Am I an Alcoholic ?
Most people who are drinking too much, in whatever way, will occasionally ask themselves the question - am I an alcoholic?
It’s a scary question to ask yourself, but as with most things the answer will not be a black or white,
‘yes you’re an alcoholic’ or
‘no you’re not’,
but a shade of grey somewhere in between.
What sort of alcoholic are you?
Binge Drinker
- Irregular over-drinking,
- Monster hangovers,
- Doing embarrassing things you regret,
- Alienating your friends,
- Accidents,
- Days off work,
- Mood swings…
If this sounds like you, then get some help here.
Heavy Drinker
- Very difficult to have a day without alcohol,
- Can’t sleep without drink,
- Drinking alone,
- Guilt,
- Cravings,
- Can’t concentrate,
- Low energy,
- Depression…
Or if this sounds more like you, then contact us here.
Dependent Drinker
- Physical withdrawal,
- Drinking from early in the day, every day,
- Isolation,
- Poor health,
- Unstable work,
- Relationships failing,
- Feeling hopeless & ashamed…
If however, this is who you are, then to start with you’re going to need some medical help to detox your liver - go and see your Doctor, then get in touch with us.
You might be wondering, more simply, how can I stop drinking alcohol? But of course it’s never as simple as that. You’ll need plenty of support, and some clear goals, plus some in-depth understanding of how your own particular addiction works. That’s what online counselling will do for you. Try one session at least, and you’ll see how it can help.
If you do nothing about your problems, then nothing will change.
Hi everyone
I had my first non drinking day yesterday, and feel rotten beleive it or not I am an OAP and have a love affair with the vodka bottle, I am hoping I can go through today please pray for me
Thanks
Well Here I Sit At 8:10pm not having had a drink yet, I normally start around 7pm and continue until bedtime usually about 11-11:30pm.Something is telling me after drinking to a similar pattern for the last 15 years(i am now 31)that I ought to knock this drinking down or stop.I cant pinpoint or blame anything I just got into this habit and have not really considered it a problem,but the fact I now don’t feel I can go a day without Alcohol (always to excess) means I certainly do.I am confused as to whether I should stop altogether or gradually cut down,as I am worried about the dangers of just stopping.I know if I don’t drink I cant sleep,and my heart pounds too.I feel I need too replace my Drinking with something else but not sure what.I succeeded in giving up my 14 year 20-a-day smoking habit,so why am I finding Alcohol so much harder? Tonight I am thinking I will finish up the 6 Beers and half bottle of martini I have left and not buy no more,but I always keep buying more.I feel the Alcohol is starting to scramble my memory as I am so forgetful lately,and don’t feel much motivation or direction right now,and I feel stopping would give me clarity…but I am finding the first step tough going…I hope I can somehow find a way to change,and succeed like others have here on the site.
Hi everyone
Me again 2nd day without getting drunk first time in about eight years, cannot beleive I am doing it, Jay give it a go keep well
Thanks everyone.
Hi all.
Not sure if I have a problem but I am concerned if I carry on the way I am that I may soon enough. My girlfriend thinks I drink too much and I would have to agree if I am being honest. I am only 24 and have my own business and don’t have to work a great deal and enjoy a very active social life. I don’t ever crave a drink or feel I need to drink but whenever I end up going out with my friends from the golf or snooker club I always end up getting rotten. I will do stupid things totally out of character and forget large portions of the evening. The thing is though at the time it is so much fun and I really enjoy going out and socialising. I couldn’t think of not having that part of my life and want to get control over the states I get in as it can not be good for my helath and I don’t want to ever end up with a drink problem.
I did it again. Got totaly wasted and made a fool out of myself.
Saturday night we stayed up all night to watch the boxing then most people went home around 6.30. Instead I decided to drink right through and went to the pub at 11am. I managed to stay out till about 5pm but by then I had made a complete fool of myself and had a massive argument with my girlfriend and business partner. I also nearly had a fight with some idiot and sobbed my heart out…..how embarrasing. I really don’t remember much but just have vague memories and that horrible feeling, still have it now from not knowing what or who you have said what to. I feel so derpressed and embarrased right now!
Hi Guys,
It is with great respect I address you, you who go through hell, and still shoulder the courage to fight this terrible nightmare.
I am a musician by trade, and have been drinking too much for too many years. Vodka, by the bottle every night. I only drink when I get home in the evening, a time when I close the door, draw the curtains, and drink. It used to be nice, enjoyable, a time when I listened to music and pondered life. That has gradually changed into despair.
I am afraid, unable to control my life. Too many bottles have been consumed, and now I need to escape. My journey begins here. My first admission is here.
Stephen
I have a husband who is an alcoholic, but we are separated now. I have found it very difficult to live with nearly for 6 years now. At first it seem all ok at the time.. but over the years it got worst.. but worst in behavior wise. he is mainly angry most time, drinks alot if we had no money, he would borrow or get it of his mates up the road. he usually in a rage at times, when he is in a rage he hits hard with his fist or hand and slapping it across his head (if anyone seen the movie rainman.. in the bit when he become fearful of to fly and started hitting himself, this is exactly what my husband is like, he made a few committal suicidal attempt.. written a letter but i have kept it for any problems in future for reference. also he can not got without alcohol but can go without for half day if he has too. but he gets the withdrawal symptoms and it is terrible.. he then get drunk quick because to avoid his symptoms. threats kids, yells and scream and quite abusive and offensive,… outsider very nice and compassionate person!!!!
i drink too, but only 2 at the limits from time to time, i hate the drunkenness and i hate the smell when i get up in the morning when my husband is in bed!!! he would not get help and reckons he could do it on his own.
our relationship sours and now it is over he has a choice of his own!!, i felt a lot better and more free from this problem, though with his son who is 4 see;s him, but supervision.
he blames my eldest son who is 13 for our relationship problems and it hurts like hell.
so showing that not only an alcoholic can suffer, the kids, wife/husband can too and of course the whole family too.
I have been drinking for 8 years now moderately, then it gradually increased. Used to buy 4 cans of lager, drink 2 and my husband would have 2. Started increasing by saying to my husband that he could have 1 can and I’ll have 3. Increased to buying 8 cans because 4 wasn’t enough. This gradually increased and I started drinking all 8 cans. This week I drank 8 cans on Tuesday, 8 cans on Wednesday and 9 cans last night. Every morning I say “That’s it, I’m giving up”. Managed to go without drink for 3 days last week, 3 days the week before but the cravings are soooooo bad. I even convince myself I can have just a can a day (never). I am so unhappy with the drinking but I’m even worse when I’m not. I have now started to drink continuously and can’t wait to get home to open a can. I am also a gulper not a sipper. I carry the pint round and have started to notice I don’t even put the glass down in between gulps. That must sound awful, I know. I have two lovely children and a husband who tells me he loves me every day. He comments on my drinking often and now I’ve started to take the empty cans to work because I’m ashamed what he’ll say when he sees how much I’ve drunk. I’ve told him that I’m not drinking tomorrow as I’ve some cans indoors but am worried about the withdrawal symptoms. I will probably make an appointment with the doctor to see if there is any medication I can take to help me through.
By the way, it’s great reading this site and everybody’s comments. I have finally admitted I have an addiction and this is the first step forward. I shouldn’t be ashamed, I’m no different to a smoker, a gambler etc.
Hi, im hoping someone can give me some advice. My step sister and I are trying to get help at the moment for my Dad and her Mum. Her mum has admitted to having an addiction and has now been admitted to rehab. My dad on the other hand fails to see that he has a problem. He truely believes that he is not dependent on alcohol. How can I get him to see sense? Is there anything i can say or do? What helped all of you? Well done by the way! x
Why not pop over to the main alcohol forum - There are more people there all supporting each other, giving over personal experience, encouragment and a few laughs along theway.
You will find the link right oposite the paragraph on ‘heavy drinker’ at the top of this thread.
You have already met Anna - she posted earlier and she is a big daffodil (avatar) and a lovely one at that.
It would be lovely to see you there - we are all in the same boat. The main forum addresses every imaginable offshoot of drinking from how to say no at a party to depression and anxiety.
Good luck to all and your goals and hope to see you there.
Julie
x
i have been a dependant drinker for the last 7 years now. i am only 18, my girlfriend left me because of my drinking but i dont think i have a problem. i only drink 80 units a week thats not much is it
Hi,
I dont really know what to say, but this page has really touched me. I drink almost every day, I have found one bottle of wine or one six pack means i can still wake up and go to work. I may be in a bad mood, tired and have a headache, but a quick afternoon nap helps. I have even closed my office door a few times and slept under my desk. I used to drnk more, and find i still will if there is more in the house. i dont have any money, and would rather make sure i have enough for another six pack than pay the bills. For a long time I didnt think there was a problem, but my boyfriend is concerned and I have found i feel ashamed when i come home with a six pack, and we often fight about this. it’s too easy to lose control when i am drinking, and sometimes i think i belive something very strongly, only to wake up in the morning and regret what i have said. I dont drink if i have a hangover, or i try to but only manage a single beer before sleep. I tell myself each day that i dont need to drink and i wont buy any today, but find i cant NOT stop at the bottle-o on the way home. I even want a drink now, and the only reason i am not is because i am working tonight. have the day off tomorrow though, and am sure i will get some beer and sit on the couch all day. my boyfriend is out of town. yesterday i walked to the bottle-o at 10am to get a six pack. i dont have any real friends. i dont feel really good. dont know if i can stop though.
hi.i have never had a lot to do with drink or drinkers, i got involved with a policeman 3 years ago and over time had noticed that the wasnt one night when he didnt at least drink 8 cans of lager usually at home alone..he does go out at weekends and is always moaning about the pub calling time and has to be the last one at the bar.. over the last few weeks i have also noticed when i finishes a nightshift, he would drink at least 5 cans before going to bed at 7 in the morning. his mood swings are unbelievable and his behaviour towards me has been appaling. i have not brought up the drinking with him as to be honest i’m to scared to do so…as far as i know he has been drinking for 20 years and has lost a wife and daughter to this…but its strange because i have never seen this man DRUNK…please can someone tell me if he is an alcoholic?
Hi, it’s 5.41am and I can’t sleep as the wine (one whole bottle) I drank last night has left me feeling pretty rough. I’ve spent the last 2 hours reading comments on this website and I’m amazed there are so many of us. I absolutely have to stop drinking today (but even as I type this I wonder if it’s just wishful thinking). The catalyst for me has been my daughter, who at just 9 years old has told me she doesn’t like me drinking alcohol as it makes me angry! I am so ashamed. I’ve always been a drinker - from the age of 14. In fact, looking back I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to accept I am clearly an alcoholic, but I think the fact that I drink so much less than I did pre-motherhood helped me justify my behaviour. I began to wonder if I had a problem when someone asked if alcohol affected my life and relationships in any way - the answer was “In every way for as long as I can remember.” At New Year I started on a liver detox of milk thistle and dandelion tea and have to say am feeling much better - the heavy, solid feeling my liver had has gone (apart from when I drink, e.g. right now it feels like lead - the red wine!) The comments on this site have really given me hope that I can do this and never have to see the look of disappointment in my daughter’s eyes again. Last week I had 3 bottles of wine, so far this week one. With any luck it’ll be my last one.
Good look to all others who are struggling with alcohol dependency. We have to keep trying.
Hi everyone, I know i have a problem with drink. I dont drink every night but normally 3 or 4 times in a week. I drink untill there is nothing left or i black out. Whatever comes first. Drinking 2 bottles of wine is a normal thing for me. I Feel guilty the next day not to mention totally hungover. I want to stop and I can for a few days then i start to want to start drinking again. im gonna try from today one day at a time.
Helen
29th Jan,2009
Day one after many years of starting at 6pm or earlier! so far so good, just hope i can sleep. good luck everyone, this site has really helped me and passed the time where i would have been constantly thinking about pouring that first one!!
I’ve been drinking on a daily basis (but have a weird regiment, to make matters worse…and even more twisted)… only drink “my cocktail” during the evening hours…if i get home too early (hate that) I’m more inclined to start happy hour early….and then I have two. I actually schedule my day around my “cocktail”…what I’ll eat and when (too close to happy hour is no good…less initial buzz…aka/hiding.
I have a problem…I know this. Far worse than I dare to divulge here..so publicly…OH, trust me…it’s much, much worse….and not what u may think…much more deviant. I’ve indulged in these forbidden “maneuvers” for over 3+ yrs…and each “trip” is more daring…and not in a good way…I know how much is at stake….my freedom…my loved ones..my life..each time I leave, I’m praying that I make it back home… yeah, it’s gotten that bad. From the days of just hanging out and having the “night-out shooters”, to having one or two to “loosen up”….and later to needing it to define whoyou think you might be.
sad, sad shit..to watch what you know is wrong…and it’s you doing the wrong..to you.
Hi there,
I have just been to my first AA meeting, can’t belive I am an alcoholic but to be fair don’t know if I am, what I do know is I need to change my drinking ways…… and I don’t think it will be with AA, just been to the meeting and not my bag to be fair, its all a bit god is good for me, not saying he isn’t but I need to change me! Just orderd the Alan Carr book from Amamzon and looking forward to that arriving, I don’t drink 24/7 but drink most evenings when the 7month old twins are in bed and I have finished work etc…. I have a good career, great partner and all is great but I drink a lot of the time, a couple of beers and wine most nights but I have tried and am cutting down, quite a few days where I haven’t drunk in past few weeks, but I want it to be more than that, I owe it to me, my fiance and the future of my kids. So just wanted to say good luck to all in the same boat and well done to those who hasve succeeded, and thanks for any advice.
Cheers (joke).
my partner drinks 6 to 8 cans everysingle night and ive accepted it because what ever i say dosent work, he used to be very violent towards me but the voilence has stopped, to be honest i am confused about his habit, he dosent have hangovers and still goes to his work, do u think he has a problem?
Hi Rachel
Well I have a problem in the fact that I drank every night and I don’t know if I am an alcoholic or not, I don’t crave the drink and to be fair have quite a positive mind set in respect to cutting down dramatically if not totally, I don’t think its going to do ant harm for a while anyway. I was very defensive to my drinking at home but it wasn’t until I read the posts on this site that I thought, hang about hear. My fiance, who I love is not happy with parts of our life together, don’t get me wrong she has her faults, nobodies perfect, and it is because I drink regularly at home!! We have argued about it and I would turn round and tell her her problems in defense of my own. I owe it to myself to sort this out, my mother is an alcoholic and has tried many times to give up the booze, she is a secret drinker and I know what she can be like when she has had a drink and she thinks she is normal!! I don’t know where this journey will take me, fully off or not? But I will not be drinking like I did previously, becaus I did have a problem with regular drinking!!
Good luck and all the best, it must be difficult for you as I know how much I must have upset my partner - no more!!
hi thanks for your reply. i am confused about my situation, he used to be a major alcoholic where he was drinking all day and night, but now its just everynight,
he goes to his caravan after work and chills with his booze, ive accepted that he likes his own time at night, but because he works part time, he sleeps all day because hes up all night in the caravan.
it upsets me that he needs to go to bed so late and sleeps most of the day away, we have a child and a baby, when i take my child to school in the morning he gets agrivated when i ask if he can watch our baby till im back (because he is so tired) we are expecting another child and we r struggeling money wize as it is, i am quite laid back so i try not to let things get to me so much, i just take each day as it comes and i dont like confruntation, maybe its just better i have a moan on this.
well ive well and truely had enough, my partner came in at 2am, walked into the bedroom, switched the lights on and woke up our baby, our daughter was sleeping with me because shes got the flu and he was making out like i wasnt looking after her because she didnt have a cloth on her head
i spent all my time trying to cool her down and gave her paracetamol, she had finally settled and then my partner does that, whats worse is, my baby wouldnt go back to sleep so im now in the living room having a rant, and just finished arguing with my drunken partner whos now sleeping on the couch,
i told him its either the drink or us, and he said hes not giving up the drink and making out like im going to take his kids away, i would never stop him seeing the kids but i feel like im at a total loss. hes said some awful things too me but hes drunk so im letting them pass. he also tried to pick up our baby and i told him off because he was too drunk to hold him, its like talking to a brick wall, he dosent realise what hes doing, and i know he wont change. im pregnant and i feel so alone, i cant talk to anyone about my problems, i just feel so hopeless.he will never get help and i still love him, i dont want him to leave but i just wish he would stop drinking
Does anybody know how long and how much drink you would have to be on each day for the withdrawel symptoms to be fatal?
Thank you.
How do you get someone to reconise that they have a drink problem? And how can you get help on behalf of that person??
I have tried it all to the point where I am going to cut them off, but I think it will do more harm then good… this is my mum, I don’t want to turn my back on her but it hurts so badley to see what she is doing and I feel so helpless that I can’t make her happy enough to stop.
hi al, sorry to hear that, i live with my partner who drinks about 8 beers everynight, he used to be a full blown alcoholic but now he drinks at night only, i would say he is addicted to alcohol and to be honest, nothing i do or say seems to work. i wouldnt blame yourself for her addiction, you could maybe contact al anonnymous and speak to people who can maybe help. sorry i cant help more. hope your ok.
there is no way that any person can stop someone else drinking, only they can do that but first they have to notice the problem it usually needs to take them to the depths of helplessness and insanity before a heavy drinker would seek help serious help and for that i belive AA is the place, does this mean there alcoholic or just a heavy drinker is another question. i belive someone drinking heavy to blank out lifes shit can soon get lost in themselves getting more frustrated and angry how long this can go on for cant be said but when they do come to the jumping off place (big book quote) they need help fast, i have been studying my own use of alcohol for 3 years, am i alcoholic? thats the big question and because at my level (not a tramp on a park bench) it has to be self diagnosed, anyone who needs help try AA get your head clear, take from it what you need and try to diagnose yourself, not an easy task and you certainly wont find out overnight, some people go on untill they start losing things, a job, a wife, a driving licence, a house and so on, some people notice early on some have to lose everything thats just the way it is, good luck
Hallo everybody - Chris Happyhour here.
I have only just joined this site and am gradually moving around taking in the various posts, like the ones above.
I have done an introductory letter which, if you have read it, will give you an insight into my problem. I’ll give a potted version here so you don’t have to go hacking back through the site.
I am sixty five years old and have been a moderate to heavy drinker for the past forty five years. I have had periods of abstinence but not many, and, short lived (6 months max). My weekly consumption has been between sixty to one hundred and twenty units (reccomended maximum twenty eight units for a man). Drink has given me an irregular heartbeat (Arrithmia) and my weight instead of being about thirteen stone went to seventeen and a half stone. (seventy six kilos to one hundred and two kilos).
Due to a medical setback at the end of last year I managed to stop drinking completely and haven’t touched a drop up to and including today.
My problem. If a “Trigger” happens….a holiday, party, the wife goes away for a day or two to see her sister and I have a drink or three….WANGO! That’ll be me back up to 100 units a week!!
At the end of the day, my problem pales into insignificance compared to many of you good people above. Until joining this site I had no idea of the trials, tribulations, heartbreak and mental anguish so many people go through; not only on their own account but on behalf of partners and family.
What I hope to do with the rest of this message is to let you know some of the things I’ve learned over the years from friends, acquaintences and even one reformed Alcoholic. Weekly limits for Alcohol are 28 units for men and 21 for the ladies. Sorry girls, something to do with the fact that you’re not so big, fat and hairy!(thank god). One unit equals a half of beer, one small pub measure of spirits or one glass of wine allowing six glasses to a standard 75 cl bottle.Watch out for your cans of strong lager; you can be up to three units easily.
It is important to have two alcohol free days per week. It gives the liver a chance to detox. Don’t “blow” your allowance on one evening.
Eat a healthy diet and get into the habit of snacking on fruit.
When the dreaded time draws near, instead of opening the fridge, open the front door and go for a walk, a swim or a cycle ride. If you come home afterwards and have your “ration”, it will be far more enjoyable and after a few days you will notice an improvement in your general well being.
The person I know who is an alcoholic told me that, prior to putting himself into rehab, he had dented a bottle of vodka by ten o’clock(am) and then continued tippling through the day until bedtime at 10 /11 pm. He played tennis to a good club standard and held down a 9 to5 office job. Apparently, nobody noticed that he was under the influence of drink and thus he continued for a number of years.(Vodka incidentally is the “kindest” of the spirits.Drunk neat or with mixers it doesn’t give such bad hangovers (if at all) and isn’t usually smelt on the breath). Don’t pour that scotch down the sink….! Vodka will still get you,it’ll just be a bit “kinder”….?
On going into rehab, my friend awoke on the first morning whereupon a nurse put a cup of tea on his bedside table. He thought it a bit mean that the cup was only half full, until he tried to pick it up. His hand was shaking so badly he nearly spilled the lot before getting it to his mouth!! He had “the shakes” for over a week. This may answer your question Steve….my friend was given a large vodka twice a day for a week then once a day for another week and then “cold turkey” (dry). To have cut him off at day one would have been dangerous. Your liver is definitely the wonder organ of the body. It clears all the rubbish and impurities that enter our bodies by one means or another. By drinking too much, its like we face this person who we know to be a dear friend and then give him a punch on the nose and then the next day, then all night.. “you’re one of the dearest, hard working friends I have but I just cannot wait to beat you up!!”
Remember; Drink is a great deluder. It encourages you to do things you wouldn’t do if you were sober. You’ve only had a couple of pints. You feel relaxed and sharp and that you are extremely coherent. In fact you are just beginning to wobble and you’re talking a load of rubbish (too loudly).
Enough dear friends, I must go.
Any comments, good, bad or indifferent will be most welcome - fire away!!
May your corkscrews become your slaves and not your masters
Chris
Wow, I like the last post. How do I follow that. My problem is this; I love having lots of wine at night when kids are in bed putting the world to rights with my partner (he on red, I’m white). Over the course of evening we will drink one bottle each or even more. Wake up self loathing, sore, achy with the same vow of ‘no more, gonna change lifestyle’ gets to 7pm and he’s off up the off licence. We’re hopeless. Bad influence and its just a trap! If u read allan carr its true that I’m in the pitcher plant- I accept and know all of this so how do I stop!?? May take that herbal stuff cos I’ve tried willpower (last one day and feel virtuous then think I’ve earned myself a treat). Good luck everyone. We r not alone x
Rember that when the craving comes, try to observe it as a detached person.
Say to yourself “ok. here comes that craving hitting me like a wave and telling me all of these lies” i will watch it but I will not fall for it again.
Happy birthday!!!
Even just reading all the above posts has helped. I have finally had to admit that I have a binge drinking problem. I am just wasting a second day of a one week holiday with a hangover day. My time is so precious and I vowed that last night I would only have a couple of drinks with a friend, have an early night and go to the gym this morning. As usual I was unable to do this because after the first couple I am unable to stop. So I dragged myself out of bed at lunchtime, feeling wretched and wracked with guilt and have wasted another day. Will I have to get help or can I do something about this myself?
hi there
need some help really, is my fiancee an alcoholic? he drinks up to 8 cans of beer a night and sometimes becomes abusive towards me (verbally), he says he has not got a problem but I think he has x
can anyone help me?
Snap my partner is an alcholiic he drinks every night wine beer cider vodka whatever there is i was hitting it a bit hard too nothing like this tho and decided to stop after watching him sober, being nasty and abusive it was worse in the morning with his dreaded headache and another type of nasty blaming every one else including my children time comes when you have to realise you are not to blame but the drink and addiction either live with it or dont ideally dont this will not change until he decides he has the problem it is not you that is at fault drink and drugs bring nothing but grief dont let yourself be pulled into the rat race good luck to you all but remember there is more to life thank having a fix XX
These posts are really giving me strength - my heart goes out to these wonderful people. My main problem is the alcohol-anxiety spiral (posted yesterday in that section) but last night I resisted the cravings for the first time on a saturday night in years. This morning (sunday) I don’t feel as good as I should (anxiety twinges and still thick-headed) but I guess it takes time. Today I am focusing on activity - cut the grass, jobs around the house etc - I have to keep busy and avoid the thought process that says I have earned a reward for all that industry and open a bottle of wine!
I am not sure how many people stumble on this wonderful site but thats what i did. I can truly relate to all of the people who have posted here. I am on the verge of rehab but keep thinking do i really need to do this, for years now since my late teens i have been a binge drinker, thanks Fred (first post) if only i knew then what i know now? Maybe that still wouldnt have made any difference? my beautiful 9 year old is what is pushing me to sort this shit out, and the need to be the wonderful person i know i can be, please all you people up there please know that this is not the be all and end all there is always a place that is better. id love for some reason to just drop my guts and start from the beginning but my arm hurts already.
Bless you all
Chloë
xxxxx
These are inspiring comments, which are easy for me to absorb while drunk, but easy to forget when I wake up. I have sunk six high-alcohol cans of lager tonight. I’m currently signed off sick from a good job. I sunk into a state of horrid, hideous depression over a course of months. I’m 32, single, and no matter how hard I seem to work in my job, I seem to do little else than pay the bills, watch TV, sulk, cry and crave for the weekend when I can down vodka like an idiot until Sunday morning. My job has given me nightmares, yet I managed to be sober on weeknights. Now I’m signed off I’m just sinking beers like they are coke and staying in bed all day.
I am not what I would perceive as being an alcoholic, but I know I need some kind of help. Booze is scarily easy to cushion one’s self upon. I didn’t actually think I would take this path. I have sought psychiatric help for my depression, but my appointment isn’t until June 4. My family are supporting me and discouraging the alcohol, but then I just still go out and buy it, feel guilty for doing it, drink it, wake up at six pm, swear to my mother I haven’t been drinking, then just go and buy more when I can’t even afford it!
Yep, I’m quite definitely an alchy. Admittedly I binge at a lower level than I used to, but I can still peak at extortionate amounts. I can’t handle the depression and the guilt that comes with it, and yet, when the sun is out, the idea of cracking open a cold beer is almost too much to resist. It is a real tug of war between “sober me” and “drunk me” - They both want different things. I drink most nights, a night off is almost non existant.
So many times, whilst in the depressed aftermath of a session, with my kidneys hurting and the general FEAR that I get, I decide to quit. Give it a couple of days for me to feel better and I’m back on the bottle.
I’m sure that many years from now, Alcohol will be illegal, but at the moment, I need another way to curb this habit. The idea of going to an AA meet just makes me feel uncomfortable, just as DavidW said in Feb. So where will it end? I have a lovely young family, and I am literally pissing my life down the toilet.
OK, I was surfing for help in the form of a book or something and found this website. We all drink differently but in many ways are the same. I drink a half pint of vodka every night from about 4PM till dinner. Once I eat dinner, I no longer seem to need or want alcohol. But it’s that period between 4 and about 7, when I’m making dinner and getting the household squared away, including the kids who are teens, that I am powerless to go without. Or so it seems. My body is so used to this amount, that it doesn’t seem to get me terribly drunk and I function pretty efficiently despite my obvious problem. I also don’t feel terribly hungover in the AM but I do feel guilty and depressed about it every day. I don’t know whether a half pint of vodka per day is enough to produce withdrawl symptoms if I should manage to stop. Nobody knows that I do this. It is something I’ve managed to hide from everyone. In fact everyone thinks that I don’t consume any alcohol. Imagine that. Getting away with it only serves to enable me though, and I realize that this “controlled” process that has gone on for several years will likely worsen sooner or later. I can probably count on that. It helps just writing about it and today I am going to try to go without, one day at a time. I have read what some of you wrote and I am using it as my strength and support, knowing I am far from alone. Good luck to all of us.
Hi all. Its been very interesting reading. I am 36 single with two kids and havent had a drink today. Last drink was Saturday night when I drank over a 75cl bottle of vodka on my own. I appear to binge drink leaving 3-4 days without drinking in the middle and when I drink I can drink so much most men would be totally rat arsed long before me.I have abnormal liver results and I smoke like a chimney when I am drinking. I send people texts, everyone thinks I am a total loon, I have slept with people I dont fancy including women and I’m not even gay. I often cry for hours. I only drink when the kids are in bed, I am a single parent so they dont see what a total useless article I am. My hangovers are dreadful and I can get suicidal at times but mostly I am quite cheerful bubbly funny and even insightful - thats until I have that one drink that turns me into a vengeful horrible crying sad person who upsets people and is so vulnerable she is used by people. its awful. I hate myself most of the time. I can go a week without drinking, no physical withdrawal but I feel bored lonely and like I have nothing going on in my life. Such is the nature of the disease. I am also tired constantly and even when I sleep I dont feel I have had enough sleep. I have a skinny body and a huge stomach and I cringe when I think of all the things I have done when drunk. I’mgoing to make myself a nice hot chocolate in a minute and ignore the cravings for a drink as I have no money for fags and I cant face drinking without a ciggie. Most of the time I wish a bus would hit me but then I see how selfish I am as my kids love me. I am actually a very good mother, I take them out a lot and they are always clean have clean clothes eat healthy food etc but I wish things had turned out differently. I was in an abusive often violent relationship for 13 years but I cant use that as any excuse, i just always enjoyed a good drink. But now the party is over and I am the last sadarse to leave. Will just try one day at a time. Thanks all for listening, lots of love to you all. Sarah
Thanks for that honest post, Sarah, I can relate to that all too well.
I think that after drinking for so many years, my personality has become split in two, and sometimes the craving is to be that other person, with little inhibitions and a lot of confidence, but the more I drink, the more distorted and random and disgusting I get. I have noticed that my sober personality has become less confident and less interested in life. It really is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde scenario (which is no doubt the inspiration for the book).
I have been a chronic drinker for about three years. That’s drinking everyday, every second day, and or every third day. That’s pretty much my pattern. I use to drink once a week, and smoke only on the day I was drinking. Now, I smoke all the days that I am consuming alcohol. And, when I drink Vodka, or wine, I always black out. I usually wake up to a big mess in my kitchen, as I usually like to make a big meal during these black-outs. I constantly, have this fear, that I will burn myself, my two dogs and my house down. I don’t go out and drink in public any more, it’s to dangerous, with the black-outs and all.
Anyways, I just want to quit drinking. I am so far in debt because of this addiction. And, I don’t know how much longer my liver is going to sustain this abuse. “I use to control it, now it controls me”. I need help.
Just started browsing this site and it makes alot of sense to me. I have never sought help with AA for the fear of being labeled an alcoholic and a drunk. I went to one meeting got smoked out and they made jokes about how I sounded like a good alcoholic. I can’t handle being labeled “powerless” either. I’m not very religious and giving it up to a higher power just doesn’t do it for me. I do need help. My blackouts are becoming longer and my binges are so bad im missing multiple days of work and school. I am smarter than this it kills me that I feel so out of control. I’m glad I found this website. good luck to others seeking help.
i have been drinking for so long, i just hate the world and life and people, drinking for me is the only compromise for ending life, it allows me to be myself on not tolerate what i hate. the sober world is just jobs and wives and bills and crap, in that lovely drunk place i can believe in beyond all this transient stuff, but i know this ultimately will kill me, but i do not mind.