Cutting Down or Giving Up Drinking
Do you need to give up drinking completely if you have a problem with alcohol? There are conflicting opinions on this. The AA approach says that abstinence is the only way that works for sure.
But being abstinent is no guarantee against a relapse, and some would say that it is just avoiding the problem, not dealing with it. So how about learning some new habits around alcohol instead – because you have learnt how you behave towards alcohol already, so surely those habits can be changed?
Giving up for a while could be a useful exercise though – it doesn’t have to be forever. In fact the thought of it being a lifetime commitment prevents some people from even contemplating a period of sobriety. Why not try a month of no drinking at all, just to see how it feels? Then if you can manage that ok, you can decide whether to keep going with it, or not, the choice is yours.
The difficulty with cutting down of course is that all your best intentions tend to dissolve after the first few drinks – so a self-imposed limit is easily ignored with a slightly inebriated justification (‘oh I’ll do it tomorrow instead’, ‘I had a really hard day today, I deserve another one’, ‘oh he’s opened another bottle, it would be rude of me to refuse’ etc.)
Delaying the time you allow yourself to start drinking is one way to make cutting down easier. If you have less time for drinking, then perhaps you’ll drink less quantity (that’s the theory). A drinking diary can also help you keep track of how much you’ve actually had over the week.
How much you drink also tends to be a product of how much alcohol you purchase. So one obvious step is to not buy quite so much. Make sure you don’t keep any drink in the house – just buy it as you need it. That way the choice to drink has to be a conscious decision. Don’t forget, for this to really work you’ll need your partner to agree on the plan, so they don’t buy any either, unless you both decide to.
There’s a third option too – a combination of cutting down and giving up – just staying sober for a day or two at a time every week. It’s better than nothing, and you’re getting used to dealing with life without drinking. Try and plan which days you’re going to do it in advance, and plan to do something else incompatible with drinking perhaps. But be careful of the trap of rewarding yourself for your two days of sobriety with, you guessed it, a binge!
im giving up for a year!
http://givingupdrinkingforayear.blogspot.com/
okay, for myself being an alcoholic, i dont drink at all. knowing that i dont know how long alcohol wants me to remain drinking if i pick up, or where i could end up is beyond me. my experience shows it could either go two ways, i may like it to much again or not/ i just don’t know and i truly don’t want to push fate.
up to now when i get the mental longing for alcohol, i stay with it until it passes. this is not easy but i do it and it can get easier. if you know you can get an infection if you scratch you self usually you dont and do something else instead of giving in. it was so very hard to just let this mental wanting of alcohol pass but my inner strength kicked in and brought me back to a clearer reality.
i myself dont like hearing the expression (just dont drink). the big question for me was (how do you do that)
So how DO you do that?
hey jinglebells,
thanks for asking.
in response to your question.
for myself i had to be shown by someone else. it would have to be another sober alcoholic who knew anything about the process because i knew absolutely nothing except i could not stop this suffering on my own.
the thought of stopping at that time was deeply frightening.
my boyfriend’s sponsor knew of a woman. got her number i talked to her on the phone first, to get familiar with me and find out if i was truly an alcoholic. then she had suggested that i go with her to a big book workshop she and another alcoholic had started so i went. i’ll tell you something i was hesitant but i went also wishing i was invisible.
but the core to recovery was working with her one on one reading the big book of alcoholics anonymous which had the necessary 12 steps to recover.
i needed power.
patricia
Whatever works works, right? I think that we do have to take note of what we can do – and what we cant do. I have been able at times to limit but only later to lose complete control and end up in rehab again. We humans seem to want to repeat things over and over. Maybe that is good, maybe bad? Check your own experience
I don’t drink but my husband does, he drinks beer but has about 8-12 a day (everyday) and i want to help him quit but he has every excuse in the book why he cant. he had a seizure last month and the doctors say it was an alcohol withdraw seizure, so when the nuerologist looked at his mri yesterday she said his brain was smaller then she had hoped and she feels that eventually it will lead to dementia. she told him he really needs to consider quitting drinking. my problem is how do i help him if he doesn’t want to try? after the seizure i got him to drink 8 a day which i know is very hard especially since he is 46 and has drank for 20+ years. can someone please help me help him? i don’t want anything to happen to him, i love him too much! Thanks
I feel for u Kim its true like she says, “…You can see that he really does love you with his better self” But we are not are better selves right now, we are in the sickness. But we wish to God we were cuz we hate seeing the pain that is our own our loved ones eyes. I pray for you. Thank you for loving an alcoholic is having a hard time loving themself, when guilt and shame are paramount we need luv to grab on to
i don’t think what this article is suggesting is possible, even though i wish it was. i even like to think 1 day that can be true. I can’t see that day right now
I don’t have the answer to solve this, just know how i feel when i cause some1 to suffer for loving me and i am causing their suffering. I wish you the best
Kim,
You sound very concerned – I understand. From what you have described, it does not seem like your husband will ever be able to drink safely again (ever!) So, you need to face the fact that he is killing himself (from what you have descibed he should be dead already) and if you don’t get real help you as well will not survive. Alcohol is killing him but alcohol is not his problem (other wise any time he has been seperated from it he should have gotten better, but it doesn’t seem like he has); so it is his “mind” that keeps taking him back to the drink that is the problem – he must get help with his mind. You as well ought to consider Alonon, or some type of services. But don’t give up hope! That is the worst thing that you could do for yourself. Have hope that you can stay strong through this, and, know that there are so many people and resources available today to help you. But Kim, you must be honest with yourself. If you want to help your husband, you need to makesure that you stay honest [no matter what!] And please, don’t feel alone, there are so many people around the world going through this very same incident right now and they will make it through and you will too.
Remember:
…no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be
overcome.
…These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every
girl who has an alcoholic husband.
…perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted
and exaggerated.
…You can see that he really does love you with his better self. Of course, there is such a thing as incompatibility, but in nearly every instance the alcoholic only seems to be unloving and inconsiderate; it is usually because he is warped and sickened that he says and does these appalling things.
…Don’t condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does.
He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you
can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is
very ill.
I had lost the link to this site, but, eventually someone was able to recall the site name.
I am considering my own past experiences with the bottle, and how it trained me in so many conditioned ways. I do give alcohol a percentage of credit (in my case and life), but only a small percentage. I have tried so many ways to drink less, or, more sanely – with no healthy overall results.
I’m not really old, but also, I am not that young either. If I were to even attempt those “cut down learn to drink” classes or groups I would really need to find how years of excessive and quite deadly amounts of liquor patterns nearly 98% of the time could be shown to be a possible reductible and productive %. How would I then become a small % ager? I tries all ways. Maybe some-things are best left as they were left. Why would I try again? To prove something? To Who?
And right there: The trying to prove — to me — to them — that has been my true problem the whole time. Trying to even prove to me that “I can do it.”
My life today is only a result. A result of the intention I make and the actions I take.
But, we are all not the same. And, this, for me, is my experience!
Please, if any one needs to chat, I would be glad to share stories of the “good” and of the “bad” with you. Maybe you may convince me different? Who know? I would always listen to anyone, but I may not believe you!
hi
i think drink problems creep up on you , you start as a teenager trying to be hard,then in your 20s you drink to forget what you did wrong in your teens and in your 30s to forget your 20s and so on and b4 you know it your an alcoholic.the only thing that even made me think i had a drink problem was shock ie chest pains fear of dieing etc before that i thought i was just having a good time although i still struggle with alcohol addiction i hope i have realized my mistakes in time and can live the rest of my life in sobriety good luck to you all i hope u manage to succeed where i cant seem to.
Hi
I think my problem is trying to prove to my friends and people around me that I’m cool and on top of my game. I just realised now that if a friend comes what ever time and offer me a drink, I can’t say no… It’s like I’m caught in this web where I can’t escape. I stay days o end without a drop of alcohol on my lips-then I’m broke ofcourse. My income don’t last to the next pay cheque.
I believe we can all beat this addiction if we try hard enough… We all deserve respect in our comunities and our life cycles…
I pray for you all, we’re in this together..
Eddie you kneed some sort of goul in life mate…I no you may have plenty any way but the goal i am talking about is a little white lie….You could tell your friends that you are doing a charity run for just make it up tell them its in 6 months time or wat ever and that you are in training with food and water and jogging ….I no maybe your like me some one that has never jogged in his life but i would have a crack at the london marathon now..
Do you know, I have been drinking for years, and it wasn’t until I watched a tv programme that I realised that the reason I do a lot of things, mainly not doing things, is because, it would make me ordinary. I have fought for years against this simple premise, but now I realise, I don’t garden, get married, have kids etc. because it would make me ordinary. It took years to get to the bottom of it, I kept saying why do I do this, whatever it is. I was never happy with being the same as everyone else, so I purposefully did the opposite. What an idiot!!!
Be different, do the things you want to do, but don’t kill yourself, because that is what will happen. The booze might not kill you, but a car accident, or you being distracted for a minute might.
I really don’t know where I am. I like a drink but I just tend to take it too far. I’d love to get back on an even keel here but I just don’t feel that total abstinense is the way forward. I went to AA and stayed dry for 10 months but a stressfull situation put me back on the drink 6 weeks ago and feeling that I had to deny that I was drinking again made it worse for me.
Hi folks. Love ur contributions. I’m a mess. I’ve relapsed so many times, in fact will rephrase have not drank for one whole day and feel top so start again the nxt. My vice is white wine and I’ve found tolerance is rising and takes more than one bottle to get me blott’od. I’m useless. Have been to al counselling and made me even worse! My partner thinks we need to cut down but I feel much stronger as its starting to affect my spelling and ability to remember wot I need to pack a bag for work. I feel I’m trapped as OH says ‘go on its okay to have cheeky one’ so I do; or I say it. We are bad influence and feel only way to stop is to break up. But we’re getting married this year and its all so very messy. Help. I love him but its killing me.
i was planning to do a detox with the r.s.u and was told to cut down by a can every other day and was told my next appointment would be in 3 weeks,so next time i see them i should be off it???????,i found this way to difficult,what does alcohol do to you once uve had a couple?..u want more.
but im doing ok now its my 15th day,its my 6th day out of hospital and the rest was on a hot muggy ward.(bad enough with sweating)
and aint it typical,beautiful weather in hospital and the day i leave it pees down with rain.
good luck to everyone.
Hi,
I have been drinking everyday now for about 8 years. 5/6 beers, a bottle of wine at least. Some days a big binge with 11 beers or 1 1/2 win or lots of Rum and coke and the beers.
I tend to eat tons of salted nuts with this drinking. I put on a lot of weight. My memory is terrible now. I used to be able to remember silly stuff like every character in the Simpsons, now I can’t remember much at all.
I recently cut down to every other day, or 3 times a week. That works I think for me at least. Try it.
I have now stopped completely nad I am not too sure for how long or if I intend to stop forever.
I know though that I choose not to drink moderately. I mean how nice to have 2 drinks at the end of the day and that’s it? But I ‘choose’ to drink more and that is why I am avoiding that route.
I think with all alcoholic problems there is always a psychological reason that needs addressing. Otherwise we stand still.
I think it helps to write this down.
I’ve always drank, my father and Stepfahter were alcoholics. I’ve seen enough of what alcohol can do to a person. I drink beer, sometimes 12 bottles a day, sometimes I start as soon as I wake up even before coffee. I still manage to hold down a very tough job, but I’m aware of the physical and emotional damage that I’m doing. Now in my 40’s i get the “night sweats” in the hotel before a meeting where I cut the consumption down. I gave up once for three months and had so much energy it was unbelievable. But as life took a downturn I went back to it. There must be something missing, but I don’t know what it is.
I HAVE FOUND A WAY OF CUTTING DOWN BY DRINKING 42 PROOF INSTEAD OF 80 PROOF. I MIX IT OF COURSE. I WANT TO STOP, BUT THIS HELPS ME TO KEEP MY DRINKING UNDER CONTROL.
Hi
from my last post ive messed up again
got back on the silly strong cider
but i have landed a job
not bad pay 2
i am going 2 do this just thought id let u all know
chat 2 me if u want
it may be good for me and who ever else wants to talk
baz
p.s
k cider is wrong
Hi, I’m a 39 yr-old male. Sitting here wondering whether I merely have a drinking problem, or whether I’m an alcoholic. Every few weeks, I go up to two or three days with no drink. However, during the last 3 months, I have been getting wasted at home about 4 out of seven nights. It now takes me about a third of a bottle of vodka to get moderately wasted, where you get that nice warm tranquil feeling. Getting wasted is now one of my favourite little treats. A bottle of Chivas recently lasted me three nights exactly. The booze is affecting my ability to wake up in the morning; to stay awake, and to do productive things. I find that I sleep in the afternoon and do idle rubbish like surf the net most of the day, and frankly, this drinking cr*p of mine is irritating me now. So here is MY little experiment: I am going to go without drink for 5 days initially, until weekend arrives. I will then bbq and have a no more than 3 beers, until the following weekend. I want to test whether I can really take matters in hand and revert to reasonable drinking patterns if I want to, or if the alcohol really does rule a person. PS: I stopped smoking three days ago with Allen Carrs’ book – happy about that. Anyway, wish me luck. I’ll report back.
Go for it!! Am on my 14th day!! V pleased with self but also remembering that 14 days out of 20 odd years is nothing!! I can’t revert to normal drinking patterns. I start off well bit after a few weeks it’s back to normal again! My first goal is 21 days, apparently the first and last weeks are the most difficult!
Keep at it!
Does anyone use this site anymore?
a number of people do the problem is you have to remember where you posted and go to that article try browsing some of the articles and you will see some good exchanges…
Hi Sarah,
I have just found this website and was unsure whether to leave a comment. Everyone seems very open and honest but I’m frankly just so scared about trying to do this on my own
Rachel, do not hesitate to share your thougts and feelings. At first I was only reading other people’s posts and felt slightly unconfrotable about
‘interrupting’ until finally also contributed my thoughts on some matters. It is good to know that there is a community of people ready to support you, share thoughts with. Im reading this site every day, browsing for new stories, people. I have not talked about my issues to any real people and having this safe place is just cool.