Self criticism causes depression
We all make mistakes from time to time, it’s inevitable. But how you react to them can make a big difference to your self esteem.
What do you tend to say to yourself when you make a mistake? If you have a judgemental inner voice that says something like “I’m so stupid, I always make a mess of things” or, “why did you do that again, you’re so useless”, then of course you’ll feel bad about yourself as a result.
If you have many of these self-criticisms happening regularly, it tends to lower your opinion of yourself, and can lead to depression, and from there to drinking more.
Similarly, how you respond to your alcohol consumption has an impact on how you feel about yourself. If you drink more than you intended one night, you might judge yourself for it, saying something like “you’re such a loser, you got drunk again”. The consequences of such a thought are probably feelings of hopelessness and low self esteem. Contrast that with a different reaction to getting drunk, like “I wish I hadn’t done that again, I really need to work out what’s going wrong” – there’s no judgement or self-criticism in that, and you’re more likely to feel hope that you can change.
This is just one small example, but the important point is to listen out for the content of your inner voice, and notice when it’s being harsh or critical, then stop to consider what you could say to yourself instead that would be more understanding and caring.
And before you reject this idea, saying “but that’s just how I am”, these self-statements are not a fixed part of your personality, they are just habitual, so they can be changed.
You can start by making yourself more aware of what you habitually tend to say to yourself. Write it down when you notice you’re being self-critical, then you can begin to challenge such thoughts when they pop up next time, maybe something like “hang on a second, I’m not useless, I just made a mistake, that’s all”. No judgement, no labelling yourself as faulty, just an acknowledgement of human error, and maybe some forgiveness too.
Well, after drinking 32 pints of cider a week which to me was way too much and also drinking every day since I was 14 (47) now, I can say it’s easy to give up without any help from anyone but yourself.
Make a day and stop, that’s it, easy
Still not had a drop since my date dec7th 2009, saved £120 and prob my liver, family and job.
I feel great knowing I can get up in a morning and not worry about driving, I can come home at night and not worry about if anyone needs me to do anything for them involving driving, and as for being boring at parties I have proved that I am still as daft, happy and funny as I was when I had a drink.
Beer is like cigs, it’s addictive and you must take control and stamp on it.
paul i have just read your reply with interst. I have made up my mind on numerous occaisions to stop drinking. i admire you, it sounds so easy. but the cravings come, and i stuggle like mad and give in. what i would like to know, is how did you cope with this? and how long does it take?? please.
Hi Paul
Whilst I really commend you for quitting and wish you all the best going forward I really have to say that you were not really an alcoholic. I mean 32 pints a week? That is 4 or 5 pints a day, not saying its ok mind you but that is not over board. Quitting from such amounts is easy. My friend I consume a bottle of vodka a day, yes a DAY, not proud of it, but this is a serious problem…. Anyway I guess we measure things according to our own standards therefore I hope I will achieve what Paul did soon!
I agree on that that selfcriticism takes a lots of energy from a person leading to depression. That’s what depression is: law level of energy. it’s much more useful to practice breathing psychotherapy in order to restore the level of energy than take some benzodiazepines which normally lead to addiction.
A person needs to learn how to forgive him or herself and understand that everyone makes mistakes!
Awesome topic like the great motivational speakers like Les Brown
hi,
i got my last drink on 17/03/10.exactly 2 months ago.The same date i was admitted to residential detox.It was my second detox.My first detox was in january, i left the clinic on 6/1/10 and got my drink next day.straight after that drink i went exactly where i was before the detox. I used to drink vodka, 3-4 quaters daily. I wouldn`t buy a standard bottle because couldn`t hide it.I didn`t need drink mixer,glass, anything..i drank straight from the bottle.at once.then discard the emply bottle before i get indoors.the second quater i would drink indoors, hidden in the toilet so my friend wouldn`t see it.then will black out, wake up, top up and again and again.it never finished.during my first detox i didn`t like the word Relapse. I just wasn`t ready. Staying sober for life time wasn`t my thing.I needed a drink in my life,all the time or i didn`t know how to live it.
2 months ago i got my last drink the morning before i was admitted in detox.And this time i really wanted to believe it would be last one.I was never so scared, alcohol controlled me completely and wanted free.
After many years struggling with the addiction i was informed about all consequences,dangers, triggers, everything related to my addiction. it was a reliefe to know that the physical craving actually lasts about 3 mins only. After that it`s the thought of it. The real danger and cause of my relapse was the psychological craving. I used to have terrible fits in my previous withdraws. nothing happened that time.
So far i didn`t experience any cravings, not physical at least, but the thought of drink never left me. In my case it has positive effect as i am afraid to death from the possible consequences if i picked up a drink. I wanna live. this is what keeps me away from the alcohol so far.But every single minute i am aware that there is always danger, challenge to not resist at the temptation.i have to work on this every day, i will never ne cured. my only chance is to resist that first drink.
So i agree that there is no universal cure. It`s all in our heads.
Medical environment is absolute asset during the first weeks, but then it`s up to us to do the real work and keep sober.
I am not proud to say that i don`t attend all recommended after care group, i have to work to support my self and can`t afford frequent absence from my duty.One thing i know for sure , i can`t say how long i am gonna be sober, but i do appreciate every single moment during my sober 2 months.I would never do it alone.
thanks to many people, my gp, my key worker, the medical worker in detox centre, to the peers there.
just keep on trying.it`s never too late and never too early to quit drinking.we don`t need to hit the rock bottom.
pd