Cutting Down or Giving Up Drinking
Do you need to give up drinking completely if you have a problem with alcohol? There are conflicting opinions on this. The AA approach says that abstinence is the only way that works for sure.
But being abstinent is no guarantee against a relapse, and some would say that it is just avoiding the problem, not dealing with it. So how about learning some new habits around alcohol instead - because you have learnt how you behave towards alcohol already, so surely those habits can be changed?
Giving up for a while could be a useful exercise though - it doesn’t have to be forever. In fact the thought of it being a lifetime commitment prevents some people from even contemplating a period of sobriety. Why not try a month of no drinking at all, just to see how it feels? Then if you can manage that ok, you can decide whether to keep going with it, or not, the choice is yours.
The difficulty with cutting down of course is that all your best intentions tend to dissolve after the first few drinks - so a self-imposed limit is easily ignored with a slightly inebriated justification (’oh I’ll do it tomorrow instead’, ‘I had a really hard day today, I deserve another one’, ‘oh he’s opened another bottle, it would be rude of me to refuse’ etc.)
Delaying the time you allow yourself to start drinking is one way to make cutting down easier. If you have less time for drinking, then perhaps you’ll drink less quantity (that’s the theory). A drinking diary can also help you keep track of how much you’ve actually had over the week.
How much you drink also tends to be a product of how much alcohol you purchase. So one obvious step is to not buy quite so much. Make sure you don’t keep any drink in the house - just buy it as you need it. That way the choice to drink has to be a conscious decision. Don’t forget, for this to really work you’ll need your partner to agree on the plan, so they don’t buy any either, unless you both decide to.
There’s a third option too - a combination of cutting down and giving up - just staying sober for a day or two at a time every week. It’s better than nothing, and you’re getting used to dealing with life without drinking. Try and plan which days you’re going to do it in advance, and plan to do something else incompatible with drinking perhaps. But be careful of the trap of rewarding yourself for your two days of sobriety with, you guessed it, a binge!
December 9th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
im giving up for a year!
http://givingupdrinkingforayear.blogspot.com/
December 12th, 2008 at 4:20 am
okay, for myself being an alcoholic, i dont drink at all. knowing that i dont know how long alcohol wants me to remain drinking if i pick up, or where i could end up is beyond me. my experience shows it could either go two ways, i may like it to much again or not/ i just don’t know and i truly don’t want to push fate.
up to now when i get the mental longing for alcohol, i stay with it until it passes. this is not easy but i do it and it can get easier. if you know you can get an infection if you scratch you self usually you dont and do something else instead of giving in. it was so very hard to just let this mental wanting of alcohol pass but my inner strength kicked in and brought me back to a clearer reality.
i myself dont like hearing the expression (just dont drink). the big question for me was (how do you do that)
December 13th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
So how DO you do that?
December 15th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
hey jinglebells,
thanks for asking.
in response to your question.
for myself i had to be shown by someone else. it would have to be another sober alcoholic who knew anything about the process because i knew absolutely nothing except i could not stop this suffering on my own.
the thought of stopping at that time was deeply frightening.
my boyfriend’s sponsor knew of a woman. got her number i talked to her on the phone first, to get familiar with me and find out if i was truly an alcoholic. then she had suggested that i go with her to a big book workshop she and another alcoholic had started so i went. i’ll tell you something i was hesitant but i went also wishing i was invisible.
but the core to recovery was working with her one on one reading the big book of alcoholics anonymous which had the necessary 12 steps to recover.
i needed power.
patricia
December 16th, 2008 at 5:02 am
Whatever works works, right? I think that we do have to take note of what we can do - and what we cant do. I have been able at times to limit but only later to lose complete control and end up in rehab again. We humans seem to want to repeat things over and over. Maybe that is good, maybe bad? Check your own experience
December 17th, 2008 at 1:10 am
I don’t drink but my husband does, he drinks beer but has about 8-12 a day (everyday) and i want to help him quit but he has every excuse in the book why he cant. he had a seizure last month and the doctors say it was an alcohol withdraw seizure, so when the nuerologist looked at his mri yesterday she said his brain was smaller then she had hoped and she feels that eventually it will lead to dementia. she told him he really needs to consider quitting drinking. my problem is how do i help him if he doesn’t want to try? after the seizure i got him to drink 8 a day which i know is very hard especially since he is 46 and has drank for 20+ years. can someone please help me help him? i don’t want anything to happen to him, i love him too much! Thanks
December 19th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Kim,
You sound very concerned - I understand. From what you have described, it does not seem like your husband will ever be able to drink safely again (ever!) So, you need to face the fact that he is killing himself (from what you have descibed he should be dead already) and if you don’t get real help you as well will not survive. Alcohol is killing him but alcohol is not his problem (other wise any time he has been seperated from it he should have gotten better, but it doesn’t seem like he has); so it is his “mind” that keeps taking him back to the drink that is the problem - he must get help with his mind. You as well ought to consider Alonon, or some type of services. But don’t give up hope! That is the worst thing that you could do for yourself. Have hope that you can stay strong through this, and, know that there are so many people and resources available today to help you. But Kim, you must be honest with yourself. If you want to help your husband, you need to makesure that you stay honest [no matter what!] And please, don’t feel alone, there are so many people around the world going through this very same incident right now and they will make it through and you will too.
Remember:
…no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be
overcome.
…These are some of the questions which race through the mind of every
girl who has an alcoholic husband.
…perhaps your husband has been living in that strange world of alcoholism where everything is distorted
and exaggerated.
…You can see that he really does love you with his better self. Of course, there is such a thing as incompatibility, but in nearly every instance the alcoholic only seems to be unloving and inconsiderate; it is usually because he is warped and sickened that he says and does these appalling things.
…Don’t condemn your alcoholic husband no matter what he says or does.
He is just another very sick, unreasonable person. Treat him, when you
can, as though he had pneumonia. When he angers you, remember that he is
very ill.
December 22nd, 2008 at 10:17 am
I had lost the link to this site, but, eventually someone was able to recall the site name.
I am considering my own past experiences with the bottle, and how it trained me in so many conditioned ways. I do give alcohol a percentage of credit (in my case and life), but only a small percentage. I have tried so many ways to drink less, or, more sanely - with no healthy overall results.
I’m not really old, but also, I am not that young either. If I were to even attempt those “cut down learn to drink” classes or groups I would really need to find how years of excessive and quite deadly amounts of liquor patterns nearly 98% of the time could be shown to be a possible reductible and productive %. How would I then become a small % ager? I tries all ways. Maybe some-things are best left as they were left. Why would I try again? To prove something? To Who?
And right there: The trying to prove — to me — to them — that has been my true problem the whole time. Trying to even prove to me that “I can do it.”
My life today is only a result. A result of the intention I make and the actions I take.
But, we are all not the same. And, this, for me, is my experience!
Please, if any one needs to chat, I would be glad to share stories of the “good” and of the “bad” with you. Maybe you may convince me different? Who know? I would always listen to anyone, but I may not believe you!