Online Alcohol Therapy

Sometimes the terminology used when talking about alcohol problems can be quite unhelpful.

In fact, when using the terms ‘alcoholism’ or ‘alcoholic’ (which everyone does, including this site), the emphasis can be that the problem is with the alcohol itself.

But the problem actually stems from the state of mind that the alcohol gives you, not from the chemical as such. The importance that this state of mind takes on for you, the preferability of it despite the huge costs to other parts of your life, that is actually where the problem lies.

Similarly, people often refer to alcoholism as a disease. But what actually is a disease? Well, it is

“an abnormal condition that causes discomfort, dysfunction, distress, social problems, and/or death to the person afflicted, which is associated with specific symptoms and signs”.

The symptoms of the condition ‘alcoholism’ are generally agreed on as:

• tolerance – the need to consume more in order to achieve the same effect,
• withdrawal – the experience of unpleasant physical effects upon stopping drinking,
• craving – a preoccupation or prolonged urge to have a drink,
• loss of control – the inability to stop drinking at a sensible level once you have started.

You may have periods when you experience all four of these symptoms, and therefore you could be classified as an alcoholic. There may be other times when you’re not experiencing all of them, so you merely have ‘problems with alcohol’. But do you have a disease?

A disease is something over which you would have very little choice – “I don’t want this disease any more, I’m going to make some changes” would seem slightly ridiculous. So the way you view your alcohol problems, what terminology you use – will determine what you feel you can do about them.

If you view it as a set of problems, you will be motivated to solve those problems, but if you say to yourself “I’m an alcoholic, its a disease, it can’t be cured” then what are you likely to do about it? Not that much, I would suggest. Some people seem to have more control over their alcohol problems than others, so perhaps it is not a black or white condition, but one with varying shades of grey in between.

There are many different factors involved in an alcohol dependency, from genetic predispositions, or inherited behaviour from parents, perhaps learnt behaviour from society, to our beliefs about ourselves, our coping strategies, our self worth, our levels of anxiety and the stability or instability of our moods.

Different people will have different causes for their alcohol problems. The way to solve them is therefore to make yourself more aware of what factors are involved in your personal problem. Then you can go about making some changes to those underlying issues.

The British Medical Association released a report last week that the UK is currently experiencing an alcohol epidemic. Hospital admissions due to alcohol are increasing dramatically (5% increase over a year), and alcohol related crime is going up by about 7 percent per year according to local government figures.

Why do so many people in the UK feel the need to binge drink? It’s not about increased accessibility since the change in the licensing laws or even the low cost of a drink, because they are now roughly the same here as those in Europe.

But other countries don’t have as much of a bingeing problem. And we’ve had this problem for at least the last ten years, not just since they relaxed pub opening times.

Are we just more stressed than our cousins on the continent? For many people, alcohol is the only escape they have from the stress of their lives. Perhaps its the fact that we have the highest working hours per week in the whole of Europe, and that our debt culture is spiralling?

The solution some have suggested is increased taxes or warnings such as those on cigarette packets, but has that stopped anybody smoking? No, it has just increased the revenue for the government that’s all (which at least pays for increased pressure on health services).

Maybe education might help – but this is not a case of people being ill-educated about the risks of excessive drinking; like the risks of smoking, we’re all well aware. But that is not enough to motivate people to cut down. The motivation must be internal, you can’t expect someone to change their behaviour just by telling them its bad for them. They must choose to change through seeing that the costs outweigh the benefits.

Read the full text of the BMA report in pdf format.

We’ve now opened our free support forum for anyone with alcohol problems.

There are no expectations that you must be sober, it is just a community space where you can share your experiences and hopefully get some support from other people in a similar situation to yourself, whether you want to give up drinking completely, or if you just want to cut down.

You need only provide a valid email address to join – but this will never be displayed, so you can remain completely anonymous.

Join the forum or just have a look first.

A recent survey by YouGov found that 33% of adults between 30 and 50 felt that alcohol had ruined a night out for them at least once in the past year.

They also pointed out how much more of an effect alcohol has on the body the older we get, our organs just can’t recover as quickly as they used to. So it’s no surprise that they also report that NHS admissions due to alcohol for over 35 year olds have increased by 50% in the last three years. This is all adding up to a big problem. What is going on in the UK right now?

Many people do not accept their own feelings – especially the negative ones. When you feel angry, you might tell yourself, “oh no, I shouldn’t feel angry about it”, or maybe “why do I feel so lonely, what’s wrong with me” ?

But the key to mental health (or suffering a bit less at least), is accepting your own feelings as they are, and not judging yourself for having them. That doesn’t mean they’ll suddenly go away, but just that you realise that its OK to be feeling them, there’s nothing wrong about them.

You need to recognise that you feel a certain way for a reason, so your feelings are valid. Most of the time we have very little (if any) control of our emotions – they appear within us without our choosing them, they are not our creations. So we cannot really judge ourselves as ‘bad’, or stupid for having them.

Nor can we judge ourselves if we’re finding it hard to deal with those feelings – we often think “oh why can’t I cope with this, I’m useless” etc. Well there’s not many people who can easily handle their emotions all the time. The truth is, we’re all struggling with our feelings, few of us really feels in control of them.

So there’s no easy solution for coping, but accepting who you are and what you’re feeling (however painful that might be) is a good start. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling like you do.

One of the biggest difficulties people face when they’re trying to stop drinking is what to do when other people are drinking alcohol around them.

The temptation to have a drink yourself is one aspect of it – “they can do it, so why can’t I?” Seeing them getting merry, and desperately wanting a taste too. How are you supposed to resist the urge?

The other aspect is, you begin to realise your drunk friends are actually quite tiresome, their sense of humour doesn’t quite match yours anymore, you feel left behind. Suddenly you’re the odd one out, when you’ve been so used to being part of the crowd, one of the party. This can feel very isolating if you’re the only one who’s not drinking.

Then of course there’s the concerned advice from your inebriated companions:

• “what’s wrong with you?”,
• “go on, just one won’t hurt…”,
• “don’t be such a _____ ” (insert a likely derogatory label).

This makes it even harder, and what should be a fun evening can turn into an endurance test.

This all depends on the company you’re with of course, if you’re just with your family or your partner in a restaurant then obviously the pressure won’t be so awkward, but pubs, bars and clubs with your old ‘drinking buddies’ will take some getting used to.

What really helps here is to enlist an ally – a close friend (or your partner perhaps), who’s not that bothered about drinking either and is prepared to be sober for a night to keep you company. That way you won’t feel quite so different, and you’ll have somebody who’s on your level, someone you can chat to comfortably (make sure you sit next to them of course). You won’t need to do this forever, but just until you get used to not drinking when your friends are.

An interesting study by Hertfordshire University recently discovered that talking about your cravings can actually reduce their power over you.

Although they used chocolate, not alcohol, the principle is exactly the same. The test subjects who were encouraged to talk about their desire for chocolate subsequently ate 50% less than those who were told not to talk about it beforehand.

If you try to ignore your cravings, or suppress them and pretend they’re not happening, then you can end up drinking even more. So if you want to beat your cravings for alcohol, just acknowledge them and talk about it with someone who is supportive.

Work is often the biggest source of stress in our lives, and people sometimes end up using alcohol to relax and deal with that stress.

The result is often that your work performance suffers because of your hangovers. This makes it hard to concentrate, so you might well be feeling guilty.

Perhaps you’re also worried that your colleagues suspect you have a drink problem – can they smell it on your breath perhaps? So this creates even more stress.

Have you got to the stage where you feel the urge to have a little drink at lunchtime, just to calm your nerves? Or at the end of the day, are you watching the clock in the office, thinking about that first drink you can have once you leave work?

For some unfortunate people, alcohol becomes a part of their job – people in the promotions business, or staff in pubs, bars or restaurants for example. Then the two issues can be even more complicated. Business meetings at lunchtime or Friday afternoons can often involve a drink, it can be a source of bonding with your colleagues, or an important part of relationship building with a client.

So what can you do, if drinking is part of your work culture?

Is there any way your job situation could be improved so it’s not so stressful? Or is there perhaps another way to deal with that stress that doesn’t make the situation worse, like drinking does?

Give us your suggestions:

UPDATE – We’ve now opened the forum – please feel free to use it if you might need support with an alcohol problem.

We’re thinking about starting a free support forum for people with alcohol problems, where members can write about what’s happening to them or offer words of advice for other members.

But what we need to do first is find out how much demand there is for this – there’s plenty of people posting comments on the site, and getting support from other readers already, but a proper forum would no doubt work better for developing a real community feel.

We asked people to vote for whether they would use a forum like this or not. The poll is now closed, but here’s how they voted over a two week period:

Yes – 96% (49 votes)

No – 2% (1 vote)

Maybe – 2% (1 vote)

Have you become dependent on alcohol to give you self confidence? Many of our clients say they have no self confidence left because of their drinking. Sometimes they feel so guilty about their behaviour, towards their families for the pain they’ve caused them, for instance.

Eventually you might lose your belief in your own abilities or worth. If you can’t socialize comfortably when you’re sober, if you don’t think you’re entertaining / clever / open enough without having a drink first, then your confidence obviously needs to recover.

When you try to cut down on your drinking, one of the things people often have difficulty with is their lack of confidence in themselves. To rebuild that self esteem again takes time. When you feel good about who you are, then you’re more confident. You need to observe yourself – notice when you are judging yourself negatively or blaming yourself for mistakes you think you’ve made.

Part of this comes down to forgiveness. We all make mistakes, we’re human after all. But forgiving yourself for pain you’ve caused loved ones can be particularly difficult. Very often we are far more forgiving of others than we are of ourselves. Mistakes or failures are just incidents, or certain things you are still learning, try not to see them as evidence of a defective personality – there’s no doubt still plenty of things that make you a valuable person.

The process of rebuilding your self confidence also requires recognizing your ability to deal with difficult feelings or difficult situations without alcohol – you don’t fall apart, it’s just difficult that’s all. If you don’t believe you can cope with life without being drunk, then you won’t.

And believing in yourself is what self confidence is all about.