Is Your Drinking Just a Habit?
Although it may seem like ‘just a habit’, you are making a choice to have a drink each and every time. That choice involves many components – your beliefs about alcohol and yourself, your thoughts (your inner dialogue), your feelings and your behaviour.
Your wish to not drink so much (because you can recognize the negative consequences) will translate into action depending on your motivations. Partly you are motivated to have a drink because its pleasurable, it helps you relax etc, and at the same time you’re motivated not to drink because you know about all those negative consequences. So you’re in a dilemma. The strength of your different motivations will determine how easy you find it to choose not to have a drink.
Lets take an example to illustrate this – there is something happening at work which you find very stressful, so you get home feeling frustrated and edgy. You believe the stress at work is not going away soon, and perhaps you also blame yourself for some aspect of the situation. You have a belief that you can’t handle this stress well naturally, and you believe that alcohol removes it very effectively. So you want a drink. But of course you know you shouldn’t, because you’ll be hungover again tomorrow, and that will leave you feeling worse. So your inner dialogue, your thoughts, might be something like – “well I haven’t had a drink for a couple of days, so I deserve it.” or – “I just don’t want to feel stressed like this, I want this feeling to stop NOW”.
However, emotional pain and difficult feelings are a part of life, there’s no escaping them, but alcohol deals with them so effectively, that its easy to develop a reliance on it to take away all your painful feelings. In order to cut down or stop drinking therefore, you have to accept that painful feelings must be dealt with sober, just as you are. You can deal with life, but you are choosing not to experience discomfort, because it can so easily be tranquillised with alcohol.
Its a common thing to drink because you feel “I can’t cope” – but what does that actually mean? Whatever is happening in our lives, however painful it is – we get through it, we survive, and that is coping. So the belief that we can’t cope makes us give up trying, give up hope. And again, alcohol is there to take away that hopeless feeling, to take us to that dream-world where things are fluffy and safe.
To get through life being generally sober, we have to accept that painful feelings can be handled naturally. Not rubbed out, but acknowledged, truly felt. You’re stressed? So see how it feels for it to just subside naturally with time. You feel bored? So just sit with that and examine what it really means to you. What could you actually do to remedy that feeling? Again, explore it and see what needs or thoughts are associated with the feeling. Then you might realise a different solution or two, whatever they might be.
Or perhaps you just don’t think you’re a particularly valuable person? Any mistake, any difficult situation can be attributed to your own failure or lack of some quality. Again, alcohol makes you feel good about yourself, temporarily anyway. And then it bites back with a vengeance. So to an extent, the solution might also be about healing that relationship with yourself. Your beliefs about yourself can often be a sort of self-constructed fiction. That constant inner commentator is so detached from the world, in many ways. So you may believe yourself to be inadequate because that’s how you’ve been affected by life, but of course its a subjective opinion, its not a fact, just a viewpoint.
The point here is to make yourself aware of the various elements that make up your drinking habits, then you can try to solve each part, rather than just relying on will power to not drink, which as you’ve probably discovered by now, isn’t that effective.
Tobin – This just doesn’t seem to be getting better. I always feel like I deserve to disconnect because I empty myself every day for everyone in my family. No one gives back. I have to ‘arm-wrestle’ everything. Well maybe – I know my husband is trying. I’ll stop here.
i am just in the process of starting therapy for my problem heather, your wording is like an echo that i feel everyday, my thoughts are with you and i hope things are getting easier for you now
xx
I love this article it is really speaking to me. I’m gonna bookmark and read it everyday if I have to. I need to learn to do that..that is the root of this. If I can conquer that then i can beat this demon off of me. It’s just a lie, a shortcut that will pull the rug out from under u, then u have to deal with that damage too
that picture of full wine glasses is killing me…which is amusing… it is equally heaven and hell… like a physical representation of what alcohol means to me, I see my own reaction to it, and it’s so telling
Hi I just logged on here I know my drinking is out of control but dont know how to stop. I drink every night after work one or two bottles of wine. Because I live alone no one knows this and I pretend not to see how many bottles I throw away a week. Any tips?
Hey kez
I’m just the same as you….I take the bottles to recycle round the corner rather in my box outside. I just bought some Kudzu I read about on this site and hope it will reduce the craving.
Hi… I have been drinking beer for many years..I am sick of it… I work, but sometimes I dont do my best work..My children know of my addiction as does my husband…it bothers the kids.. not so much my husband,, I actually think he likes it, because it makes me easier to control, because I am always feeling guilty…I was able to practically quit or slowed down substantially when I was on hormone replacement therapy, now that I am off it now for a few years, it is escalating . I am drinking more now, than in the past, usually every other day, and sometimes I dont skip a day… I drink after work,,,until bedtime,, I say I am going to fight the cravings, but they always win out.. any help will be appreciated, I do find that if I eat, it lessens the cravings, but sometimes I make my self not eat.
Becky, and others;
I think we are all in the same boat. I started with a new therapist yesterday, I hope he can help. I love beer, have for many, many years. Problem is, I drink too much of it, and, like you Becky, it at times replaces food. The new therapist thinks my problem may be genetic, perhaps, but I think there is more to it. If someone out there has had success, please share how you did it. I would like to some day be able to enjoy a beer, or a glass of wine without feeling the intense need to have more.
hi, my story is very closely related to pauls. i started around 15 and am now 27. a lot of times i think hey..im only 27…still young and just having fun. it is more then that im afraid. my father was a bad alcoholic. i feel it is in my genes. i do not drink everyday. but they days i do, i drink until im so drunk that i pass out. i mumble when i have had a few. i black out darn near everytime at some point. i want to learn to just have a few, have a good time, and go home and go to bed. i am spending too much money, and to much time away from my wonderful girlfriend. it is damaging to many things in my life. i would still like to enjoy a beer, but would really like to be able to control it. any help would be greatly appreciated! thank you.
Becky, Del and Kez:
I too am in the same boat, gotta have that bottle of wine every night. I know my marriage is suffering, it’s good but could be so much better if I could just stop. I know I’d be a better mom, employee and friend. Face it, I’d be a better everything and probably be in much better health and a better weight. I’m so tired of the circle…I really do want to stop. I also tried Kudzu, but didn’t notice a difference. Maybe I didn’t get a good brand. For the first time I will talk to my Dr. about this tomorrow. Going to AA or any weekly support meetings is not an option for me. I wish everyone the very best….
guys i am 24 nd i am sick of my drinking…..i want to stop it real bad……i am a very emotional guy…i just sweep in emotions nd give myself to others..i know what i am doing is very wrong and i never wanted this to happen..but it is happening.i really want to quit.i hv so much to say nd from today i promise myself that i ll stop drinking nd write about it daily here.pls motivate me i am in search for someone m/f doesnt matter to share my thoughts with.pls be with me.
Baba, I feel exactly the same I so want to stop drinking I am in my 50′s and I have been heavily for some time. I know it will eventually kill me if I don’t stop. I think that the hardest thing to do was to admit to myself and others that I have a problem. Was it the same for you?
I would say yes if you get down to 2 or 3 pints a night it can then become a habit as in a safety habit that you may continue to drink those 2 or 3 for many more months or years. Take those 2 or 3 pints a way at night and you have a scared person with a habit. Is alcoholism a habit no i feel its a very real problem and not a habit. Is depression a habit you don’t have to drink to get that. Are panic attacks a habit you don’t have to drink to get those. Is going to sleep a habit. Only when you make it a habit is it a habit. You could say step 1., Started by going out for a beer after work. Step 2 It then slowly became a Habit because i felt like i had nothing more to do than to go to the pub at night. Step 3 You could say the habit has now became an addiction that is no longer a habit it is now a medical condition. Dependence of a drug. Ie 1 big fecking problem. I do not feel that there is a set pattern to alcohol abuse ie the habit thing. Oh i wont bore you all with it. Just do your bloody best to do your best. Rome was not built in a day and an alcoholic has never been cured in one day.
I can relate to what you are all saying. I started drinking more when i had no job to relief the boredom i felt. In addition my friend would drink alot and i started seeing her more. Now its got to the point where i sometimes drink in the morning and at night. I can have a bottle or two a night. No one knows this but i have a problem. I think my surrounding do not help and am trying to improve my life but feel stuck.
Hi,I can relate to these comments.I started drinking around 15 and am now 30.For me its a case of binge drinking,once I start I cant stop untill my body tells me too.I also have a stomach problem which is made worse by the drinking and yet I still drink.This disease is the worst thing ever and I would love to stop now.It has affected my work,relationships and has also got me into trouble.Even by writing this I feel better and think it is now time to stop.It wont be easy but I am going to try,any advice thanks,wish me luck.
Reading thru this website I see that I am an absolute textbook case, a complete cliche of a drinker.
I think I’m still in denial though. 2/3 of a bottle every night keeps me happy, what’s the harm in that? It’s not escalating – okay only slowly – and it doesn’t hurt anyone, only my bank account so far.
[I write that tho, and there's part of me that knows that I'm ignoring the stalled career, the slatternly house, the lack of relationships, the low moods, the carb cravings, the bleakness, and feelings of craven weakness....
]
So I’m reading though this website thinking, “oh my god, I am an alcoholic after all” and do you know what? That just makes me want to go and have a drink.
And I’ve already had a beer tonight.
Good night fellow strugglers.
L21
Hi Friends,
I’m desperated,sorry for my english I’m Italian I’m doing my best.My husband….got him today with 2 bottle of ceres….he was hiding them from me 3th treatments….one in hospitaln for over a months (into a community) no results….ok we all know how it works….one thing I really don’t get to understand. ” Why to lie about to have had a drink?” he keeps lieing to me as if I’m a crazy person who doesn’t know that it says….Myself drinking? are you joking? Today got him with a bag carring 2 ceres….why Lieing^? What’s the point? isn’t it unsane to not admit in front of the eveindences? How can he drink getting Antabuse pills?
please anybody who can help me to understand how is works in our head this addiction can write to me at florabrancaccio at gmail.com
and than again….is it only a bad habit…or we can talk about an illness?
Hi flora. This is an addiction not a habit.It is a headgame that we play with ourselves.
Hi I can relate to everyone. My drinking varies because I keep trying to quit. I go days without drinking and by the 5th day back to two bottles of wine. I believe it has to do with my family genes and some stress from work. My older brother drank a lot and heavy on the weekends. I drink because it relaxes me and gives me pleasure. Please let me know what you have tried and seem to help you from drinking.
How amazing to read this, I don’t know if I have an addiction or a habit, but I know I need to stop, it is very costly, it is definitely a depressant I would only take a drink during the day on holidays, but at home I only drink, don’t think about drink during the day, I need help. It is the most useless thing to do in life, waking up in the morning I know what I have done, and feel sick.
Good to read this and as bad as it is to hear people struggeling I feel comforted that others around my age feel the same way. I am 29 and over the last two years I have been trying to manage the stresses of my work, have a healthy and happy relationship (which isn’t without it’s problems) and my metabolism is slowing down and I have gained three stone in weight. I drink a bottle of wine or 5 or 6 cans of beer each night and worry each morning about all the aches and pains I have around my liver, back and kidneys. I tell myself that this is reason enough to stop drinking through the week but each night on my way home I get some alcohol. More recently, I like to be alone drinking and will even tell my partner that I am at the gym – not to hide it from them as such but to not be a round people as my job is dealing with people every day. My sex drive disappears also and I can tell the difference when I stop drinking for a week or so. The article reads very true for me because whenever I have something that really makes me worried at work such as giving evidence in court (I am a social worker) I just clean stop, because I know I need to ‘sit’ with my anxiety and become familiar and used to it – if I drank each night up to the court hearing i would panic because the anxiety I would have would be enormous and too much to manage. This happened recently and then, bang, as soon as it was over I have drank every day since. I don’t feel in control of it which really bothers me and I am worried that if I don’t put the breaks on now then alcohol is going to play a much bigger part in my future than I want it to.
Hi everyone i have a drink problem but i will.drink.half a bottle of vodka every three day but if i.dont have a drink i get racey heart feeling giddy and headach does anyone else have this
I have a strssfull job and a stressfull life…Ive always loved drinking, but it used to be more of a social, weekend thing…for the past two years now i drink almost every night….somtime not much, 2 or 3 beers, but its every night…Ive tried countless times to quit but I always find a reason to start again….I honestly dont think I can quit so Im jst going to accept it and stop feeling guilty about it….
Im going to pour some tastey scotch right now……..