How to stay sober when all your friends are drinking
One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.
The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it - “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?
The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.
Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:
- “what’s wrong with you?”,
- “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
- “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).
This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.
This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.
What really helps here is to enlist an ally - a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.
Hi all,
Well the last time I wrote on here was last December when I was contemplating giving up the drink…I have since not stopped and continued to drink, in fact I have since been in a cell and fined £80 for being drunk whilst out with my sister clubbing (this was sunday morning, yesterday). I have no idea what I did and actually woke up in a cell and couldnt remember how I got there….This is no surprise to me and actually i seen it was coming to me.
In January I started College again part-time, whilst working full-time to keep me busy, but I just fitted my ‘drinking’ around this. I would eventually like to complete my degree and get a job i enjoy, rather than something to pay the bills and pass the time.
Anyway my partner has really had enough of me and I don’t blame him at all. I had to beg him to stay yesterday. I am totally disgusted in myself and feel sick to my stomach that I embarrassed myself like that…
SO I have decided to do it once and for all. I cant carry on like this anymore. I am going to stop drinking because I just can’t be this way anymore.
I am most scared of is social situations and being bored without drinking, but if I can create diversions and concentrate on more positive things in my life, like my boyfriend and my dogs and I can do this.
I am actually having to stop myself from crying again because I just feel so bad and ashamed. I must stop beating myself up about it thou and just be confident I know.
Thanks for listening.
HI
I been going through the same thing I’m turning 30 years old and having trouble with binge drinking on the weekend, but i just ended up in the hospital for this just the weekend pass, belive me your not alone and it is hard , but just think of what you gain and not loose if you give up. that is what i remind my self so far. it hasnt been a week yet but i plan i taking up a hobbie. It would be great to keep in touch; we can support one another! Please take care of your self because if you don’t no one will. And is worth loosing everything you love and work so hard for… keep safe and happy!
Hi Terra,
Thanks for your comments….
Yeah your right in that nothing is worth the cost of your relationships with people and harming yourself with the drink !
I am really struggling not to drink and it is very difficult to keep focused on whats important when the craving kicks in.
I have found myself this week at a loss and found the feelings of boredom creep into my mind several times a day, espcially in the evening…I then loose sight at the mad things that have happened to me whilst drinking (i.e. last sat night) and how that i convince myself and think ‘do i really have a problem’? The thing is I really hope I can remain strong for myself as I think I deserve it. I’m not a dependant person who relies on drinking to function in the morning….Im drinking in the evening, most evening’s and on the weekend. That cannot be good for my body as I am very petite and my organs surely won’t be able to take that amount in several years time…I havent had a drink since sat and I can honestly say I feel healthier visually (my eyes are lovely and white, skin is fresh, hair is great) However my mental state of mind is seriously at odds….the chatter i have at the end of the day when I’m looking to relax is normally met by a bottle of wine…however I know that if I do drink it will cause me to want more and then 1 bottle in the week will end up 2, then 3 then 4….
I don’t know what classes someone an alchoholic…I just know that I use the drink as an emotional crutch and that stops me from dealing with my emotions…I think this is wrong because it stops you from exploring who you are and what makes you tick…Also i think their are issues from years ago that i havent dealt with and maybe used wine as a brick wall that stops me from dealing with them.
Anyway I’m rabbiting on now, so i will sign off for now.
Take care…
Hi, just wondering how its going. There hasnt been a post in a while. Im currently at the same crossroads you were talking about. Ive been here many times and something always draws me back into drinking. I know I drink too much but I seem to handle my life ok untill once every month or so I go off the deep end. The last time recently I drank continuously from one eavning, all night, all the next day and untill bartime. Needless to say I was hammered. I never hurt anyone physicaly but I say things and act like a fool. Things I regret.
I tend to drink during highs and lows. Its a cycle that I cant seem to kick. Ive been drinking like this for about 13 years. Im going to do it this time. Im done.
I saw a man before my bender, he was about 40 or 50 looking, stumbling drunk and fell on me. Then like the fool I am I go that very night and get more hammered than ive been in months, maybe years. I saw the same man laying on the sidewalk today almost unconciouse. There were people all around and then a ambulance came and picked him up. Im getting older, I dont want that to be me. Tired of being a clown, Im done being a fool.
I hope you are all doing well, I would like to hear your progress.
……hey gang………..I quit a few days ago…..woo hoo!…..quitting is easy…….it’s “staying quit” that’s what I wrestle with. I like getting loaded…..but at 48 the hangovers are worse and last longer…….it’s just not as much fun…….the core reason is something I want to address and maybe you could comment………………..It’s about “losing time”……..being hungover 2 or 3 days a week. Being half present much of the time is bothering me real bad. As it is…….the time seems to go by quicker the older I get. I feel at a crossroads. Turning 48 a couple of weeks ago. It’s like being in a relationship that you oneday wakeup and realize is not going anywhere…………..I’ve enjoyed my relationship with alcolol for the most part…….but the thrill just isn’t there……and I’m looking for something more. The whole AA thing kinda isn’t the route I’m thinking about going. The “bereavement for an old friend ” is what I’m thinking. Or kind of a divorce. Do you get me? Of course getting help is the next step……….but I really want to examine this on my own. Since ultimately it will be me that ends this relationship. “when you’re gone……stay gone”………..it works with women……
………THE TIME THING………….does it cime back?………or is there still the sense of loss?……I know……awful big subject!………….so maybe someone onths could comment!…………and yes if this doesn’t work I will get help…….I’m not too proud for that……..I’m pretty confident about this. …………..you be good…………………..t
………AMUNITION…..I am a binge drinker too. I have a few bits of info that WORK FOR ME………I’m a sales rep……and after a long day of phone calls and driving…..I want to come down….my amo……….if I can take 10 minutes and calm down……..helps 90% of the tome……….if hungry….I’m more prone (carb craving) If I’m geeked up on coffee and cigarettes(uppers)……then I’m more wound up and feel more of a need to come down. I call this “Elvis Syndrome” uppers in the morning…….downers in the evening……I quit for 4 years 17 years ago. I threw the whole family out……..Cafeine, Alcohol ,Nicateine………..this worked for 4 years………..yes I realized that I was a drug addict…..”the legal drugs”………NOT having the 1st drink is the whole thing……..and anthing that can be done to help that along is AMO…..all the best…………..t
What have I done?
Driving away B for alcoholism when I am truly the alcoholic?
Shameful. Dispairing.
Denial—>Anger—>Bargaining—>Depression—>ACCEPTANCE
As my brother said, thank God it was only a phone…you stopped before the next binge left you dead.
THANK YOU KUUBLER ROSS, SD AND OTHERS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS CHAT. I AM TRULY SORRY FOR HURTING YOU, AND IM SURE IT APPLIES TO THOSE THAT HAVE FELT BETRAYED BY MY ALCOHOLISM.
Okay,
I didn’t know if there was a bunch of sign in mess to post a comment. awesome, it is not. I just got out of rehab a couple of days ago that was a non 12 step one. Which by the way, have never worked for me. I always go out of those meetings feeling worse. Frankly, my life is a mess and it is so so overwhelming. It is only because EVERYTHING went to shit while I went on a 6 month bender/relapse. I have been to rehab twice before this time. For some reason, this tempt of sobriety is harder than ever before, but I can and will do it. It is like I am between a rock and a hard place. A.A. meetings everyone is so pathetic, hard on themselves, and carries this image about themselves for the rest of their lives. I just dont want to do that. Trust me, I tried. I feel like someone on chemo. What I mean by that is that I wish that I had hair, but I would die with it. It is the same with alcohol. I want it so so bad, but I know if I had it, I would loose my life sooner or later. This disease sucks. Thanks for listening.