Abstinence or Control?
This is a decision which many alcoholics struggle with, and some try both approaches at different times. It is of course tempting for anyone who drinks alcohol problematically, to think that they can just regain control and drink more sensibly. And of course this is possible, but it is also very difficult. But then achieving total abstinence is not exactly easy either.
Realistically, there is no way of knowing if you are able to change your addiction into healthier patterns of use, or if you must become abstinent, the only way to know this is to find out. Many people go around this cycle many times - achieving a certain time of abstinence, then trying to drink socially or sensibly again, only for this to spiral out of control back into alcoholism. But there are those who do successfully manage their addiction and achieve healthier patterns of drinking.
The 12-step (AA or NA) philosophy is unequivocal on the matter - “abstinence is the only way”, but more modern approaches are adapting to the fact that there are other options. Similarly, if you are trying to achieve abstinence and you slip, or relapse, then the 12-step crowd would have you believe that you’ve failed, and that you need to start again from the beginning (back to step 1). But of course this just increases a person’s sense of shame and failure, which can itself make even more drinking or using a possibility.
It would seem far healthier to look at relapses as an opportunity to learn from mistakes, and try to do things differently next time.
I’m at that point where I have to decide: cut back, or cut out? But in my heart I know the answer. I’ve tried cutting back before and it has worked for a while, but only for a while. Then, before I know it, the binge drinking hits home and I find myself trawling about the house searching for ANYTHING with alcohol in it. I’ve even managed to work my way through a disgusting-tasting bottle of oily Tequila, just because there was nothing else there. And then I’d be fine for most of the working week - smart and professional and managing away. But I have lost a marriage and lately, my dearest partner … all through my binge drinking. If you are in any doubt, then I would advise total abstinence.
One major cause of alcohol dependence is deep seated emotional issues. Get the emotional issues sorted out and you can then get back in control of your own life - such that you can just have the occasional drink now and again, if that is what you want to do.
hi jane i say go for it do what you think is best and hit your bottom.Then maybe you’ll be able to come to the cruel reality that you have a little problem
Hi Jane
Sorry if this sounds pessimistic but I think you are well on the way to becoming an alcohol dependant, if you are not already. I think what a lot of people don’t realise is that alcohol is a creeper, then a gripper and before you know it you are in serious trouble…..
I’ll tell you what happened to me…ring any bells?
….one minute you are a social drinker (as a student, going out with friends in your 20′s etc), then you start drinking wine and stronger stuff (maybe at home, at work lunches etc), then you start drinking alone, then you just want to drink alone, hit the spirits in the evenings because they work quicker, then start drinking earlier in the day, then drink (in my case vodka) just to get to work, meet people, go to the shop, then drink because you shake in the morning and have palpitations and panic attacks (you put these down to stress and have a ‘calmer’ to sort the rattles)…then your family start to worry and nag you, you drink more, the children stop bringing friends round and their parents seem reluctant to let their kids be friends with yours, then social services might come around and take them away until ‘you demonstrate you are getting suitable help’, then you loose your job because you have become so unreliable and people at work are fed up with covering for you, then you realise everyone knows about your drinking, the shop, the local pub, family, (former) friends…you go from alternate states of being unconscious to crawling to the shops for more booze (even though because you arent eating your legs feel they cant support you), which you drink then fall unconscious again. You go out and start having blackouts, then, after ending up in hospital after blacking out you are told you have been having alcohol withdrawal fits …you stop going out in case it happens again…. Then you seek help…seven detox’s (maybe more)…rattling, convulsions, acute panic, anxiety, brain fog, depression, three days of nothing and you wake up (literally) dying for a drink. 5 days (well done), 7 days (i’ve cracked it), 10 days- I feel so good I really feel I can drink in moderation now…back to square one, back in hospital, diagnosed with enlarged liver and cirossis, high blood pressure, enlarged heart, impetigo and skin rashes, a stomach ulcer….I’m 36 years of age, homeless, lost my family,husband and children, my job, everything…I have such bad liver damage I won’t see 40 even if I never drink again, and I have lost my children for good, have no prospects etc. All because I thought I could cut down.
Please, heed the signs, cut back, and cut out while you can. You say you can’t leave it for now, but please, please don’t end up on my road, because its going nowhere.
Jacky o
I have decided today to radically cut down on my drinking - at the moment I don’t think I would just stop even if I said this now - I have decided I will totally stop whisky but still drink beer but only in the evenings and not too much - I wouldn’t be drinking anything during the day when I am at work (!) but today has been a Bank Holiday and I still did not drink until around 6pm.
I really don’t think I am an alcoholic - I think I have just got into some really silly and bad habits since I lost my car in an accident (non drink related!) and decided I couldn’t really afford to replace it (I mean I couldn’t afford the expense of running a car)> So I started travelling to work by train - and I found there was nothing I liked better than to have a double whisky in the bar before getting on the train - then there seemed to be more and more opportunities to drink whisky - going in an old pub with a blazing fire etc. Then I started buying little bottles and bringing them home well, so it has gone on but last night something happened which has made me realise - STOP this now before you develop a SERIOUS problem!
I’ve also been addicted to some silly tablets I’ve taken for years and years - since being a child and I am now 52! I bought them from the chemist and they are called D0-Do tablets - I do have asthma and have inhalers but I seemed to “need” them (they are for breathing difficulties but are not meant for asthmatics and should not be taken long term - like about 40 years! The other week I started a course of acupuncture (which the aim of not drinking/drinking less which they said they could definitely help with. I’ve only had one session and yet somehow the very next day I stopped taking these tablets (after all those years!) and have now have gone about 10 days without taking one (I was taking loads of them!). I thought I’ll forget about the whisky for now - I’ll have to cut down radically soon as I am starting tablets for high blood pressure and drinking spirits with them is not an option (maybe very rarely). So I thought I’ll leave it for now but then last night I went out with a friend and had a few whiskies - I didn’t feel drunk at all - but somehow as I walked home later I suddenly realised I could not walk straight and then fell over - in the road and couldn’t get up again! I have never done anything like that before. I actually asked “God” to help me and almost straight away a really nice neighbour appeared and picked me up and took me home - how kind of her but how dreadful - I can hardly believe it happened - I went round to see her today but she was out.
So no, I can’t just “leave it” for now - it’s time to stop/cut down and cut out the whisky for good.
Jane P
I was alcoholic for 40 years. I wish i could of practiced abstinence and now i have the uneasy paranoia that i might relapse and pick up a bottle of the ol’ captain and chug. I wake up and always say If- only.
I went through detox about five years ago - it isn’t nice and I don’t think that total abstinence is the answer, there are too many social knock-ons.
I need help but not if it entails being whacked out for a week and given antabuse for ever after.
After 40 years I’ve given up smoking (9 months and still counting..) - I think I can do something about my dependency but I need help.