Am I an Alcoholic ?
Most people who are drinking too much, in whatever way, will occasionally ask themselves the question - am I an alcoholic?
It’s a scary question to ask yourself, but as with most things the answer will not be a black or white,
‘yes you’re an alcoholic’ or
‘no you’re not’,
but a shade of grey somewhere in between.
What sort of alcoholic are you?
Binge Drinker
- Irregular over-drinking,
- Monster hangovers,
- Doing embarrassing things you regret,
- Alienating your friends,
- Accidents,
- Days off work,
- Mood swings…
If this sounds like you, then get some help here.
Heavy Drinker
- Very difficult to have a day without alcohol,
- Can’t sleep without drink,
- Drinking alone,
- Guilt,
- Cravings,
- Can’t concentrate,
- Low energy,
- Depression…
Or if this sounds more like you, then contact us here.
Dependent Drinker
- Physical withdrawal,
- Drinking from early in the day, every day,
- Isolation,
- Poor health,
- Unstable work,
- Relationships failing,
- Feeling hopeless & ashamed…
If however, this is who you are, then to start with you’re going to need some medical help to detox your liver - go and see your Doctor, then get in touch with us.
You might be wondering, more simply, how can I stop drinking alcohol? But of course it’s never as simple as that. You’ll need plenty of support, and some clear goals, plus some in-depth understanding of how your own particular addiction works. That’s what online counselling will do for you. Try one session at least, and you’ll see how it can help.
If you do nothing about your problems, then nothing will change.
November 30th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
I drink 5 days out of the 7 in a week i find it a passion more than anything. what do you think?
December 27th, 2007 at 2:30 am
Hate to say it but you probably have a problem. Wanting to drink everyday or almost everyday is just not right. Are you okay? Are you upset or trying to cope with something that happened? I worry when people say that they drink everyday. If there is some underlying issue please seek help from a friend or loved one or even someone better suited to deal with things like a counsellor.
December 31st, 2007 at 4:47 am
i drink all the time, i cant sleep when iv had a drink
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
My partner drinks 3 or 4 cans of beer every night. He does not sleep well if he hasn’t had a drink. He has been a heavy binge drinker for periods of time since I have known him (over 20 years). If he goes out he has to drink, he cannot be the one who drives. He cannot have 1 or 2 drinks, he has to keep drinking the whole night and ends up slurring his words which is very embarrassing to me. The other night he went on a bender and came home and could not stand up. He said the next day he thinks he has a problem. His answer to this is that he won’t go on many nights out (once or twice a year only but then he will be exactly the same). But he has carried on drinking cans every night. He works nights sometimes and I am always relieved as he does not drink on those days/nights. Am I right to be worried or am I over-reacting?
January 9th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I do drink most evenings and it has now turned into me hiding it because it causes huge arguments with my partner. We moved together 3months ago properly - he does not really like me going out as when we were first dating I would cause huge scenes where I was really drunk, I have collapsed a few times where I have been so drunk and I have had to receive hospital treatment - one time which my boyfriend witnessed.
I can a have a few drinks sometimes and be ok but more times than not I can’t remember parts of the evening or even getting home or as I am not going out really anymore I drink when he is at work or in the evenings when he is playing the computer and hide it. I drink strong cider (diamond white) and have recently started drinking gin as apparently you cant smell the gin in gin and tonic. To be honest I like loads of strong spirits including JD and vodka. what ever size bottles I buy I hide and make sure I finish the lot - I am not always drunk out of head though infact sometimes you could not even tell I had had a drink.
I feel terrible today and have come on to this website as I am going to give up drinking as I know that I have a problem. I can not do moderation and have been drinking like this for years. I am ruining my relationship and proberly my chances of any kind of happiness. I am only 29 and I think part of this drinking started being more heavily when my Dad died 7 years ago. (he died because he was an alcoholic). You would think that seeing him and what alcohol did to him would of made me not turn out like this - But I have finally decided that I dont want to be anymore. I have done many embarrasing and terrible things whilst drinking.
All I want is to be happy again, have a loving relationship with my partner and hopefully a child
My boyfriend thinks I have huge problems and I am scared that I am going to fail and I am scared about not being able to drink anymore.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:41 am
I gave up drinking a year ago using a book by Allen Carr, Easyway to Control Alcohol. It was a revalation, and I feel like I have my life back after 20 years of being a heavy drinker. I used to drink most days, mostly to excess, but only at night after the kids were in bed, so always justified it, as I wasn’t going out anymore. I am 36, so began regularly drinking at 16 and ny 18 was drinking on my own if I wasn’t going to the pub. Allen Carr basically states that alcohol is just another drug, you just need to kick the habit.
Anyway, I have regained my health, my confidence, my happiness, my mind and my life. I feel like I have emerged from the fog I have been living in, and am so grateful for what I (and my partner) have done. I want to tell everyone the news but I sound like a religious zealot (I have not found religion by the way - in fact I have confirmed my atheism). The good news is that it is not a sacrifice to go without drink but you are sacrificing everything if you carry on!! Really.
I still have an occassional galss of bubbly on special occassions and know that the capacity to drink to excess is still with me, but now i control it, the alcohol - it doesn’t control me anymore. READ THE BOOK!!! Save your life!!!!
January 19th, 2008 at 6:20 am
i have lost my wife i crashed my car
February 1st, 2008 at 11:15 am
My heart really goes out to everyone who is struggling with alcohol. I have had a drink problem for many years, I did’t drink everyday or needed alchol in the mornings to get me through the day, my problem was that I always hid it from my husband and I never knew when to stop. It finally came to a head when I was caught drink driving for a second time and lost my licence for 3 years and admitted I needed help.
I have been sober now for 4 months now thanks to a wonderful drug called Antabuse. It isn’t a cure for my alcohol addiction and I am going to be on this for at least 12-18mths. I always thought that I could control my addiction by myself but I couldn’t, alcohol always won. All I can say to people out there if you honestly want to give up drinking and be free from the demons that alcohol gives then there is the help and advice, but you really want to have to give it up for good. My life is beginning to turn around and I am starting to like myself, its very hard but I am so focused that I want to beat this.
February 11th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Please help me…I am drunk right now and so sad, I want to quit drinking so badly but the cravings keep me coming back. I never used to be like this. I didn’t even start drinking until i was 21. I am now 28 and drinking every night. I have a great job and make good $$. Why do I need to drink? I can’t stand it anymore. I want to quit, but I fear a life without alcohol. How sad is that? I want to be the person I was before alcohol. The fact that I can type this paragraph without misspelling words after having nearly ten drinks is quite disturbing to me. BTW, I am an American and stumbled (in Internet terms) upon this site. I don’t drink during the day ever, but 10:00pm comes and all I can think about is drinking. I know this is a disease, partly genetic (family members were alcoholics) and partly behavioral. Can anyone point me in the right direction?
February 12th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Hey,it’s great that you acknowledge you might have a problem. I’ve been dealing with similar difficulties and so can understand where you are coming from. Try starting with some goals if you can - maybe just one day a week drink free and build it up from there.
I’ve been having counselling sessions through this site and it’s been fantastic. I would really recommend giving it a try.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I’ve come to a very scary realization reading this, well, guess I’ve known it for a while - but I think it’s time to quit. Heh, quite a story here; I’m an ex-1990s dot-com-boom kid… Well, in short; I retired at a very young age (24) and pretty much enjoyed life in a rockstar-like fashion since then…throwing lavish parties and drinking on a bi-daily basis which obviously resulted in my current problem - I can’t go a day without having at least three or four beers…or anything else for a matter of fact (It’s like being hungry, I just have to have a drink).
The problem is, I tried to cut down on my drinking but my friends are always around and regardless of my resolutions, I always end up with a drink in my hand… I know, I had a chat with someone the other day and she recommended that I get non-drinking friends…the problem with that argument; well, these are the guy who did the whole startup thing with me back in the day - so I can only guess that they’re going through the exact same thing… Oh, I also have this additional paroblem - I can’t stop. I have to drink “till I drop”…or until I’m seriously “not myself”…
Btw, thanks in advance for any advice you might have - I’m absolutely ready to change my lifestyle but understand, abstinence from alcohol won’t work socially for me…the last thing I need is for people to speculate about “my problem”.
February 16th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Hi Tara,
I havent had a drink almost 3 years….i grew up with a fabulous, loving mom, however when she drank it wasn’t good…..I did the drinking thru my late teens, twenties and thirties (40’s) I’m 46…probably alot…wine.. 3 - 4 x a week….most getting drunk ..at times to “wash” away problems….I never wanted my children to grow up with me drinking….I am a single Mom, I attend al-anon for that and my daughters father….addict, alcholic, not living together now….and he’s doing great!
Back to me….I just woke up one day and didn’t have the desire, craving or want to drink….at all since then….I akin? it to not wanting coffee anymore, or suger , or chocolate…..but AA calls me a “Dry Drunk”….not a really nice name I don’t think….but what is your opinion?
February 16th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Oh, if you didn’t get this part…I had become very high in my faith with God about a year before that……do you think God could have just known? I don’t know your faith….I have not had, wanted, craved, but have been around, of course had opporutnity to drink.
February 25th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Today is my 28th birthday. Many people make new year resolutions to do or not to do different things, I am making a resolution to make a change to my drinking habits before my 29th birthday. When I hear the word alcoholic I generally associated it with someone who drank all day every day who had not job and was in one word a “bum”. After reading a few things on this site I have realised that I probably have a binge drinking problem.
I have been drinking since I was 18, going out to pubs and clubs on weekends and get smashed with friends, waking up the next day not remembering too much from the night before and spending the day nursing a hangover. I would always say I was never going to drink again (or at least not that much), however a party or special event would come around again and I was back on the wagon.
I always thought that by the time I got to this age I might of grown out of the whole partying scene and gained some responsibility, I have recently got married and have a very loving husband who doesn’t drink that much and is generally responsible for looking after me when we attend events, I often wake up the next day feeling terrible and asking him to fill me in on the nights events. He doesn’t generally comment on my drinking however I can tell deep down he would like it if I didn’t drink so much.
My dad has a drinking problem and my mum eventually left him because he couldn’t go a day without having a drink, it controls his life, I look at him and know that I don’t want to be like that. I don’t drink every day or even every week, there are nights when I can got out and be the driver and still have a good night so I know deep down I can do it. I noticed another member suggested a book by Allen Carr to read, I’m going to read it and give it a go.
I’m not going to dwell on past events as I can’t change them, I’m looking forward!
February 25th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I went on an Allen Carr seminar this week-end i cannot speak highly enough of it. Is expensive (but not compared to the thousands I have wasted on booze over the years). But if you can’t afford the seminar the book is only about eight quid and you can probably borrow from your library for nothing. I promise you it is possible to quit booze, there was no bigger drinker than me. Prior to last year I probably averaged 12 cans a night of beer, sometimes with wine or cider for 12 or so years. I* had no will power whatsoever around drink & my weight ballooned to 20 stone. I could not imagine a day without booze. I read Allen Carr’s book last year and am now teatotal & know I will never touch another drop. (And no - I am not in AA nor have I found God). Last year my partner died as I was quitting the booze and if I wanted to I had the perfect excuse to go back to necking can after can during and after that nightmare but I didn’t.
All I am really saying is that no matter how impossible it feels right now it can be done.
Good luck
P
February 28th, 2008 at 9:08 am
To anyone out there who is genuine about reading the Allen Carr’s easy way to Control Alcohol, I have read the book and it really does open your eyes about alcohol. I am willing to send the book to you if it is going to help.
March 4th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Even putting these comment online is hard for me. I felt I was happy to admit I had a problem to myself, but actually admitting it to other people is a whole other story. Yes, I have a drinking problem and I am getting control of this. I’m tired, I”m stressed, I need a drink! sound familiar? This is me at the end of every day. There has to be a better way. I can come up with all sorts of reasons that blame other people as to why I have a drinking problem - isn’t that what a good addict does. But today, it stops with me. I have the problem, I also have the solution. Will consider the Allen Carr book, though I am in Australia so need to see if it is available here. Thanks for giving me a starting point.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
My partner is an alcoholic, i have tried to help him stop drinking if he
gets a problem his only way to cope with it is to drink. i find it very
difficult to cope with, he has been into hospital, he was having fits and
it is very scarey to see but as soon as he comes home he starts again.
There is no help, if he was a drug user he would get the help. they say
that he could go into a rehab but he can’t because he has mental health
problems, so all people like us don’t get the help we need. all i can say is
there is a bg problem and there is no help.
March 7th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Hi Gillian,
I myself am a recovering alcoholic, I have been sober now for nearly six months now. I used to feel that there was no help out there until seven months ago I went to my GP because I had been on a real bender, my husband left me and my daughter ending up going to stay with her grandparents and I lost my job and I was rock bottom, my GP put me in touch with a local Alcohol and Drug Misuse team. It took me some courage to go and even make an appointment to see someone, I am so glad I did, I have never looked back. After my bender I decided on the Sunday night that I was never going to drink ever again and that I really did need help. I have counselling every two weeks and I am also on a drug called Antabuse. This drug is not for everyone as you want to have to give up the demon drink for good before going on it. Drinking even a swig of alcohol on this can make to very very ill. So there is help out there but your husband has to want to help himself and admit he has a problem.
March 9th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Well done Jane - my story’s a bit like yours, though I never lost my family. I’m 53 and my alcoholism started in 2000 after yet another relationship breakup. I was lucky enough to go into rehab in 2005 and then again in 2006, but I picked up soon after I came out. I’d taken overdoses galore and in November 2006 I nearly suceeded. I hated myself, I was hurting all those that loved me and just couldn’t break the cycle. My head was in bits and I was frightened. However, I got a lucky break when I came out of hospital, I went to my doctor who picked up on something I had said and was referred to a specialist counsellor for issues relating to my childhood and teens. I had never spoken about these events to anyone and it was just amazing to get rid of it all. My perception of the events had become distorted and I had always blamed myself. I truly believe my counsellor saved my life. I have been clean for 16 months now, my confidence and self esteem is higher that it has ever been. I am now training to be a counsellor to work in the field of alcohol. We are not bad, nasty people, we just went a bit wrong on our journey through life. After so many relapses myself, I take my hat off to anyone who keeps trying to come off it an applaud those that manage it!
March 12th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
My dad was an alcoholic so I when I got married to a man who did not care much for drink I thought the nightmare was over. I just had to work on dealing with past hurts. Then, my husband starts to drink and worst: he after all quite enjoys it. Now I am contemplating divorce after trying to help the best I can and failing.
My dad already died at 64. I believe he’d still be here had it not been for the drink. My marriage is collapsing and, in a way, so am I.
I don’t believe alcoholics are bad people. My dad was a great person and fun to be around when he was drink free. Same with my husband.
It’s like I am living it all over again and I just can’t do this anymore. I spend my days wondering if the person who is coming home that day is the “nice” husband or the “nasty” husband.
I wish everyone all the very best. I used to be angry, now I just accept it’s his option…I don’t underestimate the grip addictions have on us, as I’ve abused tranquilisers during my teen years, but to all of you, don’t underestimate the power you have within you to change your lives when you’re ready.
March 20th, 2008 at 12:32 am
Hi! Suzannah
It was good to read your story even though you have been through a lot. In my euphoria of being sober for a while I had forgotten the pain that I caused the ones I loved. I know it’s easy to say, but I didn’t mean it. Drink became my ‘best friend’ at the expense of everything else. Sometimes, when things get really bad emotionally for me, I remember the times when I doused myself until I could sleep. Fortunately I now know that drinking never fixed things, it just obliterated it for a while then made them worse. I wouldn’t wish alcoholism on my worst enemy, nor on my worst enemy’s family. It’s good to hear the other side at times, puts the whole thing into prespecttive. I hope things turn out ok for you.
April 10th, 2008 at 1:38 am
I am only 17 and have been drinking for 3 or 4 years, back when i was younger it wasn’t much of a problem, i only used to drink at friends’ house every weekend but now i seem to be seeking alcohol every day, even now, on a wednesday i’ve had a fair bit to drink and it seems to take alot more to get me drunk. It just seems every day now that i get cravings, i don’t even have a bad life to be honest, nothing to dwell about. Anyone have any ideas?
April 10th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Hi Andrew,
I actually started drinking at 17 and it took a hold on my life. I am now 41 years old and it is only within the last six months that I have had actually been sober. I actually sought help far to late in my life. You are young and got your whole life ahead of you, admitting that you are drinking too much now is half the battle. If you want the help it is out there but you are the only one who can decide which road to take.
April 13th, 2008 at 12:34 am
cheers jane, but drunk again, only time i’m happy is when i’m drunk. I AM AN ABSOLUTE TWAT.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:13 am
I’m worried about my husband. He used to be a social drinker until he was laid off his job in the year 2000. He parties 4-5 days a week.. Someone is always coming by that drinks. Some consider him a fun guy when he’s had too much. I get the worst of him the following day when he isn’t very nice to me, he’s irritable and swearing. I also notice that he isn’t motivated like he used to be, and when he needs to make a decision about simple things, he gets all angry and stressed and seems unable to do it.
He told me he can’t quit drinking, so how can I help him without causing him to drink more?
April 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Hi Andrew,
What r u like, my heart goes out to you, I bet you don’t feel happy once the drink has worn off. I used to feel exactly the same as you when I had a drink, nothing could touch, hurt or harm me, I was on cloud nine. All I can say is drinking does not make u feel happy, it makes you worse. I drank because of my past, you have said your childhood was good and you have the rest of your life to look forward to. Just a word of advice, drinking can make you lose so much, I was extremely lucky (only just) my husband chose to stand by me and help me to become sober. My entire family very nearly turned their backs on me, including my daughter. I am still trying to gain their respect back and it is really hard. Don’t be an idiot like me and ruin your life, you can do it, have faith.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:44 am
Well, it’s weird. I never drink during the day, unless out for lunch, which is rare. But come the evening, we get home and open a bottle of wine. And every night we get through a bottle of wine each and then a vodka & coke nightcap or two. And it’s not like that makes us get violent or bounce off the walls or anything. Just a habit. Sometimes I might have one or two more because I’m a bit of an insomniac, and yes, if I do, I don’t feel quite so lively in the morning. How to break the habit when there’s two of you and you both do the same thing? And when it doesn’t really affect the rest of your life?
All comments welcome - any experience of taking anti-depressants and whether they do or don’t work with a regular alcohol ’schedule’?
May 25th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Hi to All who have commented here,
I am an alcoholic! Yes I can say this, even though I still believe I haven’t got a problem! What a contradiction!
you see I don’t drink all the time, I’m not even a social drinker! but when I have that one drink, that’s it, all control is lost, I tell myself one drink is not going to do any harm, wrong, it is the one drink that starts the cycle. I have been arrested for being drunk and disorderly a few times, you would have thought I would have learned a lesson, oh no not me, you see I tell myself I haven’t got a problem because I don’t drink every day, or night or even every week, I can go weeks without having a drink!
I don’t like the taste of the alcohol, but unfortunately it is the buzz I get from the alcohol, I don’t know why?
It has caused me untold problems, with my family and friends. I am not happy at the moment working in a job which is very stressful, this is when I seem to drink, I have had a few positions where I have drank to over come the stress and ended up causing more problems for myself and family!
You all here have been an inspiration for me, well done to the one’s who have abstained, and to the one’s who have admitted they have a problem, and to the one’s who have commented, and a great big well done to the one’s who want to help those who have the problem.
And to all of us in denial, these’s people have shown us there is hope, we have to take the first step. I have tried going to AA meetings, unfortunately I find them to be to much into religion, I do know that they have helped others in there way, but this was not for me. My first step will be to give up this job that I feel exacerbates my drinking and the next step is to go see my GP.
May 26th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Can someone define a problem, i know i have a what only can be called a dependency on the higher state of conciousness (bad spelling i apologise) that alcohol provides. a half bottle of whiskey and bottle of wine a day is that an issue, i never get drunk as thats not enough for me, had a terrible couple of months after losing a ‘man organ’ to a rare form of cancer. Basically can the human mind depend on a release as a temporary measure to escape the burdens bought down in every day life?
June 6th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
The human mind yearns for temporary exemption from the horrors of life and we all find it in different ways. The lucky find it in work or relationships or sport or achievements in other areas. The unlucky find it in addictive pursuits, usually,( tho’ not always ) involving drink or drugs.
Our fate as humanbeings is ultimately death, and we have, unlike non-sentient creatures, the cognitive ability to contemplate this and this can be so distressing that we turn to anything to remove the horror of that vision - if so afflicted.
The workaholic immerses him or herself in what appears to be a healthy outlet, dressed up and garnished with all the succulent trimmings and trappings of materialism, and escapes the kind of vitriol saved for the socially inept ( as alcoholics and druggies are labelled ).
We’re all living in denial to a certain extent. We may have the intellectual ability to contemplate our own death but how often do we do it or acknowledge it?
And how much easier is it to drown it with booze, or alter the picture with drugs?
And why does the goverment push it on us with such zeal and zest?
It’s ultimately up to us of course. Perhaps the only real choice we have left is how we die? Tho’ many out there know the joy of choosing, instead, how to live.
June 23rd, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Hi,
I have been sober now for nine months now and I began drinking to block out an abusive childhood, (which was no fault of my own so i am being told). I am nearly 42 years old now and my abuse began when I was 11. I kept my abuse a secret up until 16 years ago when I met my husband and the truth finally came out. I am now having counselling which I am finding very hard as I have to to back to that 11 year old little girl. To block my pain out over the years I drank myself into oblivion. I never thought in a million years that I could look back on my childhood and still be sober. The pain is still real but without the bottle. I have had alot of time to reflect on how I have hurt my family and what I put them through, that I find harder to deal with, I feel very guilty for that. I read a quote from someone on the site:
“Sometimes we lose sight of the things in life that mean so much to us, but accepting we are indeed in between is the key to recovery”
I lost sight of the love that my family has for me and how much they wanted to help me become a better person. You have to have the support from the people who love you most.
To anyone out there who wants to become sober and doesn’t know whether they can, you have to want to do it for yourself and not because someone is telling you to. If I can do it, then you can.
July 5th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I never realised until I met my very special American girlfriend (the American view of alcohol is so much more unforgiving than ours) that I really did have a problem.
The prospect of life without alcohol was in itself harrowing. Could drinking be any worse than not drinking? You bet it could. I remember my last drink at 10.00 p.m. on 6th January 2005 like it was yesterday; I put down the empty glass in the pub that night and I have not picked up since. What a step and now, what a joy!! 3 years on, life sober is so good and so much better than it was, and so much better that I could ever have envisaged when I was drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it will kill you - if you let it.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:57 am
I really need some quick answers, please. I am almost 29 years old and have been drinking pretty regularly since about 21 years old. I mainly drink wine. Usually for me, its not a getting drunk thing, but rather trying to cope with day to day stress of things in life. In many ways I have had a difficult life and I am assuming thats why I drink. I also feel like I could pretty easily stop, but then again, I have not yet. Usually when I drink I drink 2-3 glasses of wine and thats it. For me, that gets me somewhat relaxed but defiantly not drink. Last night although I had about two bottles of wine and yes that got me drunk, but I never had a blackout or did anything stupid. I have never had a blackout but with the few times I have gotten drunk I have done some stupid things to my wife. These were a long time ago and I don’t feel like those will ever happen again. I choose not to go to get fast-food because you cant get wine there. I choose to go to regular restaurants mainly to get wine. I drink nearly everyday mainly at night, but recently have started to drink in the afternoons as i own my own business and work from home and no one knows except my wife. I don’t really feel that my drinking now affects my family much at all or that my job is in jeopardy. I just want to know if I am considered an alcoholic. I really need someone’s honest opinion. I do feel like it would be hard for me to stop as it is something that I do enjoy alot and its something I can fall back on to relax and actually enjoy life. I feel like if I could find something else to take its place than I could very easily quit drinking, but then I would be dependant on that. Which would not accomplish much unless it is something positive. If I could get some advice I would greatly appreciate it. Do I need to seek help?
Thank you.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Well John, your here so I guess you know you have a problem. Certainly drinking in the afternoon highlights to me that you are treading a particularly dangerous path. I suggest stopping for a few days, it may be a wake up call, it has been for me.
I stopped 4 days ago:
Over the years I have progressed from a binge drinker (weekends only) to a heavy drinker (about 10-14 units per night). 4 days ago I decided enough is enough.
What has struck me has been the cravings and the withdrawal symptoms. I was not expecting any but I have sweats, headaches, mood swings and trouble sleeping. The cravings have been crazy, I never knew that there was so many TV adverts/posters etc (funny how you never notice them when drinking). Of course the only time I have trouble is at night when I used to drink.
Surprisingly my wife is not bothered with my drinking and she has offered little support (I have always drunk a similar amount in 7 years we have been together). In fact, she says she prefers it when I drink because we talk and I am far more relaxed. She thinks that I was uptight because of work, when secretly it was because I was counting down for the time for a drink, lol.
Of course, I could have carried on. I know that I was in relative control of my addiction. However, I have decided that I want to live without that feeling of wanting a drink. I know a lot of other people in my family walk a similar line, and that they are in control to a point.
Well, here comes the weekend. Time to grit my teeth between those hours of 8.00 - 10.00 pm!
July 15th, 2008 at 7:40 am
John, only you will know but the fact that you are here tells me that you suspect something. In the case of alcohol abuse, forewarned is most definitely forearmed.
Alcoholism is a creeping illness and when we start our drinking career we are blissfully unaware that we harbour the defective gene that leads to the nightmare.
You are young and appear wise enough to arrest the condition now. Try a few days without the wine and see how you feel. Normal people can do this with ease, alcoholics struggle because of the defective gene and the strength of their addiction.
Either way, not picking up, one day at a time, is achieveable by all - it’s just a little harder for alcoholics like me.
I wish you well.
July 17th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
I worked as a volunteer addiction counsellor for a couple of years and it never ceased to amaze me how people could be so clear about the extent of their problem and so ignorant as to what to do about it, but of course this is the insidious nature of the disease.
If cirrosis doesn’t get us denial will.
The social pressures are of course huge, in large part down to the 30billion a year turnover that the alcohol industry flourishes under, and the encouragement given to it by the government, who take a percentage much larger than the amount given back.
Denial is encouraged, and when people are down, depressed and frightened this leads to disastrous consequences.
There is so much hypocrisy and deciet in this modern material world, and the spiritual vacuum we’ve created has led to abuse on almost every level.
In keeping with almost everyone else on this site I applaud anyone and everyone who’s facing their problems and trying to do something about it and wish them unmitigated success and pray that one day the selfish atavistic money-grabbers will one day come to their senses and realise that harming others to profit themselves is short sighted and ultimately comes back to bite you.
Carl Rogers, any and/or all of his works/books, and M.Scott Peck ‘The road less travelled’ can help.
July 21st, 2008 at 8:13 am
I have decided to give up alcohol and have a lot in common
with everyone. I am an alcoholic and it is an addictive drug.
I have taken one day at a time. I intend to beat the addiction
Best off luck to everyone
teatotal Paul (i hope)
July 22nd, 2008 at 7:41 pm
i too am just starting to think about giving up drink as its destroying everyone around me as i get really aggressive.i blame everyone but myself.really hate being dependant on alcohol.lost loads of people in my life because of this and i dont want to lose anymore.must go to library for allen carr book
July 24th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Why is it that people can be so hurtful when it comes to somebody with an alcohol problem. I have been sober for eight months now and that for me feels really good. Each day my life has been getting better and even rosier, until Tuesday 22nd July. Went to work as normal and was asked by my manager if he could have a chat. Apparently two members of staff had made a statement to say that I smelt of alcohol on my shift (I am on Antabuse so if I had of been drinking I would have been really ill and not be able to stand up) I have now been suspended pending further investigation. I know that I am telling the truth but for some reason my manager thinks different. He stated to me that he understands alcoholism, what a load of rubbish. I am going to put a grievance in about my manager as I feel that he has handled this all wrong.
Any further advice would be really useful.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Firstly Jane, congratulations on 8 months sobriety!
These things are set to try us and these comments can only harm you if you let them. You didn’t drink and you sare proud of that. Maintain the moral high ground and go ahead with your grievance procedure if you believe that is the right course of action.
Good Luck!
July 30th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Jane,
Join a union NOW!
Then tackle your manager with a rep in tow.
This allegation can be slanderous and libellous and very damaging to your efforts to correct your life.
Make these pernicious trouble makers stand up and be counted the way that you’re doing.
Don’t let nasty prejudice deflect you from your purpose.
Get advice from the union and respond in a level headed informed view, but whatever you do don’t let these weasels de motivate you.
You’ve done brilliantly and are to be applauded, well done!
It could well be that there are people in the organisation that you work for who are terribly threatened by what you’ve managed to achieve. So threatened, in fact, that they need to sabotage your efforts to protect them from some unpalatable truths.
If you go back on the booze it’ll negate any efforts they have to make to do the same. This feels very like a defensive panic measure from someone who’s afraid of the subject, very possibly because they’re in deep themselves but can’t face up to it.
It’s a difficult place to be, as many people know.
I would suggest the union route and consideration of the possibility that this may be a cry for help from someone else with a problem. If not, it’s meddlesome and harmful gameplaying and with your track history almost certainly constitutes bullying and/or victimisation.
Whatever happens, let your manager know the lengths you’ve gone to to confront the problem areas in your life, and the unhelpful nature of these unprovable allegations. The uion will dispel them in an instant. there is no way of proving these allegations and as such they need to be dropped or proven, which they can’t.
I wish you continuing success in your efforts. Keep it up, as someone once said ‘ don’t let the bastards get you down!’
August 1st, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Sammy, thanks for the message and advice given. I have now joined a union and are going to take it from there. As regards to going back on the drink, I have thought about it thinking what is the point of being sober either way it gets me into trouble. I’ve got this far and there is no going back, that I am determined of. I have had to up my counselling sessions to make sure I stay on track. There is no way in this world he is going to win, I am going to fight this all the way. He just regards me as ‘once a drinker always a drinker’ looking for a way to get rid of me. I’m staying focused.
August 11th, 2008 at 3:16 am
My boyfriend is a binge drinker.He goes days, even months without drinking. He has lost his lisenses, and went to jail for 90 days. He is depressed, and spends days in bed. His mother tries to hide him out on the farm, with his problem. I have tried to help him, but I can’t. He is a wonderful person with a awful disease, and it is going to kill him. He blacks a lot now, he spend one night a couple weeks ago, on the river bank, drinking all night. He looses control of his body functions, kidneys and bowels. He tells me, he wants to die. I love him, and can’t leave him. I tell people when they way are you with him? I reply, would you leave you spouse if he had cancer? My life is a nightmare. But what can I do? He ask me not to give up on him. But he won’t get the help he needs. He his been drinking for over 35 years. What can I do??
August 17th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Hi Everyone,
I quit 18 months ago not of my own choice but because a Judge told me he thought it was a good idea. I just completed 1 year of Drug Court and it was that option or 4 months in jail. I lost my license and because of that I lost my home, career, self respect, friends, and basically everything I worked for 20 years since College. I had a great home on a Golf Course and all the nice things in life. I had a great career as a Network Designer based on Cisco technology. Now I live on my Moms couch and ride my bike to work as a meat clerk in a grocery store. I had a horrible childhood with my alcoholic father and a mother who worried and felt constant shame. My dad didn’t stay around long though but when he was there it was hell to pay and the neighborhood kids made fun of me all of the time because of all of the insanity at my house. I got beat up a lot because I couldn’t stand the constant name calling and I would try to stand up for myself. Alcohol killed my father when he was 46 and as a good son I went to bring his body home for the funeral. I remember going to his apartment and finding all of the bloody underware and sheets and just crying my eyes out. I was 26 at the time. I started drinking a lot after that experience . About 4 years after my Dad died I started to worry that I had a problem. I needed alcohol to sleep better and it worked. I got engaged to a wonderful girl and she had a great son and that is why I built my home. I never had a stable home growing up and we moved a lot. I put myself through College because I wanted a better life and didn’t want to struggle like my Mom did and I wanted to take care of her financially and I was able to. I girlfriend left me after 5 years and I tried to get sober after that but AA just didn’t seem like it made much sense to me. Nothing did at that point anyway.
I can tell you after all of that I actually for the first time in my life actually like myself. I have nothing of material value but I will get that back. I have myself and that is priceless. I workout again riding my bike about 40 miles a day to work and for exercise. I also eat well and watch my blood sugar. When I crave alcohol and it’s not very ofter it’s because I am usually hungry and my body is telling me that my blood sugar is low. That is the case for 95 % of all people with drinking problems trust me on that. I think of Alcohol now as a handicap that I can put myself through or just not do it. I had to attend AA meetings at part of Drug Court and for the first time I started to speak my mind. I don’t work the steps and I don’t have a sponsor because I choose not to. I use SMART Recovery as a tool and it’s a better choice for me. Here AA is full of Right Wing Christian freaks who think if I don’t but into their way of thinking I will die…LOL.
I went through the physical withdraw in a hospital and everyone who is physically addicted should consider doing that. After 5 months my sleep returned and I feel sane again. I can put my material life back together because I am not stressed out from all of the Alcohol and the resulting crap that comes with it. Quitting drinking will make it so you can get through the tough times because you will have your best weapon to do so. You will have the real you back.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Hi Everyone
I think my husband is an alcoholic although he does not agree with me. It started about 14 years ago before then he used to drink a weak beer 4 pint cans would last him 2 weeks.
His a motor mechanic [sorry if spelt wrong] he started to phone up & say he was working late, i obviously believed him. When this started to happen nearly every evening i wondered if he was actually working.
To find out that he was going in the pub after work every night was a shock, this caused several arguements to say the least.
Then i found out he was drinking 4-5 pints of stella a night & driving home i was disgusted, angry & upset.
I moved out of the bedroom i refused to share a bed with someone who chose beer over our marriage & i will not allow him to bring beer into the house, as i was not going to stand by & let him ruin his life, my life & his childrens life.
He cut himself off from all of us, he lies constantly about where he has been, he gets nasty & angry when i confront him about drinking.
He does nothing to help in the home, he comes home falls asleep then goes to bed.
We have no social life & do nothing together only food shopping.
He has put on 3 stone in weight, 4 years ago ago he was told to stop drinking due to health problems & to lose 2 stone in weight, but he ignored that advice & put on another stone instead.
It’s like living with a zombie he has no feelings he does not care what he says or to who or how hurt that other person is due to what he has said or done.
He has cut down the drinking,to 1-2 pints of stella 3-4 times a week, he said it’s hard he likes the taste but wont admit he has a problem.
He told me he will not drink for 1 month to see how he feels after 2 weeks he said his feeling a bit better, then it all goes to pot & his back in the pub & lieing about it.
I caught him in the pub the other night so i walked in & stayed there with him he had 1 pint of stella, then someone offered him another drink i said no his driving he thought about it for a few seconds then said yes i will have a half i was not happy about that.
I can tell when his been drinking he comes home & his face is bright red, & we end up in a row because he lies to me & tries to tell me his not had a drink then admits he did but says only one which i don’t believe.
His attitude towards his own family & outsiders is appauling his had rows at work with people, his rude, selfish, nasty, makes threats mostly to me, if looks could kill people would drop dead on the spot.
I have tried everything i can think off to make him see what he is doing to himself & his family. I’ve tried to explain he will end up with a stroke or heart attack or even worse could die. I’ve told him he could lose his licience which means he will lose his job. I’ve told him his daughter wants him around to walk her down the aisle when that day comes & not have to have her brother do it. I threatened him with divorce & also told him to move out if this is the road he chooses to be on as we are not watching it any more, but he wont go he just says that over the top.
I’ve been left in tears it hurts so much to see what he is doing to us all, & he just goes to bed.
He just cannot see there’s a problem as he has cut down the drinking in his opinion is he is not that bad his fine, although he admits his health is not good & his not happy with the way we are living, but for me & the family it’s a nightmare.
We never know what mood his going to be in, one day his polite & nice & another day we dare not speak to him.
When working if things don’t go as planned he gets very bad tempered & he throws things, if helping to repair our childrens cars he gets the hump with them for asking for help so now they try to avoid asking him for help. He loses tools ect & blames it on to someone else taking them without permision.
He cannot remember anything from when he was drinking every night.
I tell him something then a while later his asking me the same question.
This is not the person i married his changed so much he was funny, loveing, careing, thoughtful, we used to talk about everything share everything, spend time together, go out as a family & he was a very nice person.
I don’t know this person i’m married to now & i must admit i don’t like him.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
You need help from outside. The two of you clearly can’t work things out, and it would seem that your good intentions are falling on deaf ears.
It sounds like there’s something bothering your husband that he either can’t identify, or won’t.
Maybe a third party would see things the two of you are incapable of seeing, due to your close involvement with one another over the years, and the way that has of making us think the other person should be how we expect them to be.
It’s perfectly possible of course that you’ve just grown apart over the years, but that may be due to a lack of care in checking out how each other is on a daily basis.
Something’s wrong. Something’s not working. I know your husband is drinking more than he used to, ut there must be a reason, or reasons, for this.
Your local GP can put him in touch with a counselling service in the area that should be free, if he would agree to give it a try. He may be suprised at the difference that talking about how we feel, can make.
Whatever happens try to avoid writing him off and try to find out what it is that’s changed him from the person you knew to the person he is today.
I wish you every success, and hope that he’s a big enough man to accept you’re genuinely concerned and has enough decency left in him to respond by trying to let you into his world so you can understand what’s going on in his head these days. It really does sound like you need to pull together again, like you no doubt used to in the days when you were young and in love!
Sometimes we just grow disillussioned with life, and don’t know how to deal with it. A fresh perspective can sometimes put the hope back into our rather deflated lives and give us the lift we need to carry on, without the artificial drugs the goverment is happy for us to tap into to enrich the coffers of the treasury and the booze industry.
We all need to talk to each other far more than we do.
It can be a very cold impersonal ordeal to have to scratch out a living every day of the week, doing our best to provide for our family and ourselves and agaisnt that backdrop the chance to escape through the glass surrounded by others hellbent on feeling better about their little lot, is very often, too seductive to resist.
Talk it through with a third party present, maybe your local Doctor would be willing to have a word if you feel you’re not getting through? And as I said earlier, he will be able to give you details of groups in the area who can help if you’re willing to take it.
It sounds, from your husbands withdrawal from you all, as if he’s depressed about something. Maybe that would come out in a counselling session with the two of you and a counsellor present.
It could be he’s embarrassed to admit that something’s bothering him and he’s using booze to block it out, but it is amazing how facing our fears can often prove to be enough to start us on the path to recovery from the fear of them.
I wish you luck.
Refind the love.
September 6th, 2008 at 9:29 am
I drink at least 3 units every night. Approximately a litre of vodka and a few of glasses of wine every week (at least). I feel guilty everyday and say to myself on a morning ‘I am not going to have a drink tonight’ but I always do. I have a mother who has a drink dependancy, an alcoholic uncle and brothers who are heavy drinkers. Is alcoholism genetic? I am 35 and have been drinking since teenage years. First got legless at the age of 13! Am I an alcoholic! And has anyone got any suggestions about how to stop? Last night I drank a large vodka, large Bailelys and a bottle of wine (out for meal) therefore I have told myself I will not drink tonight but then I tell myself it’s Saturday…
September 22nd, 2008 at 11:21 am
hi
can u help me determin if i need help?
i am 26 female and i don’t drink or want a drink at all during the week or weekends. But when ever i go out to a party or night club i drink then and most of the time when i am out i drink a lot for a 5 foot girl who is 8 stone. i have had several large loss of memory. I have harmed my partener one and i have got so drunk that i cheated on my partener right in front of her. but on the other had i have gone out had a fab time and only had 2 manybe 3 drinks. so i can just be normal. i just go off the rails from time to time.
This is not good i know. but i don’t crave drink and i know i am stupid cause when i do go out i most of the time haven’t eaten which is a bad start to the night anyways.
so if you can tell me weather i am or arn’t a drunk I WOULD BE GREATFULL.
September 23rd, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Hazel and anyone else…Please get over to the forum and have a good read and look around. When you feel ready, please paste your details into the ‘new members’ thread. Take care, Anna.x
September 30th, 2008 at 4:06 am
I wish that all young people could read this page before their casual binge drinking becomes a problem in later life. That’s what has happened to me. I started drinking a few beers once a week with friends when I was 16 and I am now at the stage where it is a major struggle to prevent drinking at least seven pints a night either alone or with friends. I have tried to give up more times than I can remember, usually with my friends telling me I don’t have a problem. The irony is that I am secretely severly depressed, suicidal, self harming and havn’t done a decent days work in two years. All due to the drink. I have stomach bleeding and I fear that there is some other damage there too. I’m too frightened to go to the doc over it. I know what a doctor would say anyway. So tonight, I’ll run, eat lots of sugary foods and basically do anything to take my mind off it. It works, I just hope it works for more than the usual day or so. Great site
September 30th, 2008 at 11:18 am
To all out there who have concerns about their drinking.
Drinking to excess is a symptom of a greater malaise.
Alcohol is an inanimate object. It only has the power we give it.
We only give it power in order obscure something else, either because we are so afraid of dealing with the ‘other’ thing, or because we don’t even realise there is anything else in the background causing us such distress that we need our drug of choice to deaden the pain.
Giving up alcohol can leave us defenseless agaisnt the initial cause of our drinking, and that is often too painful and alarming to put up with, so we fall back on the booze again, mistakenly thinking it’s too powerful for us to resist.
It isn’t.
It’s the unconscious drive to escape pain that pushes us into it’s embrace.
Deal with the cause of the pain and we deal with the reason behind our drinking.
Self realisation can release us from the shackles but that’s often too much for us to accomplish on our own.
If anyone out there wants to know why they drink go to a counsellor and talk about it.
With their help you almost certainly will uncover the root cause behind your abusive relationship with alcohol, and once that’s been unearthed there will be ways of dealing with those causes.
In a lot of cases the mere realisation as to why something happens is enough to dispel the fear and superstition that grows up around it when it’s not understood, and that quite often is enough to take the danger away, and re-establish a healthy non-harmful relationship with it.
People have been doing this for ever, and will continue to do so.
It’s been done before and it’ll be done again.
The question is, which side of the equation do you want to find yourself on?
Good luck everybody, choose wisely.