How to stay sober when all your friends are drinking
One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.
The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it – “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?
The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.
Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:
- “what’s wrong with you?”,
- “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
- “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).
This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.
This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.
What really helps here is to enlist an ally – a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.
i recognise so many of the symptoms that i have read within this forum and feel the need to share my own experiences. I myself have been binge drinking since the age of around fifteen and have carried on doing so for the following years which now total 17. If you do the maths you will see that i have been doing this for longer than i haven’t. It is all I know. I have ruined relationships with numerous partners and am on the verge of losing access to my child. At the age of 32 you would think that I would be capable of realising that this way of life is not worth it. I mean after all glamorous it is not, idiotic attempts to enjoy myself on days/nights out that i am in the main going to forget anyway. Making an idiot of myself, losing ALL of my friends, soiling myself in public places, ending up in hospital on various occasions after falling over, getting beaten up and on one occasion even having a heartattack because of an investing in a large amount of cocaine in an experiment to see if it truly could help me drink harder, faster and for longer. Ain’t it cool? Memories should be precious but to be honest there are many things that I have done that I am glad I don’t remember, even though a part of me thinks that if i did this may spur me on to stay sober. I have to agree with most of the above when I say that i cannot see myself going to AA as I have visions of what I would call ‘true’ alcoholics looking at me as some sort of lightweight sufferer who should be able to knock it on the head as I have realised that it is doing me and those around me no good. The thing is I am petrified that now I have quit, (I am now on my fifth day sober and most importantly first weekend without a drink), I will be bored stupid, I have tried to think of something that I could do as a hobbie that would interest me and find no inspiration anywhere. The one thing I look forward to is spending time with my child, who as a result of being found to be drunk in charge of, I now only get too see for a couple of hours a week. My son loves me to bits but he is aware of what is going on and will probably hate me when he gets older as a result. I have you see stopped before, for over a year, and I was crawling the walls with boredom, my social circle increased by the sum total of zero the only people who had any time for me were my family and I could tell even they were only spending time with me because they felt sorry for me, i mean they all have flourishing social lives, why would they want to babysit me when they would usually be out larging it up or having house parties etc themselves. It is a fact that I was just as much of a burden sober as I was drunk. During the week when I was normally in control as I knew I had work the next day was not the problem, the weekend was and is the issue, even more so now as after i say goodbye to my child early saturday afternnon I hit a massive downer and only one thing helps me to escape it. As a result of my dealings with drink I have always avoided prescription anti-depressants but tomorrow I go to the doctors to get some as I can think of nothing else, I mean after my first counselling session I got so depressed I just went straight out on a bender. You never know maybe some chemical imbalance in my brain can be resolved with some pills we will wait and see, believe me I want to stop drinking and am willing to try anything to do so. I want some precious memories and so should anyone reading this, I and you deserve them and I for one am going to get mine and I will not stop trying to obtain a better way of life, good luck to you all and watch this space as honestly if I can do it any of you can do it.
Hi
I read your email and can understand your dilemma, I started drinking a lot after my Mother died and smoking again, it was the only way I could cushion the loss of losing both parents (my Dad had died 7 years prior) I got a grip for awhile but then my beloved dog died and left me totally bereaved so back to drinking too much and smoking again. Now again I struggle because that is what cushions the blows and makes life bearable but in reality it does the opposite it cushions the blows for a short time but the next days are rife with deep depression and epidodes of dizzyness , stroke and heart attack scares as well as intense anxiety. What a cycle!! Well I have found out that when you quit drinking and or smoking and its worse if its both at once , your blood sugar levels just plummet and actually its very dangerous to go cold turkey if you are a heavy drinker. I am right now sticking to two drinks a day either wine or beer nothing heavier, later plan to go to one drink a day for a woman thats the healthy amount. I had to quit smoking because of my blood pressure (not fun!) I have high BP and low blood sugar what a living hell. Anyway I have found eating small meals throughout the day (eliminate all white stuff like flours and sugars and replace with whole grains) eat a carb a protein and a fat in each mini meal. this helps tremendously and strangely enough if you get those depression and panic attacks take a few bites of an apple its like magic I kid you not. Please dont let the doctor put you on meds you will never get off them. Just do some research online about alcohol and blood sugar and how it causes the depression/anxiety. I swear to you , you WILL feel better. Good luck to you, I hope this helps.
I too am struggling with sobriety from the bottle. I have been binge drinking for fourteen years, half as long that I’ve been alive. I want to be sober so bad and have reason to do so. I’m in no trouble and my life is not in disarray except when I’m drinking. I do not k ow when to stop. It is not uncommon for me to have 10 beers 7or 8 whiskey or jäger shots and whatever else I can find to drink that night. Having that first one spells disaster for me everytime I drink. But this time I want to quit drinking, a pure personal decision to benefit me and whoever else is involved in my life. I’m gonna give a honest effort. For any of you younger than 28, that read this, and recongize you have a problem, Quit now, it will only let you get control of your life that much quicker!
Yep. This is it! Back again and I need to STOP NOW. Driven one too many people away and starting the vicious cycle again with my new relationship. Drunk-tacky/vile/raucous/feral/demanding behaviour-followed by days of grovelling and humiliation. I am not going to do this to myself again. I have everything I want and I am not going to ruin it this time. I need to take control or I’ll loose my life. Dess
I just want to say to anybody suffering from this illness your not alone,im 30 years old now and only 3 months ago have come to realise i have a serious drink problem,i tried on a few ocasions to stop by myself but found it so hard to be happy at the same time,we all need support with this illness and i advise any body in their early day off trying to stop just go to aa meetings,its working for me,lets us know we are not alone,and helps us grow
Im 31 and have been binge drinking since 15 . I suffer terrible from hangovers
, cant talk to knowone for 2 days and feel depressed as hell . I feel thou its not actually the alcohol i crave its the group energy feeling i get when settling down with my mates for a session . But its not worth it ,1 night for exchange
of 2 or 3 bad days suffering . Just lately ive started still goin to the pub but drinking orange juice like j20 or squash . I take the car so knowone tries to convince me to drink . I stay for about 2 hrs and then go . You notice after them 2 hrs everything starts to go pear shaped anyhow.
A good tip ive discovered is write a personal positive message in a txt , something on the lines of “im doing well , avoiding drink ,feel great in myself no depression no hangovers , no regrets”
and send the txt to your phone and save it . when the urge or the fight or flight does come for a session . Read the txt . it does help me .
I am 27 years old and I just quit drinking about a month ago. Drinking was never a big problem for me until last year. I had two run ins with the law withing 3 months. Both were DUI’s, 1 was an auto accident. I continued to drink for months after the incidents despite the obvious trouble it was causing me. 2 serious relationships were compromised as a result of my drinking too. I am currently staying sober on my own will power alone. After giving the steps programs a try I decided they were not for me. Everyone that I am close to drinks on a regular basis. I have found that not having enough friends that share sobriety with me is the hardest part of avoiding the bottle. I get really upset and some what jealous when those closest to me drink heavily. I am not sure if it is a problem or feeling that will eventually go away, but it is making it next to impossible to maintain healthly relationships with my friends. Does anyone else share this concern?
Hey join us talking a boyt the issue in another place on the same site… I think the most active discussion can be found here:
http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/alcohol-drugs/how-to-stop-drinking-alcohol/
Or even better, the forum on this very site.
I sure can share your concern. Ive been drinking on and off for 30 years. Recently, the last few years it seems to be out of control. I finally got sick of making bad choices and figured I should take back some control. My boyfriend of four years was my drinking buddy. Try finding something in common when your not drinking and he still is. All of my friends still drink so its very hard to find something to do that does not include alcohol. I am on two weeks sober and find myself angry and aggitated (not all the time but throughout the day). It’s actually my problem, because no one made me quit drinking, the decision was my own. I guess I need to find a hobby, but I’m not sure what that is right now….lol. Just hang in there. There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Good Luck everyone….Hang in there….Im trying.
I originally stopped drinking 5 years ago – My partner at the time stopped also – we were together because we both could drink for days and no one would tell me I had a problem, she was a terrible flirt when drunk and I was not to be relied upon for anything at all. We both stopped and started to go to meetings (not AA)for 2 years, life was grand, until she needed to give the drink one more try – my addict in my head decided if she could do it then so could I, wrong! she left me and I drowned my sorrows and went back to dark days yet again – luckily I stopped again with the help of meetings and honesty, 2 more years then 2 months ago started again… the old saying that whatever chased you to stop drinking, is most definitely waiting for you. This I found to be true, the greatest feeling I have had is being sober, but alas this is a full time job and I’m only one drink away from disaster. I live the other side of the world from my family and friends and right now feel very much alone, but I have learn t some very good tricks when I was sober – read read and read some more and hand it over to a higher power if that’s what you are into – This is very much the road less traveled – try and distinguish when your addict is feeding you bullshit – be 100% honest for one day, see how often the bullshitter addict actually speaks. There’s a lot of us out there and the ones I know who manage to stay sober are some of the most honest and wise trustworthy people i know.
Folks,
Do not despair. I have been drinking for the last 25 years continually getting worse and now over the last 6 months the shakes – you know what I mean!
Drink in the morning – me never -it happened.
Losing control of my life.
Then got admitted to hospital with pheunomia and the hospital had to give me
benzodiazepines and thiamine and I have been clean for 7 days.
I have no cravings and plan to get prescribed temposil and stay off that crap for life. If I can do it so can you!
It’s hard. I’ve been sober three years now and I’m 30. I was a binger and I also drank at home alone, easily a case of beer or a bottle of vodka. I also got a drink-driving arrest under my belt. The main thing for me was watching my life lurch from crisis to crisis, all because I took my eye off the ball because I was too busy getting drunk.
Now and then I get the urge, and now is one of those times. I want to go out and party, I’m single and I want to go meet people – but everyone but me is drinking. Being sober for so long has been a great achievement for me and my life is immeasureably better but I still haven’t worked out how I can convince myself I’m still ‘cool’! I know falling asleep under tables in clubs isn’t cool, and neither is half the stuff I used to do. I just want to be able to be the life and soul again. Maybe its just blues at the big 3-oh…
Oh, and a tip – I changed jobs right after I gave up drinking, and introduced myself from the start as a non-drinker, it’s way easier than trying to explain to your old drinking buddies!
Hi Lucy what you have said sounds so similar, over the last year have started drinking on my own at home as a way to fill the void of being single. Am fine monday to friday. On Friday evening its knowing everyone else is going home to loved ones, mine a bottle of wine or vodka. Have spoken to family about it and had stopped but had a ‘blip’ this Friday that lasted till Sunday! I think/know the way forward is not drinking at all, can’t see to set my limits. Am now at the stage where am worried its going to affect frienships, my job. All other aspects of my life are fine, good job, fab friends etc. Need some support hope chatting and reading stuff on here is going to help.
what about going to a singles night with some of your friends i know alot of women do go to single nights together there you can relax with your friends and maybe find your true love?…..good luck.
Hi guys, I’, 39 and only recently realised how much of an alkie ive become. One book which has really helped me stay positive and think differently is Allen Carrs Easyway to control alchol. I would recommend this to anyone wishing to ditch the booze, it really is inspirational and different to any other books Ive read on the subject. Since reading this I’ve got 14 days sober BUT HAPPILY SOBER thanks to this book. Good luck everyone