Mike
Really pleased to have found this site and to see I am not the only one in the position. My drinking was bad for a period of six years and then I gave it up in 2004 for nearly 5 long years. A build up of family trouble started me off again around 2010, then bereavements, relationship problems just made me spiral out of control. Many may not consider my drinking to be as high as theirs but mine was/is enough of a problem to me in that it is impairing my ability to function in normal situations. My problem also is that I am self-employed and work from home so add to this unlimited amounts of drinking and it is a recipe for disaster. With willpower for me comes the biggest test when it’s nearly 7pm and my craving to begin starts. The hours between 7pm and 4am are usually the ones I look forward to the most to escape. Still now I have stopped and although only a couple of days in I am determined to see to it that these days are in the distant past.
For me being around others who drink has made it worse and for a short while at least I have to quarantine myself until I am strong enough to not let it bother me.
Its been encouraging to read of everyone else’s struggles and I wish you all the very best for the future.
I, too, just stumbled across this website, and felt a connection with so many of you. I have a great job, good health, and many wonderful friends, and am blessed in so many ways. But I have a dirty little secret. At the end of the evening after my chores are done and phone calls have been made, I pour myself a large glass of Chardonnay and wait for the relaxation to kick in. Every care in the world melts away (or so it seems), and then I take a second full glass with me to bed. When I wake up the next morning and see the empty glass beside my bed, I feel so ashamed. I live alone so this pattern if affecting no one but me. I want to be a “normal” person and break this cycle, but I don’t know how. Any suggestions?
I have a 20 year old daughter who drinks and drives. She recently got a ticket for illegal consumption of alcohol. While having her drivers license suspended she went out driving again. She was trashed. We found an empty bottle of rum and an open case of beer in her back seat. She has threatened us over an over with suicide, texting us while she’s out driving around that she is going to end it. Her dad and I can’t take it anymore. We are trying very hard to get her into counseling. We told her that until she did we would not give the truck back to her (We cosigned for her, so it is in our name also). We have hidden the keys. Is anyone in this same situation?
hi im haveing the same problem but now it seems as though it getting worse but because of my drinking DhS to custody of my kids and now im really finding hard to say no bucause i want to see my kids and i cant. Drinking is the only thing rite now dat keeps me from feeling da hurt i have im my heart. i keep saying i wont drink nemore but wen i get that phone call or txt i get the urge and craving then i go. i really do want to stop but it is really hard to say no wen they keep calling and txtn, but i took one big step i just dont answer the phone i turn it off. i hope i will have enuff willpower to continue to do just dat. i will consider this my day one to stop drinking too. good luck to all of us.
Hi all,
Like many people,I stumbled across this site and am finding it really help full. Just reading how the drinking habit got started in the first place. I have always been shy as a child and when I started going out and discovered if I had a few beers ( my Dad made home brew) my personality would change into this bubbly out going girl, and I liked it! Liked it too much though, ‘cos I didn’t seem to have the same confidence without it.Partys and family gatherings all seem to include alcohol, so it’s really hard not to drink.
Just recently though,I realized Id’e started to drink way too much. 1 to 2 bottles a day, probably more on weekends, and tried to think back to a time when I hadn’t drank.Only when I was pregnant with my 2 kids,and when they were very young.But husband ,at the time ,was a big drinker,so pretty hard not to drink. So many outings missed…so many evening functions missed…because I had too much to drink and shouldn’t drive. My poor kids! I feel really guilty now, I wish I could have read some of your stories back then, it might have shaken me to reality. I hope you young people who are reading this will learn a lesson from an old fool . I’m 54 now, and since coming here ,to this site, I haven’t had a drink. This is day 7 ! I can hardly believe it. I still have a bottle in the fridge,and think “I can have that, if I want, but not today…” so far so good. I hope I have the strength to keep saying that… tomorrow, and the next day…
Good luck peoples, especially you young ones who have your whole life in front of you. Find something nice to drink,my special afternoon drink now is a can of coconut water, love it! As for the shyness and lack of confidence,well, I am working on it.
xx
Its good to hear your story. I can relate to you. I am 33 now and don’t want to miss out anymore on my two children’s school activities etc because I’m drunk or hungover. I have felt like a bad mum and so guilty for many years. I want my sober life back and since I found this site, I have felt an inner confidence that I can beat this. I wish you the same.
I just happened to run across this site and can’t believe how many people are out there just like me. I am a single mother, work full time, and love my baby with every ounce of my being. With that being said, I am also a selfish alcoholic that will lie, deceit, and do anything to drink when life hands me more than I think I can handle. I hate being an alcoholic! I feel worthless when I do but after a hard day at work getting a drink to relax is all I can think about. I usually can keep it under control but have recently lied putting my job in jeopardy, loosing my self-worth, and throwing my creditiblity out the window. Not to mention, what my child is learning from my behavior!?? I need the strength, the willpower, and the constant motivation to kick this. Along with the constant motivation to raise my child the best I can….alone, do good at work, and not slip up….all with a big smile on my face! Life really shouldn’t be this hard!
Hi,
For me, I know alcoholism is a potentially terminal disease that will be with me all of my life.
Luckily, I can do all things in life. Except: drinking alcohol.
All in all, that’s a small price to pay, I would say.
Hello all, I’m 28 years old, have been drinking since my early teens. I don’t think I am dependent on alcohol but more of a binge drinkier, I don’t know. I will drink with family and friends with a few shots but then when everyone goes to sleep and calls it a night I finish the remaining bottle that was opened or stay up at night with a few beers ‘ quarter bottles then buy some more drinking till 2-4am passed out on the sofa with the tv on. I have tried many times to stop and even tried to stop drinking spirits and drink only beer and vice versa, stopped for few weeks and even months but when I have a little to drink I tend to to drink the following days continuously until I get a nasty hangover and vomiting and reget to drink ending up in the same situation. Ive had the blackouts, silly texts, talking bs to friends and family, bared from pubs. I want to quit but there’s always temptations from tv, songs, friends, and family (especially, due to drinking whenever we meet up) and the ‘have a nice pint in a remote place to chillout’ I know the health issues but still I drink
I wish I could go and live somewhere natural and peaceful like the jungle where nothing can tempt me to drink.
I have had the same situation as you, drinking from my early teens and am now 29. I can go a while without drinking, and sometimes just have a couple of drinks in the week. The problem is at weekends, parties once I get over a few drinks I stop caring and will drink myself silly till I pass out. I have broke property, fell over several times, embarrassed myself and had the ambulance service called out to me and been brought home by the police. I have decided to give it up for good, i don’t think you have to be an alcoholic to have a problem with drink. I have realised that it doesn’t suit me. It’s day 5 today and feeling good. Good luck.
l am 24 hours AF my liver area is painful but still feel sick after reading hear my drinking is out of control wish me luck for tommow xx
How did the test go, Sparkle? I get these aches in my liver, too. Very worrying. Awake most of night with it.
hi everyone, have been trying to quit for a long time. I go to AA meetings sometimes but i never feel comfortable in them. My friends suggest i go every day but i dont. Now I think I am in trouble physically. My toes hurt and my legs hurt and I sweat a lot so all signs of trouble. Would love to have a companion to talk to and check in with .I keep telling myself to stop and I do for weeks at a time but i am in bad shape right now.
Hello all,
I am 38 years old and happily married with two wonderful children. I have a very good job, nice house and material possessions and a loving environment in our family. I rarely feel like I “need” a need a drink and can happily have alcohol in the fridge or in the house without being tempted. My problem, like many of you, is that once I start drinking I find it difficult to stop and at times I am reckless. This could be in the form of knowing I have a big day the following day but nonetheless drink until late, driving whilst over the limit or – and more worrying – recreational drug use (on occasion when drunk obsessively seeking this out after hours). Again like many of you I feels desperately guilty and depressed after such incidences – most of which I manage to hide from my wife and family. However my wife does see through the veneer and I hate the fact that she spends a lot of time worrying about me – I can see it in her eyes when I go out of am drinking. I just choose to ignore it by telling myself this time will be fine. Well, it will not. Eventually it will cause a problem – for me, other and my family. I know that and the toughest thing is to tackle it and once and for all to say – no more. The problem is – like so many of your comments identify – is that the guilt and despair relent and by the following week (or month) you think “I’m going to be more careful”. Then it happens again further down the line. Any thought/advice appreciated.
Hi everyone. Day one without my beloved chardonnay. I have been on this site loads of times and have never succeeded in Breaking the habit. My story isn’t unique. I drink too much and I now I
Scared I cannot stop. It’s such a massive part of my life. I know my levels of drinking have increased year on year. I loved the comment re waitrose shop imagining to have one civil glass with dinner. I so do that. And the old running to tr shop last minute. My memory is getting fuzzy Now and don’t know if this is linked but I have a shaky tongue that tingles all day. I also get really bad heart palps during the day or if I walk up a flight of stairs. So the signs are there. Just need to break the habit. Problem is I love that feeling of slowing down and the wine chilling me out. It’s addictive. I just want to be like normal drinker. Thank for reading. Hope up get to day 5.
Never give up the fight to stay sober ! It’s mind over matter. You can do anything you put your mind to. AA is nothing to be ashamed of, its a tool for life that you can always use. I go to meetings from time to time and love listening to stories especially from the veterans with over 20 years sobriety. If you truly want to stop take advantage of these groups. I also been active in the gym for over 20 years, that has helped me in all of lifes challenges. You must change your ways and your habits. I have been sober 6 months. I still hang out with my alcoholic friends, just not for the duration when I was drinking. I dont miss hangovers , and I never miss the gym. I didnt drink everyday, but when I did I had so many regrets. I love my new found ,old self….God Bless us all, and pray everday for spiritual guidance..I know you can do it !!!!!!
Thanks Lisa Marie, I believe I can do this too!!
Wow, you sound as though you made it.. I think you are right about the meetings. I am going to my 1st one this evening. Drinking as become a problem and I dont want it to get any worse. I drink only Friday evenings really, but sometimes its 3 times per week and its atleast a bottle 1.5 l or less. I hate the way I feel the next day and I do it because all my husband does it study or is in his office. Thanks for sharing your story
Thank you Lisa. Yes, like you, I refuse to give up the fight to stay sober:) I will keep trying.
Hello All,
I am so glad I found this site. I have been drinking since teenager, now 47. I want to quit so bad, but just like everyone else, I can’t seem to stop myself. Love Chardonnay, and Vodka. Very stressful, sad, depressed place that I am in. I want to be clean and free. I think if I were not so lonely, I would drink less. I successfully got out of an abusive relationship one year ago. During the relationship is when I became alcohol dependent. I am so proud I left the man who abused me, but I now am stuck with this alcoholism that seems to effectively lessen my pain, but oh so temporarily. I wake in the morning just like you: sad, unmotivated guilty and desperate. However reaching out is the first step, as well as admitting that I have a problem.
I’m 38. I started drinking at 15 and haven’t had a soba weekend since. The last 10 years it’s more like 5 times a week and never less then a bottle of wine. I like drinking thats the main problem. I wonder if cutting down would be an option or if i’m kidding myself? My partner is the same we both want to cut down but as we are so similar we don’t manage it. I’m not drunk! well not in the staggering and blacking out way. I don’t get many hangovers anymore but i worry for our health i some times get really hot feet after a skin full. I don’t know what it is but i know it is booze related. Every sunday we say we wont drink till Friday we usually drink by Tuesday. I now think of booze as soon as i wake, not that i want it in the morning but spend the whole day thinking about if i will drink that night. my ideal would be to drink twice a week and thats it. Would tale any help and support. Thanks
Hi Katy, try having just 2 sober nights a week, on these nights plan to do something nice, like have a really nice dinner, or watch a movie together, then gradually add more sober nights, its hard at first but it gets much much easier.
Hi everyone, im new on here and have been reading all your story’s and I’m in the same boat, I have been drinking since I was 15, I’m now 38 I have 4 kids and a partner and also work full time, I’m desperate to stop drinking its having an affect on every aspect of my life, I wake up most mornings after drinking the night b4 thinking why why why am I doing this to myself and sit on the end of the bed and cry, then that night I’m doing it again, my partner also drinks with me, I know it’s a problem but she doesn’t, I’ll sit there and say to myself I’m not drinking tonight and about 9.30 she will say I’m going to the shop for milk or fags, (do you want anything) I think you all know the next bit,
I’ve told her to stop going shops at night, if we need anything go on way home from work, but no it happens every night, I’m so desperate to stop I’m thinking of leaving her coz she isn’t helping, what sort of example am I setting my kids:-(
Hi Jock, well done on seeing the distruction that drinking is doing to your kids. Obviously not knowing your full situation but does your partner drink as much as you? Would you say that she has a drink problem as well ? The reason I ask as it sounds like she is sabotaging your efferts to give up the demon drink. Most drinkers dont want to drink alone, and especially not in front of a non drinker. If she is a big drinker I dont think you leaving the kids with her would be a good idea if you moved out.
Im also 38 and a mum of 4. I wouldnt consider myself a heavy drinker but when I do drink I binge drink..and found it was having a very negative effect on my life. I had my last beer 21 July. I read Allen Carrs book and never looked back. My hubby will have a few at the wknd (beer or a bottle of wine) but it doesnt bother me (so far so good anyway). But he also very supportive of my decision.
Best of luck to you, and good on you for taking the first step
CANT BELIEVE IVE FOUND THIS SITE. SOOO MANY SIMILAR STORIES TO MINE. DAY 6 BOOZE FREE FOR ME TODAY. MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH CHARDONNAY HAD TO END. DRINKING PRACTICALLY EVERY NIGHT ABOUT 12 YEARS OR SO. SOME BREAKS HERE AND THERE, BUT BASICALLY PROBLEM DEVELOPED ABOUT THEN. MOTHER HAD A DRINK PROB WHEN I WAS A KID AND FOR A LONG TIME HATED ALCOHOL. COULD TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT AND JUST DRINK SOCIALLY FOR YEARS BUT AROUND AGE 40 BECAME DEPENDANT. DRUG OF CHOICE THEN WAS LAGER BUT DEVELOPED A TASTE FOR VINO. THING IS IVE REACHED THE STAGE WHERE I WAS BUYING 2 BOTTLES AND HAD A BLACKOUT LAST WEEK SOOOO. I WANT TO STAY ALIVE. AM FULLY FUNCTIONING AND LOOK REALLY WELL AND SO MANY PEOPLE WOULD BE SHOCKED TO KNOW ALL THIS. WOULD LOVE SOME ADVICE ON HOW TO STAY STOPPED.
I saw my alcohol as my best friend therefore comparing it to a strong relationship. Infact I would go as far to say it was a love affair. The problem is that this relationship is toxic. I now fast forwarded my thinking from the sound of the “glug glug” in the glass, the smell of a shiraz to the reality…. the thirst for more, the panic there will not be enough to satisfy oneself, the accidents, the silly text messages etc etc etc It’s taken me a year from accepting I have a problem to putting the drink down. In this past year I have attended AA once a week, on & off. I then went to my doctor and waited 6 months for a detox. After the detox I still wanted to drink therefore now on Campral to help with the cravings. There is no overnight solution my friend. It’s a long long journey. The only question I would ask myself is “if I were to buy a bottle of wine could I just have one glass?” My answer is yes but then as soon as the drink touches my throat it triggers a craving for more and one glass becomes two bottles then blackout. For me it’s like a thirst that can never be quenched. The scary thing of all is that if you are an alcoholic, then this disease is progressing even when we put the drink down. Its a vicious disease. There is no cure. Only a solution which is to stay away from the first drink but I wont lie its a nightmare. Please find all the support you can as almost impossible to do the alone my friend.
Thank you very much. I keep re-reading your reply. It all makes sense and I know I have got to get different perspective on how I am going to tackle this. I gve up smoking so I know I have willpower but then that wasn’t mind-altering. I have got to try and achieve the enhancement of mood that wine gives me. Thank you for taking the time to reply, it is very much appreciated.
On day 4 – was drinking 2 bottles of wine per night then a minuature started creeping in to top me up over dinner and so that I could have the full amount of 2 bottles over the course of the night. Trying to stop because of under-active thyroidism, crippling back pain leading to immobility, stopped smoking 4 years ago, all hve led to one hell of a weight problem. Life just seems so bleak though; nothing to look forwrd to (hubby has promised nice holiday to Italy, should be incentive) but can’t stop thinkig of nice size glass of crisp white, beautifully chilled and a beautifully cooked meal. Then feeling my mood (I also have had anxiety and depression all my life mostly) slowly lift as the night wears on and hey before I go to bed I am at peace with the world and myself and hell nothing is that bad. Then I wake to recrimintions over my weekly wine bill, my health (which worries me the most) and the shame of being a drunk, although I keep it very secretive (as most professional drunks do) – its 530pm now and getting to the dangerous time for a drink, shall I just pop to my lovely Waitrose where one can get a decent white burgundy and pretend I am going to sit and enjoy a nice chilled drink responsibly. But know I will opt for the second, otherwise fret all night if I just have the one. Am I a confirmed alkie? Anyone else recognise themselves? First time I have ever written so honestly, feels a bit scary, like someone is going to ‘out’ me!! Really welcome any help anyone can give. x
HI TILLA. YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE ME. DAY 7 NOW ALCOHOL FREE AND DONT FIND IT TOO BAD. BUT IVE BEEN HERE BEFORE AND KNOW THAT CAN CHANGE ANY GIVEN DAY. HAVE JUST MADE MY BOLOGNESE WHICH REQUIRE RED WINE, AND BOUGHT A TINY BOTTLE AND POURED WHAT I DIDNT NEED DOWN THE SINK. FEEL PROUD. HAVE MORE ENERGY AND DONE MORE HOUSEWORK IN PAST FEW DAYS THAN I HAVE DONE IN MONTHS. REALISED I HAD A SERIOUS PROB WHEN 2 BOTTLES WAS REQUIRED TO GET ME WHERE I WANTED TO BE. HAD A BLACKOUT COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO WHEN HUBBY CAME HOME AND FOUND ME ON KITCHEN FLOOR. DONT KNOW HOW IGOT THERE. THIS IS NOW LIFE THREATENING AND I WANT TO LIVE. MOST PEOPLE I KNOW WOULD BE SHOCKED TO KNOW IM ALCOHOLIC, AS ILOOK FINE AND APPEAR TO BE FULLY FUNCTIONING. HOPE YOU CAN STAY STRONG AND ME TOO.
Hi Jeanie, I did the blacking out thing last year and blacked all my eye too. Had to go to work and got lots of funny looks from people. I had made up story about putting fan away in the wardrobe for the winter and when I went to find it for the summer, opened the wardrobe door, and said I hadn’t packed it away properly and it fell on top of me. Obviously nobody believed me.
Recently I am ashamed to say I had some wine so back to Day 1 being today. Also have to do this with a diet as I have put on absolutely loads of weight. I swim every day (through bad days and good) and always find this helps my PMA even when I am really low, so might be an idea for you to try to see if it would help you. I have severl physical problems one of which is bad back to it really does help that too. I am really interested in maybe attending an AA meeting and have actually spoken to somebody from there and told them my problem, they were extremely understnding, non-judgemental (so necessary ) and left it open for me to attend a meeting if/when I felt the time was right. No pressure but door always open. I have also got swollen left foot today, about which I am worried. I know it must be down to the amount of wine I was drinking recently. Too scared to find out any more. eanie I hope you stay strong. Well done for reaching Day 7. Remember – little baby steps all the time and you will be making a difference. I have to remember to tell it to myself too!
HI TILLA. YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU JUST HAD A LITTLE BLIP. IVE HAD THE SWOLLEN FOOT THING TOO. DEFINITELY CONNECTED TO BOOZE. WE CANT BURY OUR HEAD IN THE SAND, OR RATHER THE WINE BOTTLE. IT WILL KILL US. MY BROTERS EX WAS FOUND DEAD AT HOME COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, LIVER FAILURE, HADNT BEEN IN HOSPITAL OR BEEN WITH DOC OR ANYTHING. ONLY IN LATE FORTIES. SO WE REALLY MUST FACE THE REALITIES OF WHAT WE ARE DOING. I WENT TO AA 6 MONTHS AGO, BUT ITS NOT FOR ME. KEEP ME POSTED ON HOW YOU ARE DOING.XX
Hi Tilla and All others on site. I amd wondering if you are still on this site? I only found it today and I say YES! YOu sound v much like me. I cook and drink, or drink and cook, I also carry weight and drink everyday at least a botle of crisp white wine. There are days when left to my own solitude that i can finish off 2 and evry now and then have given up a whole day to contemplation with the bottle starting before lunch. Oh! The excuses I make for myself to open the bottle. I live 30 minutes out of town but have frequently driven in just to get a bottle. I am 44 years old and strangely enough study nutrtion and yet, no matter what I know this Demon holds on tight. I also work spiritually and understand that we all have lessons to overcome in life. This must be my number one lesson! I hate being dependant on something that gives a short time amount of pleasure and then greatly and negatively affects so much more. Our relationships, weight, emotion, body pains….Oh! to Be free… I am glad to have found this site though at least by meeting people with similar stories I hope we can all break free together.
I’ve been drinking since i was 15, I am now 36. I haven’t had a drink for about 9 weeks. I think i am an alcoholic and have been since my first drink – it’s in the family- my grandmother (who I never met) died of alcoholic hepatitis at age 46. My rock bottom was at the end of september, after a day of drinking with my partner, an argument that had been escalating all day turned into him trashing the house and me calling the police. Now he had a domestic violence order on him. We have 4 kids (3 were asleep at the time, eldest in his bedroom). The police said that with any case like this, child services are made aware of what has happened. The thought of maybe losing my kids, amongst other things, was enough for me to finally admit that i have a disease called alcoholism and i cannot drink anymore. I feel brilliant these days – i have always suffered mild depression which i have worked out was because of my alcohol abuse. I find it easy to lose weight now and have a decreased appetite. Mind you, the demon is always there and whenever I think about drinking, I think about how I used to feel afterwards and in the morning. This is a great site, I will be visiting again. Good luck all
I’ve been attending AA for a year now but only just been sober eight days. My sister has my bank cards so I cannot access alcohol. This has been really effective as although the cravings are a nightmare Im learning life is so much more rewarding without the booze. There is no morning shame, guilt, sickness, headache etc but a real sense that I am doing the right thing. AA has taught me a lot about the disease of alcoholism, cunning, baffling & Powerful……… I would not wish this addiction on anyone…. Stay safe x
Powerless, you can go to AA if you want to, there is no shame in that, youd be amazed at how many professional people go there as well as us run of the mill moms. I went but it upset my hubby so i stopped going, but you can go and just listen if you wish. Best of luck with it, i am still struggling to stop completely although have gone from daily bottle of wine drinker to friday and sat night drinker..
Teazy,
How did you go from drinking every day to only Fri and Sat?
Chocoholic, i started with having a sober mon, then mon and wed, then tues, it took a few months and lots of willpower but i started to enjoy my sober evenings, and could get lots more done in the house etc.. my goal is still complete abstinence because i hate the way alcohol affects me the day after..some weeks i can go without at weekends too but its more difficult, hope this helps x
Regarding how to go from a bottle every day to just weekends…..Teazy’s way sounds good. What I’m doing is that I lined up all the bottles from the last time I decided to stop (wasn’t successful – hadn’t found this site yet). Every time I go through the work week without drinking, I remove one of the bottles from the line and get rid of it. That’s my little reward/routine and it makes me feel like I’m undoing some of the damage. The line of bottles is there as a reminder of how important it is for me to get this drinking under control. Maybe I’m not an alcoholic, maybe I will be able to manage social drinking later, but for now I’m not drinking at all. Going for the AA 90 days sober!
Ahhh, it’s taken me a few years and lots of soul searching to find this site.
Many of the things everyone has said resonate strongly with me.
I feel powerless to stop and once I start drinking can’t stop, even though it feels a bit like under 6 beers has absolutely no effect.
I need help but can’t go to an AA group (oh, the shame), I have 2 kids and a husband who has drank every year for the last 20 years (slowly inducting me over time).
It’s too easy to come home from work and crack a beer instead of making a better choice.
How do i kick this?
I have been drinking heavily and really want to stop now . My problem is that when I sober up I forget how bad I felt when I was drunk . Then I start again . It’s a nasty circle
This is my first time, i need some help with controlling alcohol, im going through a divorce at the moment, its not due to alcohol, things just fell apart.
I find myself unable to stop drinking once i start, what starts off as a nice chill out drink ends up being an emotional nightmare, i find myself looking at old photographs, listening to emotional music, calling people and just ending up as a complete menace. I know i need help but just dont know where to turn
I know where you are coming from Papillion stay strong x
papillion. i am in the exact same position. once i start drinking i cant stop it is hell for me the now. the amount that i have drank in one night is astronomical!.. i calculated after a weekend of binge drinking, i consumed 140 units of alcohol i dont know how i am still alive. i need to stop i have great sporting potential. i need to stop all this drinking for good or i will end up as wasted talent. we can help each other…
I have been trying to stop drinking. Biggest problem is it destroying my marriage. Im drinking around 2 bottles a night. Just found site and hoping to stop for good.
hi, what started has cure for my stomach, has now turned to a habit that is for sure putting me down. i must wine every day, i need to stop
I agree that we may need take one day at the time. We had family trip and i had only 2 drinks every night for 2 nights. It was not good because my MIND was craving for a real drink and i failed again. Day 1 for me again. But now i know that one drink changes some chemical in my brain leading to one answer. To say No to any drinks evev small.
Anna,
I can stop today if you can, too! I just put my last drink down… Forever!
Hi, Lisa. My name is healthymother in forums, you can find me there if you would like to support each another. I told myself many time forever, but it’s not working for me. I feel myselft as a very horrible person , do not like myself for what I am doing.
Hi Anna, gosh your life sounds exactly the same as mine & your thought
Rocesses are the same too! I have a husband who drinks avout 6 beers a night – every night but he’s in conplete denial & gets cross if me or my daughter mention it. My closest friends also drink wine every night, so not a good influence. What I don’t get though is why nobody but me seems to see all this drinking as a problem – maybe I’m the only one not in denial, but it would help if I had a friend who understands that & wanted to try & stop too. I’m on day one & it’s that time of say when I usually start on the wine, but have got a glass of orange juice & tonic water instead. I’ll be OK tonight, then this time tomorrow, I’ll be on day 2!
I’m there too. I’m seriously considering leaving my family for a week, just so I can have some me time, think about what is making me drink and get away from my husband that also drinks heavily. I want to quit but I will go a few days and one of us will want to drink and we both rationalize it and end up drinking. I do it because of the stress of doing everything – I feel like a single mom most of the time. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he doesn’t care – hes too effin selfish. I think if I can just remove myself from the situation for a short time it would really help. I may come back and decide it’s time for a complete change, maybe that’s why I don’t do it,out of fear of what I may realize…
Dear CJ, maybe sometime away will do you good for both you and hubby! Its hard to think without a clear head . Im on day 5 without a drink and Its hard but I have lost 3 lbs in the last 2 days so wow really looking forward to losing weight a bonus for me . I even went to the bar second time in a week and only drank coffee and cranberry juice . All I kept thinking last night is that I can drive home without worring about the cops or having a wreck no fault of my own. It was hard yesterday after work I went to the store and man I wanted a drink sooooo bad but past up the beer and out the door I went . I tell my self every min that I dont need it !!!! It will kill me if I let it !!!! I wish us both luck if you needa a buddy I hope I can help !!!! Just living for the min so I can enjoy more years to come !!! Good Luck !!!!
Hi Singh, I hope you are coping and feeling better. I too am up and down with alcohol…I go for a few weeks without drinking then bang I go mad and start to drink…I think it is a state of mind..somedays I feel fine..I have lost friends, nearly lost my family lost two great jobs and yet I still drink…AA has not worked for me..i think you just have to say no and live with the consequences…I believe that talking is important…..but as soon as you get the craving….then do something else…sorry I am not trying to preach as I have often given in to cravings…perhaps if we talk via this forum it might help us both.
Hi, CJ. Sounds so like the problem I have. I do not drink every day , but when I do…recently I could drink up to 2 bottles of wine and have blacks out. Than I have great hangover next morning and promises that “never again” and sure enough – it’s happen again and again… So, I decided to go to AA local group, but I can not show up in front of people and say that I have problem. I just so ashamed, specially if I do not drink every day , it;s almost like something I SHOULD BE ABLE to control myself. I tried to be “good” and have just one drink like on TV in the movie…but sure , my one drink lose my mind and control as well. I am looking for some support online , maybe we can support each another. today was a bad day for me. I had hair appointment and was tired and just wanted to relax after all work day, salon…so I came home and imideatly made me hot tea while cooking dinner…if anyone has some good advise on how to take mind off,,,please, share. Oh, yea, my husband is a functional alcoholic who drinks 6 beers a night , so of course he sees no problem with me. of course we manage jobs, household and eveything and no one ever can say that we drink at home. Wow, a lot to say!
WOW Its a relief to see that other women have the same drinking problem as I do. I dont drink everynite, but when I do I always start out saying just one or two beers, then my nite turns into 6-7 hours of drinking and gambling. I really want to stop this, but in my life right now all my friends drink, everything we do requires drinking (camping, Harleys, BBQ’s) I am know to my friends as the life of the party. The next day I swear up and down that I never want to drink again. Then after a two day hangover I feel the need to drink. URGH I really need to find someone/something online, cuz the shame is to hard to see someone face to face. I anyone would like to chat and help eachother out. I would so appreciate it.