How to stay sober when all your friends are drinking
One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.
The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it – “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?
The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.
Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:
- “what’s wrong with you?”,
- “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
- “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).
This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.
This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.
What really helps here is to enlist an ally – a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.
I’ve realized now that I am not alone although I have felt so lately. Thank you all for the realization. I never had a problem with drinking when I was a teen or young adult. I would party and drink too much, then throw up until the next evening and swear to never drink again. It would be 6 months to a year before I’d forget how horrible that felt and take another stab at it. 7 years ago I met my wonderful husband. He drinks regularly but has the self control to consume 1 or 2 drinks and stop. Before long I was drinking on a regular basis with him in the evenings and on weekends. I seemed to have the control to not go overboard but over time I built a tolerence and needed more to feel relaxed. I also realized that if I kept drinking the next day, I didn’t feel so awful. This is what led me to being the binge drinker I am today. I am the Mother of a 7 person combined household. I have all of the excuses in the world to drink, spouses ex wife, teenage daughter, you name it, but I also have every reason not to. I was raised by a single Mom on welfare who was addicted to crack cocaine. I never wanted my children to think of me as someone lazy, with no self control or self worth. This is the only reason I am a “functioning” alcoholic. I now hide drinking from my husband and kids. Most mornings I can’t remember how I got to bed. I have fallen and lied about the bruises. Last Saturday I yelled at my husband calling him some not so nice names because he was mad at me for passing out again. He hasn’t said many words to me since and moves away when I try to touch him. It is Wednesday and I have been sober since Monday. I am sorrowful and scared. I tell myself that it isn’t good for me and that I won’t drink anymore but over the past couple of years two days sober has been my record. I am ashamed. I want to make my family and myself proud. I have gained 20 pounds over the past 2 years because of alcohol alone and drank who knows how much money worth of savings. My emotions are haywire! One moment I am positive I can do this and the next I’m falling apart with guilt and thoughts of “I can’t even drink on our anniversary!” I have realized that it’s all or nothing (never drink again or hurt my family, myself, lose my husband etc.) I can’t be a casual drinker so it’s like losing a friend…a toxic one. I could go on forever but you all know this story. Thank you so much for sharing! You have given me strength to push on. Your prayers for strength to carry me through the upcoming weekend sober would be much appreciated. I will be praying for all of you. -Missy
Hi missy,
Hardest thing I have found is admitting I have had a problem, but you have managed to recognise that fact so you’re halfway there, be proud…trick is, is to take every day, one day at a time and before you know it you will see the bigger picture. If alcohol is having a negative influence on your life (which happens to be the case for many people) then you will have to stay strong and just say no to it, its sad and scarey but what are your alternatives???…… its hard and sometimes seems impossible but grit your teeth and say “everyday im getting stronger and stronger”. It sounds to me that you have a good support network and family and thats half the battle. try to explain and talk to everyone (that listens) that you and drink have had a falling out and its time you make new friends. you will be suprised at the positive responses I can assure you (try to add humour to break the barriers down!!! its worked for me and I thought I was a lost case). I have been sober about 4 months now and although there is temptation around I feel so much better about myself for staying strong and that in itself spurs me onto the next day etc….. It has to get easier otherwise whats the point??
please find strength in my words because you are certainly not alone and there is nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed about. The fact is you are trying self help by using this site and that speaks volumes!!! be proud!!! very proud!!!!
good luck
jon
Hi Missy,
I have realized, I’m the same as you. One drink is never enough. I will be 33 years old next month and have been binging for the past 4 years. I blamed it on stress. Life. work. whatever. I needed it to relax. I now take klonopin to sleep at night. I drink 3 days on a day off a day on, etc…round it goes. Today I feel stronger. I’m married to an alcoholic…who is passed out as I type this. I have a 5 yr old stepson, that we now have full time because his birth mother is a meth addict. I have plenty of excuses to drink. But I’m not going to. Get out a pen and paper, write a letter to your addiction. Tell it how you’re done with it. Do whatever you need to do to remind yourself of those hangovers, those days when you can’t be there for your family or children the way you want to be. You know those days…the ones when you feel like you were run over by a semi, and you’re in a hangover haze and you functioning, but just barely. I was raised by two drunks. I spent almost a month sober and realized then that I was heading down the same path as my parents. I lost 26 lbs. (alcoholism apparently can also make you anorexic). I don’t eat anymore, I have to force myself to eat. Or if I have a few drinks suddenly I can eat. I won’t live that way anymore. I won’t watch my savings dwindle as I drink it all up and poison myself. There is a life worth living sober. It may take a few months to start feeling that way, but you have to focus on one day of sobriety at a time. When you get an urge, change your habits. Go to AA. Take a walk. Read. anything. move your furniture around. Anything to get through the craving. You can do it. and you deserve it, and your husband and family deserve it too. Forgive yourself. Don’t be ashamed, but let your mind remember that shame to push you into sobriety. Envision your sober life, visualize it as if you already have it. That is what I’m going to do. And I pray for anyone out there dealing with an addiction that they can find their higher power (whatever that may be) and use that power to get sober. I cannot make my husband get sober, but I can make myself do it, and hopefully he’ll see it’s a life worth living. I pray for you and your family. You can do it. All you have to do is want it. Want it more than that drink. Want your sobriety more than that hangover and regret. Want sobriety as if it is your addiction.