Is Your Drinking Just a Habit?
Although it may seem like ‘just a habit’, you are making a choice to have a drink each and every time. That choice involves many components – your beliefs about alcohol and yourself, your thoughts (your inner dialogue), your feelings and your behaviour.
Your wish to not drink so much (because you can recognize the negative consequences) will translate into action depending on your motivations. Partly you are motivated to have a drink because its pleasurable, it helps you relax etc, and at the same time you’re motivated not to drink because you know about all those negative consequences. So you’re in a dilemma. The strength of your different motivations will determine how easy you find it to choose not to have a drink.
Lets take an example to illustrate this – there is something happening at work which you find very stressful, so you get home feeling frustrated and edgy. You believe the stress at work is not going away soon, and perhaps you also blame yourself for some aspect of the situation. You have a belief that you can’t handle this stress well naturally, and you believe that alcohol removes it very effectively. So you want a drink. But of course you know you shouldn’t, because you’ll be hungover again tomorrow, and that will leave you feeling worse. So your inner dialogue, your thoughts, might be something like – “well I haven’t had a drink for a couple of days, so I deserve it.” or – “I just don’t want to feel stressed like this, I want this feeling to stop NOW”.
However, emotional pain and difficult feelings are a part of life, there’s no escaping them, but alcohol deals with them so effectively, that its easy to develop a reliance on it to take away all your painful feelings. In order to cut down or stop drinking therefore, you have to accept that painful feelings must be dealt with sober, just as you are. You can deal with life, but you are choosing not to experience discomfort, because it can so easily be tranquillised with alcohol.
Its a common thing to drink because you feel “I can’t cope” – but what does that actually mean? Whatever is happening in our lives, however painful it is – we get through it, we survive, and that is coping. So the belief that we can’t cope makes us give up trying, give up hope. And again, alcohol is there to take away that hopeless feeling, to take us to that dream-world where things are fluffy and safe.
To get through life being generally sober, we have to accept that painful feelings can be handled naturally. Not rubbed out, but acknowledged, truly felt. You’re stressed? So see how it feels for it to just subside naturally with time. You feel bored? So just sit with that and examine what it really means to you. What could you actually do to remedy that feeling? Again, explore it and see what needs or thoughts are associated with the feeling. Then you might realise a different solution or two, whatever they might be.
Or perhaps you just don’t think you’re a particularly valuable person? Any mistake, any difficult situation can be attributed to your own failure or lack of some quality. Again, alcohol makes you feel good about yourself, temporarily anyway. And then it bites back with a vengeance. So to an extent, the solution might also be about healing that relationship with yourself. Your beliefs about yourself can often be a sort of self-constructed fiction. That constant inner commentator is so detached from the world, in many ways. So you may believe yourself to be inadequate because that’s how you’ve been affected by life, but of course its a subjective opinion, its not a fact, just a viewpoint.
The point here is to make yourself aware of the various elements that make up your drinking habits, then you can try to solve each part, rather than just relying on will power to not drink, which as you’ve probably discovered by now, isn’t that effective.
I have spent the last 48 hours being sober.It is boring and my anxiety/ringing in the ears are back.I think my stress response is overactive which i take mirtazapine for.My brain activity feels overactive when not drinking.
I find i am only relaxed after a couple of beers.My worries and anxieties go away.
Without drinking i find i am irritable and on edge.When i have one or two pints i find i am back to normal more relaxed and confident/chatty.
Without a drink i feel like i am going to explode/shout out in rage.I have a feeling of being always stressed out.
Is it ok to drink 1-2 pints a day as i feel more relaxed and my concentration is better.
Hi I am wondering if anyone can help me. I have been on campral now for 4 days and the tiredness is nearly killing me. Not sure if it is a side effect of the tablets or is it withdrawals from wine. Aint had a drink in 6 days. Glad i found this site.
I truly identify with the wanting to drink in the evening. I have no desire whatsoever to drink in the day, but something “triggers” my yearning for alcohol when I drive back home from work. The reason I am concerned about this is that I am steadily gaining weight, because when I drink I also get the munchies! I have managed to abstain completely for 3 months, felt and looked great, but went back to my old habits. I drink a bottle of wine a night. It used to be more, but I managed to cut back. I live alone, and because of my drinking I tend to keep to myself after hours, and of course this makes it difficult to meet new friends. There is just something about alcohol that takes the “edge” off, and nothing I have tried in its place has had quite the same effect. Every morning I get up, I promise myself that today I’m not going to drink, only to repeat the cycle when 5 pm comes along. Am I crazy??
That is not crazy, it is exactly what I go through.
Leaflet, you’re not crazy. Cravings are powerful and so are habits. Can you find something to do that keeps you busy after 5 pm? an exercise class, volunteer work, walking home instead of driving, some change in your routine? I struggle with the same thing as you so I try not to go home until later in the evening. I make sure I don’t have any alcohol in the house, change right into pyjamas so it’s more of a hassle to go back out for booze. The hard part is just being with yourself – nothing else does have the same effect for taking the edge off – but you do get used to it. Keep busy at home. Visit this website often. You’ve shown you have enough self control to overcome this – you’ve cut back and you abstained for three months. Just remember how good that felt.
Did I write this comment? This is exactly what I’m dealing with. When I don’t drink, I notice no withdrawal symptoms; it’s just when 5:00-6:00, time to leave the office rolls around, I head to the store for wine as I get near my home. I have a 45 minute to hour drive home; so my first glass of wine is around 6:30 – 7 pm. until the bottle or 4 pack of wine is gone. I don’t keep bottles at my home, because I’d drink more wine.
We all seem to have slightly different issues with alcohol. Does anyone know the substitute to it?
Sudeep. Fatty liver goes away if u cut down. So u knw what to do
My addiction to alcohol ruined my marriage, family relationships, and prevented new friends to get close. I am nasty and distrusting….
Ive dropped the ball with clients, over reacted making a scene and a fool of my self and alienated myself. I am alone. If I died tomorrow only my son and elderly mom would care. It’s almost like my bottles of wine care for me. I disappear, dont remember what I did and said and I want to quit again, but I just cant bear to be sober and look at me in the mirror.
i always drink continously for 3 years and now i hv been diagnosed with fatty liver .my age is 19.how can i be cured?please help me.
I’ve decided I’m not going to drink tonight. Anyone wanna join me?
I have been drinking a bottle of rum a day for a long time.
Lost my liscence spent time in jail.
Was just removed from a jobsite for comming back from lunch drunk.
I woke up this morning looked in the mirror and forced myself to admit I am an alcoholic. I decided to get a prescription for disulfiram to get back on my feet.
Same here. I don’t drink on Monday as I go to yoga. But the rest of the week I have anything from a bottle of wine to five beers or both! I have no desire to drink in the day even though I could as I am self employed and work from home. It is only in the evening. I don’t understand myself at all.
I am failing college and I have started drinking because I can’t study any more. I hate college! Yet, I am up my ass in debt. I have become an alcoholic, I think, because I really feel hungry every evening. This hunger just won’t go away no matter what I eat. It’s a hunger for alcohol. My whole body is wanting it. My upper chest is hurting, my stomach is hurting until I get some drink like beer or whiskey mixed with water. I was always very short tempered and had a pretty fucking stressful life altogether. I feel like a looser and I am a looser. Cheers.
You’re not a loser. If college wasn’t your thing find something else that is. Dont just throw away your life like that. I know its not that easy but believe in yourself.
Anonym,
I spent years trying to graduate from college while I was drinking too much- I would go to work because I had to…. there were immediate consequences if I didn’t go. Class, on the other hand, I always felt I could skip and just catch up later when I wasn’t so hung over….or whatever my excuse was. If you’re far in debt and living off financial aid (I have no idea what your situation is, I’m just speculating and relating to my experiences and regrets) but I would suggest looking at what experience you can gain while working full time somewhere and just trying to move up to management or see what that would take….. See how quickly you would make or break in a world where you don’t have a degree. If what you are doing isn’t working, try something else to gain new experience and you can always go back if you want.
hi, i was wondering if someone able to help me to understand…. my husband doesn’t drink everyday, being that he’s a seaman, he can’t bring alcohol/beer on board. so, sometimes to a period of 1-2wks without drinking. but once he hit land, he drinks till he gets drunk. he’ll drink liquor and beer. then the next day, he’ll complains of having a headache/hangover.
when he comes home, if there’s a bottle, not even his choice of alcohol, (complains about it) yet he’ll have 2-3 drinks plus beers. will drink everyday till the bottle runs empty. he doesn’t drink till he gets drunk, cause he knows he won’t hear the end of it…. only when he’s away. he used to drink a lot more… let’s say he’s able to drink a “fifth”, but after talking to him, telling him what alcohol does to one’s health, so he cuts down but said that i’m trying to control him. he trying to justified saying it’s not a habit and also tried to convince me that beers are not drinks, he only consider liquors are drinks. so, does he have a habit?
Obviously, we all did a search on the same question: how much is too much? I’m a bottle-a-day girl. I like my happy hour – I don’t drink before 4:00 and I don’t drink after 6:00. However, the fact that I can consume a bottle in these 2 hours does concern me a bit
I eat healthy, exercise almost daily, but can’t seem to give up this “me” time. I just hope I’m not killing myself -
I think you are killing yourself just like I do. Drinking even once a week is a sign of addiction. I can’t go for a week without drinking some alcohol. My body asks for it like a vampire for blood.
Drinking once a week is NOT a sign of ANYTHING….STOP with the melodrama
I used to be able to have the odd night off my one bottle of wine (and a bit) a night, but now I just cant seem to even do that. And Im scared now. I love it, but Im scared and I feel I am losing my life – whatever that was.
I am similar to Kate. I dont understand this at all. I have no desire to drink during the day but at night, I just cant think of anything better or nicer to do..
Hi Tash, I can assure you it is your age meaning you arenot experiencing hangovers, as I too never had hangovers at 18. Now, aged 29, if I drank 2 bottles of wine, I would get a hangover the nextday.
MY DILEMA:
I came to this page as I have developed a habit of drinking in the evening(after a busy day, or after a working day (I work 18 hours a week) but I also have my own business from home on top of my 18 hr a week job. On an at-home day, if I spend a day cleaning my house, I will tell myself (somewhere between 7 and 8 pm) that I deserve a drink.
So… whilst I wouldn’t touch alcohol morning, noon or throughout most part of a day, I have this bell-ring in my mind after 7 pm that it would be nice to have a glass of wine, which always leads to another. I would say 2 large glasses is my typical amount, but sometimescan be more. After I have a snack before bed. Then just before bed I feel guilty and sad, so drink 2 pints of water to help my body flush out the alcohol, take a multi-vitamin, and evening primrose oil.
I had alcohol yesterday evening, got merry but not very drunk, but woke up in the early hours feeling disgust with myself.
I am against alcohol in the day but can’t resist it in the evening.
It is a daily battle with myself asking myself why I do it.
I have a twin sister and she does not drink any alcohol at all, I envy her. But then at night I don’t care, and I want a drink and usually have one.
I took up swimming in the evenings to by-pass the route to a drink, but I only go once or twice a week as I am always creating an excuse not to go, even though I love it when I’m there.
I wake up fine in the morning from 2 large glasses of wine, but am always cross with myself for caving in again.
I don’t know what to do to change the habit, but I want to change it very much (during the day) but then it goes out the window at night.
How do you help someone like that?
Kate,
I have almost the same issue.
Sunday night I have a drink or two to relax and “reward” myself for working hard over the weekend.
Monday night I work out. Don’t desire a drink much, and rarely have one.
Tuesday night another drink or two to relax. Always between 8:30 and 10 pm.
Wednesday night I work out. No drinking again.
Thursday night another drink or two to relax.
Friday night usually a drink or two, but once in a while not, because I want to have a productive Saturday.
Saturday night usually 4, and sometimes 5 drinks between 8:30 and 11:00 pm. Usually with my wife. She usually has 2-3 drinks then.
Virtually every day after that I drink I am foggy, tired, and don’t like it.
My wife and I used to drink a lot more than this, especially on weekends.
I’m wondering what breaks the habit!
Kate, I could have written your post – that is my situation exactly. Except I try to go to yoga class instead of swimming to delay going home. Let me know if you figure out how to beat this evening drinking habit.
Hi I am the same need to drink every evening at 6 til 730 when little boy goes to bed. I can polish off a bottle of wine in that time. Went out to dinner other night and had more than that so felt awful next morning and was nearly sick. Haven’t had drink since- first time I haven’t drunk for 3 days in more than a year. Sleeping so much better. Difficulty is feel at loose end and bit bored without drink so finding other stuff to do to occupy myself.
Hi Tash
Your lucky that you do not get the negatives of waking up feeling depressed and drained the following day. Maybe that is due to your age of 18 and you will begin to feel the consequences with age. Even if you do not feel ill or emotionaly unwell the next day 2 bottles of wine every night at such a young age will take there toll on you eventually in one way or another.
Sam
Ive been drinking for about 3-4 years now, i drink everyday, normaly 2 bottles of 12% wine, there cheap from shop down road, im 18 at the moment, ive had 1 day , 2 maxium off in the past year off drinking, i feel happy, and confident when i drink, i’m a musician so obviously i go down the ‘killing road’ as they say, everyone says that alcohol depresses people, yet i feel happy, i function better when i drink, i talk more, sing, thrash my guitar, whatevers needed i do, my memory is fuzzed most of the time though, but the thing i’m most confused about is why dont i feel sad? If its a deppresent, then shouldn’t i feel sad? I can take days off drinking whenever i want, but i get relaxed more, ive never been addicted to anything except my music, and my family and close friends don’t believe i’m addicted, so because i dont get the ‘negatives’, do i have a high tolerance, or something in my dna, allowing me such a lifestyle?
Tash,
I think you should spend your time analyzing why you feel the need to consume alcohol to alter your reality. If I were you I would ask myself what is wrong with your sober reality that you need to drink 2 bottles of wine a day. I suggest speaking with a therapist or a counselor.