Binge drinking is alcoholism too

binge drinkingMany people looking for help on this site do not consider themselves to be alcoholics. They are not drinking all day, every day. But they are regularly binge drinking alcohol to excess, such that they are damaging their health, their relationships and their self esteem.

It is easier to convince yourself that you haven’t got an alcohol problem if you can regularly have days where you don’t drink at all. You think you’ve got control of your drinking for a while, so you’re not as concerned any more.

Then it happens again – you binge, and wake up feeling awful. Maybe you carry on drinking heavily for a couple of days to deal with how guilty you feel about it all (and the hangover of course). But this type of binge drinking can have serious negative consequences which you need to do something about.

Are you an alcoholic or a binge drinker?

Take our test of alcoholism signs and symptoms.

248 Comments

  1. Angela 19 June, 2017 at 9:08 am - Reply

    I have been with my partner for 4 years. I want taking into account when he doesnt have a drink he is easily one of the best people i have ever met. Really caring, giving, loving. Simply amazing.
    The only thing is when he drinks he just drinks it extremely fast and gets HAMMERED. Then its just a waiting game. He just verbally abuses me, picks fights with people, degrades me and all round k**b head.
    He then cant remember what happened the night before.
    I have banned alcohol from the house and he isnt aloud to drink anymore.
    He has finally admitted that he has an issue with alcohol. This happens about once a month or so.
    Just wondered if there is anything i can do to help with the stresses of it all.
    I just need help and he is going to see the doctors on friday.

    • Tobin Hunt 20 June, 2017 at 7:32 am - Reply

      A good source of support in the UK is Al-Anon, they are specifically aimed at the families and loved ones of alcoholics, not those with alcohol problems themselves.

      http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk

  2. Elaine 6 March, 2017 at 12:41 am - Reply

    I do not know if I am an alcoholic or not. I binge drink probably Wednesday Friday Saturday, maybe Sunday. But if I let myself I could drink every day. My argument is if I can stop myself drinking on certain days in the week (because it’s not acceptable) then I can’t be an alcoholic? My husband gets any at me sometimes for drinking so much and going to bed late when he has work early in the morning

  3. Alex 9 November, 2016 at 1:25 am - Reply

    I’m 24 and have a serious binge drinking problem. I was assaulted last December and then developed an infection after a procedure that followed shortly after. The mental and physical pain was too much to bear and I almost immediately fell into alcoholism. The relief that the drink brought initially took all the pain away and made me feel free from my own mind. It was almost like I was suffering from an internal claustrophobia and alcohol just stopped that horrible, churning, anxiety. I have suffered severe anxiety and depression most of my life and was diagnosed as being bipolar when I was 19. I had a difficult childhood with an alcoholic, violent father and a depressed mother. My paternal Grandparents were also both alcoholics and I grew up surrounded by empty wine bottles and just general excess. I remember clearly watching my Grandfather go back and forth to the wine cellar until he would pass out in his chair. In later years I used to wish he would die, as he wouldn’t stop drinking and he was already suffering the effects of uncontrolled diabetes and Korsakoff’s syndrome. I’ve humiliated myself what feels like a million times when I’ve been drunk, always in the moment it feels right, always in the morning I wake up with a cement bag of guilt on my head. I can go 5 weeks without a drink and then I have the inevitable splurge…which usually results in me becoming either aggressive, suicidal, manic, or a combination of the three. I’ve been A&E many times for being a danger to myself while under the influence of drink, and I always feel like a different person the day after…I’m beginning to think if I am the living embodiment of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I always promise myself I will not drink again and yet I always drink again. There’s something so perversely alluring about that first can, or first glass, the flood of relief in your head, I can literally feel my neurons becoming excited.. Perhaps I have a strangely intense reaction to alcohol, I just know I can’t stay away from it. Many times I’ve thought I can’t go on with this affliction, with the cravings and the fantasies about drinking when I’m bored. How can I wake up so disgusted with myself and my drunken behaviour after a binge but then so readily go back to it after I’ve recovered?

    • Kathy 7 January, 2017 at 4:57 pm - Reply

      Alex, reading your account resonated with me. I too am a binge drinker which probably explains why I never truly accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic. I’m now faced with losing my family as my husband is filing for divorce after promising him too many times I’d put it down. I too have woken in the night with gut wrenching fear of “what have I done”. And promised myself and others around me “it won’t happen again” and yet within weeks if not days I’m being tempted to drink again. I get the excitement but too, it’s too elusive to quantify but it’s like an adrenaline rush and the euphoria of planning a drink is quite intoxicating in it’s self. I’ve spent th night in a cell, driven under the influence with my kids in the car, hurt myself and others and yet this thing still has a hold on me. Good luck on your journey

  4. Kaye 9 August, 2016 at 10:05 pm - Reply

    It’s comforting knowing there is other people going though the same problems. And I can relate to a lot of you. I’m lying in bed hungover from a million shots of whiskey, trying to remember last night. I’m a 26 year old bartender and have been binge drinking since I was 15. I was the wild crazy party girl, most people seemed to like me, I was the life of the party! I have made tons of mistakes that have turned into bad choices now. I can no longer call them mistakes cuz I just keep repeating them. At 17 I became pregnant and had a hard time leaving the party behind. I did well for a while but soon my son was a few months old and I would just get a sitter one night a week to totally get bent! Then about age 19 I started blacking out almost every time I drank. i couldnt remember shit! Fighting, cheating, acting a fool, yelling, beating my boyfriend when I would return home. Then 21 hit I started working in a bar! Things just got worse from there.

    I could go on for days telling you stories of all the embarrassing things I’ve done and said. ( ex. Basically ruining my friends wedding from drunken speeches, to starting fight) the anxiety and guilt I have after nights of consuming a bottle of crown is over baring! I’ve thought why not just end it your the fucking worst. But I continue to move on for my son, I rarely drink around him ever unless it’s a BBQ etc….. Then I did good for about a year and drank eveny now and then started working out, ate healthy, lost weight, got fit! Life was looking up. But recently the nights I work I think oh what the hell a few shots with my customers won’t hurt. The next thing I know I’m the drunkest one at my bar.

    It’s just pathetic and I can’t take it anymore! I never drink at home or really go out anymore I just get so blackout wasted every night I work. I want to quit my job, but love the money I make there. I feel like if the Booz was out of sight, out of mind, I could quit. But I know me, I would find an excuse to go make an ass out of myself. I need help, I just dont know what to do anymore I’m lost, and lonely. I have no one to talk to, most my family don’t know I drink that often or to that extent. We just aren’t that close. My boyfriend just thinks I’m dumb and when I try to talk to him about it he just yells at me and says then just stop fucking drinking. Only if it were that easy. I want my healthy fun loving life back!

    • Charliekerr 20 August, 2016 at 6:08 pm - Reply

      Hey I could have written your story! It’s exactly how I feel! I blackout everytime I drink and get in really bad situations I can’t remember! this has been going on nearly every weekend for around 7 years! I have no confidence left due to this, I’ve gained weight! I promise that I will stop but then a few weeks go by and I forget how bad it is, so it starts again! Im currently bed bound after falling and hurting myself on Friday night after getting blackout drunk at an event! I’m constantly humiliated by things I am told I have done, or worried about what I might have said or done! I dont know why I think alcohol does anything positive as there are only negatives.

  5. Mr. K 24 May, 2016 at 12:02 am - Reply

    Hi,

    my wife is a heavy drinker and gets drunk several times a week. Actually, I think my wife is likely an alcoholic. She drinks wine, lots of wine, to the point of being tipsy / drunk every single night and at least 3 times a week totally hammered. She has a few drinking buddys that encurage her in her argument that she doesn’t have a problem.

    I’m looking for help or contact with people in a similar situation, I love her and want to rescue my marriage, but I don’t know how. 🙁

    • Nan 23 July, 2016 at 4:20 pm - Reply

      Did you find help? I am going through a similar situation with my husband.

      • Tobin Hunt 23 July, 2016 at 7:59 pm - Reply

        Please consider joining our support forum on this site, it’s free, and you’ll find plenty of other people who can offer you help.

        Here’s the link, or it’s at the top of this page in the menu.

  6. Sarah 18 March, 2016 at 10:12 am - Reply

    My partner drinks excessive amounts in one day (Weekends only). I have tried and tried to talk to her about it and she denies she has a problem and gets very defensive and verbally abusive! I dread it when the beer and wine comes out. I do not drink at home at all and I can’t stop her from buying it. I drop subtle hints about her not drinking as much, but once she starts with one she can not stop and it ruins everything. I gave her a choice, me or the alcohol – she wouldn’t give me a definitive answer, I love her and can’t imagine not being with her as when she hasn’t had a drink our relationship is great. Any suggestions would be most helpful. Thank you

    • Anonymous 23 March, 2016 at 4:16 am - Reply

      The fact that she only drinks over the weekends means that she has some control over her drinking during the weekdays.
      Unfortunately, we cannot force people to make changes but noticing the times she is not drinking and pointing it out to her.
      If weekends are a trigger for her, then maybe it is around making sure weekends are planned ahead so she is distracted.
      Alternatively, encouraging clients to link in with GPs to discuss anti-craving medications if she is a suitable candidate for the medications might be another useful avenue.
      We would usually encourage client to also contact an Alcohol and Drug Service or a referral to a psychologist that can help your partner to make goals to either reduce her drinking or remain abstinent.

  7. Maria 3 March, 2016 at 4:15 am - Reply

    Thank you all for sharing your stories. As I lie here sick to my stomach hung over from last night’s binge drinking, I know that if I don’t stop I will die. I will start fresh again. No alcohol period.

  8. Daniela 9 February, 2016 at 10:06 pm - Reply

    My boyfriend just admitted he has a binge drinking problem. He gets excessively drunk about once a month sometimes not even. He has decided that he needs to quit drinking all together. When he isn’t binge drinking he basically never drinks though. He has a ton of alcohol at home but doesn’t ever touch it. I’m wondering if I should suggest removing all the alcohol from the home or just leave as is? I’m at a loss right now. I want to support him in anyway I can. We went to the first of many (I hope) AA meetings.

  9. Anonymous 28 December, 2015 at 3:01 pm - Reply

    when I start drinking I can never control myself…

  10. grinder 23 December, 2015 at 12:18 am - Reply

    This shit ruins everything and its legal its the ones too many 20 never enough saying that caught me and I only drink once every 2 months but I could end up doing anything and I mean anything

  11. John 14 December, 2015 at 12:35 pm - Reply

    I’m 29 years old and have allowed alcohol to destroy my career since the age of 14. I have always been involved in individual sports and achieved highly in these pursuits. Never once reaching my potential because I drink so heavily when I get the chance. From the moment I have my first pint I’m continuously drinking without break for an average of 12 hours. It absolutely disgusts me. My body and mind are suffering and it’s alarming how bad I can feel and still go back days later for another mammoth session.
    It will be the regret of a lifetime should I allow this to continue. My uncles both died in their early fifties, one week apart from each other. Both heavy drinkers. My aunt died from aggressive pancreatic cancer and had been an alcoholic in her younger years.
    Its clear that the horror of these events does not stop my drinking problem. I’m more afraid than I’ve ever been because I’m now using cocaine during my big sessions.
    It’s almost a separate personality once I’ve had a sip of beer.
    Ive had dry spells but my self esteem and self belief has diminished greatly. I often think that it will be easier to die than endure another 10 years of this behaviour that is out of control.

    • Amir 1 October, 2016 at 1:07 pm - Reply

      Your story is exactly the same as mine – I used to box and stopped because of drinking. I started drinking at 14 and have binge drunk every week for the last 18 years. I too have used cocaine so my drinking sessions can go on for longer. The thing that bothers me the most is my girlfriend suffers as a result as she worries about me. I am sitting here on a massive come down feeling ashamed of myself. I have definitely decided that it has to stop. I hope that you succeed as well – stay strong!

  12. Matt 13 December, 2015 at 3:09 pm - Reply

    I’m currently in a hospital by my wife’s bedside. 12 hours ago went on a complete drinking rampage and ended up at a train station. I managed to find her with seconds to spare as the train was coming in…she was intending to jump in front of it !! She is a binge drinker with bipolar. When she has her sober days she is perfect but those days are getting less frequent. I love her to bits but my faith in her is getting less as I don’t see this stopping. I’m at a loss of what to do. I have tried everything to get her to stop drinking but nothing works.

  13. Anon 22 October, 2015 at 4:16 am - Reply

    First of all, I would like to thank everyone for sharing their experiences and personal stories. It’s incredible how many of these experiences are so close to my own. As many have mentioned, this struggle can feel so incredibly lonely and demoralizing. Everyone in the world seems like a better person than me on days like this, when I’ve been in bed all day so sick from getting blackout drunk once again last night. The second time in two weeks. My head has been swirling with self-hatred all day…it’s hard to catch my breath at times. Reading others’ stories on here has been a great source of comfort.
    My struggles began quite early in life as I was exposed to an alcoholic and physically abusive father. I witnessed him stark naked and strangling my older sister up against a wall when she was 12 and I was 8. He was threatening to throw her out of a window for standing up for me because I had been upset and crying and he wanted to hurt me. Being an officer in the military, he always somehow got away with his child abuse. I was hospitalized with depression for the first time at the age of 9. I turned to binge drinking around the age of 14. It has been the cause of some terrible events in my life, and yet I’ve continued to binge despite trying very hard to stop.
    At 18, I attempted to drive a car .5 miles from a friends house to my home after drinking. I hit a tree and suffered a head injury and a broken neck. I was so lucky not to have hurt anyone else and to have survived the crash. Thinking back on this, I can’t believe that I would ever, ever drink again after something like this. That was 10 years ago, yet I continued to binge.
    Ive probably done some serious damage hitting my head so many times from injuries or just plain passing out. So many of you have been so eloquent putting your thoughts and feelings down and yet I am struggling so much to find the words. I really used to be intelligent at some point.
    In July of 2014 I decided to quit drinking, but that just spread the binge episodes out. In October 2014, I went out drinking by myself. I was actually very much in control until very suddenly I had trouble controlling my motor functions and everything went grey, then black. A group of men (if you can possibly call them this) had put the powerful anesthetic drug propofol into my drink, took me from the casino, and assaulted me. I got away as soon as I was able to regain my faculties and made it to the hospital. They found the drug in my blood. It happens. It really really does. It is probably the most painful thing ( both physically and emotionally) that I have been through. I’m trying to get through this and can feel so strong and in control of myself and my emotions when I’m sober. I’m trying to love myself and be good and kind to myself like I am to others.
    For some reason, I have continued to believe that maybe next time I will be able to control it. That hasn’t happened. Especially this year. And all of my pain and anger comes out and directed in the wrong place. My mom is the only person that I can let myself be close to right now, but I say such hurtful things to her when I binge. It never used to be this way. I have bruises all over my hand from punching a metal lamppost in the street last night. Thank goodness I didn’t direct that anger and aggression at anyone else. I black out and can’t possibly believe that I put myself in such a vulnerable position again. How can I do that to myself?!?
    I’m in a lot of pain. Sometimes I feel like all I need is a hug and some love. Haven’t had that in a long time. Probably because I can’t after what happened. Anyway, I know that I’m ok and better able to handle all of that stuff I’ve been through when I don’t drink at all. Not a drop. Perhaps I will try to find a support group and get back to taking care of myself. Today is day one…
    If anyone out there has some words of encouragement or kindness, it would be so very appreciated 🙂 I wish you all every success in your own struggles. Peace and love.

    • Charliekerr 20 August, 2016 at 6:24 pm - Reply

      Hey really sorry to hear your story! You have had a tough time! I can empathsize with blacking out, I do the same and I have no confidence left, I’ve also really injured myself yday and am in a lot pain! ! Maybe you drink because you think it helps you, but it obv doesn’t, I do it cos I’m lonely and bored! you need to find something to focus on to raise your esteem! If you want to chat then please do! Best Luck

  14. Kate 27 August, 2015 at 6:29 am - Reply

    I’ve been a hugely excessive drinker ever since I first discovered alcohol around age 13. I never considered blackouts to be unusual, just a part of normal life that’s non-negotiable when you drink – of course that’s not true, they’re a sign of massive overindulgence. When I’ve been pissed over the years I have lost so many possessions, I’ve slept with strangers that I would cross the street from to avoid in daylight, I’ve even pissed myself when staying on a friends sofa (and slept in it). I’ve managed to go for 9 years like this, laughing with friends about how embarrassing I am. Only I’m in my twenties now, and most of my friends have stopped drinking as insanely heavily as I do. I’ve so often been the only drunk one at lunch, or family gatherings, if you name the event I’ve got drunk at it. I’m only thankful that drinking doesn’t make me an asshole – by all accounts I’m very friendly and kind and fun; but I’m also reckless, impulsive and completely out of control.

    Last night I got myself into a terrifying situation, one that I’m incredibly lucky to have made it out from. Things could have really really gone downhill. The way that I drink, and the fact that I just don’t stop makes me so incredibly vulnerable and I never want to get like that again, it’s been a wake up call of the highest degree. In the past few years I have thought about confronting my problem, but I’d always think to myself “who would I even be without drinking?” And I’ve always thought of non-drinkers as ‘boring.’ That’s going to be me now – I am too determined to make myself a fabulous life to continue acting this way. First off I’m going to try to learn to say enough is enough, to have a few drinks and get myself home safely. If I can’t do that then abstinence might be the only way for me…

    I don’t know why I drink so self-destructively. I have very low self esteem which probably plays a part (and definitely plays a big part in the random strangers I pick up). There’s just this feeling, you know? Like nothing matters and you’re having fun and you don’t ever want to stop the party. That feeling has been my basic instinct throughout my teenage years and entire adult life so far. Oh, and I’ve never spoken this candidly about my drinking. I’ve always brushed it under the rug, hidden how much of an effect it has on me, but it feels good to address it. Reading all your stories and comments has already helped me, because I don’t feel alone in this. I really wish everyone the best of luck with dealing with alcohol issues here – you’re not alone and you can do it!

    • Jenny 24 June, 2016 at 9:06 pm - Reply

      Hi I totally relate to you!! Would love to chat

  15. kerris 18 August, 2015 at 7:47 pm - Reply

    I am a binge drinker and don’t know what to do I am ashamed of myself and the behaviour that I have recently been doing I can’t seem to stop once I open the bottle and now I have done something that if my partner finds out will destroy put relationship should I admit my guilt or should I stay quiet and hope I never betray him again

  16. Jane Fielder 15 July, 2015 at 4:37 am - Reply

    Excessive drinking is a problem for many people, no matter how often they indulge. Even if you don’t go out and get drunk every night, more than 3 pints of beer in one sitting is still harmful. Known as binge drinking, it’s as much a problem as alcohol addiction, and is something that Adelaide-based hypnotherapist Jane Fielder can help with.

  17. Desperately seeking a miracle 29 May, 2015 at 1:34 pm - Reply

    i have been with my partner for 7 years his binge drinking has been on and off the entire time we have three children two together we have our own business and we love each other very much but things are so bad now it first started with the odd overnight out then two three then ten a week here and there we have split up a couple of times but it’s so hard to turn your back on what seems like two people the sober man is intelligent loving fit healthy a good dad my best friend the other is this uncontrollable monster who drinks non stop vodka beer anything he floats around the town going to any not so clued up person that feel sorry for him he has cheated in these states ( God knows why any one would want to go there when he is ) I am left sorting the young children holding the business together all while worrying of his safety he sometimes comes back but still drunk tries to kick in the front door resulting in neighbours calling the police, it’s awful I have people telling me I seen him today he is in a bad way if I go get him he ll only kick off and go back on it till he decides he has done enough, he comes off with sweats shakes throwing up constantly hiccups his good looks are being damaged I can’t imagine how his insides look he thinks he is invincible, I do believe he doesn’t want to do this but he can’t stop right now he is currently at his mums in bed trying to heal this was sat last weekend we went to a BBQ it’s now Friday and that hads been a non stop drink since he sometimes can have a few and leave it but it always gets hold after a while I know the sorry speech like its a recording I know the pattern I live with anxiety at any event coming up if it s a nice day he ll say lets go to a pub garden for meal the kids can run about Xmas birthdays holidays he ruins them all binge drinking effects so many people’s lives not just the drinker it’s not just them who need help it’s hard to watch the person you love sucked away and be left with thee mess nightmare all while trying to stay strong and smile till the next time

  18. tony 8 November, 2014 at 5:20 am - Reply

    I went for a job interview in San Francisco, I hadn’t drunk for 3 weeks. I drank t much got into a fight I don’t even remember but I got bruised up and my whole body hurts. I spent all my money and don’t remember half the day. Thank god my phone service was disconnected that day otherwise I would have made calls to family members and made an ass out of myself. I remember punking some guys everywhere I Went. I just remember a dude with a barstole coming at me. I hope I didn’t hurt him, I am blessed he didn’t hurt me. I guess its no more drinking for me cause ever every time. I drink its progressively getting worse and I can’t remember anything except I loose my money jewelry watches and patience. I wake up the next day feeling like shit. I am done

    • mort 25 March, 2015 at 3:06 am - Reply

      I started heavy at 18 and did not quit until 43. I always new I was an alcoholic but people around me didn’t seem to think it was a problem. I was well liked. The main thing with me was I could drink a lot and never puke and rarely if ever got in trouble. Sure there was the DUIi in my 20’s and anxiety in my 30’s and depression all along the way but I never wanted to admit I needed to stop. Truth is I enjoyed the pitiful state of having to dig myself back up from a hard binge. Usually the binge had a few nights of parties with friends or a big night followed by an early golf day which then turned into drinking in the morning and really getting plowed. So yeah like everyone I would be good for a few weeks keep my drinking to the weekend stop after 5 or 6. Then my confidence was back and I was ready to drink heavy again. Chances are I might just start drinking my 10-15 on the weekends per night and hold myself up alright. Feeling shitty on Monday but able to work and get through until the weekend. Eventually though I was back to a hard binge in about 6-8 weeks. Somehow I always managed to keep down a good job and not f up other than beating myself up with depression and guilt. Those of you going through this, good luck! It took me 31 years to finally ask for help. And guess what it works if you want it too. Another thing. You need a significant other to keep you true and you will notice all those people that called you to drink and meet up for a drink stop calling. This at first seems hard but then you realize your true friends you talk to more now and life is meaningful. Believe me I’m just a good time guy who loves to laugh and hang out. You can stop… its exactly 1 year for me i did a rehab stint my own choice and i do no meetings or anything just decided enough is enough. Whatever your job is it is okay to get rehab help they have to give it to you and only 1 person will know why. No one can ask you about it it is all covered under FMLA. It is a medical condition. Do not be embarrassed and us alcoholics know we often have good intentions and do not mean to drink hard but the disease takes over. My last binge started as a normal Friday night and ended Monday morning. I was actually okay through Saturday but Sunday I started really early and I knew the alcohol was taking over but I didn’t care until finally on Monday I was like enough is enough. If you are reading this forum do it. I am happy now on meds for depression and do think about drinking but realize, now with a sober mind, its just stupid. You do not need it like your drunk mind thinks, and weekenders this is you too. After getting sober and a new perspective you will see the bad choices you made and more than anything the bad habits you started. With me I was always able to manage my drinking but when life got tough I was able too. You may not realize right now but alcohol eventually will get you. For me, I could have continued but I know I am way better and glad to be sober for a year.

  19. Anonymous 24 October, 2014 at 10:24 pm - Reply

    I am now 50 years old and still binge drink I want to stop and after every episode feel more ashamed I woke up this morning in the bed of my best friends date.now I feel worse than ever.i can’t just have a couple of drinks I always drink to excess.i only drink 3to4 times month utmost stop drinking is making me loud rude and promiscuous I want to stop altogether and value my self

  20. TD 14 September, 2014 at 3:09 am - Reply

    I’m either one of two ways: I work out 5+ days a week and get in great shape, or I drink 5+ days a week and completely reverse my progress. I mostly do drink out of boredom, however, and it’s difficult to get out of routines that you didn’t even realize you’ve created for yourself. I’m 30, single, and although I feel like I should be home after work and not going out unless its a weekend, I ruin my overall plan to become more responsible, to get in better shape. I’ve made it this far and refuse to throw away the rest of my days behind the label of a bottle. I have never reached an apex on how far I can push myself. And that’s not always a great thing. It gives me the blurred vision that I can always bounce back. But I’m tired of that. I never compare myself to anyone except myself (what I am doing vs what I could or used to do). So, good luck to all of you and remember the more positive you become, the more positive you will be.

    • Anonymous 16 March, 2015 at 9:20 pm - Reply

      I’m exactly the same way……thanks for posting this. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.

  21. Bec 19 August, 2014 at 4:32 am - Reply

    I always figured there was something off everytime I occasionally go out and drink; wrong people, bad day, didn’t eat enough etc etc so each time I say to myself I’ll have a good drinking night not drink too much then I do I get wasted make a fool out of myself. I’m a shy girl so I’ve always kind of used alcohol to boost confidence I’m now realizing it’s making me a pariah. I get all social then next thing you know i black out, hallucinate, drunk dial, pick a fight. It’s not always like this but for the most part it is. I don’t drink often just every few months. But I now have severe depression, anxiety which I believe is due to my binging. I’m scared I’ll make a fool out of myself daily and avoid friends, family, coworkers yet I never make a fool out of myself sober and I’m depressed because I’ve lost some friends due to bad nights out and I feel stupid and guilty. I’m a smart kind person I don’t know why I’ve let myself down and let alcohol run my life. I feel defective for not being able to control such a small stupid thing yet it’s causing so much chaos in my life. I hate hating myself, doubting if I’m a good person. I want to be a good friend, a good daughter and a good girlfriend not this sad lonely person I’ve let myself become all because I want to occasionally drink. I’m done I can’t live like this anymore.

    • tracy 25 May, 2015 at 9:54 pm - Reply

      I could have wrote this myself. ….This is exactly how I feel…I hope u have managed to find ur way misses

    • Jr 10 October, 2015 at 6:57 pm - Reply

      This is exactly my life – I don’t like it

    • Charliekerr 20 August, 2016 at 6:36 pm - Reply

      This I exactly like me! Lost friends for things I can’t even remember because I’m that drunk! After a night out I’m filled with anxiety and shame! It takes me about a week to feel better then I do it all again! I’m 36 year old female and it’s so boring, I must said I will quit about 100 times but I never do! It’s soul destroying tbh

  22. dont want my name here 18 August, 2014 at 1:42 pm - Reply

    I know i binge drink. Now its every night. 12 atleast only after 6pm… I have many family health issues from death , cancer , neglect and disabilities around me. I searched this page tonight while drunk knowing i need help, not to put blame on any one but myself for not being stronger. I always wake fine and there for everyone but myself! but feel ashamed 🙁 knowing u need help is a start i guess…..

  23. Sheila 22 June, 2014 at 10:24 pm - Reply

    I have just read a lot of letters on binge drinking. I’m lying in bed feeling so ill after yet! another binge, hate what I have become I live separate from my husband as he can not live with me, but we are still friends I have lost my home my car and I try to my children don’t want to be near me when I drink. My daughter is two years without a drink through attending utilities recovery I tried it and have drank again i will try AA again as God knows I can’t go on like this

    • Kevin 22 July, 2014 at 12:15 pm - Reply

      Sheila

      I have woke up in that familiar place, well Sunday morning, which is better known as utter despair.

      Another night ruined and another lot of recriminations. My own embarrassment and shame just adds to the mix.

      How many times now over a thirty year period? Maybe sixty as I must do this twice a year on average. I can’t drink sensibly at all. Does this mean I’m an alcoholic? Well if I’m not that what else can I be? A schizophrenic?

      I have to stop drinking. I must stop. But I’m lost as to how I do it!

  24. vieve 6 January, 2014 at 6:26 am - Reply

    Hi I am an alcoholic. For those of you who are unable to use or see AA as an option. I feel so much empathy. I do not think it is the only way but I know it works. You need a mind, body, and soul program or emotion, whatever floats your boat but you need people, literature and faith like a mofo. But that boat needs to float.
    I am a very successful person. I even wanted to be a successful drinker. By the grace of God I have not lost much. I thought I would lose my mind though. Made promises I could not keep to God.
    The gift and curse about being a binge drinker is I have not lost everything yet… not my license, not my will to live… I might have never lost it… that’s the thing about my illness it is conniving, egotistical, always on the lookout to prove itself, excuse itself- my mother died, its Friday, its new years, I’m alive.. not for long, I could have flown off a building into a pool if I thought it looked like fun, I was waking up in strange places, hungover every single time, in a fight with someone… I was even a carnivore at night while being a vegetarian at day… I know one thing I could not continue living the way I was… let’s ponder for a minute why its so important for us to continue drinking when only bad shit (pardon my French) happens…? Because we are so obsessed with drinking that we cannot imagine living without it. Its not really our fault, we are sick, like mentally ill…if you need to take your meds, take them, if
    someone wants to attack you for that, they’re
    probably jealous..whatever works for you-be true to
    yourself… our minds got us into this mess and it will keep us in this mess which is why believing that something other than yourself will keep you out of this mess will keep you out.
    I am so grateful to God I accepted I am an alcoholic because I am free. I don’t hurt myself or the ones I love. I consciously make decisions, that are good, because I’ve resigned alcohol so it is not dictating my life.
    Even if you don’t drink everyday, your mind will convince you that you need to drin soon or create a reason for doing so. Even if you don’t drink everyday, you
    live in a fog. You drink so much in one sitting it probably lasts you until the following occasion. So if you’re even questioning you have a problem, you probably do.
    Accept the most difficult and important part of yourself…you’re already on this site… you already know you have a problem, just listen to that little voice inside of you. It knows the truth. And the truth shall set you free.

    • Dani 12 January, 2014 at 1:04 pm - Reply

      UR response really resonated w/me. I’ve been struggling for yrs w/this issue: binge drinking ‘vs being an alcoholic. Over the yrs I have attended AA/NA meetings periodically, forced into several rehabs,(due to my profession as a Pharmacist), but never believed that I truly was an alcoholic or addict, even though I would introduce myself as such at these meetings. I always felt like a fraud when saying it. I am 47 now, & have been dealing w/ alcohol related issues dating back to my college days. It was never often, maybe once a month or so, but it was always the same>> drink to excess, get sick, have a hangover, & be done w/it, until the next time. But, of course I never considered myself as an alcoholic. There were no real consequences >> just getting sick,then laughing about it w/friends later. Ironically, I remember those days as the ‘good times!!’ In later yrs the consequences became much more severe, w/the loss of a life, leading to a 10yr prison sentence for me. But, apparently, I am not capable of learning from my past mistakes. I still have that urge to drink occasionaly, thinking, of course, this time it will be different. U know like I can control it & drink responsibly. Maybe I just wish so hard that I could, but in the past 3 days, once again I proved myself wrong!!! On Thursday night I shot a 1/2 of a 5th of tequila & y’day I finished off the rest of it. And YES I got terribly sick both times, but not only that, this is also affecting my fiancé of 3 yrs. He wants to believe in me, he wants to believe what I say, but right now I don’t even believe in me!! I’m in trouble & I need help, but as bad as he would like to help, he doesn’t understand this disease of addiction. Hell, I don’t even understand why I do it. Right now I’m feeling a lot of shame & guilt from the last 2 episodes, not to mention the numerous other times throughout our relationship. I certainly don’t want to hurt him or anyone else, but I just don’t know where to go or what to do from here………..

  25. Christopher 3 October, 2013 at 12:47 pm - Reply

    I’m not sure if i have a serious drink problem but i’m pretty sure that it effects my moods even when i’m not drinking.

    Since i was about 21 i started to drink every day, not like serious heavy stuff just maybe 3litres of cider but that’s still a lot. This mainly became a constant thing when my mum died and i would drink to feel normal, as if to make myself be like other people, do what normal people do.

    As a result of this i now suffer with acid reflux and have to live every day, if i drink fizzy stuff, with a bad cough and itchy throat at night.

    I must admit i have got better since i started to live with my girlfriend, i only drink 12 beers over the space of the weekend, so that’s 4 a day. Me and my girlfriend have this understanding both for my good and for hers that i am only allowed to drink on weekends or if she has to work late nights.

    The problem is that i think years of exposure to alcohol has kinda “fused” with the pain and loss of my mum and it makes me stubborn, paranoid, insecure and often short tempered. Heck i’m not ashamed to admit that my anger gets so bad that i sometimes get a god complex like “nothing dare f*ck with me!”

    However i NEVER even think about raising a hand to my girlfriend because, even if i’m drunk, my sense of morality is still stronger.

    Sometimes i think i want to stop completely but i’m afraid of what may happen, i’ve only been drinking, or had been drinking, that heavily for 5 years so is that like a majorly damaging to my health? Not asking for an excuse to keep drinking on borrowed time i’m just curious. As i said i never drank heavy stuff like vodka and such (i’m not a fan of spirits) but i did drink cider a LOT for 5 years, 3 litres every night. I’ve also noticed that it seems to make me lazy and not give crap about myself and i don’t want to be that person.

  26. Karl 12 July, 2013 at 2:29 pm - Reply

    I am just starting to attend AA meetings now. For about 15 years I have been binge drinking .It started when I was working , drinkinh all over the weekend and then over the last few years now I am not working ,for days on end. I start on cider then go onto bottles of vodka. I have woken up all over the Town I live,not recalling what I have done. I then go for up to 2 months without drinking and then through that same false sense of security it starts all over again . I have lost jobs, a lot of money and a lot of self respect with this behaviour. I know that I cannot have a social drink .If I drink this pattern occurs. So to me binge drinking is alcoholism. Anybody with any similar behaviour?

    • Larry 30 September, 2013 at 8:40 am - Reply

      Hi Karl , i am in similar boat, i have started drinking again after a long break from occasional binge drink. i dont get up in morning wanting a drink but im getting 4-8 cans in the evenings with a day or so break, and started going in pubs with good intentions but just keep drinking, got banned from one, insulted staff and regulars, then other day same pattern went in a pub for a couple 1pm , woke up 3am on my back in a park, spent all my money but thankfully had my bag with all my personal items with me. yes im not drinking throughout the day but i class myself an alcoholic and going to abstain from it again. Im attending ADAS alcohol counselling but i used to be a christian and gave up alcohol for 6years and must agree with Crystels comment God is forgiving to those who turn to him, the power of pray is life saver which i am turning back to, in pray God will give you the mental ability to sort it out, through the ransom sacrifice that his Son Jesus did for us.

      • Hassan 10 April, 2014 at 4:14 pm - Reply

        Your rite.. prayer is the answer and will defo help get this illness out of your life…

  27. ACT10Npack 7 May, 2013 at 7:25 am - Reply

    Where to begin. I start to drink when I was 21. Never drank before then and was somewhat force to drink with my friends when I start. Anyway, never had a problem in collage. I did get drunk many times when it was once in a wait thing. When I finish collage, I did drink at all. I was never a social person but I did had panic attack. First one was when I started to work. I went to the hospital for it. Had to stay there all night. Well 6 month later it happen again. My dad gave me alcohol to cool me done. Well I start to drink more often but I would have 4 beers and stop. 4 years later, a girl I know stop seeing me and then was when I starting to drink heavy at night 8 beers or more. Then a 3 months later I would go on 5 day binges. Would not stop until I could not drink anymore. Lasted 8 months, then I got a new job. I guess. Back but not enough to stop on Monday for work. Then I got a dui, was the worst thing but I still drank.

    been doing better now, I have not quit completely but I can get 2.5 months of sobriety time in. I try AA but don’t believe in higher power or God. Anyway, I’m hoping this is it. Trying to get myself straight and completely in to lifetime sobriety its hard but I just do this shit anymore.

    thanks

    • Mark 26 June, 2014 at 7:53 am - Reply

      ACT10Npack

      Your story resonated with me on many levels. I just started attending AA as a result of an ex-girlfriend who recently got back in touch and told me about her being 5 years sober… more on her in a moment.

      To provide background, I have held stable high paying positions and have never lost a position due to alcohol. Alcohol was always justified as my reward for working hard all week. I am single 42 with no kids so it wasn’t as though I was neglecting my family. I’m financially responsible and pay my bills but began viewing alcohol as my reward.

      Having had several DUI’s in the past, none of them ever had any impact…in my ignorance… in thinking I had a alcohol problem. It was a matter of bad luck and overzealous police wanting to generate revenue and were playing the odds pure and simple.

      I’ve never woke up craving a drink in my life nor had I hid alcohol around the house… the stereotypical tell tale signs of alcoholism. I think if I ever had that I would have joined AA the same day. The last thing I wanted to do was sit around an empty house and drink alone. I went to bars and pubs to meet people and alcohol took off the “edge” and lowered inhibitions to facilitate conversation easier.

      A few months before her contact, I woke up with a hangover after another meaningless heavy night of drinking. But – for the first time – this thought/voice rang out in my head, warning me of a very ominous event if I did not make a change to how I was living. Due to some recent personal misfortunes, I was drinking alcohol more frequently than in the past and the hangovers seemed to last for days. In retrospect, it was an attempt to quell the anger and sense of hopelessness I was feeling and provide a temporary escape. In fact, it was having the opposite effect from a standpoint of my personal behavior and disposition, behaving boorishly and vulgar, insulting and demeaning friends – displacing aggression against those who had done nothing to me.

      After the episode with the “voice”, I knew alcohol was the reason for the warning but I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Every drinking episode afterwards, I was fraught with guilt, anger and shame. I didn’t think about AA as a solution because my “understanding” of AA was that it was populated with born again holy rollers who were at some point unmanageable miscreants who couldn’t put a bottle down, the way a junkie couldn’t pass on a “fix”.

      But I was nearing the end of my emotional rope. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror and hated the overwhelming feeling of self-loathing that began to consistently permeate my thoughts.

      I responded to her email and asked her to call me. I asked her if she would be so kind as to chaperone me to a meeting. I had attended meetings years earlier as part of court-ordered counseling but I would walk in at the end, quickly get a signature and head out because I did not have a “problem”. But this time it was much different and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by not knowing what to do and when to do it at a meeting. She agreed and we went. While walking inside the first meeting, I was convinced I would say nothing and just listen. But as more and more people spoke, I found myself relating to parts of everyone’s story and quickly realized that my perception of AA could not have been more incorrect. The woman hosting the meeting in the subgroup knew it was my first meeting and was going to pass on me when asked to speak but I just started talking about my present state of mind and how I no longer wanted to feel this way. In the process of my 10 minute story, my hands started shaking, my eyes were welling up and my voice was breaking while talking. Inside my head, a voice was screaming, ” I thought you were not going to say anything!”. Yet I found myself unable to stop and continued. Once I was done, several members in the group were looking down at the table, averting my gaze because they, too, knew firsthand the emotional tsunami that accompanies the stark realization of brutal self-honesty.

      After the meeting that night, Her and I grabbed a bite and I went home. Waking the next morning, I felt such a welcome sense of emotional relief that I am unsure of how to put it into words…the rhetorical “weight of the world” lifted from one’s shoulders.

      I questioned for sometime whether “binge drinking” could be a form of alcoholism. Even now when googling the question, the mighty internet provides no clear answer and this forum is a page on search result. As of this writing, I have no clinical answer but I’m personally convinced that it is and the tenets of AA have been working for me. To your concern about the religion, I am non religious but a very wise gentleman at a meeting mentioned that he looked at the references in AA literature to God as an acronym…G.O.D. Group Of Drunks. The stories I hear from others, along with their coping strategies, highs and lows and feelings of accomplishment for taking back their lives serve to me the wisdom imparted by a god. And who knows, maybe he is speaking through them to reach me and others who have their doubts about Him.

      Sorry for being so long winded and hope it will allay some concerns for you regarding AA’s mission and focus.

      In any event, I hope you do find a solution to your problem.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

  28. Terri 27 August, 2012 at 9:51 pm - Reply

    Hi
    I’m really hoping someone can give us some advise I live in the uk and my brother-in-law is a binge drinker he does it fortnightly, he will start drinking the Friday night secretly and then won’t stop till Sunday night. He is the nicest man you can meet but lately when he drinks he’s started to talk quite nastily to my sister. When he sobers up on a Monday he can’t remember anything about what he has said or done, he’s losing his wife and now his 3 kids are saying they dont want anything to do with him, I really really want to help him but I just don’t know what to do as everyone has said they think he has gone beyond help

    • Gem 31 October, 2012 at 4:47 pm - Reply

      the only way you can help is if he accepts and admits he has a problem. That he believes he has a problem. Until then there is nothing you can do

  29. scott g 2 July, 2012 at 12:18 am - Reply

    I need help I go to meetings and so much drama, But I know it works living at home no money, job or car and I am 38 thats what alchohol has done to me.

  30. Ty 21 June, 2012 at 1:21 pm - Reply

    Saffy,
    I am a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. After a year of sobriety, I had to courage to see a doctor to figure out what was wrong with me. I worked through the fear of what I might find, and was diagnosed with being bi-polar. What I found was that it was absolutely no one’s business that I was bi-polar. My doctor treats that disorder, but AA helps me to treat my alcoholism. Before I became sober, I was a complete mess. I was a mean and neglectful mother, promiscuous, controlling, manipulative, and in a great deal of pain, and full of shame. I felt worthless and just wanted to die. When I walked into that first AA meeting, it was the first time I felt welcome, it gave me hope. Meetings are an essential part of my recovery. I don’t have to share. Just listening has helped me to learn more about myself and my addiction to alcohol. I realized that if alcohol was the cause of my destruction, then a life without alcohol could possibly mean the opposite. I wanted a different life, and now, I have one. I’ve worked hard to establish a better relationship with my children, I am an upstanding citizen, and yes…I have forged a spirituality with the God of my understanding. AA is not a religion, it’s spiritual. Whether you are Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, agnostic, atheist, or something in between, you are the only one who can choose that for yourself. I am now 3 years sober. Through working the 12 steps, with the help of a sponsor, not only have I put the bottle down, but I am a better person. I am proud of the woman I have become. Good luck to you, my friend. I truly hope you find sobriety so that you can experience the joy, peace, and serenity that I never knew was even possible.

    • Anonymous 31 August, 2014 at 3:46 pm - Reply

      Good for you darling. It takes the first step and admiting you have a problem. I’ts great that your on your feet and sober.

  31. saffy 7 May, 2012 at 8:44 am - Reply

    I hope someone will help me. I live in the UK but am originally from the US. When I was 25 I joined AA for binge drinking and sobered up. Since then (Iam 55 now) I have been sober for periods of 2 years, 5 years, 8 years, and six months, six months, a year and so on. I had to stop going to AA meetings about 15 years ago because they were triggering for me as gossip from an AA meeting caused me to actually lose my job—my career—and ruined my reputation in the small town I live in. There was no choice of meetings. It was an unhealthy meeting and the gossip did me in. Against all the traditions but IT HAPPENED. Plus I don’t do the God-thing. And hate the righteousness and superiority of those who manage continuous sobriety. Also, they called me unclean when I took my medicines for bipolar, actually was told there is no such thing as bipolar and it was just another excuse to “use”. Rubbish—I have been diagnosed bipolar, with psychotic episodes of mania and depression, ever since I was a teenager. I have a severe case of bipolar which is controlled well with medicines. Also I have social anxiety disorder and it makes going to meetings, which are very social, too overstimulating and confusing for me. My psychiatrists also believe I was born with some form of autistic disorder and social situations are trying for me to say the least, though through use of medicines and/or alcohol I can manage better. People don’t normally tell that I’ve been drinking, I have a hollow leg.

    So how does a person handle it when almost ALL recovered addicts/alkies say, Go To A Meeting (12-step) as if that is the ONLY way to stay sober? It’s either AA, they say, or “jails, institutions or death”. Grim stuff indeed.

    Also, just for the record, I am a woman, 5’7, 200 lbs, and I eat before drinking. My most recent binge I drank 10 shots of vodka and did not throw up or black out. But could it have killed me? Is it in that range?

    Thank you if any one comments.

    • Crystal 18 September, 2012 at 9:57 pm - Reply

      I am so sorry for you. I am married to a binge drinker and it is very dificult watching someone you love destroy themself… I am also sorry you have been insulted by so called christians. God is love and unconditional love does not judge or boast. I am a Christian and beleive with all of my heart that the Lord can deliver you of your addiction. I am continually praying for my husband and strength to cope. I will also pray for you. Good luck and I hope for your deliverance or the ability tocope and put alcohol behind you.

  32. Ash Pryce 4 May, 2012 at 3:58 am - Reply

    Hi

    These comments have all been amazing and sadly I see myself in many of them. I wrote an article myself on just this topic, I want to share it as it sums me up and how I’m feeling/ coping. (I won’t post the address of the blog as don’t want to be seen as spamming. I just want to post what I had written.). So, here it is, I guess it’s the best way to sum me up. sadly I have fallen off the wagon again, within days of writing this actually. And also, thank you for everyones openess and honesty:

    The article was titled, “I have a problem”.

    When I turned 18 I said I didn’t want to drink. I hadn’t had more than a glass of wine at Christmas dinner at most. I wasn’t one of those kids that bought bottles of cider at 14 and sat drinking with friends. To be fair that might be more to the fact I had few people I would call a friend.

    When I turned 18 it was almost considered a thing to do to drink, I actually refused but a friend insisted on giving me a beer. It was awful. Hated it. Then a few months later I decided I wanted to see what being drunk was like. I was a pathetic lightweight- 1 Barcadi Breezer and two pints of beer and I was right royally fucked. I ran out of the bar pretending to be Superman and decided to lick the pavement. Not my best moment. But from then on I started drinking. Not much, once every couple of weeks, then that turned in to a 2 litre bottle of cider every Saturday night.

    When my nan died and I found myself living by myself this regular cider soon became cheap white cider because it got me pissed easily and was only £2 a bottle. This continued and soon became a two or three times a week habit. I would sometimes wait until my pay went in at midnight on a Thursday and then headed out to a late bar. When I was on job Seekers allowance I would go to the Spar at midnight to buy a bottle of Vodka- usually with a friend, at that stage I wouldn’t drink a spirit by myself. That’s what alcoholics do.

    Sometimes I’d get a box of wine and drink most of it in one night. I could, and can drink a lot. I can comfortably drink at least twice what my friends can. And some of them can drink well.

    I did think I had a problem once, I was losing time at work and eventually lost my job because of the amount of times I called in “sick”. I wasn’t always a nice drunk- never violent I must add. But verbally I could be insanely vicious. I never got a punch though. And I have had some amazing times whilst drunk- one memory involves me and a friend drinking whisky in a small pub in a village before deciding to try and walk the 40 miles form Leicester to Birmingham, across fields and through deserted woods. We called directory enquiries and asked for directions and stopped motorists to ask- pretending we were in the army and on manoeuvres. Also if it wasn’t for the Dutch courage the booze gave me in talking to women I would not be as – how to put this delicately? – “Experienced” as I am now. Drunk in moderation alcohol can be part of a fun night and healthy lifestyle.

    I moved to Scotland just over 5 years ago and moved in with my dad. He is an alcoholic. Been clean for a couple of years now and doing well. But sitting drinking with him some nights I was intrigued to find I could get rather close to matching him drink for drink. In the past few years I’ve tended to drink – get drunk really – twice a week on average. Previously it was two 2 litre bottles of regular cider twice a week (I haven’t touched the white stuff in years, well not with enough frequency to discuss it here.). So basically I was having around 15 pints of cider a week. Every week.

    Now as an aside I should say I don’t want to discuss the “21 Units Recommended Weekly Intake” because it’s flawed and only good as a scare tactic. One person could healthily drink 40 units, another struggle past 10. As a guideline it’s not bad, but as anything else it’s not worth considering.

    I can also quite easily put away a bottle of 40% spirit in one night, and since I have stopped drinking cider – on a low carb diet! – I have pretty much replaced the cider with spirits. Now that is not only damaging to my wallet but also substantially more alcohol than is in the cider. Looking at 30 units a bottle I can easily put up to 60 units a week away. And that’s not good in anybody’s book.

    A short while back I wrote a poem about my feelings of drink and my dad. I suppose here is a good a place as any to share it:

    “The kitchen’s in a mess again

    A dark and wretched stinking den

    12 litres of cider on the side

    All now empty

    Cleaning? Why try?

    Promises made. Promises broken.

    We’re out of electric. Cider or tokens

    There’s food in the fridge to last us a day.

    But payments at least a fortnight away.

    Begging and borrowing just to get drunk.

    Grammatically slurred, and breath of a skunk

    Missed opportunities and screw ups in life

    Wasted potential, and of course other people’s strife.

    Regrets and remorse. Swearing to stop.

    Tomorrow though, “promise”. Tonight just one more drop.

    Sausages. Pizza. Chips fried in fat.

    Too lazy to cook anything but crap.

    You see I live with my father. An alcoholic. A drunk most of his life.

    And it’s his kitchen. His regrets. His cider on the side.

    I look at the man on the sofa. The man I’ll grow to be.

    But with a heavy heart I look in the mirror, and realise that’s already me.”

    Now I don’t wake up craving alcohol. Never have. I never get withdrawals, and I never get the shakes. I don’t usually drink during the day and I don’t drink every day- I can’t actually. Two days in a row is too much to take. But any sensible person would say I’m drinking too much.

    As I mention earlier, this isn’t even the first time I’ve thought this. Years ago I was concerned about my drinking and made an attempt to control it. But failed. Since I started drinking 10 years ago I think the longest I have gone without a drink is 6 weeks- and that is because I had to. After a rather abusive phone call to my then partner I was ordered off the booze by her and lasted 6 weeks. Then I was back on it. Apart from that time the longest I have gone is a fortnight, that was recently. And that is where the link to my mental health comes in.

    I was off booze for a fortnight, and this coincided with me feeling fan-bloody-tastic. The best I’ve felt. My depression had lifted and I felt eager, energized and back to some semblance of my “old self”. I wasn’t sure at the time just what was having the effect- was it my new meds? Was it my new exercise regime? That I’d lost weight? Was it that I was drinking less? Was it all of the above?

    My meds are certainly helping, but being off the booze had a major effect that now I’m drinking again I have noticed a serious dip. And my paranoia is back (Not helped by the fact I’ve forgotten my meds these past few days).

    And also, I don’t like drunk me. He’s a prick. He’s amusing up to a certain stage, but then he becomes a bit of a dick. Demanding of more booze, banter becomes rude, a bit of a lecherous old git and generally not a very nice person. Not one I’d want to spend time with. But the most devastating thing has been the way it has affected my depressive mood.

    I’m almost feeling as if I’m back to square one. My mood is low, my fear of going out has returned. And I’ve done some really stupid things in the past week that I’m ashamed of. Some I’m not ashamed of, but would have happened with or without drink eventually anyway.

    I don’t say I’m an alcoholic. But I do say I have a problem. And this problem is having such a detrimental effect on my health that I need to address it now. But, I don’t know how. Social situations almost demand you drink and not drinking leads to all sorts of assumptions from others. I do have a problem but I don’t want people in the pub to think that! What I do know is I don’t like feeling like this, I see the affect it is having on my wallet, my social life, my friends and my mental health. I don’t like being like this, I don’t like drunk me. And at this stage, simply saying “cut down” won’t work. I can’t cut down. I can’t just decide to have one drink in a bar, I want another and another and another. For the sake of my mental health above all I need to stop. Do I need to stop forever? Maybe. Can I accept that I might have to stop forever? No. I can completely understand the alcoholic mantra of “I’m not going to drink TODAY”. Because admitting you might have a problem is hard. Seeing how it affects your mental health is distressing.

    So for my health, my sanity and my friends… I’m not going to drink today.

    Cheers

    Ash

    • Darren 20 September, 2016 at 4:54 am - Reply

      Ash. Respect what you wrote bro. I am the exact same, except my full family are nightmares. This is years old so don’t know if you will still see this but I have become such an aggressive thug on the booze and again it’s fucked me over. I was drinking as little as you back in the day but recently I’ve hIt a new low. On Friday there I bought two bottles of buckfast a bottle of sours, 12 cans of kopperberg and a little of vodka. Blanked out and as far as I know I caused a riot, knife marks in my wall, someone’s torn shirt, police at my door, and that’s just day one. On Saturday I drank three more bottles of buckfast and my so called family and friends came crawling out the woodwork. I’ve been saving up well for my son’s Christmas and birthday and they have bled me dry. All day Sunday and Monday I couldn’t move from my bed hasn’t ate from friday and due to a damaged kidney was urinating blood. Instead of stopping there today I bought 8 cans but could only manage four and now I’ve been up all night. I just want to dissappear into oblivion and one of my so called ponce friends lies in my living room I just want him to leave. I see your situation as different to mine but at the same time I can relate. I love being off the drink I feel so much happier but believe as I’m a peasant and don’t have the flashy big job that most people have on here I’m being let down, another alcohol statistic. Hope your doing better now bud all the best. I’m from glasgow btw. In Scotland kindness is a weakness and as a sensitive person I find it hard to deal with.

  33. time4Change 21 April, 2012 at 10:09 pm - Reply

    I’ve been drinking for to long. I don’t have time to tell my story right now.
    It is time for change. Today is day ONE, first day 1 in 24yrs. Pray for me.
    Ill try to check in everyday.
    T4C

  34. J 18 April, 2012 at 4:47 pm - Reply

    Oh man, I’ve been on this site 2 years ago vowing never to drink again and remember reading the stories and identifying with them. Now looking back, I wish I had managed to control it as I have since destroyed my life with things done whilst drinking. The “demon” in me recently came out again and worse than ever and now I’m losing my mind with stress of what will happen from the terrible things I have done and said . . .

  35. Tired 4 April, 2012 at 10:10 pm - Reply

    While I myself have kicked my binging just so easily I am having issues with my boyfriend. He drinks so much that he blacks out and is unable to speak. Its embarrassing but all of his friends get drunk so he does it too. All of these posts are the same as to what he is doing. Lets go out its Friday night and let gets so drunk I puke or pee the bed. I am sick of this and am no longer with him until he can prove to me that he wants to be a better healthier person who does not drink.

    I wish he could go out and have just a beer but he cannot moderate himself and that is where I see the issue. I have always been saying I am going to leave you if you don’t stop. First it was fights while he was black out drunk now its him getting sick and wetting the bed. I am over this and want him to change but that is exactly what I should not do. I need to look after myself first and remember what makes me happy. I am praying he will change his ways and prove to me he is able to better himself.

  36. Broken 24 March, 2012 at 4:24 pm - Reply

    I am a binge drinker. I recently got my first DUI (no accident – just shame, guilt and humilation) I think my DUI was a blessing in disguise because no one got hurt and now my secret is out to my family. Thank God I have an understanding, supportive family, without them I’d be lost.

    I would drink alone sometimes for the entire weekend. I would go weeks without drinking and sometimes have no trouble controlling how much I drank. Over the last 6 months my bingeing got much worse and I would fool myself into thinking that if I could control it last time I drank surely I could control it this time. 3 days after my DUI I admitted myself into an intensive outpatient program. I wanted to do this before my DUI but was too embarrassed to take that step.

    Please hear me when I say binge drinking will destroy your life – seek help NOW before you wind up in trouble like me. Never in a million years did I think I would get behind the wheel. I was able to control that even when completley hammered. I would hide in the house because I didn’t want anyone to see how drunk I was. I was able to realize I was drunk. My bingeing progressed to the point that I lost control of myself. I could have killed someone!

    Best of luck to you all.

  37. Ozzie 21 March, 2012 at 1:45 pm - Reply

    I have had a problem binge drinking for several years……thing with me is i just really like being drunk. its so much fun, but i know its a problem. I’ve been trying to quit without much success for the last year but i think i have beaten it now.

    Its one of those things where you just have to wait until the time is right. Personal circumstances, the way you feel, the time in your life are all factors. I seem to have hit the right time, which is why im finding that i can stop now.

  38. sid 21 March, 2012 at 12:27 am - Reply

    Reading these posting made me feel that I am readingv about my own drinking experiences of 12 years. I’m glad that I found you as I’m marking my first day back on the road to true happiness and being NORMAL again
    Thank you

  39. Leo 14 March, 2012 at 10:08 am - Reply

    I can feel this is a great and supportive site from everything that’s shared here.  I can relate to every single story.
    I’m 37. I started drinking daily when I was 28.  On good nights I drank 2 rounds, on party nights I couldn’t even remember.
    Stopped that 4 years ago.  Changed to just drinking once a week.  But each time I just couldn’t stop.  I empty those drinks like water.  And if the conversation was good, I could drink till dawn.
    Eventhough I’m just drinking once a week I’m now very sure I have a drinking problem.  Like many here I consciously told myself not to drink too much, and get home early. I’d promise my wife I’d be home after an hour or two, but nowadays she just gives up believing cos every time is the same. I’d turn up home totally wasted.
    Like another person above, I remember spoiling Xmas eve twice (2009 and 2010) cos although I didn’t get home late, somehow my wife and I would end up having an argument.  Didn’t happen last year and don’t hope for it to ever happen again.  I know the culprit is alcohol.
    Many times I’d injure myself cos I couldn’t walk straight. Like last night, I smashed the side of my face on the brick wall of the corridor.  I got some cuts on my knees and hands as well from goodness knows where…
    I’m still trying to piece back things that happened last night.  I had no idea how I got home each time I got drunk.
    I’d feel like crap the next day at work.  I’d be telling myself I will never drink again.  But it’s just unrealistic when all my fiends like to catch up over a glass or two.  Why is it that they can control it better? Is it about willpower or responsibility.  I’m guessing it’s more the latter.  My wife is very forgiving and that just makes me feel worse.
    Just hoping to get advice and hints thru this forum…

  40. Nick 29 February, 2012 at 9:00 pm - Reply

    So much content here is painful yet re-assuring to read.. I’ve tried to kid myself that my drinking is ok…doing the weekend binge is somehow ok and is something that I can cope with. Well, here’s the newsflash… as a 39 year old father of 2 young children I’m convinced that most of my issues are drinking related. I have a busy job, where I need to talk to groups of people and chair meetings etc, and I am increasingly concerned that my drinking is impacting my ability to do my job. Consequently, drinking is risking my family life too and everything I have, I lose my job the pressure will be immense, everything seems on such a knife edge these days – and – it seems so much worse after drinking, the anxiety, the sleep deprivation, low self confidence/esteem is frankly terrible, whilst not debilitating, its chipping away constantly, especially ahead of big events, work or social… so “unlike me” and this is always after a heavy w-end session…..well would you believe it!! Incidentally, I say heavy session – but here’s the thing, I call heavy a bottle of champagne or wine say + a few beers or say 6 to 8 beers. This, compared to my mates (most) is “lightweight”, hey I’m over that lable for sure, but its just always fascinated me that despite the differing size & shape of people there is such a wide range in tolerance, unfortunately my tolerance is comparatively low. The stag doo’s that I’ve feared because of how I know I’ll feel the day after (day 2 of often a 3 day doo), yet most of my mates seem hardly hung-over and gladly start consuming again, for me I’m wiped out, a nervy, para reck… mostly coping – putting up a front, hell, its like time stands still until you slowly come out of the H over later that day (2-3 day H overs aside for now!!). Anyway, at 39 yrs old – stag doos are a rare occurrence these days. What has compelled me to write this is that (for me) reading other peoples experience is cathartic. I arrived here (this site) as I have been feeling really anxious ahead of a meeting work this week, hardly sleeping and just building this up in my head, out of proportion – I only had to attend a 4hr mtg (too flipping long) and do a 20min update to 12 or so people (met only a few b4) but this seemed impossible to do, and guess what, the proceeding weekend I had a binge, a session where my family and my in laws were around, I drank fizz all afternoon and ended up out of it, playing tunes too loud, being outspoken, p**sing in the front garden (although only my family witnessed this event – better than the in laws!!) so the build up to the work thing has been horrendous, a backdrop of low self esteem, anx, and guilt – won’t get started on the whole guilt thing, too painful and complex for here, needless to say most of my guilt (and i guess its a sub conscious rage at myself) is drinking related/initiated….to finish this rather seemingly self obsessed (more guilt) rambling missive, I’d just like to say thanks to everyone on this site for helping me – by seeing myself in you – and this has made me realise I need to change my behavior – because the simple fact is I can’t handle my drink, no matter how much I like it at the time…what scares me as much is that I could be doing permanent damage to my brain. Take care.

  41. Victoria 25 February, 2012 at 6:10 pm - Reply

    Hi Everyone,

    I am glad to have found this site. Last night I attended my first AA meeting. I have to say i was difficult to stand in front of strangers and admit to the room and to myself that i’m an alcoholic. I am only 23, so because i’m so young i’ve been in denial about my binge drinking. Because I only drink on weekends, I, like others here, did not see my drinking as a problem. I become a completely different person and have concerned many people around me. I have ruined relationships more often than not from being physically and emotionally abusive. I have come home in cop cars, punched people in the face and have tried to kill myself while under the influence of alcohol. I have woke up in the mornings with no recollection of what happened the night before, just praying to god that I made it through the night and actually woke up. I have woken up in strange beds and I have cracked my head open. I have been binge drinking since I was 15 years old- making it 8 years total. It has ruined so many good things in my life and I want this to stop before it gets worse. I am a caring, loving person with so many positive things going on in my life. I am in my last year of University and I work for social services. I can’t afford to let alcohol destroy my life, and worry those close to me.

    We do have the power to change. We have the power to grow and learn from our mistakes. We have the power to forgive ourselves and the power to be strong.

  42. Scotty 20 February, 2012 at 8:20 am - Reply

    Hey, I’m a weekend worrior, or should I say was! I’ve completely quit drinking and have been sober for four months now. So for those of you that have just quit and are weary, don’t loose hope! I’m 28 years old now and have been going at it for the past ten or so years. For the past 4 years I would quit every January and go for a month or so without drinking, just so that I could prove to myself that I could do it, I guess. That would only lead to a much more violent bindge in the months to come. The one big reason for me giving it up all together was that I was starting to notice how much it was affecting my moods in my every day life, even during the week when I was sober. I too have had a history with depression and up until now it wasn’t a problem because it was subdued by the alcohol and when I wasn’t drunk I was just trying to get rid of a headache.
    Like I said earlier, it has been four months now, without even a drop. For those of you who are not religious this might seen like “hocus pocus” to you, but what really made this stick for me this time was making a pact with my God. I simply said “okay okay!!!! Fuck already… Enough is enough!!! You said I can do all things through you, who gives me strength! I’m not strong enough to do it on my own… I’ve tried and tried and yet still I stumble and fall flat on my face time and time again… I’m done with this shit! I don’t want it anymore! Some people might be able to just have one or two, but that’s not me! I’m 28 years old, I’ve done this two many times before, I know what works for me and what doesn’t! And alcohol doesn’t! (I do apologize for the language but I’m an oil patch worker and it sort of comes with the trade)
    As far as what you life is going to look like after you quit and where your friends are going to be… If they are friends worth keeping they will support you and not try to get you to just have one. I found it easier to just avoid going to pubs and places that you know are going to temp you. It will get easier going to those places after a couple of months once you’ve establish your new persona as the one who doesn’t drink;) What else??? Oh right after I quit drinking I did experience really high anxiety situations which were normally when I was surrounded by people in a social setting… This will also go away but it might be a good idea to ask your Dr. About adivan or something to help you cope just so that you aren’t so quickly discouraged.
    Before I go I’d really like to thank everyone that has left a comment on this website… You are all an inspiration to me and to everyone else for finding the courage to stand up fight for your self worth, self respect, and peace of mind knowing that your making the right decision! ( I hope that wasn’t to preachy for you guys, it was not my intent:) Goodnight!

  43. LostguyRichard 19 February, 2012 at 3:57 am - Reply

    My girlfriend of 9 years while heavily intoxicated from binge drinking has on more occasions then I care to remember physical abused me and more often verbally and mental abuses me. Every problem in our lives has come as a direct result of alcohol abuse, I gave her a ultimatum 3 days ago and said “its drinking or it’s me” she replied “but I like drinking” we both went silent for about 15 minutes she ended up walking out of the room I never got a responce or spoke of it again, it’s so hard to watch someone I love so f ***ing much do these f***ed up things to herself, is the constant pain worth it all? If she has a drink do I stick to my guns and end it? Even if I do leave her I don’t see much point in living myself, I don’t have a clue what to do anymore… Please Help.

    • Lee 20 March, 2012 at 3:32 pm - Reply

      Richard.
      My advice to you is to is to weigh the pros and cons then make the best decision for YOU. Put you FIRST, your needs, etc. it is going to be VERY HARD to leave a relationship bc you know how wonderful that person is when they are not drinking….but you can’t let that person determine your happiness. there is someone out there that is more compatible for you and will put you first. I hope this helps.

  44. stopitnow 17 February, 2012 at 12:55 pm - Reply

    Iam considering myself a binge alcoholic. Iam 25 years old male and started with the age of 15. Like other people here, i only used to drink on the weekends with friends. But when i drank, it was just extreme. Blackouts, feeling sick the other day, vomiting all day, bad hangovers etc. I live in Germany, a big problem here is, that binge drinking is considered normal and a “way to grow up”, all my friends used to drink. One day i was going to a concert, my friends were drinking again, but i just decided to stay sober that day. I have never felt so nice really, i woke up the other day early in the morning and felt like i have all the power in the world. Imagine i would have a “couple” of drinks that evening. I know how i would have felt. Iam now considering to quit for like 2 or 3 years, i could handle months of sobriety, but after that i was feeling the need to reward myself for that long period of no drinking. guess what hapened? these awful hangovers again, in periods of 2 to 3 weeks. When i used to drink,i was never able to continue drinking the next day though, i was feeling guilty of poisining my body again and again, but this guilt disappeared the week after. Iam now really sick of this, the last time i drank was 7 days ago. I dont want to drink again, never again, because there is no controlled consumption in my opinion. When i was young i didnot really care about my health and body, i really really regret that. I feel like i have already done too much harm to my body. Just recently i started to work out again, what a great feeling to do something for your health. I am now addicted to sports, but iam still afraid i will start binge drinking again. I dont want to. Iam afraid of destroying my body and iam afraid of dying (really).

    To all people who have the same problem: Keep your head up. Start to work out or any other sport and start to get addicted to good health. The human mind is so powerful, use it to your advantage.

  45. Nicole 17 February, 2012 at 7:08 am - Reply

    My fiance, like so many of you struggles with alcohol. For him, it is a cycle. He has recognised that there is a problem and feels terrible afterwards – he is normally depressed for at least a week and promises that he will never drink again.

    This promise is slowly forgotten over the following months and he starts again, with a few nights here and there – until he losses control and there is more regret and promises made …. We are getting married in 4 months and I need to break the cycle but I don’t know how.

    Most recently, he had an all night bender on a work trip and missed his flight home, almost missing my birthday in the process. It cost him almost $500 to get himself home, but its not even about that. I can feel us slipping back into this cycle of regret, remorse and depression.

    He is the most fantastic person to be with and I love him with all my heart, but alcohol turns him into another person – one that does not care about me or anything else, other than his next drink and it breaks my heart that alcohol does that to him.

    He goes to a place … and I cannot reach him.

    All I can say to all of you is to think of your loved ones x

    • Lee 20 March, 2012 at 3:46 pm - Reply

      Nicole, please let me know how you are doing. I am in a marriage like that…I noticed the abuse before we were married…i thought it would change. It just gets worse. We had a child…that did not stop it either. It is a cycle….there is always remorse, apologies, promises then he is amazing for a couple of weeks or even months..he is that person I fell in love with and still love..until he picks up that first drink.
      Please let me know how you are. I hope you and your fiancee are doing well.
      I can relate to your post on so many levels.

  46. emily28 13 February, 2012 at 1:40 pm - Reply

    Wow reading all the comments here is like listening to myself think! Oh Lord give me the strength i need to kick this awful habit….I dont know who this girl is that has been showing up whenever i get drunk and she always makes an appearance these days but I can say with all honesty that whoever she is, she aint me! She uses my body alright but I am not that person and I really have to take some drastic action before she ends up killing me 🙁 I am a quite, caring, loving mother. I drink when the stress gets too much and I need a release , it feels like the steam is coming out of my ears and I just need a drink. But I am going to have to find something else that can relieve this awful stress (which is caused by my tendency to over analyze everything and extreme paranoia). But what could it be I wonder? I dont know but I know that I need to stop before i end up hurting myself or others 🙁

  47. sarah 12 February, 2012 at 5:44 pm - Reply

    Never blogged before or done anything like this … So hope I am doing it right ha ha …. It is nice to see that I am not alone in this nightmare of binge drinking . I have tried to quit so many times but like many of you say its so hard bc I am very successful during the week and go months without not binging so therefore I have this dumb idea that I don’t have a problem but I do …. I catch myself getting anxious and buying beer …. Gotten to the point where I buy just two beers thinking if I do that that’s all I will drink but I catch myself going straight back to the store for more iand say screw it … I am a young beautiful woman with a lot of talent and love in my heart but this disease will ruin me … Not maybe ruin me it will ….. I have a problem …. When I binge I feel so ugly and I get so depressed and worthless ….. My father died from a drug overdose and I feel I have many of his genes and it is terrifying … My boyfriend broke up w me bc of all this … He is a ” normal ” drinker and DAMN I envy that ….. But I feel like all we do revolves around drinking ………its hard we are slowly getting back together and I can’t lose him this time or my battle w this disease. Any feedback or advice is greatly appreciated

    Holding on
    Sarah

    • loser 5 April, 2015 at 5:11 pm - Reply

      I there, it’s been awhile since this post, but I’m having a similar problem. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago from my binge drinking. I never knew I had a problem… I love him deeply and I hate that I did this to him and myself. He didn’t want anything to do with me. He replied to some texts but overall avoidsme cause well we are broken. How did you reconcile your relationship?

  48. sickofmyself 6 February, 2012 at 10:50 pm - Reply

    I’m 35 and have been binge drinking since the she of 13. Ive been sober for long periods of time but its always back n forth. I’ve had dui’s, fights, thrown out bars, slight my wrist and all types of dumb crap. I don’t know why my husband stays with me. He loves me to death and tries so hard to look out for me. Everytime I relapse he brings me soup and reassures me tht ill be ok. Just try harder. I’ve done so many dumb things I can’t recall them all. My family has a history of alcoholism. Im happy I found this site I’m going to start trying to search my emotions and figure out why I do this. I’m ready for a change.

  49. Scott 26 January, 2012 at 3:50 am - Reply

    Im only 15 and since about April last year I’ve been binge drinking pretty much every weekend and i have honestly lost a few really good friends because of it. My group of friends all drink so everything is alright and I can get away with being drunk but I know how bad It can get. I cannot just have one or two drinks. Ive
    Tried but I see everyone and I’m like I gotta have more. I have downed 10 shots of vodka in 1 minute and that clearly isn’t right or socially acceptatbale. People have seen me get drunk that don’t Really like drinking and I lost them as potential friends. The worst is when I black out which is probably 3 times a month? It’s the worst feeling in the morning and I usually have to appologize to someone. It honestly just isn’t worth it and my new years resolution along with my best friend is to cut back on binge drinking to only twice a month and so far it’s been working. I mean I miss the shit like hell, but I gotta start somewhere

  50. Chris 25 January, 2012 at 10:30 am - Reply

    I just turned 35 and just realized I have an issue with Alcohol, it took me 16 years to finally figure it out, 16 years. You would have thought I would have figured it out much earlier considering Alcoholism runs rapid in my family but I’m not your everyday six pack kind of guy, Im your every Friday and Saturday night “lets go get trashed” kind of guy. Every weekend for the past 16 years ! Think about that. How much money have I blown? Tens of thousands ! I had to lose EVERYTHING to finally figure it out. I quit roughly 7 months ago and all of the sudden…BAM, what the fudge was that? An emotion? An actuall feeling? I was overwhelmed with 16 years of repressed emotions, I started writing in a journal just because it was pooring out of me. I faced my fears and realized I was hiding from something, myself and my responsibilities. I never considered myself an Alcoholic until I quit and took a hard look at myself. Its been 7 months and Its still hard to say that “Alcoholic”. I have a “subtance abuse problem” just sounds so much easier, like maybe I can control it but the truth is, I cant. I still have a long way to go in my recovery but I’m actually looking forward to seeing what I’m capable of accomplishing now that I’m not fooling myself anymore. My priorities were screwed up along with my life but thats ok, I’m making changed today for a better future tomorrow. It feels good to be working on a good self-image once again. Good luck to everyone here. Chris 35 yr old /m

    • Dan 21 February, 2012 at 3:04 pm - Reply

      Chris

      Your posting could have come straight from myself. I always assumed if you are not reaching for a bottle of Vodka in the mornings you are fine. But like how you where I am a weekend drinker. I wouldnt even think or would want a drink during the week. But come the weekend or whenever a friend arranges a meet up it is always a 10 hour bender maybe more. I wish I could just have a few drinks then head home but its never the case. The hangovers are terrible now (im 33) and take days to get over. I get really down to the point where I am thinking such depressing things. I have been doing this 16 years straight. I can count on one hand how many weekends in that time I didnt drink to the point of a blackout. I realise now I do have a problem am willing and hoping to change. Hope your recovery is going well and the same to everyone else.

      Daniel

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